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alexander the gay?

An Anti-Woke Poster Who Doesn't Know His History, And More Of This Week's 'One Main Character'

Darcy Jimenez
Darcy Jimenez
An Anti-Woke Poster Who Doesn't Know His History, And More Of This Week's 'One Main Character'
Even if you regret having a child, it's best to never, ever, ever write that down — let alone have it published.
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Every day, somebody says or does something that earns them the scorn of the internet. Here at Digg, as part of our mission to curate what the internet is talking about right now, we rounded up the main characters on Twitter from this past week and held them accountable for their actions.



This week, we've got someone who does love by numbers, a controversial Lana Del Rey take, a guy who can't handle his CBD, a right-wing poster learning something new and a troubling day-in-the-life entry from a TV personality.



Monday

Eliezer Yudkowsky

The character: Eliezer Yudkowsky, X blue check user, relationship robot

The plot: People have wildly different views about what makes for a good romantic relationship, but this take is pretty fringe. Eliezer, self-described as the "original AI alignment person," seems to be focused not only on judging how much better other people are than an existing partner, but on communicating exactly what it would take for him to (scare quotes) "trade up" to a different partner.


The repercussion: Not only has the original post been seen more than two million times, but there are hundreds of responses — some of which are just Eliezer continuing to post through it. If you're a potential partner for Eliezer, at least you're only a quick search away from knowing your status as a percentage.


Grant Brunner


Sunday

Justin Murphy

The character: Justin Murphy, hater of CBD

The plot: You ever see a tweet so dumb you are immediately forced to take a nap? Like, a take so bad that the community notes and replies are having a field day? Well, look what happened to poor old Justin, who drank a CBD-infused can of water (peach ginger flavored!) and innocently thought it wouldn't kill him. It did in fact kill him dead, and then he tweeted about it afterwards. Oh, the humanity!


The repercussion: It's hard to believe this isn't just a fake post that's intentionally trolling for engagement. Like, there's no way this is anything other than a psyop involving weird accounts or someone invested in this brand or its competitors, in my opinion.

It's worth noting here that Justin made it on to one of last year's Main Character lists for a similarly ridiculous CBD-related tweet — so this guy either genuinely hates cannabis with a passion, or something bizarre is going on.



Jared Russo


Monday

James McCarron

The character: James McCarron, writer, poster, Lana Del Rey enjoyer

The plot: Singer Lana Del Rey has always had a hold on online discourse — recently, for example, she posed with a firearm after taking home no prizes at the 2024 Grammys. McCarron, a writer, decided to heap some praise on the apparently snubbed artist by comparing her work to filmmaker Stanley Kubrick's, and saying that her art exists "in a liminal space of its own, cool enough to be a cultural force but too authentic for major awards bodies to give her the honors she clearly deserves."

If there was a take that's indicative of being excessively online, and makes X users sound like feral animals to those without social media, it's this one. McCarron's praise of Del Rey was clowned, even by fans of the artist.


The repercussion: From picking Kubrick as a comparison to using the phrase "liminal space," McCarron was unsurprisingly on the receiving end of ridicule from all sides of the internet.


Adwait Patil


Saturday

Gregg Wallace

The character: Gregg Wallace, TV chef, reluctant father

The plot: Gregg Wallace is a British media personality best known for presenting the competitive cooking reality show "MasterChef." Last week, in UK newspaper The Telegraph, Wallace outlined his weekend routine for a segment called "My Saturday" — and soon after became the subject of both criticism and mockery.

People made fun of several parts of the piece — for example, Wallace saying that his gym lets him in earlier than everyone else — but most comments were focused on one particularly troubling section. At the 1:30pm mark, Wallace says he plays with his non-verbal autistic son for just an hour and a half before going off to play computer games alone. What's more, he appears to imply that he wasn't all that enthusiastic about having the child at all.

"Another child isn't something that I would have chosen at my age," Wallace writes. "I was always very honest with [his wife] Anna, but it's what she wanted and I love her."

"I just requested two things — that we had help in the house (so her mum moved in), and, secondly, that we had at least one week a year when we holidayed just the two of us."


The repercussion: As the responses show, people were flabbergasted that Wallace would talk so openly about not wanting a child when he has one — and the fact that he admitted to spending less time with his son than he does playing on the computer is either funny or sad, depending on who you ask.

The controversy united the UK in a way we haven't seen for a long time — because if there's one thing a British person can spot, it's a d—khead.


Darcy Jimenez


Monday

@EndWokeness

The character: @EndWokeness, right-wing X account, not a history expert

The repercussion: No one's expecting anything profound from an X user called End Wokeness, but this take is a real stinker all the same.

In Netflix's new documentary about Alexander the Great, there's a scene showing the Macedonian king getting intimate with a man — and Mr. End Wokeness wasn't best pleased. "Within the first 8 minutes, they turned him gay," he wrote.


The repercussion: People wasted no time letting this right-wing poster know that a documentary depicting Alexander the Great's relationships with men isn't part of the great "woke" agenda. The conqueror's sexual orientation has long been the subject of debate among historians, but it's pretty much agreed upon that he had relations with the opposite sex — as did many other people of Ancient Greece.

End Wokeness better brush up on his history next time he wants to take his complaints to the internet.


Darcy Jimenez



Read the previous edition of our One Main Character column, which featured a baffling movie take, some thinly veiled racism, a controversial opinion on "anti-social" behavior and a couple that's worryingly committed to the barefoot lifestyle.


[Image credit: YouTube]

Comments

  1. Lee Harrington 3 months ago

    Some of the people commenting on the right-wing-retard's Alexander the Great post are almost as bad as the original poster. To wit:- Alex baby was Macedonian and Macedonian culture was very different to Greek culture. That is, it was a very rigid warrior culture where the men almost always had short hair and full beards and where homosexuality was not an entrenched part of the culture like it was in Greece proper. Alexander, with his lions mane of golden hair and clean shaven face really stuck out. And not only was he gay, but he was flamboyantly gay.

  2. Lee Harrington 3 months ago

    gregg wallace has always been a complete knob. Like that time he insisted to a contestant, who had made a spicy poached chicken in broth recipe, that chicken should always have crispy skin and he had therefore failed. Utter prat!

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