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Mutant Black Squirrels Infest England (+PICS)

dailymail.co.uk — The upstarts are the genetic mutations of grey squirrels. And although nuts may be their food of choice there have been reports of their hungry Russian counterparts savaging stray dogs. Black squirrels could spread to Norfolk and Suffolk within 10 years and there are fears they could wipe out greys altogether.

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  • charbarred, on 04/26/2008, -4/+12I've yet to see one of those in my neighborhood, but that really scary...reported to have been walking away with pieces of flesh in their mouths...ouch...
    • goodkidyo, on 04/26/2008, -0/+27This type of squirrel is everywhere in Toronto. They're fine.
      • spikes, on 04/26/2008, -0/+14They also seem to coexist very well with the bird population too. I see loads of these squirrels in College Park, and just about everywhere else theres a park in Toronto. They aren't aggressive at all, and seem very tame.
        • brownsound00, on 04/26/2008, -1/+6yeah, squirrels are pretty harmful, in southern ontario at least. they don't attack anything...and rarely come close to humans (unless they have food) i seriously never thought i would see the day a squirrel mauled a stray dog. what the hell is that?
          • PaulOwen, on 04/26/2008, -0/+10They infested England?

            Thank god they didn't get to Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland or the Channel Islands. It must be the big red lines on the UK map stopping them.
        • WoollyMittens, on 04/26/2008, -0/+2Don't ***** with mister chitters.
      • PasteEater, on 04/26/2008, -0/+3There are tons in Grosse Pointe, MI as well. They are pretty much the dominant type of squirrel. As far as aggressive? My dogs have never had a problem chasing/harassing them.

      • DFENS, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1They exist in colorado as well. Not in huge numbers - spotting them is a rare treat. But hardly a plague.
      • theradical, on 04/26/2008, -1/+4Actually it might be the only type of squirrel in Toronto. I haven't seen a grey one in ages.
        • goodkidyo, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1I see greys all the time in the beaches
      • rebrad, on 04/26/2008, -0/+2Since the black squirrel has located in Ohio there seems to be less stray dogs and cats. The bad thing is that they have a taste for electrical insulation especially in automobiles.
    • DocHoliday22, on 04/26/2008, -0/+4First I have heard of this and sounded like something out of a cheap horror movie.... Oh yeah I live in the countryside... I maybe the first to go...
    • paulisnotdead, on 04/26/2008, -0/+6I guess no one has ever even been to Ohio Kent State.
    • dfsjdkflasjk, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1Not too sure why they're "really scary".

      This one is quite cute: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a1 ...
      • PL3NTY, on 04/26/2008, -0/+7Because the daily mail says so...
      • unclesam5, on 04/26/2008, -4/+3These squirrels are scary because they run around shouting "Jihad!!!!!" and "where are all the white women!??"
    • 4d669, on 04/26/2008, -1/+1The pictures in the article look shooped.
    • Danhrules, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1They look more like rats with a furry tail now.
    • davidlow, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1They have long, icky teeth!
    • ophello, on 04/27/2008, -0/+1Dugg simply for the title
    • tracydanger, on 05/11/2008, -0/+2These are all over Kent, Ohio & now I'm starting to see them in our back yard (Cuyahoga Falls, Oh).
  • natdowner, on 04/26/2008, -2/+91I never thought I'd see the day that the words mutant, 'testosterone-fuelled' and squirrels would be in the same sentence.
    • pzwhite125, on 04/26/2008, -0/+15Nor did I, but my life has so much more meaning now that I have.
    • obliviousfool, on 04/26/2008, -0/+14West Lafayette, Indiana has a population of black squirrels. They actually are more aggressive. They aren't shy at all. They'll challenge people for food. They'll sit in the path and refuse to budge. They're pretty creepy, honestly.
    • fandyboy, on 04/26/2008, -1/+19Thank the Lord for The Daily Mail! The purveyor of sensationalist *****!
    • ham_sammich, on 04/26/2008, -3/+1LOL
    • BossKey, on 04/26/2008, -0/+4They're black, mutant, and Russian...oh, what wondrous Internet memes will spring from this!
    • unclesam5, on 04/26/2008, -0/+8Teenage..Mutant..Ninja...Squirrels..On..Steroids!!!
      • grimward, on 04/26/2008, -0/+7Heroes in a nutshell, squirrel power!
  • fluidfoundation, on 04/26/2008, -18/+61They've been seen in the watermelon patches.
    • iPenis, on 04/26/2008, -15/+1That's f*cked up but I LoL'd anyways
    • InstantRamen, on 04/26/2008, -0/+34Ok i am black. but that was funny . the best jokes are always the mean ones
      • fluidfoundation, on 04/28/2008, -0/+2thank you sir for having a sense of humor. If they were white squirels then they'd be stealing the mayonnaise.
    • ZenMojo, on 04/26/2008, -1/+10...learning how to walk on their front legs because they keep tripping on their genitalia.
    • ORBAT, on 04/26/2008, -1/+7Scurrying around with pieces of fried chicken?
  • gdha, on 04/26/2008, -7/+2That's crazy!
  • iPenis, on 04/26/2008, -9/+182We need some white squirrels to oppress them
  • iPenis, on 04/26/2008, -13/+65Hey Ben Stein. Look, It's evolution baby!
  • aaabatteries, on 04/26/2008, -17/+1This is Sparta!
    • thscientist1, on 04/26/2008, -5/+3ur retarted.
      • ohhoe, on 04/26/2008, -4/+2Oh, irony.

        I just want to make that two cases of irony, I just noticed your user name. hahahahaha.
    • Ouze, on 04/27/2008, -0/+1no
  • iainc, on 04/26/2008, -13/+10I, for one, welcome our ...

    (gets coat)
    • oblique63, on 04/26/2008, -2/+14...new line of genuine squirrel fur coats?
    • MotoFly, on 04/26/2008, -7/+2Who the ***** ***** on the coats!?
      • ghostoftomjoad, on 04/26/2008, -1/+3dane cook sucks
        • Lewie, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1I went to a party with him once. He's good at D&D. Always picks elf princess though.
  • Alexmtz101, on 04/26/2008, -5/+17There goes the neighborhood.
  • WiseWeasel, on 04/26/2008, -10/+73Black, Brown, whatever, they all crunch the same when you run them over... We must look past the color of their fur, and crush equally!
  • bizzzay, on 04/26/2008, -11/+95oh no!!! the SQUIGGAS!
  • thscientist1, on 04/26/2008, -6/+2i saw one and screamed out. arent these the ones that killed that dog in russia?
    • NovaBandit, on 04/26/2008, -0/+3Yeah. They're from this charming little town called Pripyat. Quite a peaceful place.
  • thscientist1, on 04/26/2008, -2/+23http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4489792.stm

    russian doggie mauling
    • grimward, on 04/26/2008, -0/+2Three LOCAL witnesses, sounds like somebody wanted to put their village on the map.
  • anemene, on 04/26/2008, -4/+150"Sex selection is also boosting their numbers because female greys appear to prefer them as mates."

    Seriously? Squirrels too?
    • kingvik, on 04/26/2008, -5/+70Once you go black you don't go back.
      • refreshers, on 04/26/2008, -2/+84They have bigger nuts
        • Billistic, on 04/26/2008, -14/+4and guess what? He is I and I is him, slim with the tilted brim, what’s my ***** name?, what's my mother ***** name?
        • ORBAT, on 04/26/2008, -0/+5Did you break out of your cage again, Billistic?
        • miggie, on 04/26/2008, -3/+1Not all the time I was with this one African guy and he was 4 inches. I was mad. The new African is 10 so I'm happy.
      • temugen, on 04/26/2008, -3/+23Once you go black you go deaf.
  • bluetytanium, on 04/26/2008, -2/+19Ninjas.
  • zoxx, on 04/26/2008, -2/+33Wow. The Daily Mail can even make a story about squirrels dramatic.
    • ohhoe, on 04/26/2008, -0/+12I demand someone make a dramatic black squirrel gif, now.
    • redbluebird, on 04/26/2008, -2/+1... And now... more drama...
      In a courageous move The Daily Mail revealed the "top of the iceberg" conspiracy. MUTANT squirrels are going to eat our dogs leaving us totally defenseless. Then they will be able to kidnap and eat our kids. And then will eat us. We are DOOMED !
      .... Where the *************************** is my foil hat?
      ....OHHHHH, NOOOOOOO.... squirrels stole my thin foil hat !!!! There are getting smarter now!!!!
      WE ARE DOUBLE DOOMED !!!!!!
  • Loki101, on 04/26/2008, -5/+2IT'S THE SQUIRRELS!
  • Braveheart517, on 04/26/2008, -9/+3Racist enough said
  • AntzNZ, on 04/26/2008, -2/+5"Its rise means the greys now have serious competition for the first time since they were introduced to Britain from America in the 1870s." Paybacks gonna be a bitch when Britain smuggles some into America.
    • LogicalWisdom, on 04/26/2008, -0/+4I guess you've never been to Colorado then, there are already black squirrels in America.
    • namredips, on 04/26/2008, -0/+3These things have been in the US for like 100 years or more... The story I heard was they were given to Teddy Roosevelt... and well... lets just say some body left the cage open in the DC zoo...
    • marko777, on 04/26/2008, -0/+2There are black squirrels in Brooklyn too.
      • boyghost, on 04/26/2008, -0/+2Maryland's infested with them.
        • TimDigg, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1really where? I'm near Ft. Meade and I've never seen one of these in my life....are you on the eastern shore?
      • ZenMojo, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1Tons of them in Jersey. Although when I was in undergrad, the grey squirrels refused to hang out with them. (Just like humans...*sniff*)
      • daliminator, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1I've seen them in every borough where there are trees (mostly near school campuses) - these guys are all over the place. i visited a high school in the Bronx a few years ago that was swarming with them.
    • AntzNZ, on 04/26/2008, -1/+1Oh :/ by the sounds of the article I thought these were new or something, I've never been to America.
  • sovereign3, on 04/26/2008, -6/+1Can someone explain what exactly makes these squirrels 'mutant?'
    • geobay, on 04/26/2008, -0/+17Massive claws and vicious soul sucking mutant powers
    • lrdntwnd, on 04/26/2008, -0/+7they're the same as grey squirrels but with one gene mutated... that's what the article said... it's just the connotation that can be confusing... mutant doesn't necessarily imply any particular outside force... it's just part of the way things evolve... a mutation occurs in the genes that makes an animal "more successful" or "more fit" than others and it's able to reproduce and pass on the mutation more quickly.... even if it's a recessive trait, if the black squirrel reproduces with enough greys, there is enough of the trait around that the likelihood of producing a black squirrel even when two grey squirrels mate is higher... ya know?
    • Memnochxx, on 04/26/2008, -0/+3...a mutation?
    • ghostoftomjoad, on 04/26/2008, -2/+1www.wikipedia.com
  • DaviDTC, on 04/26/2008, -1/+4Coming this summer on the History Channel: Squirrelland
  • Mist0r_Wiggles, on 04/26/2008, -7/+3"Scientists say the testosterone-charged black is fitter, faster and more fiercely competitive"
    Does anyone else find this racist?
    • fandyboy, on 04/26/2008, -2/+2What?! Racist to squirells?! wtf?! As the Daily Mail would say "political correctness gone mad"
    • smotpoker, on 04/26/2008, -4/+6Why would you find it racist?

      I don't know of a link between melanin and testosterone, but if you are thinking about stereotypes of black people in America, they are based on fact. Slave buyers/traders usually sought the most fit people they could find and probably most of the slaves captured were kinda dumb... the most fit of those survived the voyage to America. Of *those*, the more fit ones were better maintained and selectively bred by their owners.

      In other words, perception of excessive testosterone levels (and therefore more physical fitness and aggression) in American (and perhaps British?) black people isn't completely without merit or racist
      • nailer, on 04/26/2008, -0/+2Not sure why you were moderated down. Does someone think that slaves weren't selected for physical strength? Has the person met any regular Africans and not noted they're much thinner than their American counterparts?

        People are so eager to scream racism that logic flies out the window.
        • smotpoker, on 04/26/2008, -0/+2Perhaps I should have mentioned I'm half black? I was just trying to point out the links between aggression/muscularity/testosterone but I guess it is sorta scientifically validating some beliefs that lend to discrimination...

          Anyway, for the record, such tendencies and ability are gained or lost in large part due to environmental factors as much as genetic heredity. I was just talking about natural predispositions... in the unnatural/man-made world, natural laws can be cultivated, bent or broken; it all depends on factors in the environment we design/propagate/neglect
        • NovemberWrites, on 06/19/2008, -0/+0smotpoker was moderated down because of his unnecessary assumption that the slaves were "kinda dumb". yes Africans forced into slavery were bought and bred because of their physical strength but they weren't kinda dumb. Africans didn't speak English and weren't allowed to speak in their own tongue. Learning English and not being allowed to read or write it forced the slaves to speak pidgeon English/ lower standard English. C'mon now, i'm sure the two of you are intelligent enough to understand that.

          Oh, and nailer, native Africans are leaner than African Americans because their diet is different. They aren't eating processed foods and junk like Americans.
      • zeabu, on 04/28/2008, -0/+1they were exploited that badly, most died. only the strongest survived.
  • geobay, on 04/26/2008, -0/+5The reds and the greys must be tough in my neighborhood because they keep the black ones in check.
  • thestranger, on 04/26/2008, -0/+11I live in Rock Island, IL (of the quad cities), and sersiously I have like 4-5 black squirrels in my backyard everyday. Its weird cause even the nearby cites don't have them. It's bizarre now for me to see a brown one.
    • mjs814, on 04/26/2008, -0/+3I'm from the Quad Cities too. I remember hearing that the Rock Island Arsenal released the black squirrels in the 1950s as an experiment. Supposedly there weren't any other black squirrels in the US at the time. I've worked on the Arsenal, and I still have only seen black squirrels there.
      • REMuse, on 04/26/2008, -0/+3There are black squirrels in Chicago too, but the gray ones seems to pick on them.
    • daliminator, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1You guys have brown/red squirrels? I've never seen one in my life... only gray and black ones. Guess there aren't too many of the poor brown guys left in urban/suburban NY.
  • misterteenwolf, on 04/26/2008, -5/+15black squirrels eat deep fried acorns
  • Juaquin, on 04/26/2008, -0/+43Wait....this is NOT the Onion?
    • Skyfire, on 04/26/2008, -0/+3No, dailymail, just as ridiculous though.
  • Willravel, on 04/26/2008, -0/+60My grandma calls them "blackies". I call my grandma "racist".
    • AnarkeIncarnate, on 04/26/2008, -0/+2She did call a broken bottle a "Black Squirrel" knife once....
  • rockon4life45, on 04/26/2008, -4/+2the black squirrel is doing for teh lulz
  • w09p, on 04/26/2008, -0/+5Goth squirrels. Eastern Iowa has them... I am surprised I even noticed them the first time I saw them, but they must've stuck out enough to be unique in my mind... that was back in 01.
    • nbx909, on 04/26/2008, -0/+2interesting, that means either the same genetic mutation happened here too or some bastard was like hey a black squirrel, let's bring it to America! Now what I'm wondering is if females are also black or if it's only males.
    • Cornfedhusker, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1They're in Nebraska too but there isn't very many
  • DoubleClef, on 04/26/2008, -0/+8They look like giant, fluffly tailed rats.
  • neocr0n, on 04/26/2008, -10/+4Daily mail? buried.
    • smotpoker, on 04/26/2008, -5/+1Pointless comment? Ditto.
      • bob12321, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1You say a comment is pointless and some how you feel compelled to add another 'pointless comment?
  • karmaghost, on 04/26/2008, -4/+1They have these in Toronto (and other parts of Canada, I'm sure), but we don't have them in NY, PA, etc. because they (obviously) can't cross the Great Lakes or even the Niagara River.
    • ohhoe, on 04/26/2008, -0/+10You know you can walk around lakes, right.
      • Dr00pieS, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1I LOL'd to the max on that one...
        Good god.
        • ohhoe, on 04/26/2008, -0/+3I'm picturing those black squirrels gnawing away at branches and fastening together a little raft to refugee their way over the great lakes to wreak havoc on our friendly little bushy tailed guys.
        • karmaghost, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1I LOL'd too. Can you imagine a swimming squirrel? Even better, could you imagine a squirrel trying to swim in the Niagara River? Have you seen the rapids in that thing? LOL
      • karmaghost, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1I know I can, but apparently the squirrels don't. Also, have you ever tried to walk around Lake Ontario or Lake Erie? They're f*ckin' huge, which is why they're part of the "Great Lakes."
      • drgmdp, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1i've heard they can build boats too
    • bronxelf, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1Sure we have them in NY. They're completely common in NYC.
      • ham_sammich, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1come on karma...are you serious dude? ...LOL. oooook : /
        • karmaghost, on 04/26/2008, -0/+0I'm totally serious; come on over to Niagara, Buffalo, Rochester, or any other part of Western New York. You'd be hard-pressed to find any black squirrels over here. Just because it's simple as ***** for humans to cross rivers and lakes doesn't mean animals have no issues with it.

          C'mon ham sammich, are you serious dude? ...LOL. oooook :/
    • TWiThead, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1When I visited Niagara Falls, I saw black squirrels on both the Ontario side and the New York side.
      • karmaghost, on 04/26/2008, -0/+0I don't know what to say other than I've never seen black squirrels on the NY side of the falls and I can't imagine how they would naturally make it over. Stranger things have happened, I guess...
    • bills534, on 04/28/2008, -0/+2They are all over northeast Ohio, got a couple that live in the tree in my front yard. And Kent state university is know for their black squirrel population
  • peestandingup, on 04/26/2008, -8/+46The reason they're so hostile is the male black squirrels have a trait that causes them to impregnate every female squirrel they have a relationship with, then leaving the female to raise her baby alone. The baby then grows up without a father squirrel & gets into little squirrel gangs, committing drive-by nuttings, banging squirrel hoes left & right, etc thus continuing the cycle.

    I keed I keed.
    • Dr00pieS, on 04/26/2008, -12/+3Lame
    • shoc, on 04/26/2008, -0/+5"drive-by nuttings"

      that's just... disgusting.
      • ZenMojo, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1If you were swinging it like a black squirrel, you'd never miss either.
    • ghostoftomjoad, on 04/26/2008, -3/+2its funny cuz they're black... i'm so impressed with your insightful and original humor
    • MattBD, on 04/26/2008, -0/+5Are they chav squirrels then?
  • carl25, on 04/26/2008, -1/+13red squirrel looks like he could take the grey one on
    • Dr00pieS, on 04/26/2008, -1/+15I've heard the red haired ones have no souls.
  • paganmonkeyboy, on 04/26/2008, -0/+5ah, the black squirrels of death and pestilence !!!
  • NovaCloud, on 04/26/2008, -4/+8Just like with humans, when the blacks move into the neighborhood, everyone moves out.
  • RajDhillon, on 04/26/2008, -9/+22It's been reported that black squirrels have a larger penis than most Asian men.
    • daliminator, on 04/26/2008, -1/+4It's been reported that most Asian men are much more intelligent than you are.
  • Amplify, on 04/26/2008, -1/+7The town I'm my parents live in Michigan has only black squirrels that live there. Never thought of it as a big deal just used to it?
    • chiefbandit2200, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1I live in michigan and have only seen grey squirrels around where i live...
      • HappyScrappy, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1I lived up in Flint, there were only grey squirrels (which are actually kinda brown).

        Only 45 mins away in Ann Arbor, the black ones dominate the campus area, although out in the woods on the edge of town you see more greys than blacks.
    • mrSt1klBak, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1I was going to say the same thing. I lived in Mount Clemens as a kid. Black squirrels were very common. No big deal.
    • ImaBrowncoat, on 04/27/2008, -0/+2In Traverse City, well, pretty much everywhere north of Houghton Lake, we've got a pretty thick population of black squirrels. Always have. There're a couple of albino squirrels just on the outskirts of TC, too. They're actually more aggressive than the black squirrels. No tongue in cheek racial joke intended herein. But yeah, we've got a squirrely melting pot here and, other than the two sighted albinos, they're all pretty normal in attitude.
  • hulez, on 04/26/2008, -14/+6lol, the ***** fight back
    • kevin32x, on 04/26/2008, -6/+2dude, wtf not cool.
    • Dr00pieS, on 04/26/2008, -4/+1Wow, I think my eyes are bleeding now.
    • Ouze, on 04/27/2008, -1/+1i see he's been buried. oh, so the first 50 or 60 racist comments were OK and got dugg, just all of a sudden, with one word, suddenly it went wrong. That's how Digg rolls.
  • DanInAUSTRALIA, on 04/26/2008, -2/+2these squirrels are packing glocks that's why they are taking over, and we all know why the female gray squirrels prefer the black ones
    • Dr00pieS, on 04/26/2008, -2/+1From personal experience I've found that the black females prefer white males
  • K31TH3R, on 04/26/2008, -0/+3I wonder if they'd make good pets. They're pretty cool looking.
    • Langford, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1They might be too aggressive, but who knows, maybe if you have them fixed they'll calm down.
    • DarkSideWRX, on 04/26/2008, -0/+4They do make great pets. My boss used to bring a pet squirrel to work a few time a week and i would baby sit it when ever he had a meeting or whatever. The damn thing would follow me everywhere.
  • JakeyG14, on 04/26/2008, -2/+1Am I the only one who thinks that it looks evil...

    PS Long live the Reds!
  • lorddazzer, on 04/26/2008, -3/+2Samuel L. Jackson stars in the movie blockbuster of the year...
    "Squirrels... in a Park."
    • davidlow, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1Will somebody PLEASE get these MUTHAF*CKING SQUIRRELS OUTTA THIS MUTHAF*CKING PARK!!
  • l800LEMMINGS, on 04/26/2008, -1/+1they have them wild in new york city
    • bronxelf, on 04/26/2008, -0/+2It seems so weird for them to be reported as unusual. I'd miss them if I didn't see them every day.
  • Langford, on 04/26/2008, -0/+4It's unfortunate that they are running out the other squirrels, but if history has taught us anything, it should be that humans messing with animal populations is a futile and clumsy endeavor at best, especially when rodents are involved. If we want to preserve the old species, we should probably start collecting samples of the population and keep them in captivity. The new squirrels are here, and we can't stop them.
  • ohhoe, on 04/26/2008, -2/+7The red ones are so cute. :)
  • misskari, on 04/26/2008, -0/+5Kent, OH has nothing but black squirrels. No greys.

    I lived two towns over and hardly ever saw black squirrels.
    • mmmpeaches, on 04/27/2008, -0/+1yeah KSU should change its mascot from the golden flashes to the black squirrels... haha j/k...

      "Kent State University in Kent, OH holds an annual Black Squirrel Festival every fall on campus in front of the student center. There are small concerts and they sell t-shirts of the event. Mostly it's like an outdoor market, but the City of Kent and the University are both seriously proud of their black squirrels. Several were brought to campus from Canada (the University knows exactly which town and when). They've almost completely taken over the gray squirrel population and are spreading to other towns and cities nearby."
    • tracydanger, on 05/11/2008, -0/+1There starting to show up in Cuyahoga Falls now.
  • four444, on 04/26/2008, -0/+5That's nothing compared to the albino squirrels I've seen...http://www.bbc.co.uk/southerncounties/content/imag ...

    oh yes, they're real. hide your nuts.
    • jcblitz, on 04/26/2008, -0/+2I had a few of them square dancing in my yard the other day.
    • ImaBrowncoat, on 04/27/2008, -0/+2lol Posted somewhere up the thread that we have a couple of those in my town in Michigan...so I'm glad someone else provided that pic just in case anyone assumes I'm crazy. They're creepy lil bastards aren't they?
  • cowman, on 04/26/2008, -0/+3Aggressive? That's nothing. We'll talk when one of them starts controlling the weather
  • SuperJay, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1Packs of black squirrels eating dogs? Evolution is not only very real, it can be a very scary thing too!
    • Shuukyoku, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1You know, its not that I'm worried about Fido. I'm worried when these little ***** start building spears and going after the big juicy apes that are running around everywhere.
      "Aww, look at the cute little squirrel playing with the stick. Hey, whats that at the end of it?" Commence screaming as dozens of toothpicks with pebbles on them impale you from behind. Don't get me wrong, I think we can take 'em, but that would be one hell of an evolutionary "betcha didn't see that coming" moment.
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