What You Missed This Weekend
We sincerely hope you didn't spend the weekend attached to a computer — that's our job. You should be out enjoying your life with friends and family. And since we don't have any friends, we had the time to break down the news you missed.
The Most Inefficient Government Office In America
Every day just north of Philadelphia, truckloads of paperwork are delivered to an office in an abandoned limestone mine 230 feet underground. This is the U.S. government's Office of Personnel Management. Although the scene appears to have been lifted straight out of "Dr. Strangelove," there's absolutely nothing classified about the work going on. Employees are just processing the retirement papers of other government workers. But due to a flaw in the system, all those papers must be physical papers. And they must be processed by hand. Fun fact, the office has 28,000 filing cabinets just to store all the forms. So next time you're waiting in line at the DMV, just remember that at least you're not a federal employee waiting to get your retirement approved.
The Toilet Of The Future Will Produce Filtered Water, Probably Tweet
The World Bank estimates that the annual global cost of poor sanitation is somewhere around $260 billion. So Bill and Melinda Gates challenged inventors to reinvent the toilet for the developing world. While nowhere near as cool as the Japanese-manufactured toilet at our local ramen joint that has a heated seat and optional bidet settings, these models are probably far more useful to the vast majority of the global population. Examples include toilets that can filter water, produce charcoal briquettes to combat global warming, and charge a cellphone. Personally, we'd like one that cleans itself.
Get ready for a dirty secret: reality shows aren't real at all. How do we know, you ask? Because a reality show writer penned an anonymous essay spilling all sorts of dirty secrets. We've reached out to Honey Boo Boo for comment.
We Still Have No Idea Where Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 Is
It has been over three weeks since MH370 disappeared with 239 people on board. Over the weekend, several governments announced that satellites had spotted what may be wreckage from the missing Boeing 777, but so far aerial and surface search teams have been unable to locate a single piece of the plane.
The U.S. Just Isn't Chewing Gum Like It Used To
Our grandparents used to give us Chicklets. Our parents used to chew Wrigley's. But when was the last time someone handed you either of these kinds of gum? It turns out that Americans just aren't chewing the sweet and sugary stuff like they used to. It's not as if we've stopped chewing altogether; in fact, we unwrapped $3.7 billion worth of the sticky stuff last year. But for the first time, the vast majority of it was sugar-free. Thanks, dentists.
It's safe to stay that most of us have some issues with our parents. It's less probable that you suspect your parents of having been Nazi war criminals. Rüdiger Heim did, and he spent two decades trying to find the truth.
We'd say don't try this at home, but you're actually supposed to. But be careful! Also, don't use this for fancy cocktails. Seriously, just don't.
The Most Complicated Relationship In The Galaxy
In case you really haven't been paying attention to the news recently, the U.S. and Russia are, uh, not getting along so well. But they have no choice but to cooperate aboard the International Space Station.
The Dark Truth About Millennials
Much has been written about the plight of the Millennial. Time and time again, we've heard about how they're overeducated, underemployed and facing the worst financial situation of any generation since those that lived through the Great Depression. And that's just the educated ones. As more and more young Americans are completing college, those that don't are being left further and further behind.
The Master Of Delivering Bad News
Doctors spend much of their careers delivering terrible news to frightened patients, so you'd think they'd receive plenty of training on empathy and bedside manner. You'd be completely wrong.
We've Turned Our Police Officers Into Soldiers
Special Weapons and Tactics (SWAT) teams were originally formed in the U.S. to deal with violent, life-threatening situations such as shoot-outs and hostage rescue situations. Now they're used for practically anything. In 1980, SWAT was deployed 3,000 times. That number has jumped to approximately 50,000 times a year. When you're using a militarized police force to bust a college bar serving underage kids, something is probably off.
Medieval Europe Was A Terrible Place To Be A Teen
Teens today like to pretend that their lives are hard. Well, actually teens liked to do that at every point in human history. But during Medieval times, they may have had a point.
What Happens When You Get Drunk And Stoned At The Same Time
Alcohol and marijuana have very different effects on very different parts of your brain. Alcohol largely affects your motor skills, making it difficult to graciously navigate obstacles such as stairs or speak without slurring. THC — the active ingredient in marijuana — tends to affect cognitive skills, impairing your ability to perceive the passage of time or making you paranoid. But when you combine the two, a study has found that the concentration of alcohol appears to double the concentration of THC in the bloodstream. Actually, this one you may have experienced yourself this weekend.