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Zero Punctuation: Crysis watch!

escapistmagazine.com — This week on Zero Punctuation, Crysis

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  • robalesi, on 01/16/2008, -105/+18Yahtzee FTW!!

    Also, ***** the RIAA.
    • Dylson, on 01/16/2008, -5/+50Complete epic failure.
    • iiBeLiEvE, on 01/16/2008, -27/+6I concur with the former of your statement, but do not comprehend the meaning of the latter.
      • RedS0x, on 01/17/2008, -1/+23They have a place for people like you...it's called reddit.
  • spuk25, on 01/16/2008, -7/+191Wow, another amazing review! Yahtzee has to start reviewing movies too...
    • Trozz, on 01/16/2008, -0/+43Yahtzee has been making reviews before Zero Punctuation. http://www.fullyramblomatic.com/reviews/
    • Sylenus, on 01/16/2008, -8/+1Oh ***** thanks!! i had found some older stuff on youtube but not his own url.
    • userChris, on 01/16/2008, -2/+36I couldn't breathe after this one.
      "resembling the monolith from 2001 constructed from magical obsidian by the proud dwarves of middle-earth".
      Yahtzee is god.
    • Tyrghast, on 01/16/2008, -19/+2Yes Yahtzee is amazing. Stop digging things that are published regularly. I might as well submit the penny-arcade and ctrl+alt+delete comics all the time...
      • gettempapa, on 01/17/2008, -0/+9Stop digging down things that are published regularly. They take up maybe an inch of your screen you can deal with it so other people who may not be familiar with the sites can find them.
      • GliTCH82, on 01/17/2008, -0/+4If someone isn't already doing so, maybe you should.
    • yotomote, on 01/16/2008, -8/+1not yahtzee quality, but the scripts have some funny highlights
      http://www.the-editing-room.com/
  • Wolfsoap, on 01/16/2008, -7/+722Monday.
    Tuesday.
    Yahtzeeday.
    Thursday.
    Friday.
    • thehawk23, on 01/16/2008, -2/+151It's like having a little nerd holiday every week...
    • Chirp08, on 01/16/2008, -1/+230***** that, Wednesday is hard enough to spell as it is
      • stainlessjack, on 01/16/2008, -1/+55Don't you mean Wenzday?
      • roystgnr, on 01/16/2008, -1/+46Just spell it Woden's Day. If anyone objects, accuse them of religious bigotry.
      • haxorjoe, on 01/16/2008, -1/+62A slightly geeky way I remember it is it's Wed-NES-day :)
        • i208khonsu, on 01/16/2008, -1/+42wow, I always say wed-nes-day when writing it; however never made the connection to the NES.
        • zzz@tkz, on 01/17/2008, -0/+9Nice, I'm a ***** retard, and I can never spell it, thanks!
        • MrBunny, on 01/17/2008, -0/+2That's exactly how I remember it, too!
        • MaxPayne3476, on 01/17/2008, -0/+4haha I also remember it as wed-nes-day nice!
        • kmand, on 01/17/2008, -5/+2A slightly geeky way of remembering it is learning it in school. Honestly, it isn't a lot more illogical than most English words.
      • Makaveli604, on 01/17/2008, -4/+2Hahahaha. I rarely burst out laughing at a digg post.
      • PlasmaWhore, on 01/17/2008, -1/+1keskiviiko!
    • MacEnvy, on 01/16/2008, -0/+29That's more truth than joke. When I saw this in the queue I thought, "Wow, is it really Wednesday?" I'm apparently already on the road to defining the concept of Wednesday by the release of a new Z.P.
      • Sylenus, on 01/16/2008, -5/+2Isn't it sad how me remember days based on our class/play schedule, work is always just.... "I come in at this time" and, for me at least, doesn't help with the days at all.
    • fakkedap, on 01/16/2008, -8/+101You forgot about Caturday.
      • bagboyrebel, on 01/17/2008, -6/+18this isn't 4chan. If I wanted 4chan I'd go to 4chan.
      • anononon, on 01/17/2008, -0/+11Every day is Caturday.

    • maelstromwar, on 01/16/2008, -1/+6yeah, that was ***** awesome.
    • condormcs, on 01/16/2008, -1/+57xkcday
      tuesday
      yahtzeeday
      thursday
      xkcday
    • murphy11211, on 01/16/2008, -6/+3There is no longer wednesday, only yahtzee day.
    • Hobbes24, on 01/17/2008, -0/+2the ideal yahtzee week eliminates the need for saturday or sunday
    • Drakoola, on 01/17/2008, -0/+1Damn the escapist seems to be suffering from the digg effect, I might have to wait until Thursday...
    • p014k, on 01/17/2008, -0/+7What about caturday?
    • Tddupre, on 01/17/2008, -1/+4Totally Rad Day also
    • mistergoodburge, on 01/17/2008, -6/+1i hate that ppl just comment other peoples high comments in hopes of people seeing their comments....lamers be original dont try and bask in other peoples good comments
  • Trozz, on 01/16/2008, -26/+363Screw ign. This is the guy I go to get reviews. It seems that Yahtzee's the only trustworthy reviewer left; easily the best game reviewer on the internet right now. I live for wednesdays. Anyone who doesn't appreciate Zero Punctuation is pants-on-head retarded. Dugg for *insert quote here*.
    • uberchaoslord, on 01/16/2008, -5/+37You clearly have never been to Penny Arcade. While I really appreciate YTZ's humour and reviews, your assertion that he's the only trustworthy reviewer left around is absurd, although given the recently whoring-out of some unmentionable sites *cough* and firing of editors, I understand your frustration.
    • ryodoan, on 01/16/2008, -2/+20Penny Arcade is great, but really they mainly offer game recommendations or warnings, they dont really get into a full out review.
    • smek2, on 01/16/2008, -11/+6While i agree on IGN, the only stories you submit seem to be zero punctuation related, which basically makes you a spammer, i guess.
    • Matteos, on 01/16/2008, -0/+22As a representative for the National Pants on Head Association (NPHA) I take offense to your remark. Not all members of the NPHA are retarded, though most are educationally challenged.
    • i208khonsu, on 01/16/2008, -6/+1http://www.epilepticgaming.com
    • L4WL3RS34L, on 01/16/2008, -3/+14You're joking right? While I love Zero Punctuation, Yahtzee doesn't actually take the review seriously, he does it for fun. If he was a serious reviewer, then I wouldn't buy any games because he makes all of them sound like *****.
      • xaxxon, on 01/17/2008, -3/+4You just have to shift the ratings by a 1/2 ***** shift towards the good.

        Basically if he says the game is super ***** it is (9.6/10 on most sites). If he says it's *****, it's probably ok (9.85/10 on other sites). If he says it's only got some ***** smell but that's because it might have stepped in a dog pile on its way over, then it's a really good game (11/10 on other sites)
      • InfernoMan, on 01/18/2008, -1/+1Apparently you didn't watch his Orange Box review. He didn't have a single bad thing to say about Portal, and he's absolutely right about that.
    • tjolson, on 01/17/2008, -1/+2I never laughed so hard as when I read "pants on head retarded"
    • wushu18t, on 01/17/2008, -0/+4i don't even play video games anymore but i set aside time and patiently wait for wednesdays!
    • SaxxonPike, on 01/17/2008, -1/+2Brutally honest. That's the kind of review we're all looking for.
  • jbereznay, on 01/16/2008, -7/+77Spot on as always. Great (or solid) gameplay trumps graphics every time.
    • badenglishihave, on 01/16/2008, -6/+9It's the truth.

      If you play the first part of the game, a significant portion of it involves walking along a road for what seems like a thousand miles with nothing to do but shoot some bad guys and check out the water effects. This continues until you get to a village where magically everybody spots you from ten miles away and seems to know exactly where you are from that point on, even if you are under cover.

      Needless to say I stopped playing the game after about an hour.
      • Wavicle, on 01/16/2008, -6/+10You should have kept playing he game. Then you get to drive along the road until you get to a village where magically everybody spots you from ten miles away. Oh, and all those North Korean Army guys? Deadly accurate, even while moving. Your super nanotech suit is a total joke because it offers no more protection than their super North Korean Polyester/Cotton Battle Fatigues.

        If you get far enough into the game, the North Koreans have "Cheap Knockoffs" of the nano suit. Which work just like your nano suit but allows them to stay cloaked twice as long.
        • jgtg32a, on 01/16/2008, -4/+2That's because they're smarter than you, don't move and cloak lasts forever.
          • Wavicle, on 01/16/2008, -1/+5That's just the point. The Koreans are walking, sometimes running, and cloaked. They come right up on you while cloaked. When you walk while cloaked, you get maybe 30 feet before your suit runs out of energy. I'm not sure how much the bad guys get but it seems about 3x that at least (assuming they cloaked right before I spotted their shimmering outline).
        • FallenWings, on 01/17/2008, -0/+6You forgot the North Koreans' incredible pain tolerance, which allows them to walk straight through a tornado of bullets without so much as blinking an eye.
        • MrSidnet, on 01/17/2008, -0/+2I thought the game was pretty decent. And as far as the Koreans having nano suits, there weren't a whole lot that had them... Just the occasional one or three in the occasional area.
        • ours, on 01/17/2008, -0/+1And the first time you meet the nano-suited soldiers, they throw half-a-dozen at you at the same time, and you don't have backup or nothing tougher then a rifle and some grenades. Later on you meet only one at a time. Very smart...
    • Eallan, on 01/16/2008, -5/+2I don't see why the graphics of crysis can be part of what makes it good. I think they're a huge + for the game that makes it better.
    • xaxxon, on 01/17/2008, -0/+8The gameplay is quite good in Crysis (at least until the aliens). Anyone who says the bad guys can spot you from 10 miles away wasn't playing the game right. You can go charging in and try to shoot up everything in site, but you tend to die quickly. If you are careful, use your binocs while laying down to tag enemies, go into the villages in stealth mode and only decloak in secure areas, you can easily get in and out with hardly any conflict at all. There's a few spots in the game where enemy patrols will come by. You can either take them out, or you can cloak behind a tree and they'll walk right by you. It's this kind of play style freedom that made me love the game so much (up until the aliens).
      Right now I'm in the process of playing it through without killing anyone (that isn't required by the game) on the hardest level. It's quite challenging, but I'm enjoying it. Odd thing is that if you shoot someone with the knock-you-out dart, you can't take their gun while they're unconscious. Annoying, and it makes the game harder since they wake up and they still have their guns. At least let me take all their ammo.
      • bagboyrebel, on 01/17/2008, -4/+2while i thought crysis was an awesome game, to deny the fact that the enemies have an inhuman ability to see long distances is just stupid.
      • superkendall, on 01/17/2008, -0/+2He was saying that about Far Cry, not Crysis (at least not as much).
    • blackmage439, on 01/17/2008, -4/+3Goldeneye, and it's cousin Perfect Dark, remain the greatest FPSs I have ever played. The outstanding game play was augmented by the perfect controls of the N64 controller. Say what you will, but that game proved dual joysticks are unnecessary. All other FPSs ever made since are just clunky, flashy, half-assed attempts at copying Goldeneye. Goldeneye was superior for many reasons, but the two main reasons are glaring ones indeed:

      1. Realistic controls & movements. When you turned in Goldeneye, your gun swiveled as well. Too many games nowadays just plant the gun on the screen, and it doesn't move. Lame. Not only that, but movements were fluid and easy to master with only a single joystick. The controller made it easy to move & shoot. XBOX's triggers are multitudes worse to try and move/aim and fire. The best feature, AUTO AIM. If your guns were within a certain (gracious) range between the gunsight and an enemy, they would automatically aim themselves, much like a REAL PERSON. In real life, you needn't turn your entire body in order to get a bead on something. Game developers since Perfect Dark seem to have forgotten about that...

      2. Realistic reactions from gunfire. Dear god, I cannot stress this enough. In GE/PD, if you hit or shot an enemy, they would practically double-over in pain. (What? Be in pain from a ***** GUNSHOT WOUND? Who ever heard of that?!) Goldeneye's enemies' reactions were more random. However, in PD, if you shot an enemy in the hand, for example, they would be clutching that thing. Likewise, shoot them in the foot, and they would comically hop around. In every ***** game since Perfect Dark, enemies have been without reactions to gunfire. Medal of Honor, Half-Life (gasp!), and to a lesser extent Halo, they're all the same. Even IF an enemy twitches from gunfire in those games, they're back to raping your ass within milliseconds. This is *****, and unrealistic. Game makers have been blatantly ignored real physics and life-like reactions, all for more visually stunning games.
  • Neem, on 01/16/2008, -3/+131I love the repeated "Cry" puns both spoken and graphic.
    • stainlessjack, on 01/16/2008, -4/+14Passion of Cry-st. That was a nice quip.
  • Christbait, on 01/16/2008, -7/+167Cost: YOUR SOUL.

    Lol. Great review yet again.
  • tibisor, on 01/16/2008, -32/+8It seemed that ZP was going downhill since the incredible Guitar Hero III review but today's review is absolutely great.
  • dsmx, on 01/16/2008, -43/+5This weeks does have fair criticism's though it just wasn't very funny.
    The first half of the game isn't to bad but the game doesn't feel as open as it could be, it would of been nice if it was actually an island instead of just HUGE levels.
    The graphics, good god nothing will surpass this game for a long time, even on a 320MB 8800GTS this game looks briliant. Also with some tweaks to the game settings you can make it look even better.
    I agree with him fully on that VTOL section, it sucks as for some insane reason you can't invert the y-xis just for the vtol. The vtol itself just feels like a flying brick with a huge sail fastened to it and can take about as much damage as incontinent nerd.
    The alien section is far batter than that god awful trigen section in far cry. Also it feels like EA had a hand in cutting the game up so it doesn't end it just leaves you a cliff hanger and leaves the feeling is that it?
    That's not to say I didn't enjoy it, far from it, it is one of the best games I've played all year. However the design flaws within do detract from what could of been a truly great game.
    That's my impression of it anyway.
    • briansearles, on 01/16/2008, -5/+18Somebody needs to stop justifying why they bought Crysis to their ePenis.
      • bagboyrebel, on 01/17/2008, -4/+2bought?, I don't understand that word.
    • smoger, on 01/16/2008, -3/+25stop trying to steal Yahtzee's limelight. noone here cares what you think of the game.
      • dsmx, on 01/16/2008, -16/+4Using that same line, no-one cares about your opinion either. These are just my thoughts on the game, that's it.
        • solidus636, on 01/16/2008, -1/+11Still, nobody gives a *****.
        • dsmx, on 01/17/2008, -7/+1If no-one did then there would be no comments on my original post. Therefore at least 3 people care making your point moot.
        • Fire4Effect, on 01/17/2008, -1/+3Actually your wrong, first comment was mocking you, second was informing you that no one gives a *****. Which is what I was going to do, but smoger beat me to it. So he gets dug up, you get dug down, and everything is in order.
        • GliTCH82, on 01/17/2008, -0/+5See, the difference is, his comment was directed at you, whereas yours was directed at everyone. If you're going to speak to *everyone*, you'd better have something damn good and/or funny to say.
        • dsmx, on 01/17/2008, -1/+1except for the fact that you must care in some way since you think it's worth posting replies.
  • Deano3041, on 01/16/2008, -11/+2he tells the truth
  • thentro, on 01/16/2008, -3/+346I think Yahtzee deserves an honorary front page every Wednesday.
    • irresolute, on 01/16/2008, -1/+8xckd gets one every update, we should give ZP one too!
    • ki11a2k, on 01/17/2008, -1/+2zero punctuation has front-paged the last couple wednesdays, and doesn't look like it's slipping...
    • JT114881, on 01/17/2008, -1/+4Digg wheres the Yahtzee section?
  • Hitpoint, on 01/16/2008, -5/+190lmao his monolith computer.
    Where does this guy come up with this *****, absolutely hilarious.
    • huskydork, on 01/16/2008, -0/+25he gets them from books. also the police academy movies.
    • defy, on 01/16/2008, -2/+282001: A Space Odyssey?
    • zengonzo, on 01/16/2008, -1/+12The Shawshank Redemption?
      • JT114881, on 01/17/2008, -3/+1Glad someone else caught the reference
  • leerayIG88, on 01/16/2008, -6/+15Good review, Bioshock was my favorite Zero Punctuation type thing. :0
  • FuckXboxx, on 01/16/2008, -46/+144PC Gaming > All
    • riskybeats, on 01/16/2008, -2/+43Your name should of been a hint as to the deep insight your comments would reveal.
    • YoungBeur, on 01/17/2008, -4/+2Cost?!?
      • RockinRoel, on 01/17/2008, -2/+4Games are cheaper, hardware more expensive, yet has more uses.
        Yes, PC gaming > all.
      • jgtg32a, on 01/17/2008, -0/+2Yea prices of PC Hardware actually drop.
    • kapowaz, on 01/17/2008, -1/+1Presumably you mean in terms of financial outlay in order to participate? I bought a 40" TV and an Xbox 360 for roughly half the price of a PC capable of playing Crysis to its potential. Go figure.
      • FearLess77, on 01/17/2008, -0/+2Your stupid.

        They don't profit with the xbox. They profit with the games.
        Have fun paying 60+ per game.
      • logandurand, on 01/20/2008, -0/+1But that's not a fair comparison - how much would it cost to build a PC that had the same performance as the 360? Nobody who is considering purchasing a console will be comparing it side by side with an ultra-high-end PC.
  • xXGeechXx, on 01/16/2008, -19/+1*****
    • howzitgoin88, on 01/17/2008, -0/+10Well, its like my mum always said, if you cant say anything nice, dont say anything at all...
    • samureye, on 01/21/2008, -0/+1^^^Reason I read digg comments right there.
  • slamtv7, on 01/16/2008, -3/+48Jesus Cryst.. that was ***** hilarious. Non stop laughs.. and it's actually a truthful review.. amazing wow.
  • glowfood, on 01/16/2008, -41/+319This guy speaks more truth than RON PAUL. There, I did it. digg me down.
    • badenglishihave, on 01/16/2008, -29/+9They both speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Neither of them can best the other at that.
      • Sylenus, on 01/16/2008, -23/+4I guess you missed the part where pron haul is stone cold ***** crazy.
        • terminal157, on 01/16/2008, -4/+12Thanks for sharing your opinion gleaned from a shallow, passing familiarity with Paul and his beliefs. His economic ideas are so insane he had to write seven books about them. Amazing no one committed him after reading those lunatic ravings.
          • Sylenus, on 01/17/2008, -9/+1You can't baker act someone for publishing, and why not mention his publishing racist text as well?
          • terminal157, on 01/17/2008, -2/+5Sylenus - Probably because he didn't write them. Even credible critics of Paul don't think he actually wrote them, they just say he approved of them. Which is false.

            Your certainty that he did is based solely on your dislike of him rather than any facts you are aware of. Fact: they don't resemble anything Ron Paul has ever written or said, and in fact they contradict things he's written and said. If he was so open about his supposed racism at the time, why are there literally no signs of it anywhere? Chew on that for a while.
          • Bamborzled, on 01/17/2008, -2/+3Welcome to Digg, where everything has to turn into heated fights about Ron Paul. You're all buried for going off-topic.
      • dustinmacdonald, on 01/16/2008, -6/+12Truth like evolution? Oops.
      • JoeRW, on 01/16/2008, -2/+6Yahtzee doesn't have his hand on the bible!
      • blademanx, on 01/17/2008, -1/+1Ok, the point here was NOT to keep talking about Ron Paul.
    • Ajenthavoc, on 01/16/2008, -0/+47Careful.. With comments like that you just might break digg.
    • MonkCanatella, on 01/16/2008, -0/+18Ahahaha, reverse psychology never fails!
    • doronster195, on 01/16/2008, -12/+6I like Ron Paul, but you're probably right.
    • keviniskool, on 01/17/2008, -1/+18When Ron Paul goes to bed, he checks his closet for Yahtzee.
    • DavidGX, on 01/17/2008, -11/+4"digg me down" done. Go die now.
    • TxAggie08, on 01/17/2008, -8/+1Yes, but Chuck Norris is going with Huckabee. Can Ron Paul really defeat Chuck Norris?
      • Poggins, on 01/18/2008, -0/+1Chuck Norris sucks. He got mad over the one thing that made him famous.
        (It wasn't Texas Walker.)
  • woohhaa, on 01/16/2008, -2/+15mmmmmm mad dog 20/20. That's what I'm having for lunch today.
    • epilonious, on 01/16/2008, -3/+14Nice to see you are out of your coma... now quick... help me pilot this light aircraft hauling hippos!
    • xaxxon, on 01/17/2008, -0/+1I actually really liked that part of the game. The gun and missiles were quite fun. After I remapped the ship controls to something sane, it was quite easy to handle the ship.
    • aldenhg, on 01/17/2008, -0/+5I like my wine like I like my women: fortified and bright green.
      • tyywebb, on 01/17/2008, -1/+2I have no idea what that means but I'll digg you up anyway.
      • aboron, on 01/18/2008, -0/+0Just don't go on any Raging Benders
  • Mist0r_Wiggles, on 01/16/2008, -2/+39i love his selection of opening and closing music
    • gfindlay, on 01/16/2008, -0/+4Electric Six FTW
    • logandurand, on 01/20/2008, -0/+1I think the song "Price Of Love" by Client would be suitable here.
  • uberchaoslord, on 01/16/2008, -42/+3Thanks for digging his page, thus rendering it unviewable for those of us already smart enough to know about this guy and his wit. Jerks.
    • craigm01, on 01/16/2008, -0/+6I'm happy to be an inconvenience to you.
  • arcangelgabriel, on 01/16/2008, -4/+1078800GTX, works great. Although the bit about enemies seeing you from 9000 yards away is far too true.
    • RooDoG, on 01/16/2008, -4/+65OVER 9000!
    • bobartig, on 01/16/2008, -1/+10In Crysis or Far Cry? I finished that game, and didn't have this problem. In fact, I sniped a bunch of guys uncloaked through most of the game. They would fire at me, but couldn't hit squat at that range.
    • Hobbes24, on 01/17/2008, -0/+11especially in thoes ***** god damned patrol boats.

      you could be 10000 yards away, in the bushes, lying down, thoes ***** suckers spot you every time.
      • omenmedia, on 01/17/2008, -0/+5Oh god yes I forgot about those, bloody annoying bastards... add that as #4 to my list below.
      • gmiley, on 01/17/2008, -0/+4Let us not forget the Helicopters. The only thing you can do with them is make sure you have rockets, or just keep running, skipping a bunch of content, eventually they will leave. Going stealth only temporarily keeps them from shooting you, they will still follow you around as if they were piloted by Legolas with his crazy tracking powers.
    • omenmedia, on 01/17/2008, -0/+8The NPCs were not too bad, it was really only the snipers that seemed to have the super human ability to spot you 10 miles away amongst the dense foliage of a frickin tropical jungle. No, three things about Crysis really annoyed me:

      1. The fact that *you* could pop shots off at enemies 10 miles away, with a silencer, in the dark, immediately recloak, and suddenly within 10 seconds of your first shot, there are 653 of their pals swarming your exact position looking for you.

      2. The fact that the god damn helicopters would shoot the living bejesus out of you, from almost anywhere, even if you were cloaked and under foliage - they always knew where you were.

      3. The last 15% of the game sucked harder than Lindsay Lohan at a coke party.
      • ours, on 01/17/2008, -0/+2Maybe the Korean helicopters have infrared cameras like any respectable military helicopter has today? Cloak and bushes aren't going to kill your infrared signature. But they do have more trouble spotting you when they are on patrol and don't know where you are.
      • TxAggie08, on 01/17/2008, -0/+2Yeah, you should probably check out a satellite photo of the Korean peninsula at night. They barely have electricity.
    • FearLess77, on 01/17/2008, -0/+3If you use the silencer they will have trouble finding you.

      If you don't, go figure, muzzle flashes are easy to see.
  • mrsneakypat, on 01/16/2008, -1/+9I love this guy.
  • RooDoG, on 01/16/2008, -0/+21Digg needs to be renamed to the OFFICIAL Zero Punctuation RSS Feed on Wednesday. Not that its a bad thing, I love it!
  • ncodedcode, on 01/16/2008, -3/+62"Vegetation Fetish" - lmao
  • daeyeth, on 01/16/2008, -11/+36Again, Yahtzee just seems to "get it". Cutting through the hype, another *****-free analysis.

    Crysis verdict - Yet another standard, average, run of the mill, mediocre FPS....BUT if you have a massive gaming rig, you owe to yourself to get this game because it's visual ecstasy. You won't see another game in the near future that comes close to Crysis in terms to graphical prowess, unless of course a game using the same engine.
    • leerayIG88, on 01/16/2008, -0/+7Duke Nukem Forever? Yeah....
      • bryan986, on 01/16/2008, -0/+18About time for another engine change don't you think?
      • RockinRoel, on 01/17/2008, -0/+2Those guys branched off the Unreal engine in 2002 and have just been fooling around after that.
        They're a joke. I don't think their graphics will be amazing. They'll be just fine, regular graphics.
    • jgtg32a, on 01/16/2008, -0/+18actually he said it was above average, but yea.
    • bobartig, on 01/16/2008, -1/+10Didn't even mention the enemy AI, which I was pretty impressed by. Better than most FPS's I've played recently.
      • xaxxon, on 01/17/2008, -0/+5Totally agree (until the aliens). All the people complaining about being seen from too far away need to learn to use stealth. Crysis was not built to be a "Run in and shoot them all before they shoot you" game. Use some stealth and you'll be surprised how far you can go without shooting anyone at all (and how much easier the game becomes)
        • bagboyrebel, on 01/17/2008, -2/+3the problem wasn't that you couldn't just run in, the problem is that it was unrealistic.
    • ours, on 01/17/2008, -0/+5Somebody needs to do an action RPG with this engine! Or a Jurassic Park FPS.
  • furbyboy, on 01/16/2008, -5/+0Funniest one yet!!
  • MutatedNantuko, on 01/16/2008, -1/+10Anyone able to read all of the key bindings?
    • 0ceanic, on 01/16/2008, -0/+9paused at 2:07

      S was save, L was load, P was priest?
      i couldnt read the rest.
    • omenmedia, on 01/17/2008, -0/+9Enhance, ENHANCE!
      • baines, on 01/17/2008, -0/+3ENHANCE!
        CONTRAST!
        TINT!
        BRIGHT!
        SLEEP MODE!
        VERTICAL HOLD!
        • mr100percent, on 04/18/2008, -0/+1Yesss! Phil Ken Sebben was the best character on Harvey Birdman.

          I met Stephen Colbert (who was the voice of the character) and asked who his favorite character was. He said Mentok the Mindtaker "ooOooWeeeoooo"
  • jondo85, on 01/16/2008, -1/+17Jesus Cry-st Superstar... lol
    Probably my second favourite review after The Orange Box
    • Sylenus, on 01/16/2008, -1/+8Portal is the best game ever and if you don't like it you must be stupid.
  • protogenxl, on 01/16/2008, -2/+1You know if someone could mod a Mech Assault style VTOL in to this game it would be perfect
    • ours, on 01/17/2008, -1/+2There is a VTOL. Ironically, it's easier to fly then the jeep is to drive.
      • somecheesypoofs, on 01/17/2008, -0/+2- not necessarily true. I can zip all over the board driving a Jeep w/ 1 hand, but couldn't fly the VTOL worth a damn. ended up crashing and running to get a jeep......
  • Stonekeeper, on 01/16/2008, -4/+83"...makes it about as easy as solving a rubiks cube with your elbows."

    ROFL! That's funny.
    • EntangledPhysx, on 01/16/2008, -1/+7and the truth. The VTOL is the biggest pile of garbage i've ever used in any video game. The thing can barely keep itself in the air.
    • essjay, on 01/16/2008, -0/+4I'm going to start using that quote in every day conversation. Brilliant.
      • ostracize, on 01/17/2008, -0/+2I always used "nailing Jello to the wall", but yeah, I found a new one.
        • inkychicken, on 01/17/2008, -0/+1I think my fav ZP quote was - "I'd rather swallow razer wire, pull it out my arse and floss myself to death".
    • dsmx, on 01/17/2008, -0/+1The cartoon guy was funnier, trying to look at his elbows.
  • WeezerNY, on 01/16/2008, -11/+2Dugg for the Weezer :P
  • YourTechSupport, on 01/16/2008, -3/+13I maxed out my (kinda old) computer's specs a few weeks ago and bought Crysis in order to pop the cherry on my new card (and possible set it on fire). I loved FarCry to death, and while Crysis was a different kind of game alot of the time. It's fun bits more than made up for it's flaws.

    ... after I tweaked it so that cloak lasted alot longer. I have a fantasy of being an ops soldier in a cloaksuit running around and doing missions, so this fed that alot.

    Vehicles sucked, VTOLs needed a little TRAINING at some point. I'm just saying. It was fun driving the tank around. All the guns handled well. And not having to worry about health was a big plus. Oh. And, it was really, really pretty.
    • haterofps3, on 01/16/2008, -2/+9Did anyone else get slammed into the ground for no reason when flying the VTOLs. Just flying in formation with the other VTOLs then all of a sudden I am being sucked into the ground then I explode.
      • jgtg32a, on 01/16/2008, -1/+4When the aliens shoot you the ice stays on the VTOL and weighs you down.
      • Vaelkar, on 01/16/2008, -1/+12Also, the 2 twister things near the beginning of that level will do that to you if you are within a certain distance of them. Which is .. very big distance.
      • bagboyrebel, on 01/17/2008, -0/+5Happened to me, until I realized that it was the twisters, then I got through that section in 2 tries.
    • YourTechSupport, on 01/16/2008, -1/+5Took me like 30 tries to get through the vtol section.
      • ours, on 01/17/2008, -0/+3First time I played it the scripting went wacko on me. The VTOLs that I was supposed to fly with got stuck in the ice storm and it was impossible for me to reach the carrier.
    • bobartig, on 01/16/2008, -0/+6Unlike most reviewers, I found the hummers to be tactical tools of destruction. They don't make you invulnerable like a lot of games, but they would let me punch into a base, take out all initial opposition, then finish off the rest on foot. In some situations, I thought the hummers were too effective with their infinite ammo autocannons that rip foot soldiers to shreds. Maybe no one else found the 3rd person PoV (F2, or something like that), which actually made the vehicle drivable. And, unlike a lot of games, you can snipe the bad guys in the vehicles because the models are well made.

      VTOL section took me two tries because I wanted to go back and try for a better result (still survived the first time through). I couldn't figure out the controls, but it was easy enough to not die.
      • ours, on 01/17/2008, -0/+4In the "break across a military checkpoint" type of missions I like to take a jeep, turn my suit in cloak mode. Drive the jeep as fast into the camp jumping 10 meters before it crashes into a shack. Then I can either run across while chaos ensues or shoot the gas tank of the jeep and make an even bigger mess. The single best thing in Crysis is the "have it your way" gameplay.
    • takeo1775, on 01/16/2008, -0/+10To be honest the VTOL section wasnt that bad, I enjoyed it alot - but I did get stuck in a tree a few times.
    • Motodog, on 01/17/2008, -1/+1You are not Yahtzee, don't act like it.
      • FearLess77, on 01/17/2008, -0/+2Yes, I would like frys with that.
  • shcforward, on 01/16/2008, -2/+9In addition to being entertaining, it is refreshing to see a video game reviewer trash the portions of games that ought to be trashed, rather than the sycophantic dribble that comes through in most video game reviews today.
  • GunnerMcGrath, on 01/16/2008, -15/+7So the short version is.. the game is totally worthless to anyone who a) doesn't have the latest hardware and b) can forgive a boring, standard FPS clone if it's pretty enough. Glad I fall under neither category.
    • jgtg32a, on 01/16/2008, -1/+5my comp 2 y/o hardware
      I found it rather enjoyable.
    • bobartig, on 01/16/2008, -0/+5I finished this game on a 2 year old iMac. Not exactly a gaming rig. Crysis scales up and up and up in terms of requirements, but its base level is pretty standard for games currently available.
  • zaii7, on 01/16/2008, -3/+4Addicted to wdnesdays
  • samiam14, on 01/16/2008, -1/+2I almost wish that Yahtzee could review these games before I play them. But then the reviews just wouldn't be as funny...
    • thesonofdarwin, on 01/16/2008, -0/+4Oh no, I never played Crysis and I laughed harder at this one than any of his others (where I DID play 90% of the games)
  • barnett25, on 01/16/2008, -0/+18I have got to stop watching these at work. I keep laughing out loud in my cube while wearing headphones. People are going to think I'm going nuts.
    • thesandreckoner, on 01/16/2008, -0/+8its okay, i dont think you're nuts.
    • betterth, on 01/17/2008, -0/+10Lol actually, in offices, people just know your ***** around and not doing work :P
  • mcalica, on 01/16/2008, -1/+7Honestly, I hated crysis for the first two hours, but once I got into the game it really wasn't so bad; in fact it was quite enjoyable. Yahtzee is right, though, in that the portion of the game where you control the VTOL is a major pain in the ass. The final boss(es) was CRAZY though.
    • IndigoMoss, on 01/17/2008, -0/+5I'm glad that he got on about the vehicles. The picture of it blowing up by hitting a kitten is dead on.
  • AriaGloris, on 01/16/2008, -1/+7I actually picked up crysis on Monday and finished it late Tuesday.. I must say this was the perfect review in my eyes, I encountered a few really frustraiting bugs but over-all it was an okay game. It did feel very very crammed at the end tho (story wise).
  • gutterboy, on 01/16/2008, -4/+7Anyone else after seeing this want to build a new computer and play Crysis?
    • Nitesmoke, on 01/16/2008, -2/+9I think I'll wait to upgrade for a game that people say is good beyond the graphics. I haven't played it yet, but everyone who has says its ok. I can't justify spending that money for a game thats just "ok."
      Another great review, yahtzee, you are ***** hilarious.
      • logandurand, on 01/20/2008, -0/+1Don't worry, Crysis is worth it. It has incredibly good gameplay that goes far beyond what other shooters are doing these days.
    • CaptainPlanet25, on 01/16/2008, -1/+7i can run it medium now, but that hardly does the game justice. so yes, my next project is building the super monolith computer assembled by garden gnomes.
    • superkendall, on 01/17/2008, -1/+2Just the opposite - made me just want to wait for a console version. Why spend all that money just for a game that's kind of pretty but otherwise not that great?
      • FearLess77, on 01/17/2008, -0/+2Console's can't handle it.
        If it is ported, it would be a very watered down version.
  • Norris667, on 01/16/2008, -2/+0amazing review
  • adventchild08, on 01/16/2008, -0/+2I always agree with him...but this is the first time I will have to take his word for it.
  • BedPost, on 01/16/2008, -1/+11Nothing on the internet actually makes me laugh out loud. I might smile, I might smirk, but I very rarely laugh at anything. So, all I have to say about this (so eloquently) is... lol.
  • Bhatch514, on 01/16/2008, -0/+18that was such a funny review i inhaled my stir fir noodles.
  • Psywar, on 01/16/2008, -0/+9Solving a Rubik cube with the elbows....... lmao
  • Jaserr83, on 01/16/2008, -11/+3Kinda similar w/ the X-Play review http://www.g4tv.com/xplay/reviews/1685/Crysis.html
  • hpcjosh, on 01/16/2008, -6/+2cant wait for his review for MGS4
  • genome47, on 01/16/2008, -2/+41"Crysis is so pretty that were it an inmate at a male prison, it would be the bitch of every mother ***** in that place before you could say Andy Dufresne"
    Dugg for Shawshanks reference!
  • markperia, on 01/16/2008, -1/+27"HEARSE
    CURTAIN
    PEWTER"

    We should start calling FPSs like that.
    • hongkongjapie, on 01/17/2008, -0/+1Now has only one google hit, guess it will be 100.000+ in a day or so ;-)
  • Sogui, on 01/16/2008, -24/+4Ok bury me for critiquing this guy but there has to be a caveat about his reviews.

    I love them too, and I've watched every one of them in recent memory. But these reviews are for entertainment and comedy, they delve very little in the substance of the game... at best he glazes over the important stuff. Watch this review again and you'll get a Kindergarten-level summary of the game. "It's pretty, could be more exploratory, still just a FPS". And if that's how you like your reviews that's fine.

    But if you'd like more than a 3-sentence summary of a game and you really want to find out if it matches your tastes, a real review from your website of choice is preferable.
    • spiralspirit, on 01/16/2008, -0/+11Have you played crysis? that pretty much sums it up.
    • empath, on 01/16/2008, -0/+11The next thing you'll tell me is that Spinal Tap isn't a serious look at the music industry!
    • OttawaMarcin, on 01/16/2008, -0/+3Like Gamespot, right?
    • AmICoolNow, on 01/16/2008, -0/+2I've found that a review that delves too much into the game is based far too much on the opinions and preferences of the reviewer. Everyone has different tastes, so what's the point of knowing ONE person's reaction to very small elements of an experience unique to every individual?
    • Sogui, on 01/17/2008, -2/+1It's not just Crysis, it's every game... just listen, it's 80% humor and 20% review. I realized it after watching the Super Mario Galaxy review where the only game play he even references occurs in the first 10 stars of the game. It's like he had to bow in and review a popular game that didn't fit his style so he only played a little bit of it. Even he did beat it, his review didn't even come close to covering the game... likewise with Bioshock.
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