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Eleven Ways The Internet Will Kill You [Webtards]

gawker.com — Wicked and thorough.

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  • woonie, on 04/22/2008, -5/+4Someone should calculate the odds of "dying by internet", then we'll know if we really should worry about this.
  • NickDouglas, on 04/22/2008, -2/+4And we could put it in that Venn diagram from a couple weeks ago!
  • theschnaz, on 04/22/2008, -16/+1Dugg for you, via Twitter
  • WallnutBoy, on 04/22/2008, -4/+5Can I sue the internets for killing my social life? =(
  • mentallyinhell, on 04/22/2008, -1/+54The internet is just a tool that stupidity can use to kill you.
  • LiquidIse, on 04/22/2008, -4/+28No 4chan.
    Buried as partially (#1 reason is spot on) inaccurate
  • Shawshanksr, on 04/22/2008, -7/+1you know what the real killer in the internet is?
  • NickDouglas, on 04/22/2008, -3/+21#12: "I got 123 diggs and didn't get front-paged" suicide.
  • DarkDx, on 04/22/2008, -1/+8This list goes up to eleven!
    • inigomntoya, on 04/22/2008, -0/+2Yes, but we couldn't very well just leave number 11 off of this and call it a Top Ten list, now could we? I dare say number eleven may not be the biggest killer, but it is the most used by your casual internet user. Nothing to be toyed with, YouTube.
  • krewl, on 04/22/2008, -3/+9My girlfriend would kill me if she knew what I did online.
  • Jsmuli2, on 04/22/2008, -8/+2I don't know about any of you but my first Rick Roll experience nearly killed me.

    Now I'm like a Rick Roll playa.
  • nickcozy, on 04/22/2008, -7/+4I think excessive porn and masturbation is killing me.
  • orangefly, on 04/22/2008, -3/+3maybe not death but my eyesight is going and i may have carpal tunnel....
  • MadTom, on 04/22/2008, -1/+3Doing something stupid in real life and having millions of online diggers destroy you without ever coming within physical contact.
  • flyingmeteor, on 04/22/2008, -3/+4#1 should be changed to "All subscription-based MMOs"
  • eigenweasel, on 04/22/2008, -1/+5(12) You can try following any of the instructions in the Anarchist's Cookbook.
  • ANT1138, on 04/22/2008, -2/+29How do you cut off your own head with a chainsaw? That's amazing. I would think you'd fall to the ground dead halfway through.
    • akilleen, on 04/22/2008, -1/+14Seriously. It is unfortunate that one can only do it once, I would like to see someone demonstrate it.
    • Hartley1942, on 04/22/2008, -16/+1http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU

      Video of him doing it.... NOT for the queasy.
      • BeOrange, on 04/22/2008, -2/+11uuiU
      • ByteGuerilla, on 04/22/2008, -0/+9I can't believe how badly you just failed to rickroll everyone.
    • JonTheGoose, on 04/22/2008, -0/+15It's alot like a good golf swing. It's all in the follow-thru.
    • groone, on 04/22/2008, -0/+4I read another story where a guy used a bandsaw to cut himself in half. It amazes me what a sickly determined person can do.
      • ANT1138, on 04/22/2008, -2/+2I saw that one. Or at least one just like it. I think it was a girl though. I think it was on a site called ogrish.com or something. Gruesome.
      • popfrogs, on 04/22/2008, -3/+2Morons and their lives are soon parted.
  • diggdong, on 04/22/2008, -2/+6*****, this is a dumb list. I'm going to put my dick in a light socket
    • JonTheGoose, on 04/22/2008, -2/+13Would you mind turning your webcam on first?
    • akilleen, on 04/22/2008, -1/+3And we have #12!
    • DubBucket, on 04/22/2008, -2/+3if it fits, you're doing yourself a favor
  • playuhh, on 04/22/2008, -2/+11The internet saved my life. No Joke. I probably wouldn't even use a computer if it weren't for pirates.
    I SALUTE ALL YOU PIRATES OUT THERE! (YAAAAAARRRRRRR!)
  • irvin666, on 04/22/2008, -2/+1Which tells me that only the strong willed survive.
  • Darkhavans, on 04/22/2008, -0/+21Wow, what kind of 13-year-old tries to jump off a building, thinking they'll be like their character in WoW. No 13-year-old is that ***** stupid. He surely jumped off the building for other reasons.
    • Bender1012, on 04/22/2008, -1/+2Who knows, maybe he had been playing WoW extensively since it first came out, meaning he didn't have the common sense that normal 13-year olds would have learned during that time.
  • TheKidd, on 04/22/2008, -1/+5That chainsaw one is brutal
  • macweirdo42, on 04/22/2008, -1/+3http://xkcd.com/369/
  • recruz, on 04/22/2008, -4/+0excellent list and writeup. And I don't say that often.
  • Tyrghast, on 04/22/2008, -0/+23"A man rejected in real life by his chat room lover in 1999 cut his own head off with a chainsaw in her front yard. Enough said."
    I only hope that one day I will have the same kind of ironclad balls this guy had.
    • ByteGuerilla, on 04/22/2008, -0/+10Dugg for ironclad balls.

      Not just iron balls, or balls of stell, but balls clad in iron.
    • tcpip4lyfe, on 04/22/2008, -0/+1How does that even work? How would you continue to apply pressure on the blade as it's going into your spinal cord?
  • seo7349, on 04/22/2008, -4/+5I dugg, then undugg after I read the whole "pissing off a muslim" thing. Someone who abuses their daughter, as the article described, is not doing it because they're Muslim, they are doing it because they are disturbed.
    • stix213, on 04/22/2008, -3/+4Although abusing daughters is at epidemic levels in the Muslim world compared to every single other culture.
  • 3leggedHorse, on 04/22/2008, -0/+1012# whilst on the net your Sony laptop battery explodes and you burn to death.

    The bloke who cut his head off with a chainsaw, that is just ***** up.
  • shawnanigans, on 04/22/2008, -1/+1If virginity could kill...
  • vanguardanon, on 04/22/2008, -0/+5I expected something silly and funny but this was kind of sad.
  • stix213, on 04/22/2008, -2/+1What about being trampled at the Apple store after a new iGadget is released, does that count?
  • DarkoKun, on 04/22/2008, -2/+1Anybody have any articles about the guy who decapitated his own head with a chainsaw? Sounds brutal!
  • move17along, on 04/22/2008, -3/+0 If I lost a few years every time a server suffered the "digg effect," I'd have been dead long ago.
  • TheCommentThief, on 04/22/2008, -3/+0The internet is just a tool that stupidity can use to kill you.
  • sedo1800, on 04/22/2008, -1/+2Dugg For WoW being #1
  • mojonandha, on 04/22/2008, -1/+1one or more of those in that list applies to me. I gotta be careful
  • getbuzy, on 04/22/2008, -0/+0Dugg for the word Webtards LOL!
  • funkymoose, on 04/22/2008, -1/+1"A man rejected in real life by his chat room lover in 1999 cut his own head off with a chainsaw in her front yard. Enough said."

    wow, a lot of "wtf..." moments in this article.
  • freedomwv, on 04/22/2008, -2/+1Crazy bastards!
  • Andrwmorph, on 04/22/2008, -3/+1I have been addicted to WoW for two years. I failed out of college and I can't hold a job. I can't talk to a real woman and I'm always depressed. I did, however, just save a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico! THERE IS HOPE!
    • Gatonegrosky, on 04/22/2008, -1/+0it's just 15 MINUTES!!! PEOPLE!
  • Verytastycheese, on 04/23/2008, -0/+1I agree with the people being previously crazy theory - theres already a sufficiently large group of people committing suicide, mix that with a 10mil group of WoW or other MMO players, and theres bound to be some overlap. I doubt if the internet is really to blame for any of this.
  • monsterette, on 04/23/2008, -0/+1as you said...it's often imitated anytime you put a bit of fantasy in the world...
  • SmeeegHeeed, on 04/23/2008, -0/+1Alot of these (self-inflicted ones anyway) are essentially Darwin Award material, and we should probably be thankful that they have removed themselves from the genepool
  • nmyra, on 04/23/2008, -0/+0The Internet is lethal. Soon we need to add Twitter to the list...this past weekend's flaky "outage" nearly killed me.
  •  

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