How Can I Get People To Understand Professional Cuddling Isn't About Sex, And Other Advice column Questions
There are too many excellent (and crazy) advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.
How Can I Get People To Take My Professional Cuddling Seriously?
I am a cuddle professional, also known as a cuddlist. The field was born out of the need for affection in a society that is suffering from chronic social isolation, touch deprivation and interpreting all touch as sexual. We acknowledge the need for food, water and rest, but affection is as important.
The problem is that many people are not familiar with this profession and I receive calls for appointments from people who don't know it's a serious profession that has nothing to do with sex, sexuality and sensuality. That is not allowed in the profession and there are many rules, but I seem to have to continually educate people. I use my apartment as my office because it can be expensive to rent a place for professional use. How do I convince people that cuddlists are serious professionals who have to go through training and testing? I'd like people to understand that lack of affection is a serous need and not something to be taken lightly.
[Creators]
Lindsey Novak gives readers some information about the rules that cuddle professionals abide by in their work and empathizes with the letter writer's plight. "When a new soft-skill field is developed, the creators of such fields must offer constant information to the public, making them aware of the profession's purpose and goals," she observes. Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Ask My Coworker Not To Play Music While I'm Sleeping When We Share A Hotel Room?
I'm in an industry where hotel room sharing is the norm. I'm writing to ask, what are best practices around behavior when sharing hotel rooms with a coworker? …
I recently shared a room with a coworker (who is in general a great roommate and great person) who gets up to start getting ready at least an hour before I'm awake and plays music.
He plays it at a respectful volume, but it's a small hotel room and I still can't sleep. He's shared before that he really enjoys/needs sound throughout the day and (although I feel like this could be accomplished through headphones) I want him to get what he needs. The first question is: how do I handle this in the short term? The second question is: would it just be better for us not to room together in the future?
Alison Green pushes back on the idea that there's such a thing as a "respectful volume" of music when someone is sleeping. "It's kind of you to want him to get what he needs, but when you share a room with someone, a need for sleep trumps a desire to enjoy music," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Tell My Boss I Do Not Under Any Circumstances Want To Learn Excel?
I am a fifty-one-year-old man and the textbook-buyer for a small liberal arts college.
I've been in my current position for fourteen years. During my last performance evaluation, my supervisor said that I needed to learn Excel. I was an English major (I love words, not number) and have survived for half a century without mastering, or being slightly interested in, Excel. The thought of learning the program gives me severe anxiety and also makes me angry. Being forced to learn Excel may cause me to quit, and that's sad, because I otherwise like my job. What should I do?
"Is your supervisor someone you can communicate with nicely?" asks Liana Finck, who doles out advice in comic form as Dear Pepper. "If not, that might be your real problem." Read the rest of her answer.
Is It Acceptable To Wait For The Last Minute To Merge Into A Crowded Exit Lane?
My husband and I have been having an argument about this for the past five years, and I am really hoping you can settle it once and for all.
Whenever we hit heavy traffic on the interstate because two lanes are merging into one (because of construction, usually), he immediately puts on his signal and tries to merge, meekly puttering along until someone allows him in. Whenever I am driving and we are in the same situation, I drive ahead in the lane that's ending and then merge just as the lane ends. Often this gets us some honks, and sometimes people flip us the bird. Always my husband is mortified, slouching down in his seat and trying to disappear.
I think my way just makes the most sense. If everyone merged in that fashion, there would be no slow-down traffic in the first place.
I have tried encouraging my husband to do the same when I am in the passenger seat. He gets irritated and says, "I'm not the type of person that does that" or "People will think I'm a jerk."
[Creators]
Annie Lane acknowledges that the letter writer's method, also known as "zipper merging," is more efficient — or would be more efficient if everyone did it. "But until public opinion catches up with the research, your husband is right," she adds. "People will think you're a jerk." Read the rest of her answer.
Can I Charge My Roommates A Monthly Fee To Use My Router And Modem?
I recently moved into a new apartment and decided to get my own router and modem. I share the house with three others. Since my money went into the hardware, and we are not renting the modem/router combo from Comcast, should I be charging my roommates a monthly fee to rent it from me?
[Slate]
IT administrator and advice-giver Shasha Léonard does not recommend this approach. "Honestly, establishing a fiefdom around the most important thing in the world — the internet — sounds like a terrible beginning to your cohabitation," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
Was I Really So Wrong To Make My Neighbor Cry By Asking About Her Fertility?
My husband and I had another couple over for dinner. They just moved into the neighborhood, and our young kids are the same age. (They're both only children.) After dinner, I asked: "Are you thinking of having more kids?" The wife began crying, and the husband said, "It's a bit soon to pry, don't you think?" My husband was mortified. I apologized and sent a note the next day. But isn't this a pretty typical getting-to-know-you topic among parents of young children?
Philip Galanes says this is a perfect example of why you shouldn't ask people about when and whether they're going to have (more) kids. "Don't be too hard on yourself," he urges. "But don't waste time normalizing the question, either. You've seen firsthand how hurtful it can be." Read the rest of his answer.
