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- dunnylovehun, on 04/18/2008, -1/+33Man those clips really brought me back. I like how in the first one, he's sent in to steal a map from terrorists plotting attacks on America, and it's just a big elementary school map of America with red arrows pointing at the various attack targets, and he only takes the map and not the arrows. I'd imagine his bosses were probably like thanks for the ***** map of America when he brought it back. These are the reasons I'm glad I was 8 when I watched the show.
- inactive, on 04/18/2008, -4/+29The top 5 sites that do way too many top 5 lists
1.Cracked
2.Cracked
3.Cracked
4.Cracked
5.Cracked - mokodo, on 04/18/2008, -5/+28#5.
A World War II Pilot Used Jell-O to Copy a Map
So it's World War II. You've been sent into a secret Axis meeting room to obtain top-secret maps of the enemy's troop movements. You can't steal the maps because that would raise suspicions and you can't write down the coordinates because you're retarded. Or you don't have a pencil. Whichever is easier for you to believe.
All you've got is a wooden tray and a pocket full of Jell-O you snuck out of the mess tent. You don't know why you stole a handful of Jell-O, and you especially don't know why you stored it in your pocket, but there's no turning back now. You can hear guards moving in and you've only got a few minutes to get what you came for. What should you do other than have the most pathetic last meal of all time?
According to the book, Colditz--The Definitive History: The Untold Story of World War II's Great Escapes, a group of British pilots in the Colditz prisoner camp were in that exact same situation. The boys gathered together some of the gelatin they had as rations, put the map face up on a wooden tray and poured the Jell-O (lemon-flavored) over them. They then took the Jell-O and pressed it on a sheet of clear greaseproof paper.
It worked. They were able to make 30 copies of the map and enjoyed a tasty meal of lemon-flavored Jell-O because the British were clever, smart and have no taste buds.
Could MacGyver Have Done it Better?
According to MacGyver, a map "can get you in and out of places a lot of different ways" other than just getting yourself from point A to point B. As this video clearly shows, a map can help you unlock doors, distract women in burkas and beat an armed guard senseless:
#4.
Two Inmates Escape Prison With Dental Floss
Apparently, flossing is extremely dangerous. We at Cracked have held a rabid anti-floss position for years now and it looks like our cause will finally gain momentum. Admittedly, we only took this stance due to equal parts of laziness and cheapness, but it's nice to learn that we've been unconsciously avoiding accidentally flossing our faces off all this time.
According to The London Telegraph's "Quite Interesting" column, Italian mob boss Vincenzo Curcio had been convicted of murder and was facing further prosecution for seven more murders. Desperate to flee, he escaped from his cell in 2000 in Turin by sawing through the bars with nothing more than simple dental floss. You know, the stuff your dentist tells you to put in your mouth every single night? That stuff.
The same year, the Associated Press reported that Antonio Lara escaped from a state prison in Palestine, Texas by coating the bars with toothpaste and cutting through the bars with dental floss. He didn't escape from the jail, just his cell, so he could kill a rival inmate. Whether or not it was with the floss, we don't know, but we can always dream.
Metal bars that may or may not have been cut with a piece of floss
How were they able to cut through steel with floss? Floss is unbelievably durable, apparently almost magically so. According to the book Extraordinary Uses for Everyday Things, floss can replace the hanging wires for pictures frames, replace the threading in outdoor backpacks and tents, and remove a stuck ring off of a finger. We're assuming this is done by sawing your finger off with the floss.
Could MacGyver Have Done it Better?
When imprisoned in a basement (by Tia Carrera, in episode 320) he didn't settle for floss or any combination of dental hygiene products. Instead, he uses a set of cables and a pair of hi-fi stereo speakers to act as a sonar detector to find a secret door.
#3.
Three Inmates Escape Alcatraz On A Raft Of Raincoats
Frank Morris, John Anglin and Clarence Anglin are the three men who managed to do something no one thought anyone could do: They escaped one of the most escape-proof prisons in the country and spawned a movie that somehow made their escapades seem as boring as prison life itself.
The story of the Alcatraz Three's escape is full of MacGyverisms, from the tools they made to dig through the concrete walls (a drill they made out of a vacuum cleaner motor), to the dummy heads they made from soap and toilet paper.
It's no surprise they were able to pull off such an amazing feat. According to several sources, Morris had an astronomical IQ and spent his life from childhood in and out of prisons. His numerous escape attempts were the reason he had been sent to Alcatraz in the hopes he wouldn't be able to make another attempt. Little did they realize that he was just warming up.
Frank and the Anglin Brothers made it out of their cells and down to the shore line with a makeshift raft that they constructed out of 50 raincoats stolen or borrowed from other inmates. Then they made their way through the currents with paddles made out of plywood. The Discovery Channel's Mythbusters replicated the raincoat raft myth itself by padding to shore from the Rock in a similar vessel.
The three men were never heard from again and Alcatraz's once glorious reputation was tarnished. Defeated, the San Francisco Chamber of Commerce had no choice but turn it into a tacky tourist destination that sells T-shirts like "I Got Shanked in Alcatraz and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt."
#2.
A Professor Uses Shrinky Dinks To Make Scientific Breakthrough
So far, these devices have been used to get people out of jams and tight spots when a matter of seconds drew the line between life and certain death. This one doesn't involve death, per say, unless you replace a "matter of seconds that draws the line between life and death" With "losing a million dollar grant that draws the line between winning the Nobel Prize for engineering and teaching high school chemistry to idiots."
Professor Michelle Kline of the University of California, Merced was doing a study of microfluidics, which from the word, you can guess is the study of fluids in tiny things (like the inside of computer chips). Unfortunately, she didn't have much to work with in terms of materials. So she turned to Shrinky Dinks, those childhood toys that encourage children to color and stick their hands in ovens.
According to Wired magazine, she designed several microfluidic patterns on actual Shrinky Dinks plastic, put them in her own oven at home and found it worked perfectly because the tubes through which the fluid ran actually enlarged as the plastic got smaller. Thus she managed to do something that companies such as Intel spend millions of dollars a year, and to do it on the budget of a kid who saved up his allowance.
Could MacGyver Have Done it Better?
We can't fathom a situation where MacGyver would have to build a microfluidic device. But if there was a lady in the room, we're guessing he'd use it as an excuse to remove his pants:
#1.
Astronauts Build an Air Scrubber Out of Random Junk
When it comes to pulling off the ultimate MacGyverism, no one can do it better than NASA. Their engineers have to be ready at a moment's notice to find new ways to build complicated machines and mechanisms out of everyday objects because, as the Apollo 13 mission proved, you never know if you'll have an emergency that won't have a contingency plan in place and (as every other mission has since proved) you never know what NASA is going to cut out of their budgets next.
When astronauts Jim Lovell, John Swigert and Fred Haise had to move from the command module to the LEM in order to conserve power to run their navigational computer, they didn't realize the calculations for oxygen consumption were only made for two people instead of three. So their carbon dioxide levels began to skyrocket. They had a lithium hydroxide canister on board. However, the plug for the canister on the LEM was round and the canister itself was square.
NASA Flight Controller Gene Krantz (for those of you who haven't picked up a history textbook since elementary school, he was played by Ed Harris in the Apollo 13 movie) wrote in his book Failure is Not an Option that their only option--not including failure--was to get their engineers to build a makeshift air scrubber out of things they had laying around the ship.
Apollo 13 astronauts Jim Lovell, Fred Haise and Kevin Bacon
The crew didn't, as we would have done, admit defeat, light cigarettes and try to bone something one last time before their slow and painful death, which is just one major difference between the Cracked staff and NASA astronauts. Instead, working for an entire day and a half without sleep, they came up with this: The plastic flight cover would act as a funnel through which the lithium hydroxide was pumped through a suit hose, into a fan and then through a sock, which acted as the filter. The whole thing was held together with duct tape.
Yes, this sounds like something out of a cartoon. But it worked, saving the lives of three astronauts and ensuring that Tom Hanks would go on to become an Oscar-nomination machine.
Could MacGyver Have Done it Better?
Unless Hollywood buys our MacGyver in Space! screenplay, we may never know how he would handle himself in a space shuttle. Further, We can't find an episode where the Gyver had to clear out a smoke-filled room. We're guessing having to build an air filter would be too many steps for him to handle.
However, since he knows a thing or two about creating smoke screens (episode 102: he uses fire ash, rice alcohol and a car exhaust to create a painful wall of tear gas, episode 116: he burns pesticide, soap flakes and tile cleaner in a saucepan to create a smokescreen, etc.), we're convinced he could at least build an ingenious device to kill a capsule full of astronauts. Or at least build the world's most kick-ass bong.
(Note to Hollywood: we also have a Cheech and MacGyver in Space script in the works if you do decide to go with the bong angle.) - joaob, on 04/18/2008, -0/+19Cracked not listing everything on one page anymore? That sucks.
- yohnstoppable, on 04/18/2008, -0/+14I don't care if ***** is on 5 pages as long as they don't say "after the jump"
- GlennLThompson, on 04/18/2008, -2/+15McGyver would totally be able to rig an air filtration system, and he wouldn't need any fancy NASA junk either.
- Jordan117, on 04/18/2008, -5/+12MacGyver saves the cast of Lost: http://maclost.ytmnd.com/
- Puisapres, on 04/18/2008, -0/+6Dugg for Apollo 13's CO2 scrubber
- PinkFloydFan, on 04/18/2008, -1/+7According to the book Extraordinary Uses for Everyday Things, floss can replace the hanging wires for pictures frames, replace the threading in outdoor backpacks and tents, and remove a stuck ring off of a finger. We're assuming this is done by sawing your finger off with the floss.
I actually did LOL, and my co-worker looked at me like I'm crazy... I really shouldn't read cracked when I'm at work. - inferno10, on 04/18/2008, -0/+6MacGyver can rig together a Top 5 list within a single page!!!
- MacTyler, on 04/18/2008, -0/+5I believe you, no seriously.
- SpectreFire, on 04/18/2008, -0/+5MacGruber?
- wilfordsy, on 04/18/2008, -1/+6So if I want to get out of prison, the best person to consult is my dentist?
- SkippyDoorknob, on 04/18/2008, -0/+4How often does this happen? Is he accident prone?
- NeoCortex, on 04/18/2008, -0/+4My favorite was the coffin jetski. From reading the article before watching the video, I knew the jetski was coming. And I was still blown away by the shear awesomness of the jetski escape.
- Krystar, on 04/18/2008, -0/+4actually i cant get to cracked from work due to proxy issues. so you rule for doing this! thanks!
- redcatalina, on 04/18/2008, -0/+3"Apollo 13 astronauts Jim Lovell, Fred Haise and Kevin Bacon"
Funny writer... - namelessXsilent, on 04/18/2008, -0/+3Dugg just for the Mythbusters episode about the raft
- inactive, on 04/18/2008, -0/+3I'm lazy and wouldn't have gotten to the 4th page because I would have had to click too many times. Thanks.
- inactive, on 04/18/2008, -0/+2LOL, MacGyver sliding down the sand dune ftw. I seriously didnt think it could've gotten any better until one of the guards shot at his air balloon.
- Lunarbunny, on 04/18/2008, -0/+2Ah, dental floss. My father does his own sutures sometimes (no he's not a doctor) and all he uses are a fine needle (sterilized of course) and dental floss.
- wrestlingnrj, on 04/19/2008, -0/+2Watching those videos makes me want to go and start watching my seasons of MacGyver on DVD again.
- smokingmole, on 04/18/2008, -0/+2my hero
- antdude, on 04/18/2008, -0/+2http://macgyver-tn.ytmnd.com/
Same for WoW. - mercano, on 04/21/2008, -0/+2I think the better example for #1 would have been "Stuck on a Glacier with MacGyver." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PdY3L-JYzk I mean, it leads to seven years of MacGyver in space. (Well, eight, but we all know he was phoning the last one in.)
- Katana314, on 04/18/2008, -0/+2It probably wouldn't have been wide enough, or powerful enough. Spreading out the pressure of the air inside helps.
- smrekar, on 04/18/2008, -1/+3I rigged a way to block the ads so it was worthless for them to do that.
- Haon, on 04/18/2008, -0/+2Great. Now I have that awesome MacGyver theme song stuck in my head.
- mnemy, on 04/18/2008, -0/+2I already got a RL situation for the Cheach and MacGyver script. 1 cigarette + 1 bottle water + ballpoint pen + wrench set = bong. Light the cigarette, burn a hole into the bottle ~1/4 from the bottom. Take apart the pen to use it as a straw, stick it through the hole. Use a wrench socket as the bowl. Tear off paper and wrap around the pen to fill in extra gap for a tight fit.
Booya. College days revisited. - ObiWanCalobi, on 04/18/2008, -2/+3Dugg for my hero.
- cbartlett, on 04/18/2008, -0/+1I hate you.
- BXRWXR, on 04/18/2008, -1/+2Yeah, but does he have a better 'About Me...' than Lance the Car Wash Dude?
I think not. - jcaino, on 04/18/2008, -0/+1"Note to Hollywood: we also have a Cheech and MacGyver in Space script in the works if you do decide to go with the bong angle."
win. - pak314, on 04/18/2008, -0/+1Rupert is one tough guy.
- FlimBlimmer, on 04/18/2008, -0/+1You said it. When I was ten, I didnt see anything wrong with climbing up the side of a hot-air balloon, and taping the *corners* of a flimsy map down over a bullet hole in the canvas. Instead of just using one single piece of tape directly on the hole.
- SkippyDoorknob, on 04/18/2008, -0/+1He could filter the air through his mullet.
- chanop, on 04/18/2008, -0/+1McGyver couldn't kill Murdoch, no matter how many times he thought he did
- Lunarbunny, on 04/19/2008, -0/+1He's not exactly accident prone, but he has a habit of being reckless sometimes. He's lost a finger and a few have been reattached after machine shop accidents.
- inactive, on 04/18/2008, -1/+2***** gotta make money.
- acdcfanbill, on 04/19/2008, -0/+1It doesn't matter anyway, the hole is low on the balloon. So little hot air would leak out from a hole that size on the top, that down there, it isn't detrimental to lift in any noticeable degree.
- fokov, on 04/18/2008, -0/+1No. No. NO you need to keep replying to yourself with each entry start with #5 :D
- ronaldinho, on 04/22/2008, -0/+1I take brains over brawn anyday, I have to admit
- ParanoydAndroid, on 04/19/2008, -0/+1Dude, nowadays we just use an apple with two holes in it. and we eat it afterwards too.
- DarcyM, on 04/21/2008, -0/+1MacGyver, how did that show ever get canceled.
- RandomNetUser, on 04/20/2008, -0/+1This isn't going to start a whole slew of McGyver lists to replace the Chuck Norris ones, is it?
- twishart, on 04/18/2008, -0/+1Mcgyver can just breathe in space.
- RealmDown, on 04/18/2008, -1/+1Yipee ki yay
- Cepster, on 04/18/2008, -0/+0I can practically hear the banjos
- URnotheonly1, on 04/18/2008, -1/+1The most important piece of information lucky was spelled out in English "command post".
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