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74 Comments
- Portwineboy, on 10/12/2007, -5/+48My fav. *nix joke is from some comic I saw on Digg.
Stickman 1: Make me a sandwich
Stickman 2: What?? Go make it yourself.
Stickman 1: Sudo make me a sandwich
Stickman 2: Okay
http://elliottback.com/wp/archives/2006/09/03/sudo-make-me-a-sandwich/ - ZaNkY, on 10/12/2007, -0/+36Giving Credit where it's DUE: http://xkcd.com/c149.html
That's the original source. - rclay, on 10/12/2007, -1/+29A wikipedia lookup on weenie redirects to penis.
- treehead, on 10/12/2007, -2/+17Who are you calling a WEENIE ?
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+14Ted Haggard's favourite unix command:
$ man mount - fires, on 10/12/2007, -1/+15"They're funny if you're 5 years old."
There you go, fixed :)
Insults aren't effective if you can't spell or use proper grammar. - teeheehee, on 10/12/2007, -1/+15Randall Munroe's "xkcd" is the webcomic you're referring to, and it's now my favorite:
sudo sandwich
http://www.xkcd.com/c149.html
(current) everybody stand back, i know regular expressions!
http://www.xkcd.com/c208.html
I need to get some shirts of this stuff!
edit: looks like ZaNkY beat me to it! Cheers! - smtelegadis, on 10/12/2007, -0/+11Dan Quayle! How old is this joke?
- sneugol, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9I've tried it with CSH. It said
$ ar m God
ar: creating God - jshusta, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8jon@workhorse:~$ ar m God
ar: creating God
er. oops! apologies to richard dawkins. - Fanboy88, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8This is so old. I remember seeing this when I started programming over 25 years ago. Wow!
- GrantTheGr8, on 10/12/2007, -4/+11I hate when people get their panties up in a bunch over stuff like unix vs. UNIX, OSX vs. OS X, etc. It's a ***** acronym. Get over it.
- thcobbs, on 10/12/2007, -7/+14You?
- scratched, on 10/12/2007, -1/+8That's because OSX uses the BASH shell I believe instead of the shells listed on that page, most people visiting digg won't be able to try them.
- thcobbs, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7#man woman
> no help found. - nfvs, on 08/30/2008, -1/+8@4degrees
bash: got: command not found - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7notice it says "They work with the C shell."
so try this, in the terminal:
$ csh
that will start the C shell, different from bash. to exit this shell:
% exit
/tutorial
[this assumes your linux/unix/osx has csh installed, my osx does] - ray901, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6"I took physics in high school and built a neat ass catapult."
How many asses per minute could it fire? - Loyke, on 10/12/2007, -1/+7I laughed. Am I a geek now?
- bugdog, on 10/12/2007, -1/+6I always suspected I was a geek. When I was a little girl, I wanted Legos, not Barbies. I wanted a computer from the first time I saw one in middle school (I'm old). I took physics in high school and built a neat ass catapult.
Today I sat at my desk and giggled at the following:
/etc>ar m God
ar: God does not exist
/etc>make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop. - Portwineboy, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5Yea, my bad on that. I should have linked to xkcd.
- wired4u, on 10/12/2007, -3/+7 % rm meese-ethics
rm: meese-ethics nonexistent
% ar m God
ar: God does not exist
% "How would you rate Dan Quayle's incompetence?
Unmatched ".
% ^How did the sex changeSHIFT6 operation go?
Modifier failed.
//replace SHIFT6 with ^
% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent,
what would I have?
Too many ('s.
% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
% sleep with me
bad character
% got a light?
No match.
% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.
% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.
% %blow
%blow: No such job.
These attempts at humor work with the Bourne shell:
$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!
$ drink < bottle ; opener
bottle: cannot open
opener: not found
$ mkdir matter; cat >matter
matter: cannot create - pottedplant, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4These hilarious UNIX puns were first printed in an issue of Phrack magazine back in the very late 1980's (maybe 1989, I remember reading them), and may have even predated that as well. Thanks for posting these, for the next generation to enjoy.
- stalefries, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4It's C shell, any old Linux distro should have it in the repos.
- tmpoirier, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4i liked that better than the article.
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4***** | sed 's/)(/Y/'
//(.Y.)\ - dannygutters, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3I thought a waiter dropping dishes was going to be a joke about a 'smashed stack'...
- bmauter, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3or,
man rear - steste, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3http://www.duggmirror.com
- johnstar, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3evil@technolust:~$ ar m God
ar: creating God
I thought the joke was god does not exist? - Philluminati, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3the "digg counter" has stopped on 404 diggs!
- nofxjunkee, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Almost as old as BSD and csh.
- idonthack, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3idonthack@boromir:~$ man woman
Segmentation fault: core dumped
:( - samdu, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3I've got a client that has their server in one of the receptionist's offices. She asked me to leave the screen saver running after I set everything up, so I allowed her account shell access and logged her into the server and left the screen saver running. A few weeks later I get a call telling me that the server needed to be rebooted because it had a Kernel Panic. So I checked through the logs and didn't see anything. A few weeks later got another call saying the same thing. Again, I checked the logs and didn't see anything. A few weeks after that I get a call and she says that they again had to reboot the server because it had crashed with "that sad face" thing. It was at this point that I realized that the server had never panicked, nor had it crashed. It was the BSOD screen saver. :)
- alexmayorga, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Now that proves the time resilience of UNIX =)
- domr, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4@thcobbs
odd - I get:
# man woman
No manual entry for woman - res0nat0r, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2:(){ :|:& };:
actually prints a pretty funny error message. - scratched, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2@polymorphist
Those use the Bourne Shell, not the Bourne Again Shell. The differences are small enough that none of those work. After I installed the c-shell I was able to do most of the c-shell jokes though. - Teaboy, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Got the t-shirt!
- polymorphist, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2scroll down...the page doesn contain some jokes in bash
- Iandefor, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2"I remember seeing these in the early 90's, but unfortunately, they no longer wor on modern linuxes."
Seems to work fine on my modern Linux. Just needed to use csh to get a couple of them to work. - thespiff, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Is this like using the "N" word?
- PharmaPhool, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2It would take at least a half hour to explain these to anyone who has never seen a command line.
Like my kids. - vipinsagar, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Thats a medical terminologY
- Hamsterpotpies, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2hehe.
- idonthack, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2lol dont lie. thers no girls on teh intarwebs
- uzytkownik, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2It was on GNU Humor page...
- mercurysquad, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3Hey I have that as my facebook profile pic these days ;) xkcd.com is awesomeness²
- omninode, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2The Dan Quayle thing kind of dates it... to 15 years ago.
Got any jokes about Rodney King in there? - unclewormwood, on 10/12/2007, -6/+8@scratched
"I wish I had access to a real unix shell..."
I don't want to be mean or call you a n00b or anything but...
The BASH shell is way more comprehensive and widely used than the Korn, C, and Bourne shells. Also, it's UNIX not unix.
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