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How a programmer reads your resume (COMIC)

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Who dugg this? Made popular Mar 29, 2009

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  • Zaggynl, on 03/29/2009, -9/+716Wait, programmers don't like topless pictures?
  • Findeton, on 03/29/2009, -6/+458Is a hot girl --> +27
  • 1382747, on 03/29/2009, -4/+349Uses Comic Sans in Resume --> -99
  • inactive, on 03/29/2009, -15/+336If you're Asian: +1x10^19
  • grantmoore3d, on 03/29/2009, -6/+301Manboobs
  • dwhitbeck, on 03/29/2009, -9/+258Unfortunately, HR does the hiring.
  • jrtcs, on 03/29/2009, -6/+241Is a hot girl with a topless picture in Facebook --> +50
  • Iwantawii, on 03/29/2009, -2/+218As a man of Asian descent, I take offense to that comment long time.
  • Kannebas, on 03/29/2009, -20/+187If you're black: -∞
  • RBrenner14, on 03/29/2009, -23/+184Likes Dungeons and Dragons --> +50
  • adriaaan, on 03/29/2009, -2/+140Scientific notation champ. It's all about standards hehe.
  • shitton, on 03/29/2009, -3/+130I think HR also tends to care about spelling.
  • mlavergn, on 03/29/2009, -8/+128Ummm ... when I see every technology under the sun listed, -50. Nobody, and I mean nobody, knows everything about everything. If I see something like:

    Skills:
    Java / Python / Perl / C / C++ / ObjectiveC / C# / Bash / PHP / .NET / Ruby / ADA / JavaScript / ActionScript / Apache / IIS / JBoss / WebLogic / WebObjects / RedHat / Windows Server / Solaris / HP-UX / OpenVMS / Oracle / SQLServer / MySQL / PostgreSQL / etc

    it sets my bull crap detector right off the scale. The funny thing is that the HR folk see that and think "WOW", so a lot of these get through. In my book, having been in the same room as an HP-UX rig once does not a equate to a skill.

  • luckyme77, on 03/29/2009, -3/+107Moobs?
  • urik88, on 03/29/2009, -19/+122Has a cat: +70
  • xaeon, on 03/29/2009, -1/+92Actually as someone who conducts orchestras, I found it totally irrelevent.
  • lekahe, on 03/29/2009, -20/+110Ph D -1 points. I would give more minus :)
  • Brassbud, on 03/29/2009, -1/+90Forgot "Will work from India for $3 a month.".
  • sponeil, on 03/29/2009, -3/+87I have a CS degree from Georgia Tech. There was exactly 1 girl in the CS major my year, and I would not have wanted to see her topless. All the rest were guys.
  • mine4321, on 03/29/2009, -4/+83Don't worry about being dugg down... I have a +1 Ring of Diggs
  • DivisibleByZero, on 03/29/2009, -6/+81Obviously she won't know what she's doing though.
    Make her the secretary.
  • MyMainMan, on 03/29/2009, -17/+83Really love: "Lists visual basic basic experience first -10 points".
    And also the fact that "Lists job at fast food chain" gets 0 points and PhD gets -1!
    But where's C++ in the plus side of the list?
  • J0415, on 03/29/2009, -6/+72There are no girls in programming.
  • tehknotte, on 03/29/2009, -6/+70Has froot loops glued to nipples in facebook pic: -200,000,000
  • Sublex, on 03/29/2009, -10/+72Bury it, shut the ***** up, and move on.
  • alvinhokid, on 03/29/2009, -1/+621E+19 !
  • skyer, on 03/29/2009, -4/+63Only if she is hot
  • coredump0x01, on 03/29/2009, -12/+69Because everyone who reads Digg also reads Reddit...
  • YouRookies, on 03/29/2009, -0/+54How can it be BS when half of the job listings have the same long requirements?

    "Must need

    Java / Python / Perl / C / C++ / ObjectiveC / C# / Bash / PHP / .NET / Ruby / ADA / JavaScript / ActionScript / Apache / IIS / JBoss / WebLogic / WebObjects / RedHat / Windows Server / Solaris / HP-UX / OpenVMS / Oracle / SQLServer / MySQL / PostgreSQL / etc

    and because this is for a junior position you will be paid $12/hr."
  • eanbowman, on 03/29/2009, -3/+56Yeah but being able to code well in about 5 high level languages and having minor experience in the rest usually equates to being able to quickly be up and running in any of those languages.

    That is, unless you're not really cut out for coding.

    Anybody who has been coding for a long time should be able to pick up the basics of a new language in a day or two. That also means having the good sense to research security vulnerabilities in the new language.

    That all comes down to what kind of person you are, which is hard to tell from a list of languages I'm sure.

    I've coded in Java, C/C++, C#, Bash scripts (does this even count?), PHP, .Net (part of the C# mentioned earlier), JavaScript (with an emphasis on using Jquery 'cause it is just a beautiful thing), ActionScript, I've set up many Apache servers, and IIS servers, I've set them up in RedHat before, and Windows Server, and I coded a lot in C/C++ on Solaris workstations and I've set up Solaris on some home boxes, my first database lessons in gradeschool were in Oracle (special class), I've never used SQLServer but if I had to I'd learn it in no time, I use MySQL nonstop every day, I've briefly touched PostgreSQL and I love etc. etc is my favourite language.

    Those are all legit and that list would be what I put on a resume. That represents real experience making real programs or setting up real production or test machines. Not one iota of *****. Well, except for the joke about etc. ;)

    So I think your evaluation is unfair and stupid.
  • DivisibleByZero, on 03/29/2009, -1/+53In my experience, HR doesn't actually know what is or is not spelled correctly.
    Use words like "whomever", even if you should have said whoever, and the HR people will love you.
  • wendall911, on 03/29/2009, -0/+47Because it's fairly common knowledge that "Certification Courses" are really marketing courses. Rarely are the courses about actually using the product/products effectively, but more about how to sell them. The added joke is that people actually pay for these.

    That said, there are certainly exceptions to this, but rare.
  • absameen, on 03/29/2009, -0/+47He's a cat: +90
  • ran310, on 03/29/2009, -3/+50Ph.D -1 points .... thats a bit harsh.

    While I am biased because I am doing a Ph.D, it is harsh because sometimes programming is not only implementing an idea given to you, but coming up with innovative and unique ideas to solve tough problems. Some of the best programmers I've seen are doing Ph.Ds. However, I agree that it is largely true that most Ph.Ds are a bit out of touch with their programming skills. It should not take much time for a good Ph.D to pick up on the essential programming skills though.

    I've worked at some of the top tech companies around, and the most difficult problems they encounter do require a good amount of computer science skills, in addition to strong programming skills. It is difficult to separate one from the another, in many cases.
  • WBWB, on 03/29/2009, -2/+48Well then. No wonder I can't find a new job.
  • J0415, on 03/29/2009, -1/+47Is a girl ---> +9000
  • azbmr, on 03/29/2009, -2/+46Anyone here written a compiler? That is some hard work. I have nothing but admiration for the people that work on EGCS. That ***** is amazing.
  • flashingcurser, on 03/29/2009, -0/+40You're right. though if they list hobbies: "running OpenVMS shell server in my basement on classic VAX hardware" that to me scores a lot of points.
  • sageerrant, on 03/29/2009, -2/+41You're seriously insulting cats on the internet?

    Silly troll.
  • TedTschopp, on 03/29/2009, -10/+49Actually as a programmer who conducts interviews for my division, I found it rather accurate.
  • Guitarist970, on 03/29/2009, -4/+41Well I can't program but I get +12 for knowing LaTeX!

    ...maybe I'll make a new resume today in LaTeX for fun...
  • NathanielJ, on 03/29/2009, -22/+58Did you really need the 1x in there?
  • ventralnet, on 03/29/2009, -8/+42a hot girl would not be trying for a programming job
  • norbiu, on 03/29/2009, -0/+33Sounds like experience, my friend.
  • strangewill, on 03/29/2009, -0/+30Which is funny because a lot of tech job postings want you to know some SPECIFIC arcane software, language, or method they want you to work with, so you need to bulk up on all of it to even land a job.

    Blame HR for that for not thinking on the job training for specific software is fine...
  • thebigredcat, on 03/29/2009, -2/+32Has a robot cat +125
  • ScottMitchell, on 03/29/2009, -0/+29http://www.yellowrage.com/blog/uploaded_images/Sta ...
  • sponeil, on 03/29/2009, -2/+31I think it's more like:
    Likes D&D -> +2
    Coded their own D&D character generator before high school -> +50
  • Bloodwine, on 03/29/2009, -0/+28HR would give that a +500
  • inactive, on 03/29/2009, -2/+28No. I didn't need the '+' either. Leave the arguing to the trolls, Euler.
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