Do I Have To Include The Time I Got Raped In My 'Number,' And Other Great Advice Column Questions
There are too many excellent (and crazy) advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists (and subreddits) addressed in recent days.
How Do I Get The Guy Who Saved My Life To Quit Stalking Me?
A few weeks ago, I was finishing up my breakfast outside the train station, and a little piece of toast got stuck in my windpipe. I tried to cough it back up but I couldn't breathe, and started freaking out. I ran to the nearest people, two men in their 20s/30s, and made it clear I was choking. One of them had a water bottle and I was able to drink some and dislodge the piece of toast. The two men were very concerned and made sure I was okay before I left, which I appreciated very much. I thanked them profusely and went on my way to work…
A few days after the choking incident, I was walking home from the store and all of a sudden a man runs up to me to stop me. I realize it was one of the men who helped save me, and he introduced himself (let's call him "John"). We started talking and I thanked him again. He then started telling me he's been thinking about me every day and talking to me about religion and how he thinks God put me in his life. He then asked where I lived, to which I gave a very vague answer, and said "I'm not going to ask for your number right now, but I would like to get to know you." I told him that I am in a relationship, but that didn't really seem to sink in. I told him I had to go, and the conversation ended with him saying "I know I'll see you again."
I saw him again the next morning…
This goes on for a while, in a way that makes it clear that John is unable to take no for an answer. The amateur advice columnists of the /r Relationships advise the letter writer to go to the police the next time she has a run-in with John. Read the rest of their answers.
[Reddit]
How Should I Handle Employees Who Posted Mean Comments About Job Applicants Publicly Online?
Last year, two of my employees interviewed and hired some interns and a full-time employee. I've always written down my notes on paper on standardized printouts, but my employees decided to keep their notes organized on a project management/note-taking app. I was invited to the board, logged in once, and just relied on them to invite me to in-house interviews to meet any candidates that they liked…
Fast forward to tonight, and I have an urgent text from my boss. It appears that the board was left as public, and each note had the candidates' full names on them. The board showed up when applicants searched their names on Google.
One of the applicants emailed my boss (though they had never had contact with him) to let him know that they found the board… [S]ome of the notes on the board for other applicants were less than professional, and some were easily misinterpreted to look even worse. For instance, one said "No, from (foreign country here)" and left at that. The applicant who emailed my boss took that as meaning that we rejected that person because they were from another country, but I know that this applicant actually lives in that country and proximity is a requirement for the job. Other comments left by my team included "Oh jesuz no!" and other embarrassing comments…
How should we respond to this former applicant about the email they sent?
Alison Green says that an apologetic email to the former applicant is in order, along with some retraining for the employees who wrote these comments. Read the rest of her answer.
Do I Have To Include The Time I Got Raped In My 'Number'?
I was raped by an acquaintance about a year ago. The idea of dating was scary, but I met a great guy a couple months ago. He's great — sweet, sensitive, treats me well, and listens attentively. Things are starting to get serious, so I finally told him about my sexual assault. He was quiet for a moment and then asked if I had included my rapist in "my number." I was caught off-guard by the question but answered honestly and told him no. He's been struggling with this ever since, and I'm not sure what to do. I don't feel the previous guy should be included. Am I wrong?
Mallory Ortberg, aka Dear Prudence, very satisfyingly instructs the letter writer to dump her insensitive clod of a boyfriend. Read the rest of her answer.
[Slate]
Does My Husband Have The Right To Ban Screen Time For Our Kids When I'm The One Who Suffers For It?
My husband decided the kids (two preschoolers, one elementary age) should have no screen time in the morning. That would be fine, except that I get up much earlier than he does. We both work.
At any given time, I have kids dancing around me in the bathroom, begging me to watch them do X or help them do Y. When they had screen time in the mornings — after getting dressed, etc. — I was free to get ready in peace.
I've asked my husband a few times to start getting up earlier to help me with the kids and he said he would, but hasn't.
You think I'm okay to let the kids have screens again in the morning? Or should I just learn to ignore the kids, as my husband has advised me to do? He will be angry about allowing screen time again.
"One parent unilaterally imposing a rule that makes life harder only for the other parent has a lot of stinkin' nerve," replies Carolyn Hax. Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Get My Friend To Stop Bringing His Vomiting Dog To My House?
My friend, "Jack," has a very old dog who he takes everywhere. Jack's defense for this is that his dog is dying, and he wants him to experience as much as possible. I understand the love one has for a furry companion, but I can't imagine taking my dogs anywhere while their health is failing. His dog has thrown up in my home on multiple occasions. Should I say something to Jack about how upsetting and inappropriate it is for him to take his dog everywhere?
Harriette Cole, who writes the Sense & Sensitivity column, gives the letter writer some tactful language to use with Jack to convince him to leave the dog at home, possibly with a dog-sitter. Read the rest of her answer.
[UExpress]
