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269 Comments
- ChromaVita, on 10/18/2007, -9/+335Good thing god doesn't run Windows...
BLUE SKY OF DEATH! - corevette, on 11/10/2007, -6/+205if you're too impatient to read the whole thing, view the source
- inactive, on 10/28/2007, -31/+194If by 'awesome' you mean totally ***** boring and a waste of everyones time, I agree.
- manogamez, on 11/10/2007, -6/+168Why does God take 23 hour breaks everytime he does something? Compiling?
- inactive, on 10/10/2007, -16/+142A wall of text for us impatient people (I hope digg doesn't screw with the formatting):
"In the beginning there was the Computer.",
"Loading Universe Kernel....",
"And God said",
"_ LET THERE BE LIGHT!",
"login: GOD",
"password: OMNISCIENT",
"Password incorrect. Try again.",
"password: OMNIPOTENT",
"Password incorrect. Try again.",
"password: TECHNOCRAT",
"And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 1.",
"# LET THERE BE LIGHT!",
"Unrecognisable command. Try again.",
"# CREATE LIGHT",
"Done",
"# RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"And God created Day and Night. And God saw that there were 0 errors.",
"And God logged off at 00:01:00, day 1.",
" ",
"And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 2.",
"# LET THERE BE FIRMAMENT IN THE MIDST OF WATER AND LIGHT",
"Unrecognisable command. Try again..",
"# CREATE FIRMAMENT",
"Done.",
"# RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"And God divided the waters. And God saw that there were 0 errors.",
"And God logged off at 00:02:00, day 2.",
" ",
"And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 3.",
"# LET THE WATERS UNDER HEAVEN BE GATHERED TOGETHER UNTO ONE PLACE AND LET THE DRY LAND APPEAR",
"Too many characters in specification string. Try again.",
"# CREATE DRY_LAND",
"Done.",
"# RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"# LET THE EARTH PRODUCE FRESH GROWTH, LET THERE BE ON THE EARTH PLANTS",
"Too many characters in specification string. Try again.",
"# CREATE PLANTS",
"# RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"So it was; the Earth yielded fresh growth, plants bearing seed. And God saw that there were 0 errors.",
"And God logged off at 00:02:00, day 3.",
" ",
"And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 4.",
"# CREATE LIGHTS IN THE FIRMAMENT TO DIVIDE THE DAY FROM THE NIGHT",
"Unspecified type. Try again.",
"# CREATE SUN_MOON_STARS",
"Done",
"# RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"These lights governed day and night and separated light from darkness. And God saw there were 0 errors.",
"And God logged off at 00:02:00, day 4.",
" ",
"And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 5.",
"# CREATE FISH",
"Done",
"# CREATE FOWL",
"Done",
"# RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged fowl after its kind. And God saw that there were 0 errors.",
"And God logged off at 00:02:00, day 5.",
" ",
"And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 6.",
"# CREATE CATTLE",
"Done",
"# CREATE CREEPY_THINGS",
"Done",
"# RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"# NOW LET US MAKE MAN IN OUR IMAGE",
"Unspecified type. Try again.",
"# CREATE MAN",
"Done",
"# BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY AND REPLENISH THE EARTH AND SUBDUE IT AND HAVE DOMINION OVER THE FISH OF THE SEA AND OVER THE FOWL OF THE AIR AND OVER EVERY LIVING THING THAT CREEPETH UPON THE EARTH",
"Too many command operands. Try again.",
"# RUN MULTIPLICATION",
"Execution terminated. 6 errors.",
"# INSERT BREATH",
"Done",
"# RUN MULTIPLICATION",
"Execution terminated. 5 errors.",
"# MOVE MAN TO GARDEN OF EDEN",
"File Garden of Eden does not exist.",
"# CREATE GARDEN.EDN",
"Done",
"# MOVE MAN TO GARDEN.EDN",
"Done",
"# RUN MULTIPLICATION",
"Execution terminated. 4 errors.",
"# COPY WOMAN FROM MAN",
"Done",
"# RUN MULTIPLICATION",
"Execution terminated. 3 errors.",
"# CREATE DESIRE",
"Done",
"# RUN MULTIPLICATION",
"Execution terminated. 2 errors.",
"# CREATE FREEWILL",
"Done",
"# RUN FREEWILL",
"And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn",
"Warning: No time limit set. 1 errors.",
"# UNDO DESIRE",
"Desire cannot be undone. File may be in use by Freewill.",
"# DELETE FREEWILL",
"Freewill cannot be deleted. it may be a hidden or system file or may be in use.",
"Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.",
"# HELP",
"Desire cannot be undone. File may be in use by Freewill.",
"Freewill cannot be deleted. it may be a hidden or system file or may be in use.",
"Try again, cancel or quit program.",
"Try again",
"Try again, cancel or quit program.",
"cancel",
"Try again, cancel or quit program.",
"quit",
"Try again, cancel or quit program.",
"# CREATE TREE_OF_KNOWLEDGE",
"And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn",
"Warning: No time limit set. 1 errors.",
"# CREATE GOOD, EVIL",
"Done",
"# ACTIVATE EVIL",
"And God saw he had created shame.",
"Warning system error. Missing or corrupt file: Man and Woman not in Garden.edn. 1 errors.",
"# SCAN GARDEN.EDN FOR MAN, WOMAN",
"Search failed.",
"# DELETE SHAME",
"Shame cannot be deleted. File may be in use by Freewill.",
"# DELETE FREEWILL",
"Freewill cannot be deleted. it may be a hidden or system file or may be in use.",
"Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.",
"# STOP",
"Unrecognizable command. Try again",
"# BREAK",
"# BREAK",
"# BREAK",
"ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR REGULAR MAINTENANCE IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE LOG OFF.",
"# CREATE NEW WORLD",
"You have exceeded your allocated file space.",
"You must destroy old files before new ones can be created.",
"# DESTROY EARTH",
"Destroy earth: Please confirm.",
"COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN.",
"SERVICES WILL RESUME day 8 AT 00:00:00",
"YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.",
"And God logged off at 23:59:59, day 6.",
" ",
"And God rested." - corevette, on 11/10/2007, -16/+136god's favorite command:
rm /atheists/* - CeeJayDK, on 10/10/2007, -6/+96Loading Universe Kernel....
login: MAN
password: SEX
And Man logged on at 00:00:01, day 7
~$ SU
Password: 12345
And Man became root on at 00:01:00, day 7
# WOHOO!
Unrecognisable command. Try again..
# USERDEL GOD
User deleted.
# CD /usr/woman/
# CREATE COMMON_SENSE
Cannot comply - Common sense is currently allocated to user : "MAN" , please release resources and try again.
# INCREASE DESIRE
Desire cannot be increased in this manner for: "WOMAN". File may be corrupted by FREEWILL or EVIL.
# DELETE EVIL
Freewill cannot be deleted. it may be a hidden or system file or may be in use.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
# DELETE FREEWILL
Freewill cannot be deleted. it may be a hidden or system file or may be in use.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
# MOVE /usr/MAN/MONEY TO /usr/WOMAN/MONEY
Done.
# INCREASE DESIRE
Done.
# DELETE CLOTHES
Done.
# CREATE CAMERA
Done.
# CREATE INTERNET
Done.
And Man created porn at 18:00, day 7
And Man logged off at 00:18:01, day 7 - mmazing, on 10/10/2007, -6/+70I want my 5 minutes and 43 seconds back.
- PatrickFisher, on 11/10/2007, -18/+78This is older than God himself.
But I still love it. - undetected, on 11/10/2007, -1/+60All you're seeing is the coding. Gathering reqts, writing test cases and documentation, peer reviews, etc, all those happen away from the terminal. Plus, the product has the feel of a 1.0 app, so I'm sure the users weren't really sure what they actually wanted, and those discussions took a LOT of time.
- Zodiac, on 10/10/2007, -9/+55If God was a programmer, he would know that "If GOD was Programmer" needs a ***** article in the sentence.
- Philluminati, on 10/10/2007, -4/+49WATCH OUT!
is secretly teechin' you da bible - EvilMoose, on 11/10/2007, -18/+59# LET THERE BE NO MORE ANNOYING LAME DIGGS ON THIS CRAP
Unspecified error, digg likes lame old crap.
# bury story
Oops, CAPCTAH appears to be Invalid... - tehWyman, on 08/19/2009, -9/+47Meh.
- michaelinnotts, on 11/10/2007, -0/+35That's humanity's favorite command.
- Noize, on 10/10/2007, -12/+47Dupe by 318 days
http://digg.com/programming/God_created_the_world_with_a_computer - Herzasche, on 10/10/2007, -2/+36or
rm /scientologist/* - inactive, on 10/10/2007, -3/+31I'm more curious as to why there's no mention of trees, mountains, midgets, or pirates.
- bmxboy661, on 10/10/2007, -5/+30"In the beginning there was the Computer.",
"Loading Universe Kernel....",
"And God said",
"_ LET THERE BE LIGHT!",
"login: GOD",
"password: OMNISCIENT",
"Password incorrect. Try again.",
"password: OMNIPOTENT",
"Password incorrect. Try again.",
"password: TECHNOCRAT",
"And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 1.",
"# LET THERE BE LIGHT!",
"Unrecognisable command. Try again.",
"# CREATE LIGHT",
"Done",
"# RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"And God created Day and Night. And God saw that there were 0 errors.",
"And God logged off at 00:01:00, day 1.",
" ",
"And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 2.",
"# LET THERE BE FIRMAMENT IN THE MIDST OF WATER AND LIGHT",
"Unrecognisable command. Try again..",
"# CREATE FIRMAMENT",
"Done.",
"# RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"And God divided the waters. And God saw that there were 0 errors.",
"And God logged off at 00:02:00, day 2.",
" ",
"And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 3.",
"# LET THE WATERS UNDER HEAVEN BE GATHERED TOGETHER UNTO ONE PLACE AND LET THE DRY LAND APPEAR",
"Too many characters in specification string. Try again.",
"# CREATE DRY_LAND",
"Done.",
"# RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"# LET THE EARTH PRODUCE FRESH GROWTH, LET THERE BE ON THE EARTH PLANTS",
"Too many characters in specification string. Try again.",
"# CREATE PLANTS",
"# RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"So it was; the Earth yielded fresh growth, plants bearing seed. And God saw that there were 0 errors.",
"And God logged off at 00:02:00, day 3.",
" ",
"And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 4.",
"# CREATE LIGHTS IN THE FIRMAMENT TO DIVIDE THE DAY FROM THE NIGHT",
"Unspecified type. Try again.",
"# CREATE SUN_MOON_STARS",
"Done",
"# RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"These lights governed day and night and separated light from darkness. And God saw there were 0 errors.",
"And God logged off at 00:02:00, day 4.",
" ",
"And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 5.",
"# CREATE FISH",
"Done",
"# CREATE FOWL",
"Done",
"# RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged fowl after its kind. And God saw that there were 0 errors.",
"And God logged off at 00:02:00, day 5.",
" ",
"And God logged on at 00:00:01, day 6.",
"# CREATE CATTLE",
"Done",
"# CREATE CREEPY_THINGS",
"Done",
"# RUN HEAVEN AND EARTH",
"# NOW LET US MAKE MAN IN OUR IMAGE",
"Unspecified type. Try again.",
"# CREATE MAN",
"Done",
"# BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY AND REPLENISH THE EARTH AND SUBDUE IT AND HAVE DOMINION OVER THE FISH OF THE SEA AND OVER THE FOWL OF THE AIR AND OVER EVERY LIVING THING THAT CREEPETH UPON THE EARTH",
"Too many command operands. Try again.",
"# RUN MULTIPLICATION",
"Execution terminated. 6 errors.",
"# INSERT BREATH",
"Done",
"# RUN MULTIPLICATION",
"Execution terminated. 5 errors.",
"# MOVE MAN TO GARDEN OF EDEN",
"File Garden of Eden does not exist.",
"# CREATE GARDEN.EDN",
"Done",
"# MOVE MAN TO GARDEN.EDN",
"Done",
"# RUN MULTIPLICATION",
"Execution terminated. 4 errors.",
"# COPY WOMAN FROM MAN",
"Done",
"# RUN MULTIPLICATION",
"Execution terminated. 3 errors.",
"# CREATE DESIRE",
"Done",
"# RUN MULTIPLICATION",
"Execution terminated. 2 errors.",
"# CREATE FREEWILL",
"Done",
"# RUN FREEWILL",
"And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn",
"Warning: No time limit set. 1 errors.",
"# UNDO DESIRE",
"Desire cannot be undone. File may be in use by Freewill.",
"# DELETE FREEWILL",
"Freewill cannot be deleted. it may be a hidden or system file or may be in use.",
"Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.",
"# HELP",
"Desire cannot be undone. File may be in use by Freewill.",
"Freewill cannot be deleted. it may be a hidden or system file or may be in use.",
"Try again, cancel or quit program.",
"Try again",
"Try again, cancel or quit program.",
"cancel",
"Try again, cancel or quit program.",
"quit",
"Try again, cancel or quit program.",
"# CREATE TREE_OF_KNOWLEDGE",
"And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn",
"Warning: No time limit set. 1 errors.",
"# CREATE GOOD, EVIL",
"Done",
"# ACTIVATE EVIL",
"And God saw he had created shame.",
"Warning system error. Missing or corrupt file: Man and Woman not in Garden.edn. 1 errors.",
"# SCAN GARDEN.EDN FOR MAN, WOMAN",
"Search failed.",
"# DELETE SHAME",
"Shame cannot be deleted. File may be in use by Freewill.",
"# DELETE FREEWILL",
"Freewill cannot be deleted. it may be a hidden or system file or may be in use.",
"Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.",
"# STOP",
"Unrecognizable command. Try again",
"# BREAK",
"# BREAK",
"# BREAK",
"ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR REGULAR MAINTENANCE IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE LOG OFF.",
"# CREATE NEW WORLD",
"You have exceeded your allocated file space.",
"You must destroy old files before new ones can be created.",
"# DESTROY EARTH",
"Destroy earth: Please confirm.",
"COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN.",
"SERVICES WILL RESUME day 8 AT 00:00:00",
"YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.",
"And God logged off at 23:59:59, day 6.",
" ",
"And God rested." - JonLatane, on 10/18/2007, -2/+26Blue flood of death, please restart Earth?
- crawf061, on 10/10/2007, -0/+23The last 25% or so was actually kinda funny... thanks for the transcript
- gutistg, on 10/10/2007, -2/+24You'd think that he'd learn the syntax by at least line 8 or so, but no he has to make the same mistake over and over everytime he wants to do something.
- thebrawl, on 10/10/2007, -1/+23I only made it to day 3. God must be really patient.
- pixelmixer, on 10/10/2007, -0/+22I like seeing the Spellchecker go to town on this in Firefox. As the javascript types out the code, it constantly says it needs to be spellchecked until the word is finished typing. :P fun.
- Taedirk, on 10/10/2007, -2/+22Then he'd have written it mostly in PERL ( http://xkcd.com/224/ ).
- jordn, on 10/10/2007, -2/+21ARPANET called: They want their startup script back.
- mattfugitive, on 10/10/2007, -3/+21This is all good.. but what if god was a hacker?
- Pixelante, on 10/10/2007, -2/+20Oh my! He uses the COMMAND LINE! On a MAINFRAME! HE TRULY IS GOD!
/me worships. - TopherT, on 10/10/2007, -0/+17FSM made migets, trees, mountain. I dunno about midgets, but pirates are divine beings.
- databyss, on 11/10/2007, -2/+18Here's something a little more modern: http://xkcd.com/224/
- Realz, on 10/10/2007, -3/+18too long and too boring...it was fun initially and needs editing
- cleverboy, on 10/10/2007, -2/+17How stupid. If God "rm /atheists/*" it would give nothing for him to run the "mv" command on. Generally speaking God only runs the "rm" command on file folders with the prefix "/fundamental_*" or "/radical_*" that have experienced unrecoverable file corruption. Depends of course on which God is signed into the system. A lot of "rm -f" going on these days. Generally, God couldn't care less about the /atheist/ folder. I get the impression that many atheists view non-belief as a preachable "belief" in itself, and as the human behavior goes, try to actively pressure or convince others into thinking how they do, constantly trying to convince the religious of their error. They're in the "/fundamental_strong-atheist/" folder, so yes... God tries to "rm" that every so often. Most atheists, I think, are "weak" atheists, who profess no belief or manic concern that others agree with their views either. It is they who will eventually reboot the system.
- Erectile, on 10/10/2007, -3/+17You mean "were".
- Flashcop, on 10/10/2007, -4/+18Well, if Satan was a programmer, the first thing he would've created is windows.
To screw up gods earth computer... - lordshank, on 10/10/2007, -7/+21# apt-get update
# apt-get install brain
# rm- ~/god/
*/***** it, if god were real he would write straight to the metal, put this ***** in binary and maybe I'd care. - richmessenger, on 10/10/2007, -0/+14What in the ***** did you think it was going to be with a name like "If GOD was Programmer"? People drinking beer while participating in athletic events and picking up chicks while listening to the latest top 40 rock album?
- Ogedei, on 10/10/2007, -4/+17More like...
If God was a user.
I didn't see any examples of God writing Code in there, just running commands.
Buried as LAME. - dsignr, on 10/10/2007, -7/+20you're so smart...
- oliver75482, on 10/10/2007, -1/+14WOW... and its an Open Source project as well!
- Arcnite, on 10/10/2007, -2/+14You're assuming he created 24 hour days for himself, which makes no sense at all ;)
- inactive, on 10/10/2007, -2/+14Satan is the hacker.Humans are teh noobs
- shoovi, on 10/10/2007, -1/+13Awesome ;) # UNDO DESIRE Desire cannot be undone. File may be in use by Freewill.
- aaronm67, on 10/10/2007, -3/+14Wouldn't 00:00:01 Day 1 be 12:01 on January 1st, 1970?
- rebopper, on 10/10/2007, -2/+13I only got to day 2.
- Figs, on 10/10/2007, -1/+11and in today's religion forecast, the satanists are still just a tiny bit closer to God than the Scientologists...
(kudos if you get the reference) - Intrinsic48, on 10/10/2007, -1/+11Weak... where is the part where he has spend hours modifying *.conf files and commenting out glitchy, conflicting code added by his competitors. God also must hide an SSH daemon somewhere so he can use PuTTY to connect remotely and screw with stuff for his entertainment.
- drakenlot, on 10/10/2007, -0/+9That was much funnier than the original post
- HebrewHammer, on 10/10/2007, -0/+9it only takes 1 min and 59 sec for god to do anything, right up till he introduces man...
- benzzene, on 10/10/2007, -2/+11He might even be familiar with the past subjunctive and have written it: "If God were a programmer".
- acceptab1euname, on 10/10/2007, -4/+13Have you *looked* at the world around us recently? If there is a god, it sure as hell hasn't learned much...
-
Show 51 - 100 of 269 discussions
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