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boobs never went away

A Columnist With A Bizarre Take On Boobs, And More Of This Week's 'One Main Character'

Darcy Jimenez
Darcy Jimenez
A Columnist With A Bizarre Take On Boobs, And More Of This Week's 'One Main Character'
Petition for people to please start being normal about Sydney Sweeney.
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Every day, somebody says or does something that earns them the scorn of the internet. Here at Digg, as part of our mission to curate what the internet is talking about right now, we rounded up the main characters on Twitter from this past week and held them accountable for their actions.



This week, we've got a bad take on phones in movie theaters, a questionable theory about falling birth rates and someone claiming that big-breasted blonde women are going extinct.


Friday

@VivaLaVegaaaa

The character: VivaLaVegaaaa, someone who enjoys using phones in a movie theater

The plot: X user @VivaLaVegaaaa wrote that "you're a weak spirited loser" if people going on their phones during a movie bothers you — and people on the platform really united in their disapproval of the take. Just a guilt-free bashing that saw people band together against a common enemy: stupid people with god awful hot takes and incorrect information.


The repercussion: So not only is this guy just flat-out wrong, this is the sort of anarchy that no one approves of. There are rules and a social contract that we all sign when we go into a store, on an airplane or into a movie theater.

Sit there and watch the movie you paid to go see! Don't bother others and start yelling or throwing crap around, or be on your bright ass phone when the theater is supposed to be dark! This isn't rocket science, this is just common sense and common decency.


Jared Russo



Tuesday

@gbrl_dick

The character: @gbrl_dick, "cottagecore tech-adjacent young Robert Moses" X user with bad takes

The plot: Gabriel here has a hot take about pop culture and birth rates, and decided to throw in a Jacques Lacan reference to truly illustrate the pure, uncut pseudo-intellectual nonsense happening in their post (and on X day in and day out). People who are the most concerned about birth rates sure seem to have some weird hang ups about masculinity and femininity. Maybe there's an old-timey hack psychoanalyst we could consult about this.


The repercussion: The internet wasn't having any of this culture war-adjacent BS, and quickly noted some very obvious reasons why people might not be all that interested in having kids right now.

Also, Gabriel is a blue check on X and also seems to think that Robert Moses is someone that you'd want associated with your name. There needn't be any additional punishment applied.


Grant Brunner


Wednesday

Bridget Phetasy

The character: Bridget Phetasy, columnist, weird about boobs

The plot: Everyone loves actress Sydney Sweeney right now, and with that attention has come, predictably, lots of creepy comments about her body. As with most gross comments online, the weirdest Sydney Sweeney takes have come from random, often anonymous, internet users — that is, until now.

Bridget Phetasy, a columnist for British conservative news magazine The Spectator, recently penned an article titled "Boobs are back! Thank you, Sydney Sweeney."

An X post shared by The Spectator included the following excerpt from the piece: "For anyone under the age of 25, they've likely never seen it in their lifetime — as the giggling blonde with an amazing rack has been stamped out of existence, a creature shamed to the brink of extinction."


The repercussion: There's a lot to unpack here: calling Sydney Sweeney a "creature," saying blonde women with great boobs have effectively been canceled, claiming that people aged under 25 have never seen such a person. How are we living in a world where this is not satire?

Anyway, the internet responded to it like any normal person would.


Darcy Jimenez



Read the previous edition of our One Main Character column, featuring a very questionable parenting technique, a millionaire cereal brand CEO trying to profit from poverty, a writer who hates her commie ex and a Swiftie with a pretty extreme response to hearing their favorite song.


[Image credit: YouTube]

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