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/funnyWhat do you get when you cross a goat with an octopus?
An immediate cessation of funding and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee!
/funnyA guy is working in the produce department at the grocery store when a little old lady walks up to him. She says, “Excuse me.”
He says, “Yes?” She asks, “Where’s the broccoli? I can’t find the broccoli.” He says, “Oh, I’m really sorry ma’am. We ran out of broccoli. We will have some tomorrow morning.” He goes back to work stacking the oranges. A few minutes later he hears a voice behind him.
/jokesA guy is working in the produce department at the grocery store when a little old lady walks up to him. She says, “Excuse me.”
He says, “Yes?” She asks, “Where’s the broccoli? I can’t find the broccoli.” He says, “Oh, I’m really sorry ma’am. We ran out of broccoli. We will have some tomorrow morning.” He goes back to work stacking the oranges. A few minutes later he hears a voice behind him.
/funny/jokesAll the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who the one in charge was. "I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away." "I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy." "I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body
/funnyMinnie and Mickey Mouse were getting a divorce.
The divorce court judge looks down at the paperwork and says to Mickey, "It says here that you want to divorce Minnie because you think she is crazy?" Mickey replies, "No, I said I want a divorce because she is fucking Goofy!"
/dad-joke-loadingWhy should you never buy flowers from a monk?
Because only YOU can prevent florist friars!
/funnyI asked my wife if I was the only one that she’s been with.
She said, “Yes. The others were at least sevens or eights.”
/funnyMy wife and I have decided that we don’t want children.
It was a difficult decision, but we’re telling them tonight.
/jokesI took my 6-year-old daughter to the office on ‘Take Your Daughter to Work’ Day. When we walked into the office, she looked around, and then started to cry.
As concerned staff gathered around, I asked her what was wrong. She said, “Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you work with?”
/jokesWhy does Batman only wear dark colours? Easy; Batman doesn’t want to get shot.
Why does Robin only wear bright colours? Easy; Batman doesn’t want to get shot.
/jokesA CIA agent, an MI6 agent, and a KGB agent are walking through a forest. They end up arguing about which service has the most skilled intelligence officers.
As they argue, a little rabbit runs across the path in front of them. This gives them an idea for how they can settle it: they'll catch the rabbit! Then, for each agent, they'll set it free, and see how long it takes him to track it down and bring it back. The American goes f
/jokesWhen my son was about 5, he asked me where poo came from.
I gave him a short concise answer on how you eat, how the food goes down into your tummy where the good stuff gets taken out of it to fuel your body, then what's left passes down to a long tube called intestines where it is mixed with nasty stuff, all which comes out of your bum