Do I Have To Tell My Longterm Boyfriend I Have Breast Implants, And Other Advice Column Questions
There are too many excellent (and crazy) advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.
Do I Have To Tell My Boyfriend Of Several Years I've Had Breast Implants This Whole Time?
I have been in a relationship with a very special man who is five years younger. We met on an online dating site and have been seeing each other for several years…
My dilemma is I have breast implants. I had the surgery 20 years ago when I was newly widowed and about to start dating again. I never told any of the men I dated, and I don't believe anyone suspected. My breasts look and feel natural and they have enhanced my love life tremendously.
Now that this relationship is serious, I wonder if I need to tell my guy. If he leaves after I tell him, then I guess he wasn't The One. I'd prefer not to say anything. I've had the implants so long, I feel they are part of me, not something foreign in my body. I am afraid he may have an altered opinion of my body after I tell him. Please advise.
[UExpress]
Abigail Van Buren thinks honesty is the best policy in this case. "I think you should level with him, because if one of the implants should need an 'adjustment' or replacement, he will find out then and may resent the fact that you hadn't told him," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
Can I Decline To Give My Neighbor A Ride To The Polls Because I Disagree With Her Political Views?
My wife, kids and I live in the house where I grew up, across the street from a woman who was a dear old friend of my parents. Judging by her lawn signs, she has become much more politically extreme than when I was young. The coming midterm elections are important to my family: My wife works for a group that helps poor people get health care, and my son identifies as gay. In the last election, our (widowed) neighbor asked for a ride to the polls. I agreed. But now I wonder: How rude would it be to refuse her a ride and make her find another way to vote against my family's interests?
Philip Galanes thinks not driving the neighbor to the polls would be an unconscionably bad decision. "By refusing, you would put yourself in league with the unscrupulous people who have fought to suppress the freedoms of low-income voters and people of color," he opines. Read the rest of his answer.
Do I Have To Tell My Friend That My Other Friend Slept With Her Brother After Her Wedding?
I have two best friends. They can happily hang out in a group but aren't close friends themselves.
Well, Friend X got married and that night Friend Y slept with X's younger brother. I know because Y told me. I also know it would really upset X, and she has asked me if I know anything, as she has her suspicions.
I feel like being a best friend requires loyalty and honesty. I want to keep Y's secret, but I don't want to lie or keep secrets from X. I can't see a way to stay out of it. Help?!
"Best friendship also requires knowing when something isn't your business," replies Carolyn Hax, who recommends a policy of staying out of it. Read the rest of her answer.
Is It Reasonable For My New Employer To Forbid Me From Wearing My Wedding Ring At Work Because It's Purple?
I'm getting ready to start my new job in a fast-moving but rather conservative industry… Last week, I had a meeting with the woman who is going to be my supervisor and we finalized things like my salary, work hours, etc. She also spent a significant amount of time making sure I understood the dress code, as it is very strict, even stricter than many other offices. There were things like only certain colors of clothing, absolutely no nail polish, minimal makeup in only natural colors, no heels over two inches but no "casual" shoes either, etc.
One of their rules is that, while some jewelry is allowed, it can only be either gold or silver in color and absolutely nothing else. Here's the thing: My wedding ring is purple (amethyst encrusted). My husband got this ring for me because he knows I dislike gold and silver jewelry and prefer colors, and it's also my birthstone. My supervisor pointed it out during our meeting and said, unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to wear it during work hours. I was a bit taken aback but did not argue.
Now that I'm getting ready to start, I don't know what to do. On one hand, rules are rules. On the other hand, it's my wedding ring and it's very precious to me and I never take it off… What should I do?
Alison Green says that she cannot imagine a legitimate business reason for this overly strict policy. "I'm curious to know what would happen if you say, 'I understand your rules about jewelry, but this is my wedding ring and I don't take it off. I'm certainly willing to abide by the dress code, but it's not an option for me to remove my wedding ring,'" she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
Should A Woman Refrain From Breastfeeding In Public If Her Husband Is Uncomfortable With It?
My husband and I plan to conceive in the next several months. My sister-in-law is pregnant, which has prompted some conversations with my husband about how to act once I get pregnant. His sister is very private about breastfeeding. With her first child, she essentially hid upstairs and no one, not even the child's father, saw her do it. I'm not a particularly private person, and I think that breastfeeding in front of other people is not a big deal. My husband says he wouldn't like it if I did that in front of his family or in public and wouldn't go to a restaurant with me and a baby if he knew that I would have to breastfeed. Obviously, since I am not pregnant, this is more of a hypothetical problem we shouldn't even be arguing about yet, but who's right?
[Slate]
Danny Ortberg sides with the letter writer. "It's more than a little sad that your husband would be so embarrassed at the mere prospect of seeing you feed your child that he would willingly deprive himself of a nice meal out," he writes. Read the rest of his answer.
Is It Normal For A Family To Wash Their Hands As A Group After Touching Restaurant Menus?
I married into a wonderful large family.
When we eat at a restaurant, after we have ordered our food, they will all leave the table together to wash their hands (presumably because they've touched the menus that might have germs). I'm OK to stay behind to guard the table and the purses.
Are they legit in their concerns about germs from a menu?
Should I wash my hands too, just to blend in with their tradition?
Amy Dickinson heartily endorses this family's practice. "Hand washing helps to slow a person down before sitting at a communal table," she muses. "It also punctuates and helps to fill that sometimes awkward time between ordering and receiving food." Read the rest of her answer.
