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The LOLcat Bible

notablogtm.com — God: "I CAN HAZ LIGHT!"

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  • alexmuller, on 10/11/2007, -34/+3Related blog post: http://www.notablogtm.com/2007/07/02/ --- he says his favourite is Chapter 1 Verse 28 :)
  • msaleem, on 10/11/2007, -5/+249LOL hilarious find. can haz front page.
    • jd33, on 10/11/2007, -1/+43It happen. Iz good.
      • chris9902, on 10/11/2007, -1/+38kthxbye
      • zweben, on 10/11/2007, -0/+16Comment abuse because I typed it up so no one else has to suffer through reading that image.


        1: In teh beginning, Invisible Man make univerz. Invisible Earth wuz invisible. Invisible Man say, "I can has light." Gots light. Light iz good, iz not dark. Invisible Man can has day and nite. It be furst.

        Invisible Man can has expanz. Below expanz iz water. It happen. Above expanz he call 'sky'. It get dark, then lite: nex day.

        Invisible man can has water over here, no water over ther. It happen.

        Not water iz 'land'. Water iz 'seas'. Iz good.

        Invisible Man say, "I can has vegitashun." It happen. Land has lots vegitashun, all kindz. Iz good. It get dark again, then lite: day tree.

        Invisible Man say, "I can has big lite in day, small light in nite." Teh Earth gots light. It happen. Invisible Man make big lite in day, small light in nite. He make starz, too. They go in sky. It good. It get dark again, then lite: day fore.

        Invisible Man say, "I can has fish n' birdz." Fish go in water, birdz go in sky. It good. Invisible Man say, "make lots little fish and little birdz. Fish make fish in water; birdz make birdz in air." It get dark again, then lite: day fife.

        Invisible Man say, "I can has aminulz." It happen. Invisible Man make kitteh n' cowz n' snakez n' stuff. Iz good.

        Invisible Man say, "I can has man that look like me." He rulez. Invisible Man make man like him, boy and gurl.

        Invisible Man tell man, "ur in mai Earth, pwnz0rz mai aminulz". And u eats fruitz. Aminulz eats greenz.

        Invisible Man saws creayshunz; iz good. It get dark again, then lite: day sicks.

        2: Teh heavenz n' teh Earth wur done. Invisible Man finish on day sevn. He rest: Caturday! Invisible Man make Caturday holy 'cuz he no work.

        Adam n Eve

        This wuz how teh Heven n teh Earth wuz made. When Invisible Man creat dem, ther wuz no plantz cuz ther wuz no rain n no man. Then water cames. Invisible Man make man from durt. He breath on man. Man can has life.

        Invisible Man can has Garden o Eden. Man goes in Garden. Invisible Man made treez that look purty n taste yummy. Garden can has in middle, good tree n bad tree.

        A river goes out of Garden fore wayz. One way iz Pishon: it go thru Havilah, land o gold. (Gold iz good. Ther iz pearlz n onyx, too.) Two way is Gihon: it go thru Cush. Tree way is Tigris: it go bia Asshur. Fore way is Euphrates.

        Invisible Man put man in Garden o Eden to wurk ther. Invisible Man say, "u can eats from any tree- but not good-bad tree 'cuz u will has death."

        Invisible Man say, "Iz not good for man to be 'lone. I make helpur."

        Invisible Man made kittehs n birdz. He take aminulz to man so man can name dem. What man call aminulz, that was name. Man name cowz n birdz n kitteh, but he not have helpur. Invisible Man make man tierd. When...
    • demodawid, on 10/11/2007, -0/+20Invisible man finish on day sevn. He rest: Caturday!
    • LeCrabe, on 10/11/2007, -2/+2DO WANT. Iz good. I can has rest now?
    • supaklaw, on 10/11/2007, -0/+3Can I has apokalips?
  • jackmaht, on 10/11/2007, -3/+37I can haz vegitashun. Iz good. Real good find.
  • roastedbagel, on 10/11/2007, -11/+29I was hoping for a cute picture...no reading
  • evi1, on 10/11/2007, -102/+18Seriously guys, lolcats needs to die. The jokes are old and tired, give it a rest.
    • arbulus, on 10/11/2007, -6/+55im in ur thread, burying ur comment
    • nicpedersen, on 10/11/2007, -1/+6Exodus 20:12: "Honor thy LOLcatz that thy days may be long upon the land which the Intornetz giveth thee"
    • benlundquist, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1these jokes are taking me to at least 30
    • tdawson2012, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1What's lolcats?
  • TheNapalm, on 10/11/2007, -33/+3hell awaits
  • profOblivion, on 10/11/2007, -6/+130"Ur in mai Earth, pwnz0rz mai animulz."

    Funniest thing I've seen all day :D
  • carbonfree314, on 10/11/2007, -2/+55DO WANT
  • sonaboy, on 10/11/2007, -4/+34unfortunately, the famous "shortest" sentence in the bible was changed to "Jezus says 'It can be weepz teim now?' " much to the disappointment of the purists.
    • skankyBacon, on 10/11/2007, -1/+40I think "purists" would have a problem of an order of magnitude greater than a short verse being not so short anymore.
    • Loonacy, on 10/11/2007, -0/+17In my version it says "Jezus cryded."
    • positron, on 10/11/2007, -0/+6Jesuz QQ?
  • NoBlueSpoon, on 10/11/2007, -31/+5This meme shall fad out like the o rly owl.
  • jeffster1, on 10/11/2007, -36/+3This is the cancer that is killing /b/ Buried
    • itsinmyeyes, on 10/11/2007, -2/+13everything is the cancer that is killing /b/
      /b/ never has been and never will be good.
      It's just addicting
    • MasterThief117, on 10/11/2007, -0/+3This is not /b/
      THIS
      IS
      SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

      sorry, I couldn't help myself.
  • DigitalJester, on 10/11/2007, -0/+48Better than LOLcode. What's next? LOLcat editions of newspapers or the constitution?
    • profOblivion, on 10/11/2007, -0/+49"We teh peeps of teh United States, to make purfects teh Uniun..."
    • texpundit, on 10/11/2007, -1/+14I think a LOLversion of the Bill of Rights or the Declaration of Independence would be f'n hilarious!

      *goes Googling for original versions*
    • nairanvac, on 10/11/2007, -2/+75Maybe if the Constitution were written in LOLcat, Bush might actually understand it.
  • barnhart912, on 10/11/2007, -9/+3Hilarious, might give that version a read
  • john2kx, on 10/11/2007, -17/+4meh.
    • YamiJim, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1what are you a gay wad?
      what are you a gay wad?
      what are you a gay wad?
  • mousebite, on 10/11/2007, -13/+2IT HAZ DIGGZ!
  • evolu7ion, on 05/12/2008, -53/+6LOLCATS ARE GAY
  • HenvY, on 10/11/2007, -9/+110I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST POSTED SPOILERS TO THE LAST BOOK OF THE LOLCAT BIBLE SERIES! *****, I had turned my internet off for 3 weeks to prevent some tard on the internet reveaing to mel that Harry dies. Wait, I mean...
  • lukasmack, on 10/11/2007, -13/+3135 diggs and 404 already
    • Carsonauto, on 10/11/2007, -0/+7Yeah, thats reasonable.
    • DogEars, on 10/11/2007, -4/+2Cheap, shared hosting on crappy servers...
      • civperc, on 10/11/2007, -1/+7JFC, not everyone has some badass dedicated box
    • omarciddo, on 10/11/2007, -0/+4Give it a little while, it'll redirect to one on Picasa Web Albums.
    • jcoutts, on 10/11/2007, -2/+4Diggs != Views
  • melonhedd, on 10/11/2007, -29/+9LOLcats are not funny.
  • jplevel, on 10/11/2007, -10/+2everyone knows this is caturday standard fare. LOLCATS is to caturday as "indian" is to native american
  • Jillish, on 10/11/2007, -1/+89"Invisible man finish on day sevn. He rest: Caturday!"
    this explains everything.
  • MillionsLivio, on 10/11/2007, -20/+8No need to make fun of the bible when it does a better job by itself.
    • Hush, on 10/11/2007, -0/+7much like your thoughtful comments you post here...
  • havesometea, on 10/11/2007, -6/+7Can I haz crashed website pl0x?
  • mcduckov, on 10/11/2007, -8/+2I don't get it. I went to the web page and laughed at the kitties for a bit and then it was done.
  • DiscoRage, on 10/11/2007, -16/+2HAI GUISE IM IN UR 4CHAN STEALIN UR MEMES
    • schavira, on 10/11/2007, -7/+3You stole "IM IN UR 4CHAN STEALIN UR MEMES" from a previous digg comment made by me. Fail.
  • XV745, on 10/11/2007, -2/+16im in ur sirver bindin up ur trafix
  • Fuline, on 10/11/2007, -1/+8anyone have a readable version?
    • popfrogs, on 10/11/2007, -2/+1Hit someone's picasaweb link then download the image, the original is legible despite any coke bottle glasses you may or may not have.
    • Jugalator, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1It strangely reminds me of the leaked Harry Potter images. ;) I guess this is all the rage now, after the silly OCR tech. :)
  • Taedirk, on 10/11/2007, -1/+30I can has mirroz?
  • lexlaw, on 10/11/2007, -3/+32herez ur mirrorz! http://picasaweb.google.com/tedstoltz/LolcatBible/photo#5088940119647578178
  • xcleetusx, on 10/11/2007, -12/+3Great, LOLCats and The Bible: my two favorite made-up things rolled into one /sarcasm
  • karakh, on 10/11/2007, -4/+1I wana see Deuteronomy 23:1-2 (look it up)
    • buyer687, on 10/11/2007, -7/+5U no haz ballz, u no haz invisible manz cheezburgerz.
    • Mattintosh, on 10/11/2007, -0/+13I believe "DO NOT WANT" is close enough.
    • Goombellaofgoom, on 10/11/2007, -0/+41 No haz ballz, u no can see invisible man on teh caturday.
      2 Haz parentz invisible man say do not want married, u n ur kittehs n ther kittehs n ther kittehs (timez ten) no come see invisible man on teh caturday.
  • schavira, on 10/11/2007, -12/+2***** or gtfo
  • sarahdeanjean, on 10/11/2007, -0/+122Is this from The Church of Jesus Christ of Caturday Saints?
    • arbulus, on 10/11/2007, -0/+12i wish i could digg you up twice for that
    • q427skh, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0that's a knee slapper! *slaps knee*
  • Treoinmypocket, on 10/11/2007, -22/+6BREAKING: LOLanything (catz, whatever) proof that majority of Diggers are 12 year olds. 12 year old GIRLZ.
  • edgeofreason, on 10/11/2007, -2/+7Love it. CAN HAZZ DIGGZ.
  • blogosphear, on 10/11/2007, -10/+2Do you guys remember when alternating caps were an annoying trend on the internet?

    Yeah......
    • chaosium, on 10/11/2007, -0/+2They weren't even in school at that point, so no.
  • CarolJude, on 10/11/2007, -0/+7Ha - I was bummed out when I went to the mirror... "wait - it's not the whole thing?"
  • damndj, on 10/11/2007, -16/+5Get over the stupid lame LOLcats already. It's old and tried.
    • zephc, on 10/11/2007, -2/+12Your mom is old and tired, but no one can seem to get over her.
      • celkin, on 10/11/2007, -1/+6LOLZ...you can has cheezburger now
      • positron, on 10/11/2007, -3/+1Yeah. WTF that bitch always wants to be on top. :(
    • saska, on 10/11/2007, -0/+3Incorrect implementation of LOLcat grammar.
    • kiltederic1, on 10/11/2007, -0/+4U iz uld adn tire ed
  • JavaApe, on 10/11/2007, -1/+12I need the whole thing! I teach a Gospel Doctrine class in my church, and I'd LOVE to read a few verses from this . . . chuckling just thinking about watching our ultra-conservative congregation having seizures. Come to think of it, it might be good for them. . . maybe it's time for a lesson from Genesis.
    • Goombellaofgoom, on 10/11/2007, -0/+3You want another part, just translate it.

      U can has fun!
  • SocialPoison, on 10/11/2007, -1/+37We're all such huge nerds...
    • evanct, on 10/11/2007, -2/+2no. huge nerds throw a fit that a 4chan meme is stolen and dubbed with the groan-inducing name "LOLcats".

      if youre laughing at the "LOLcat bible", youre a fairly casual nerd.
  • timusca, on 10/11/2007, -9/+4LOLcatz killed Hermoine.
  • stopsucking, on 10/11/2007, -0/+5I would so read that version.
  • 13thMonkey, on 10/11/2007, -3/+2I hate lolcats but this (and lolcode) owe me a keyboard.
  • HanSolo69, on 10/11/2007, -1/+6Iz not even Caturday, u guyz!1!!
  • kiltederic1, on 10/11/2007, -3/+1If it were not for porn and LOLcats, I would not need the internet. Nope no reason at all. LOLporn?
    • profOblivion, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1Im in ur _____ _____ing ur ______. Nuff said.
  • roXet, on 10/11/2007, -7/+4cant his go away now? please?
  • creiss74, on 10/11/2007, -3/+8This.

    This is the cancer that is killing /b/
  • cusoman, on 10/11/2007, -14/+1umm, I see 2 pics of Genesis, that's it. Buried for bad link.
  • GeForce8800GTX, on 10/11/2007, -0/+2/r/ing moar plz.
  • jub0r, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1This reads similarly to the Jeff-K translation of "Teh Bible".
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