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Man has Sex with Steel Bench, Almost Loses Penis

asylum.com — Many an adolescent boy, hormones raging, has succumbed to the siren song of a hump-able inanimate object (the mattress cushion, a toilet paper roll or in one cinematic instance, a pie). But let's hope they learn a lesson from the 41-year-old Hong Kong man who almost lost his penis as a result of intercourse with a steel park bench.

Who dugg this? Made popular Aug 12, 2008

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305 Comments

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  • Cancerkitty, on 08/11/2008, -3/+440I'm glad they were able to save it; now he can pass his genetic material down to the next generation of bench *****.
  • koonchu, on 08/11/2008, -4/+365Pity the man. The steel bench was totally asking for it.
  • teriyakisause, on 08/11/2008, -4/+297Steel > Wood
  • IceJelly, on 08/11/2008, -3/+271"It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time"
  • inactive, on 08/11/2008, -2/+213I would argue that the man should have used a sock, but he doesn't appear to have any :(
  • inactive, on 08/11/2008, -2/+172That bench shouldn't have been dressed like that!
  • Rainemaker, on 08/11/2008, -2/+1692009 Board Meeting of Municipal Recreational Furniture Engineers
    Items of business:
    1. Make steel bench holes even smaller, and/or explore alternative of making benches less sexually attractive.
  • ligyron, on 08/12/2008, -1/+142Clearly you've never ***** a bench
  • Spaceomega, on 08/12/2008, -0/+128It was down on all fours, bare.
  • Rainemaker, on 08/11/2008, -8/+123I'm sorry to play semantics here, but: You don't "have sex with a Steel Bench". You get caught "***** a steel Bench". Or in this guys case, you "Almost Get ***** by a Steel Bench, after ***** said Steel Bench."

    In other news, you can't help but wonder if this is viral marketing for that new porn coming out called "Sit on my Face because my Dick's in a Bench, IV".
  • WantToPlay, on 08/11/2008, -3/+101My question is, "Why couldn't he have just used his hands?"
  • gforce051, on 08/12/2008, -1/+93Now how do we know this man wasn't raped by the bench?
  • badwithcomputer, on 08/11/2008, -8/+75he deserves to lose his penis if that's how he treats it.
  • TheRhinoceros, on 08/11/2008, -6/+68Almost.

    Does it make me a bad person that I am Unhappy that he didn't Lose his dick?
  • GrandmaSheila, on 08/12/2008, -2/+61I can see it now, on NBC, "Bench *****: The Next Generation"
  • radda, on 08/12/2008, -2/+53Getting stuck in the hole stopped the blood from leaving his junk, therefore preventing his erection from going away.

    Do you not know how your penis works son?
  • inactive, on 08/11/2008, -11/+60so it's true what they say about the size of Asian men's todgers. Those are small holes in that there bench.

    hi-ya!
  • inactive, on 08/11/2008, -2/+47such an amateur. i never...um i mean never mind.
  • alx1507, on 08/12/2008, -1/+46He was obviously raped by the steel bench. But of course the guy is always to blame, never the steel bench.
  • slightlygifted, on 08/12/2008, -21/+64. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .It’s a trap! . . .
    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _,,,--~~~~~~~~--,_ . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,-‘ : : : :::: :::: :: : : : : :º ‘-, . . . . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . . . . . . . . . .,-‘ :: : : :::: :::: :::: :::: : : :o : ‘-, . . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . . . . . . . . ,-‘ :: ::: :: : : :: :::: :::: :: : : : : :O ‘-, . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . . . . . . .,-‘ : :: :: :: :: :: : : : : : , : : :º :::: :::: ::’; . . . . . . . .
    . . . . . . . . .,-‘ / / : :: :: :: :: : : :::: :::-, ;; ;; ;; ;; ;; ;; ; . . . . . . . .
    . . . . . . . . /,-‘,’ :: : : : : : : : : :: :: :: : ‘-, ;; ;; ;; ;; ;; ;;| . . . . . . .
    . . . . . . . /,’,-‘ :: :: :: :: :: :: :: : ::_,-~~,_’-, ;; ;; ;; ;; | . . . . . . .
    . . . . . _/ :,’ :/ :: :: :: : : :: :: _,-‘/ : ,-‘;’-‘’’’’~-, ;; ;; ;;,’ . . . . . . . .
    . . . ,-‘ / : : : : : : ,-‘’’ : : :,--‘’ :|| /,-‘-‘--‘’’__,’’’ ;; ;,-‘ . . . . . . . .
    . . . :/,, : : : _,-‘ --,,_ : : : ||/ /,-‘-‘x### :: ;;/ . . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . / /---‘’’’ : # : : : : : | | : (O##º : :/ /-‘’ . . . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . /,’____ : : ‘-# : , : : : : ‘-,___,-‘,-`-,, . . . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . ‘ ) : : : :’’’’--,,--,,,,,,¯ :: ::--,,_’’-,,’’’¯ :’- :’-, . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . .) : : : : : : ,, : ‘’’’~~~~’ :: :: :: :’’’’’¯ :: ,-‘ :,/ . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . .,/ /|\| | :/ / : : : : : : : ,’-, :: :: :: :: ::,--‘’ :,-‘ . . . . . . . .
    . . . . .\’|\ |/ ‘/ / :: :_--,, : , | )’; :: :: :: :,-‘’ : ,-‘ : : : , . . . . . . .
    . . . ./¯ :| | : |/ :: ::----, :/ :|/ :: :: ,-‘’ : :,-‘ : : : : : : ‘’-,,_ . . . .
    . . ..| : : :/ ‘’-(, :: :: :: ‘’’’’~,,,,,’’ :: ,-‘’ : :,-‘ : : : : : : : : :,-‘’’\ . . . .
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    ./ : : : : :’-, :: | :: :: :: _,,-‘’’’¯ : ,--‘’ : : : : : : : : : : : / : : : : : : :’’-,
    / : : : : : -, :¯’’’’’’’’’’’¯ : : _,,-~’’ : : : : : : : : : : : : : :| : : : : : : : : :
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  • AllINeed, on 08/11/2008, -7/+49Oh my... how desperate can people get...
  • ap44, on 08/12/2008, -4/+46It's ***** EXHILARATING.
  • inactive, on 08/12/2008, -0/+41Well it's pretty hard for the erection to go away when your in middle of ***** a steal bench.
  • darkchild82, on 08/11/2008, -3/+44Wow, how sad is it when a guy is sexually attracted to a steel bench.
  • DarkShroud, on 08/12/2008, -1/+38Just sitting there all shiny, glistening in the light, just showing it's holes to the world.
  • Archer007, on 08/12/2008, -1/+37No. What makes you a bad person is your incorrect capitalization.
  • stopbrorape, on 08/12/2008, -1/+34Oh look at you, sitting on your throne thinking you're better than everyone else because you don't ***** inanimate objects.
  • inactive, on 08/12/2008, -0/+31Falls under the "I hate it when that happens!" category.
  • inactive, on 08/11/2008, -2/+33hey just a minute there mister, i resemble that comment!
  • mysedai, on 08/11/2008, -1/+31Sadly, the removal of said bench from park means the guy will never realize his dream of sodomizing each and every hole.
  • lesleye, on 08/11/2008, -4/+34TINY!!!
  • nerdherder, on 08/12/2008, -2/+31Bench rocked his socks off.

    My question is why didn't he just let the erection go away and then pull it back out of the hole?
  • inactive, on 08/11/2008, -3/+31First time I hear about a metal bench kink.
  • ToadLeg, on 08/12/2008, -1/+28What causes an erection? Blood flow. Once the penis is erect, if the blood flow is blocked, it cannot go back down. Actually, it will go up more, because the pressure from the arteries, which bring blood into the penis will always be more than the pressure for the veins.

    This guy must not have known how an erection works either.
  • mrsovar, on 08/12/2008, -2/+29HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
  • ChronicColonic, on 08/12/2008, -0/+26The bench did not say no.
  • NuclearIsShit, on 08/12/2008, -1/+26not as cold or metallic.
  • mikec00l, on 08/12/2008, -0/+25Have you ever tried putting it in a shampoo bottle?...
    Ya, me either :'(
  • cheap2, on 08/11/2008, -11/+34He must have been really needed
  • xptoast, on 08/12/2008, -0/+22Unconscious bench can't say no. I call rape.
  • cristinek, on 08/11/2008, -4/+24WOW. And lesleye's right...it must be tiny to fit into those little holes...
  • inactive, on 08/12/2008, -1/+21You watch your tone!! That's a mighty fine looking bench and it looks pretty slutty as well.


    Please excuse me as I take my WD40 and go to the park.
  • Velnich, on 08/12/2008, -4/+23Colour me hippie, but yes, wishing suffering on someone you don't even know does make you a bad person.
  • Muncher, on 08/12/2008, -1/+20I don’t think we need to worry about this guy passing on his genetic material, wang or not.
  • WantToPlay, on 08/11/2008, -1/+20His problem was there was no other person he could *****, but the bench...
  • jennagen, on 08/11/2008, -5/+22lol..my thought exactly!
  • alexhouse, on 08/12/2008, -1/+18Hey man, who are you to say? There's a difference between ***** and making love.

    This was love.
  • KingGorilla, on 08/12/2008, -0/+17God I hate you car *****! You think you're better than everyone else because you can afford cars! Well some of us can only buy sofas or even pillows. Others, like this poor man here had to resort to ***** public property! You make me sick
  • antechinus, on 08/12/2008, -0/+15Did the bench say no? Take just one look at the photograph and it is plain to see that the bench is really slutty.
  • jayobear, on 08/12/2008, -2/+17[Insert obligatory comment of the appropriateness of ASCII art here]
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