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GOODBYE TO ALL THAT

A Guy Who Thinks Everyone Misses High School As Much As He Does, And More Of This Week's 'One Main Character'

Molly Bradley
Molly Bradley
A Guy Who Thinks Everyone Misses High School As Much As He Does, And More Of This Week's 'One Main Character'
This week we've also got a lawyer who thinks no one has pronouns, a governor accepting COVID with open arms and a Brit requesting restraint for the death of a monarch of the world's most colony-happy nation.
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Every day somebody says or does something that earns them the scorn of the internet. Here at Digg, as part of our mission to curate what the internet is talking about right now, we rounded up the main characters on Twitter from this past week and held them accountable for their actions.



This week’s characters include a guy who thinks everyone misses high school as much as he does, a lawyer who doesn’t think anyone has pronouns, a governor who’s given up protecting her state from COVID and a Brit requesting restraint on Twitter for the death of a monarch of the world’s most colony-happy nation.



Friday

Niels KNK

The character: Niels KNK, trained hypnotherapist, dating & sex advice columnist, guy who claims he “didn’t peak in high school or after”

The plot: On Friday morning, Niels KNK provided a bizarre caption to a random photograph of a high school cheerleader kissing a football player on the field.

“I love this photo because it invokes primal reactions in people. They are the couple everyone wishes they were in high school,” he wrote. “They represent the summun of popularity and success (...) Those who fall short this ideal cannot help but feel the sting of envy (...) A mirror into your soul.”



KNK added a further stream of consciousness in subsequent tweets, saying this cheerleader-type girl was supposedly everyone’s ultimate fantasy.



The repercussion: KNK’s tweet went viral, but found himself being ratioed into oblivion as thousands of netizens questioned why he was holding up these random white teenagers canoodling as the pinnacle of human existence.



KNK’s viral tweet spilled over onto Reddit’s snarky messageboard r/JustNeckbeardThings, with one user posting an especially scathing comment.



KNK’s tweet later got meme-ified as a copypasta with numerous people hilariously posting the text to various photographs.



Despite the intense drubbing he took throughout the internet, KNK doubled down on his controversial tweet, saying “i’m sorry that your high school period was so awful.”



James Crugnale



Saturday

Kurt Schlichter

The character: Kurt Schlichter, lawyer, conservative columnist, guy who still doesn’t know what pronouns are

The plot: Last weekend, actress Jameela Jamil sent a tweet advocating for people to put their pronouns not just in their Twitter bios, but in their display names. “I accidentally misgendered someone who was rude to me on here because I did not know they were [non-binary],” she said. “I instantly corrected myself but NOBODY reads your bios people.”



Now, honestly, this almost deserves Main Character status of its own: it’s an accepted standard that putting your pronouns in your Twitter bio is a helpful way to tell people what pronouns they should use for you, and people generally know to look there to find them. It’s great that Jamil apologized for misgendering someone, but that’s all she had to do — she shouldn’t twist her apology into an excuse by setting a new standard about pronouns that no one agreed to.

But she was saved by Kurt Schlichter, a guy whose name I personally could have very happily continued living my little life not knowing, but who decided to quote-tweet Jamil’s tweet to make his stance on pronouns clear: “No one has pronouns,” he said. “You are either he or she.”



The repercussion: For many people, it’s exhausting to be misgendered and to see willful misgendering happening around them. But it’s no chore to get to dunk on someone for being a fully grown adult — and a lawyer, no less, for whom the nuances of language and definitions certainly matter — who still somehow has no idea what pronouns are, and who has the shamelessness to say so very publicly (not to mention the hubris to add, “I’m glad I could help you”).



Molly Bradley



Wednesday

Governor Kathy Hochul

The character: Kathy Hochul, 57th Governor of New York State, COVID spreader

The plot: If you haven’t been to New York City, the most populated place in the US, in the past two years then you haven’t seen the ads for wearing a mask on the subway. These banners were ubiquitous, and made sure everyone wore a mask while being in a crowded space like a train car. This was good! Until this year when everyone just kind of stopped and then the government decided to just give up on protecting people from catching COVID and dying.

Here’s the new position straight from the governor:



The repercussion: As you can tell, this was not what people wanted to hear. You know, the people who ride the subway and don’t want to die of a terrible virus that has already taken the lives of over a million Americans.

The photoshops came fast and swift and were quite harsh.


           

Jared Russo



Thursday

Ian Dunt

The character: Ian Dunt, author, political journalist, lover of the Queen

The plot: As a Brit, I’m allowed to say that it’s embarrassing that the UK has a monarchy, and it’s even more embarrassing that so many people in this country love and blindly defend it. There are plenty of valid reasons not to like the Queen (colonialism, for just one example), yet a baffling portion of the UK’s population think she’s beyond reproach. In this country, criticizing or making fun of the Queen is, for some reason, a uniquely heinous crime.

On Thursday, news broke that the Queen was under medical supervision and that her doctors were concerned about her health. Immediately, UK Twitter began to speculate (and joke) that the monarch’s death was imminent — and Ian Dunt was not happy.

The writer said in a tweet: “I get that this site communicates through jokes and also that lots of people aren’t royalists. But this would be a good moment for restraint.”



Worth mentioning that Dunt calls himself a “liberal extremist” in his Twitter bio and has written a book called “How To Be A Liberal”.


The repercussion: Basically, in addition to joking about the Queen, people began making fun of Dunt. The general sentiment expressed was that the Queen is no more special than anyone else — and, in fact, is in many ways worse than most. Plus, at 96 years old, she’s lived a very long life (and in great comfort, thanks to wealth obtained through colonialism and from the taxes of those who actually work).



Darcy Jimenez


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Read the previous edition of our One Main Character column, which included a woman who thinks white people enjoying rain is problematic, an actor who compared bodily autonomy to student loan forgiveness and more.

Did we miss a main character from this week? Please send tips to [email protected].

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