What Should I Say To My Roommate After He Peed On My Couch At 3 AM, And Other Advice Column Questions
There are too many excellent (and crazy) advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.
Should I Ask My Roommate To Buy Me A New Couch After He Peed All Over Mine In The Middle Of The Night?
I live in a house with four roommates: three dudes and, including me, two women. I have my own room next to my roommate "Nick." Last night, I woke up at 3 a.m. to the sound of my door opening. While I didn't have a direct view because of the weird layout of my room, I could see what happened in the reflection of a window: Nick walked into my room, completely naked, and peed on my couch. I was horrified and lay in bed, frozen, until he finished peeing, turned around, and left.
I'm really hoping that he was sleepwalking or drunk, but maybe this is just a thing he does? Once I got over the shock, I got out of bed, stripped the cover off of my couch, threw it into the laundry, and cleaned everything up. I didn't want pee to soak into my couch cushions or my carpet.
How do I confront Nick? Is it unreasonable to ask him to buy me a new couch? (I have technically destroyed the evidence, so maybe I am just out of luck.)
[Slate]
Daniel Mallory Ortberg, aka Dear Prudence, takes issue with the letter writer's description of her situation. "You haven't 'destroyed the evidence,' you've washed the cover of your couch," he writes. "It would not be reasonable for you to leave the couch as-is until you next got the chance to speak to Nick." Read the rest of his answer.
Do I Have To Write A Letter Of Support To Try To Help My Coworker Get Less Jail Time For Assault?
My coworker got arrested for assault last year. She assaulted a grocery store employee because the item she wanted was discontinued and it was the favourite of her autistic child. She has now pled guilty to assaulting the employee and a police officer. The other charge was dropped as part of the plea.
Our boss wants us to write letters of support that her lawyer can give as evidence during the sentencing. My coworker and her lawyer are on board. Her lawyer said the plea was only for the charges and not the sentencing. Even though it's her first time, she will get jail time but her lawyer is trying to get as little as possible. To that end, she has asked our boss to have everyone write letters of support. She asked each of us to write a letter also.
I barely know her. I didn't even know she was married or had a child or that her child was autistic. I also don't feel comfortable writing this because based on the facts she admitted, I don't like or agree with what she did. Can I talk to my boss to get her to see how weird this is? She says everyone has to write a letter but none of us want to.
Alison Green, aka Ask A Manager, agrees that this demand is weird. "I don't know how direct you've been with your boss about not wanting to, but if you haven't been very direct, say something like, 'I'm really not comfortable writing a letter in this context' and hold firm," she suggests. Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Explain To My Brother Why I Tried To Sabotage His Relationship?
I am really jealous of my brother's new girlfriend, literally the exact opposite of me. I'm hitting a rough patch just as her life is unfolding seamlessly. I saw her out with another guy and I made it sound like she was cheating on my brother. I usually don't do stuff like this, but it just felt good at the time for them to experience a hiccup, something that didn't go their way.
Turns out he was her stepbrother, so my brother figured out that I essentially made up the story. As far as I can tell he never said anything to his girlfriend, but he avoids being alone with me. I really want to explain myself, but I have no idea what to say. I know what I did was wrong, but it was an impulse decision and I would like to know how long I can expect this to be awkward.
Carolyn Hax replies that jealousy is common but that it's incumbent on each of us not to let it drive our actions. "When we do succumb to this ugly impulse, as you did, the only fix is to own it fully and in detail," she advises. Read the rest of her answer.
Should I Stay With My Boyfriend After He Told Me He's In Love With His Colleague But Hasn't Acted On It?
I have been dating this guy for the past 1 year, and I really think he is the one. But he had this theatre production to manage intensely for a week, and he fell in love with one of his colleagues. However, he maintains the fact that when he realised he fell in love with her, he never acted upon it and chose to stay with me. He says that for him, it is not considered cheating and that he did nothing wrong…
I don't believe in how one person can be in love with two people at the same time, whereas he says his heart is big enough for it. Isn't falling in love with another person while being attached cheating? Doesn't it mean that I am not enough for him? But he keeps saying that he has never compared the two of us, and I am enough for him. So why did he fall in love with her? He says that he cannot control how his heart feels but it sounds so wrong…
What do I do?
Harris O'Malley, aka Dr. Nerdlove, points out that the boyfriend would have been much better off not telling the letter writer about his infatuation. "I think his dumping this on you introduced a lot of unnecessary anxiety and drama into your relationship — drama that could've been avoided if he'd kept his damn mouth shut about it," he writes, before encouraging the letter writer to figure out whether or not she trusts him. Read the rest of his answer.
Can I Withhold Pictures Of My Grandchild From His Other Grandparents Because They FaceTime With Him A Lot?
I am the paternal grandmother, and I hosted a meet-and-greet for our grandson. I hired a photographer and planned a day of making memories, mostly for the paternal great-grandparents.
Maternal grandparents want pictures. I say no. Our grandson lives three hours away, and we see him maybe once a month. They see him via FaceTime every day, every weekend, and never share with us. Am I wrong?
[UExpress]
There is clearly a lot of backstory missing from this letter, but Miss Manners (aka Judith Martin writing with Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin) perhaps wisely doesn't ask for details. "Is this a competition to see which grandparents are the least agreeable?" she asks. Read the rest of her answer.
Should My Seatmate Have Let Me Sleep On Our Flight Instead Of Waking Me Up To Complain About My Snoring?
I admit I'm a loud snorer. However, I was on a plane recently, flying home after an exhausting trip. I fell asleep and my seatmate repeatedly woke me to complain about my snoring. Shouldn't the woman have let me sleep in peace if she saw that I was genuinely tired? What made her needs greater than mine?
[UExpress]
"I suppose she could have asked the flight attendant to change her seat, but if the flight was fully booked she probably woke you because she wasn't inclined to suffer from coast to coast," muses Dear Abby, aka Abigail Van Buren, before urging the letter writer to see a doctor about their loud snoring. Read the rest of her answer.
