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109 Comments
- sockpuppets, on 06/13/2009, -1/+70I put on my robe and wizard hat.
- skeletor77, on 06/13/2009, -1/+49Clearly this is an example of miscommunication between the writers and the art department.
"You know what would really ***** ***** up? If the Knell Beetle had a huge horn on its head."
"Huge horn, got it."
That made my day. - inactive, on 06/12/2009, -2/+38Dont mess with The Senmurv, if three of them howling on the moon in black t-shirt something awesome will happen!
- Llanowar, on 06/13/2009, -1/+35I would consider that the cube has the same kind of aura as undead and dragons tend to have in RPG's. Scaring you so much that you just can't move.
I would also think if you got trapped in a tunnel with a cube coming from both sides that it would be quite hard to escape.
(of course it's still a silly monster)
Now, the demi-lich
A quick look on Wikipedia "Despite its ruined body, a demilich is far from powerless; if disturbed, the skull will levitate and suck the souls from nearby living creatures"
Personally I think it's one of the more awesome creatures in the d&d world.
I can't say I mind the ridicilous creatures though. It's a fantasy world, all those weird things just make it more interesting. Why would every creature need to be highly dangerous? - Vodd9, on 06/13/2009, -1/+33I enjoy the epic feel of the drawings.
- Kazbaeden, on 06/13/2009, -0/+25The gelatinous cube is pretty badass. First, it's a level 5 elite brute, so you're going to be around level 2-5 when you first come across one. To spot it, you need a Perception DC 25, so more than likely you'll walk right into it. It will immediately start digesting you with 10 ongoing damage as you're dazed, which is pretty bad at those levels. Meanwhile, it can attack two of your party members who are probably standing right next to it, engulfing them as well.
Within a round your whole party will be in ooze and within the next 3-4 rounds they'll all be dead. - buckrogers1965, on 06/13/2009, -1/+23A Gelatinous Cube killed two of my friends. :(
- SirBruce, on 06/13/2009, -1/+18The Senmurv was the funniest entry.
They missed the point of the Demi-Lich and Gelatinous Cube, though; they're not nearly as retarded as the article claimed. - Poochyfud, on 06/13/2009, -0/+17I agree that DnD monsters that are just combinations of two or more real creatures are boring, but creatures like the Gelatinous Cube that are completely fanciful are pretty awesome.
On a side note, I don't think the Crack editors have played DnD...they seem to think that things like gelatinous cubes and demi-liches are powerless...and how can they fail to see the tactical advantages of being constantly on fire!? - Llanowar, on 06/13/2009, -0/+16***** you, I told you never to message me again!
- realeiger, on 06/13/2009, -5/+18I'm usually a big fan of cracked, but this article really does kind of miss the point on most of these monsters and, much worse for humor site, was pretty boring.
- rdldr1, on 06/13/2009, -3/+16Uber nerds in parent basements across America are now in an uproar over this article.
Way to confirm the stereotype for D&D and it's players. - inactive, on 06/13/2009, -0/+12right behind you
- AdmiralAcbar, on 06/13/2009, -0/+11SomethingAwful has been doing this for the past few weeks. Nice rip-off, cracked.
- judicar, on 06/13/2009, -1/+11> and suck the souls from nearby living creatures"
Well then gingers and atheists shouldn't have a problem. - Lonandubh, on 06/13/2009, -0/+10um... The Cube was designed to ensure players Couldn't avoid it. It completely fills dungeon corridors, so your options were to defeat it, or go home. No going around. Yes, you could go home, but then you'd not get your treasure and would have to explain why you retreated from fricking Jello.
- ProjectGSX, on 06/13/2009, -0/+9The Gelatinous Cube is OG. Seriously, ***** you guys.
- Efilnikufesin, on 06/12/2009, -0/+9seriously some of these guys look like someone just threw animal parts together and went with it.
- M4rx15t, on 06/13/2009, -4/+13Horrible article, it was not the least bit funny and a lot of those monsters are actually pretty awesome. Heck, the gelatinous cube is iconic!
- Dinner, on 06/13/2009, -0/+8I used to *love* the Gelatinous Cube!!
- fandyllic, on 06/13/2009, -0/+8C'mon the Gelatinous Cube rules! Besides, the whole point of it is that it's supposed to be dark when you usually encounter one. Also, if I remember it is supposed to paralyze you if you touch it, so it can take its time digesting you.
Most of the other monsters on this list are just stupid attempts by TSR to fill out there too many monster books. - 0xABADC0DA, on 06/13/2009, -2/+10Cracked never heard of MAGIC?
"Realistically all the heroes have to do is wait a few seconds for the dragons to breath fire and burn themselves down to gristle, or just kick the damn things out of the way because they're ***** lizards." -- Cracked. - vishious, on 06/13/2009, -0/+7a failed attempt at humor? This must be the first time I see this on digg
/s - addysonclark, on 06/13/2009, -1/+8Tarrasque The end all WTF MONSTER
- Moonman13, on 06/13/2009, -1/+8Um I g2g
- sbernhardt, on 06/13/2009, -0/+7Gelatinous cubes as part of a trap are nasty too, like a pit trap with a cube at the bottom.
- kakwakas, on 06/13/2009, -0/+7I love just flipping through a Monster Manual from time to time to check out the art. Most of the newer books use some damned good artists.
- Balanced, on 06/13/2009, -0/+7The Gelatinous Cube is what my group refers to as "Grudge Monsters" because they're basically monsters that have no real in-game reason to exist other than annoying Player Characters. The Cube could be rationalized as a 'dungeon cleaner' organism, but it's only appropriate for the D&D Standard Dungeon with 10 x 10 rooms!
The other classic Grudge Monster is the Rust Monster, which primarily seems to exist to Take Those Player Characters (especially fighter-types) down a peg. They're tools of very adversarial old-school D&D games. - asgardshill, on 06/13/2009, -0/+6Only if they're drinking Tuscan Whole Milk.
- elyria, on 06/13/2009, -0/+6Where's owlbear?
http://www.dyin.hu/rpg/miniatures/data_pic/0084.jp ... - DouglasQ, on 06/13/2009, -1/+7As opposed to the sensible ones.
- kakwakas, on 06/13/2009, -0/+5What, no Rust Monster?
- chunkybeefstu, on 06/13/2009, -0/+5For starters, everyone knows that ninjas can't catch you if you're on fire.
- browwiw, on 06/13/2009, -0/+5Demi-Liches exist solely to ***** up your lovingly roleplayed high level fighter.
- maxvette, on 06/13/2009, -0/+4Sorry, but a Demilich is insanely powerful. It steals souls at keeps them in its teeth to be devoured later
- Loki101, on 06/13/2009, -0/+4Mascot for the local furry gay pride parade.
- Kaegro, on 06/13/2009, -0/+4Although I'm a huge Demi-Lich fan, I still dugg up for the ginger reference.
- inactive, on 06/13/2009, -2/+6Don't use the word retarded to mean stupid. That's so gay!
- zomgwaffles, on 06/13/2009, -0/+4The Gelatinous Cube is a very formidable foe
- inactive, on 06/13/2009, -0/+4Thanks man, I just moved here from whater-the-hell-language-that-is-maybe-russia-istan, haven't even learned english yet, and have just started using digg and was looking for a good website to download free products using a ***** interface and probably having to pay for it, thanks.
- alberonn, on 06/13/2009, -0/+4Buried for no Flumph.
- BorsKaegel, on 06/12/2009, -0/+4Moon Rats inspired countless Disney movies... or maybe the other way around?
- Lendon2020, on 06/13/2009, -0/+4"...It's a brain in a jar. *****, just kick it over, who's going to know?"
Lol. Dugg. - m3arvk, on 06/13/2009, -0/+3Seems to me the Senmurv is quality t-shirt material.
- Lonandubh, on 06/13/2009, -1/+4...wait, you expected "funny" from cracked?
- Hellicus, on 06/12/2009, -0/+3And that's probably what actually happened.
- antdude, on 06/13/2009, -0/+3Don't forget this old Digg submission: http://digg.com/design/Stupid_Monsters_Someone_was ...
- Feldon, on 06/13/2009, -0/+3This is what D&D is all about right here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_hlWl1PKfo - sunsetprojects, on 06/13/2009, -0/+3Best drawn D&D monster is the Invisible Stalker
- ramonday, on 06/13/2009, -1/+4Totally dugg for ginger reference.
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