What Should You Do When You Find Out The 'Unpaid' Intern Earns More Than You, And Other Advice Column Questions
There are too many excellent (and crazy) advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.
What Should I Do After Finding Out That Our 'Unpaid,' Part-Time Intern Makes More Money Than I Do?
I'm an executive assistant for a small nonprofit agency. I have access to people's salary information and I've never really been concerned about the salaries and fairness before now. Occasionally we take on graduate student interns, very rarely are they paid internships, and if they are paid it's not very substantial.
Last week I processed the unpaid internship paperwork for an intern we've had for almost a year. She's been there longer than the necessary three months, and has qualified for her class credits so she doesn't really need the internship anymore. I was fixing something with payroll and became aware that she's been getting paid through an auxiliary account we use for building repair and maintenance. Her salary is bigger than mine and she's only at the office two days a week, mostly watching TV or playing on her phone. I brought it to my boss's attention and he gave me a smile and told me to forget about it…
We're due for an audit by our parent agency in December. I'm really concerned these financial discrepancies are going to fall back on me since I'm responsible for approving the time cards and filing the interns and new-hire paperwork. There have been shady financial things in the past that my boss tried to play up as my fault or an error that I didn't catch.
Alison Green thinks this situation sounds very sketchy and urges the letter writer to protect themselves. "It's unlikely that you're going to be held responsible for this; you're not the one authorizing these payments to her," she writes. "But to protect yourself, put something in writing." Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Tell My Sex Partners That I Can Become Aroused Only When I Smell Maple Syrup?
I'm a single male in my mid-30s who over the years developed an incapacitating fetish. I can only get fully aroused when smelling the odor of maple syrup. When I was younger, it was not a problem getting aroused without it, but as I got older, I inhaled the scent while pleasuring myself, and now I can't perform without it. I have tried to wean myself to no avail.
What should I do, short of taking all my dates to the house of pancakes and "accidentally" spilling syrup on them? I don't think it would be fair to require such a thing from anyone and would not expect it to be tolerated in a long-term relationship. Any advice?
Dan Savage offers the letter writer some perspective. "[Y]ou shouldn't view your fetish — assuming you're not making this up — as 'incapacitating,'" he writes. "You could be into things that were much worse and/or more complicated and/or literally impossible to realize." Read the rest of his answer.
Is It Ungracious For A Teacher To Plan A Small Classroom Halloween Party When A Parent Wants A Big One?
I've got a question about parent-teacher dynamics. My son is in third grade, and I've been very active in volunteering/helping the teacher, who I'll call Ms. Smith. I have come in to the classroom multiple times, keep in touch with Ms. Smith via email/phone, and have donated a lot of supplies to the classroom. I emailed Ms. Smith earlier this week to kick off planning for the Halloween party, which I know the kids love so much. Well, today she wrote me back saying that she's going to keep the party small this year, "so the kids can focus on learning," and that she doesn't need help with it. I think this is such a bad decision, and when I told my son, he was really upset! I know that teachers are busy, but it's frustrating to me that when she has a parent who's ready to pitch in and help she's not seizing the opportunity. Am I being unreasonable to think she's being ungracious?
[Slate]
Amy Scott, one of a panel of teachers on Slate's new advice column about teaching, rules that the letter writer is indeed being unreasonable. "I don't want to diminish the contributions you've made to the class," she writes. "But do you understand how much pressure teachers are under to produce results, and how often we have to justify what we're doing every single minute in class?" Read the rest of the teachers' answers.
Should I Avoid A 5-Year-Old's Birthday Party Where The Parents Asked For Political Donations In Lieu Of Gifts?
I recently received an invitation to a dear friend's grandson's 5th birthday party. In lieu of gifts, donations were requested to a choice of politically affiliated "charitable" organizations. I cannot, in good conscience, support any of them.
What's the appropriate course of action here? Must I give the child a gift anyway, or just stay away from the party? I really don't want to get into any political discussions with either the parents or the grandparents, and I think there would be hurt feelings if I don't show up.
[UExpress]
Abigail Van Buren gives the letter writer permission to ignore the parents' wishes and send a gift. "Make it something a 5-year-old will enjoy, have it delivered, and find an excuse not to attend if you feel it will devolve into something you prefer to avoid," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Convince My Boyfriend To Let Me Continue Fostering Kittens Even Though He's Allergic To Cats?
I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. We're really good about resolving disagreements fairly and without judgment. Except for one thing. About four months ago I decided to start fostering at-risk kittens. My boyfriend is allergic to cats. We discussed it for several months until one day I ended up with five fosters in my household. I have made every effort to clean (and hired professionals to help deep-clean), but obviously if you're allergic to pet dander, there is only so much you can do. He's actually helped a lot with them, so I don't blame him for hitting a breaking point. But I'm reluctant to push them away, because I made a commitment to care for them until they're adopted. He takes this to mean I'm trying to weasel my way out of giving them up, which is not the case at all. I just don't see the point in promising to care for something and then giving up halfway through. We've got two adopted out so far, so I don't quite understand his logic and he doesn't understand mine.
[Slate]
Daniel Mallory Ortberg takes the boyfriend's side and encourages the letter writer to find another foster home for the kittens. "Saying 'I didn't accurately take into account the seriousness of my boyfriend's allergy before I agreed to foster these cats, and I'm afraid it won't be possible for me to continue fostering them, but I'd be happy to help try to find replacements, and I'm sorry for the inconvenience' is not giving up; it's acknowledging reality," he writes. Read the rest of his answer.
Is It Okay To Ask A Coworker To Split The Cost Of The Newspaper When He Always Wants Your Sports Section?
No thanks to the internet, the price of a daily newspaper in my area has risen sharply over the years, but I'm strictly an "old school" coffee-and-newspaper-at-breakfast type.
I bring the paper to work every day and do the crossword puzzle in the break room before clocking in.
There's a guy who's been there longer than me, and earns more money. He inevitably asks to see the sports page, but has never offered to even buy me coffee.
Last week I suggested we go halfsies on the paper, and he has since ceased speaking to me (which disturbs me not one bit).
I think I was in the right to ask, especially since we should support newspapers while they're still around. Was I wrong?
Amy Dickinson questions the letter writer's logic when it comes to "support[ing] newspapers." "You're already buying one newspaper," she points out. "If he compensates you for half the cost, you're still buying one newspaper." Read the rest of her answer.
