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Eight Keys to a Happier Marriage

zenhabits.net — What are the differences that lead such a fundamental part of daily life down two totally opposing avenues? I don ’t pretend to have all the answers, but I can share with you the things that have helped me in my years of marriage to what I feel is a very strong and happy relationship.

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  • poetread, on 10/23/2007, -17/+12So true, I emailed it to my husband.
    • badqat, on 10/23/2007, -10/+7And he's faxing the divorce papers to you!
    • dotnetwebdev, on 10/23/2007, -7/+0FAIL
    • psykiv, on 10/23/2007, -2/+2Well, there are no female diggers. I wonder how many gay diggers we have...
  • grendel, on 10/23/2007, -2/+16Should have read this before my marriage was headed down...
  • Wiini, on 10/23/2007, -20/+4http://www.lds.org/library/display/0,4945,161-1-11 ...
  • missju, on 10/23/2007, -0/+14Pretty basic--but key--pieces of advice about communication and relating.
  • natedouglas, on 10/24/2007, -1/+30What it boils down to is:

    Communicate. Be considerate.
    • withoutashovel, on 10/23/2007, -1/+7True that. Problem is it's diificult for most guys, even though it sounds easy, especially since we're so involved in the digital age today.
      • CraigJ, on 10/22/2007, -0/+2you're not kidding, buddy.
      • earther, on 10/23/2007, -0/+1There's communicating and then there's OVER communicating. Most men don't have the need or desire to discuss every issue that pops up in their mind.
      • Scottamus, on 10/23/2007, -0/+1I can't imagine my wife would appreciate it if I communicated every time I thought "Damn look at that piece of ass over there. I'd totally hit that"
  • theshizzler, on 10/23/2007, -5/+26Key to a happier marriage: let your husband go to sleep, even if you're still mad.
    • Speaking, on 10/23/2007, -0/+3I prefer "Fight Naked" (advice given to my wife)

      As a flawed guy in a happy marriage with a flawed women. It's better to not get to the place where both people are so disconnected, inconsiderate and uncompromising that you would have to fall asleep angry, that's a great way to start getting bitter. That being said; fight during the daylight, fighting tired is like fighting drunk.
  • HenvY, on 10/23/2007, -4/+261) Choose the right partner!
    • newJxE, on 10/23/2007, -1/+5I have to strongly disagree with this. There's always going to be something more attractive when you're married and you're always going to wonder if you married the right person. Love and a marriage require a lot of work on both ends, not just having the right partner.
      • reaperhatch, on 01/24/2008, -0/+1Choosing the right partner means choosing the right partner for the right reasons. I have noticed that some guys choose a woman for the wrong reasons. I know a guy who is with a women he loves but she treats him like poop. all he says is "she is beautiful" and "I have no more money."
        if you choose the right person i doubt that you need the read the article.
        I think when choosing the right partner there must be:
        -mutual admiration(SEXUAL AND PERSONALITY)
        -respect.
        -personalities that enhance's the other's life.

        common traps are:
        -he/she is hot(all i have to do is give her my credit card or i can be his door mat)
        -he/she is perfect all they do is right even though they do not respect me
  • satanatnmtedu, on 10/23/2007, -21/+101) Don't get married.
    • UbIwerks, on 10/23/2007, -2/+4Act like a man, sissy.
    • moospot, on 10/23/2007, -0/+1We will see how much of a man you are when you are getting steamrolled by your wife's lawyers.
  • badqat, on 10/23/2007, -21/+7Nah, the key is to never get married! Then you'll be happy!
  • notque, on 10/24/2007, -7/+28*****. Often.

    Oh, and don't be a douche.
  • cprnow, on 10/23/2007, -20/+5LOL @ marriage.
    • Shawn4168, on 10/23/2007, -2/+6LOL @ you, because you'll never find somebody who would want to marry you.
      • Amablue, on 10/23/2007, -1/+1You don't have to be married to be with someone you love

        *coming up on 6th anniversary with no intention on ever marrying*
    • cprnow, on 10/23/2007, -3/+0yeah whatevs. Someone already did a-hole. the problem is people that think its simple a case of WANTING to. But its a lot of work.

      But you'll see. IF you ever get married yourself.
  • biggyfred, on 10/23/2007, -0/+24The day you treat your spouse worse than you would a random person off the street is the day you need to take a step back and reevaluate yourself. Do that, and the rest will follow.
    • pudgyv, on 10/23/2007, -0/+12Yes. Love your spouse even when you don't want to. Doing that is a 24/7 job. Sometimes it's not easy but the rewards are great.
  • Boing, on 10/23/2007, -16/+5They left out the part about kicking your significant other down the stairs when they act up.

    Works on dogs and kids too.
    • CraigJ, on 10/23/2007, -2/+3props if sarcasm, ***** you if not. I can neither digg nor bury.
  • CoronaVegas, on 10/23/2007, -17/+3and the number one answer..... Drink Beer! Simple, but please, show me a guy who doesn't, and I will show you a gay guy, a recovering alcoholic, a single guy living with his mom, and/or a divorce'.
    • accessviolation, on 10/23/2007, -2/+6I know a Russian dude who basically grew up drunk. When he moved to America he stopped drinking completely.
    • Shawn4168, on 10/23/2007, -1/+8Hmm...funny how I don't drink beer, I'm happily married, and none of those apply to me...
    • halavais, on 10/23/2007, -0/+7I have nothing against beer--it's tasty and refreshing.

      But people who rely on beer as a cornerstone of their self-concept make me wonder what they are trying to hide.
    • CraigJ, on 10/23/2007, -1/+4Sorry. Beer is for pussies. Real straight men drink tequila or bourbon.
  • System6, on 10/25/2007, -2/+19Marry my wife. She is incredible and puts up with more ***** than a manure plant.
  • Brianguy2000, on 10/23/2007, -3/+6It's all pretty common sense stuff but when you get married all of that goes out the window.
  • URnotheonly1, on 10/23/2007, -15/+01. affair
    2.affair
    3.affair
    4.affair
    5.affair
    6.affair
    7.affair
    8.affair

  • tanto, on 10/23/2007, -9/+1Is it safe for a wife to be smarter than her husband? Likewise there are women who either want to be dominated, or who are so eager to marry that they will do so under such circumstances.
    http://orangtuamurid.info/blog/2007/02/21/wife-sma ...
  • Namakemono, on 10/23/2007, -7/+1I like kid zombies that like turtles.
  • RollandoMota, on 10/23/2007, -4/+18Keep your wife happy=Eat the pussy.
    • jpfed, on 10/23/2007, -2/+11I tried this, but it just made my wife madder. Who knew? Turns out she liked the cat.
  • ferrell, on 10/23/2007, -9/+1One word: Threesomes!
  • superdoofus, on 10/23/2007, -2/+14while working at a hardware store throughout highschool and college, many elderly guys (married for decades) would come in with their "honey-do" lists. the one thing that most all of them would say while pulling out their checkbook is "happy wife: happy life."
  • CYG101, on 10/23/2007, -12/+21. Don't get married
  • burdalane, on 10/23/2007, -12/+2I call this Eight Reasons Why I Shouldn't Get Married. Even if somebody wanted to marry me, it would be way too much work!
    • UbIwerks, on 10/23/2007, -0/+9Sweet! You should write an 8 Ways to Die Alone article!
  • vinnyvenus, on 10/23/2007, -4/+59) Have lots of sex
  • duke, on 10/23/2007, -1/+179. When you win an argument, you lose.
  • CameronCook, on 10/23/2007, -2/+6But if you do get married know this: Happy Wife Happy Life!!! :)
  • Xoherent, on 10/23/2007, -4/+11Hmm, I've happily been with my gay lover for eight years now. We would have been happily married all this time but apparently that doesn't exist for people like us.
    • atbnet, on 10/23/2007, -0/+4As long as you are happy, who cares what the religious right forbids. They are very unhappy people and are hell bent on making sure no one else is either.
      • carpespasm, on 10/23/2007, -0/+1yeah, but the tax breaks and being acknowledged by the state in theory shouldn't have anything to do with religion since we're supposed to have that whole separation of church and state thing going on.
    • gmprunner, on 10/23/2007, -3/+3Thanks for sharing that highly-relevant fact with us.
    • McTendo, on 10/23/2007, -0/+1I'm Christian and I agree with atbnet. Come on over to Toronto, Xoherent. There's even a yearly parade and everything celebrating your lifechoice.
  • kmattso, on 10/23/2007, -4/+29. Speak slowly
  • Okari, on 10/23/2007, -7/+31. Make sure she knows that she belongs in the kitchen.
  • sunkist22, on 10/23/2007, -1/+6Problem is, marriage is treated like a form of death for a man. Marriage is ridiculed constantly by comedians. It's dragged through the mud as a game in reality shows. Marriage should not be death... it should be no different than just having a relationship, except you have told your partner that you are committed to them. But if you *need* marriage to say that, you should evaluate why you are getting married.

    Of course it helps to not find a naggy woman too.... which is why I dont make a lot of female friends, they're all wacky.
    • Niddik, on 10/23/2007, -0/+8A friend once told me to "Keep thinking of your wife as your girlfriend."
      • URnotheonly1, on 10/23/2007, -5/+0Marriage is non of your business! Geez, do you need to know every aspect of 300 million people lives? Who taught you how to be American?
        • sunkist22, on 10/23/2007, -0/+3um... ok. Lay off the happy juice buddy.
    • Amablue, on 10/23/2007, -0/+2"But if you *need* marriage to say that, you should evaluate why you are getting married."

      I strongly agree with this, and it is the reason I'm *not* getting married. I'm going to be with the girl I love, but I don't need a marriage certificate to make my relationship official or known.
      • moospot, on 10/23/2007, -0/+2Amen to that. But try finding a girl who doesn't need that validation.
        • sunkist22, on 10/23/2007, -0/+1I don't. I was totally fine with staying with my boyfriend forever. We did get married, as it makes for a great party, and it made our families happy too i suppose.
          But marriage didn't change our relationship one bit. We had been together long enough to know each other very well, and we already shared everything.
  • czeman, on 10/23/2007, -3/+1Don't expect as many blow jobs.
    • Scottamus, on 10/23/2007, -0/+1Don't expect any blow jobs.

      There, fixed it for you.
  • Sizzor, on 10/23/2007, -1/+9An old couple once told me they went to a marriage therapist, and he told them to go out 2 nights a week. The husband goes out on Tuesday, the wife on Wednesday.
  • lead2thehead, on 10/23/2007, -5/+1prenup
  • vidorian, on 10/25/2007, -0/+10After 15 years i can say the number 1 thing is love. And by love i mean putting your spouse's needs and wants above your own. When both do that it makes for a very happy marriage. In 15 years i can count the arguments we have had on one hand. Acceptance is a close second. Accept and love the person for who they are not for who you want them to be.
    And it's a myth that you have sex less after marriage. If you are happily married you still want them just as much as the day you met.
  • Vermifax, on 10/23/2007, -0/+3#9. Marry the right person.
  • psykiv, on 10/23/2007, -4/+10. Get a pre-nump.
  • ThatEvilGuy, on 10/28/2007, -3/+3Marriage is such a Cliché, if you don't get married you are a loser, if you get married you get to be bossed around for the rest of your life
    • superdoofus, on 10/23/2007, -2/+2rtfa, then think before you post next time. discuss the article and what it purports instead of going off half-cocked about the subject it's concerned with.
      p.s. afford the same consideration to whomever decides that you're an ok person to settle down with.
  • Neiby, on 10/23/2007, -0/+4These are superb tips, excellent advice for all. I would like to add one more thing you can do: Don't marry a manipulative bitch with deep-seated, unexpressed expectations. I learned that one the hard way.
  • shauncorleone, on 10/23/2007, -1/+1This joker pretends like he has all the answers. I hate people like that.
  • DesertDude, on 10/23/2007, -1/+2I really don't know what the purpose is of the marriage institution in America. We here in Saudi Arabia cannot have any physical contact with our future spouses before marriage, so marriage is a new and thrilling experience to males and females alike. In America you can live with a woman, have sex with her and have kids with her, all without being married to her. And when she divorces you, she gets half of your hard-earned assets. So what's the point, really?
  • tj_walker_dvt, on 10/23/2007, -0/+1Duh....it just says "just be me."

    =: )K
  • dobleve, on 10/23/2007, -0/+0it should be called "eight keys to a happier relationship". marriages aren't the only romantic relationships that need this kind of advice.
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