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289 Comments
- baddog121390, on 10/12/2007, -10/+235with my bare hand
- fluidfoundation, on 10/12/2007, -3/+214Wipe?
- doctechnical, on 10/12/2007, -8/+158My Bathroom Monkey does it for me.
- xtoph, on 10/12/2007, -6/+137Obviously, but in which direction?
- jonesin, on 10/12/2007, -1/+125That comment about the poop spoon is horrifying.
- Griiih, on 11/04/2007, -2/+108I spread like goatse and run backwards through a cornfield.
- ggko, on 10/12/2007, -2/+92Wait until you hear about the three shells.
- pilot3033, on 10/12/2007, -8/+85fold, front to back, check every 3/4 wipes for clean sheets.
WTF is up with this standing buisness? - Dpack1, on 10/12/2007, -3/+71In true British style... I use a swan's neck.
- Plankster, on 10/12/2007, -1/+69Im so pleased somebody posted this guide, ive been wondering how to do this for ages!
- dassin, on 10/25/2007, -5/+67The most horrifying part for me is this quote:
"I would never have guessed that so many people checked the toilet paper after they wiped. Seriously, I would rather have trace elements of fecal matter in my ass than held up in front of my face."
The author is basically admitting to wearing *****-stained underwear constantly. - navitatl, on 10/12/2007, -13/+74I hire a midget to wipe it for me. I'm not sure exactly what he does back there, but usually it's not too itchy afterwards.
- xtoph, on 10/12/2007, -8/+64So, let's be serious for a minute here: how do you wipe your asses, diggers?
- greenlight2001, on 10/12/2007, -7/+59I use the toilet brush. Give my chocolate starfish a good scrubbing.
- itsme92, on 10/12/2007, -142/+191digg vote,
Digg me up if you sit down while you wipe
Digg me down if you stand up - slowelectron, on 10/12/2007, -2/+47This is the most disgusting "study" I've seen in a while... but quite an entertaining read.
- gameforge, on 10/12/2007, -4/+49I guess I'm more inventive than I thought. Are there no other pinchers out there? You take folded up TP, place it directly over the desired area, pinch, and pull away. After you've done this at least twice (more for particularly "exciting" bowel movements), you can wipe in your preferred direction for redundancy and peace of mind.
If you start out wiping in a particular direction, you're likely smearing ***** on yourself. You may also inadvertently plaster your "hair" down. And that'll surely ruin your day (and possibly your clothes). Now, in the case of front to back (the article's recommended way), you're smearing it in an area that's more exposed and therefore likely to offend another's sense of smell - so I (out of consideration of others') wipe back to front.
If you plan on having some kind of sexual event, simply do not ***** in between taking a shower and the sexual event. I believe Digg covered shaving one's genitals about a week ago... this may help you cope if you're really that concerned about having ***** balls.
Also, I agree with the comment about bidets being used more often. ( for those who don't know: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bidet ) - KibibyteBrain, on 10/12/2007, -1/+41I'm too lazy. Get one of those Japanese toilets that clean up for you.
- antifreeze11, on 10/12/2007, -8/+48Wow. i did not know people wiped their asses while still sitting on the toilet. i just assumed everybody stands up.
very interesting but i wish i could unlearn this. - CaptainWeasel, on 10/12/2007, -7/+46Sorry for comment abuse, but it's down. Duggmirror:
http://duggmirror.com/health/How_to_Wipe_Your_Buttox/ - nymphetamine, on 10/25/2007, -1/+38"I don't even touch my ass."
Well, you obviously don't love your ass either. - JonProphet, on 10/12/2007, -0/+373 seashells method... it's obviously self explainable
- nixonrichard, on 10/12/2007, -3/+40I usually stand and wipe front to back with folded (not waded) toilet paper. I'm also 6'3", so I can say "hi" over the stall walls to all the other tall guys who stand when they wipe.
All of this is assuming I have TP . . . if I don't, I just take a shower. - elitexero, on 10/12/2007, -1/+37Thanks, after 19 long years, I can finally wipe my ass. It was getting pretty bad.
- thetito, on 10/12/2007, -0/+35i just let it build up until it gets infected. then i make the doctors clean my ass. makes me feel like i'm getting my money's worth.
- orientis, on 10/12/2007, -2/+36Naga10 how far do your buttocks push into the bowl ffs?
- Battlecry, on 10/12/2007, -0/+34I would've taken the high road and pointed out that it's 'buttocks' not 'buttox', but that's just me ;)
- petercooper, on 10/12/2007, -3/+33Likewise I never knew anyone wiped standing up. Sounds messy.
- inactive, on 10/25/2007, -5/+34You have to wipe?
- da_bradler, on 10/12/2007, -5/+31OK I NEED TO CLEAR SOMETHING UP HERE(pun)
When you wipe back to front in no way do your balls have any danger of getting smeared. there is a good 3 inches between your butt hole and the sack of joy. now I imply a dipping motion which my friends say is gay but I think it's the complete opposite of gay because I am trying to get something out of my butt not... anyways...
GO TO HELL YOU CHEEK LIFTERS DIVE AND DIP IS THE WAY TO BE! - fudgeigor, on 10/12/2007, -0/+26Holy ***** (pun intended). I am relieved that I am not the only one who has ever wondered if I wipe my ass in a weird way... Ah, the joys of the internet!
- NtHammer, on 10/12/2007, -20/+46one time my brother went out in the yard to take a ***** because one of our friends was on the toilet and he wasnt coming out anytime soon, and my brother didnt squat enough so he ***** inside his boxers, it was ***** hilarious, and he had only a few tissues out there with him.
i lmao just typing that because its true XD - MasterKale, on 10/12/2007, -0/+26*laugh* He doesn't know how to use the three shells!
- rcollamore, on 10/12/2007, -1/+25reminds me of this:
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/35584837.html - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -3/+26I use a bidet. Fot the ininformed, it is a water jet (toilet mounted or seperate), and works VERY well (to me). I don't even touch my ass.
- nerditup, on 10/12/2007, -3/+26ok so who has checked how they wipe by doing it in their chair just now
- NarmaK, on 10/12/2007, -0/+23Don't pretend you aren't curious.
- SultanTravi, on 10/12/2007, -4/+25Sitting:
Back to front
Back to front
Back to front
Front to back
Back to front
-check paper-
if paper clean
-stand-
Wipe deep
-check paper-
if paper clean
Flush, wash hands, leave bathroom. - jglaser, on 10/12/2007, -1/+22i don't understand how people don't check the paper afterwards, how do you know when you're done?
- EdgarVerona, on 10/12/2007, -1/+21I think what he means is these people who seem to have "strict wiping limits", like the guy who wrote the article. He said he doesn't do more than 3-4 wipes, and he doesn't look.
First, gross. Second, 3-4 wipes? Gross. Third, for God's sake look at your progress before you decide you're done. Yuck. - Kwipper, on 10/12/2007, -0/+20.... with a rabbit
- browwiw, on 10/12/2007, -1/+20What level is your WoW character?
- Battlecry, on 10/12/2007, -12/+31Back, and to the front... Back, and to the front...
- theGREENsuit, on 10/12/2007, -0/+18When Digg introduced the 'My #1 story' thing, I was all...."yeah...like I'm gonna use it".
But I just did. - endlessrayne, on 10/12/2007, -1/+19I recently had an epiphany in ass-wiping when I discovered Kleenex Cottonelle moistened wipes. They're basically baby wipes for grown-ups. They leave you feeling clean and fresh, and you won't go back to paper alone once you have used them. Take the plunge, pick them up next time you're at the store. Happy wiping.
- Naga10, on 10/12/2007, -6/+23Yeah, I agree. I didn't even have the slightest inkling you could do that. Wouldn't your hand get too close to the water?
- typo180, on 10/12/2007, -1/+18I like to finish up with a baby wipe. It keeps you feeling fresh.
- RpgActioN, on 10/12/2007, -0/+16I remember when I was really young (in fact, it may quite possibly be my first ever memory) my step-dad walked in on me wiping my ass and laughed and called me a girl because I was going front to back (and employing the squat technique described in the article by Kim). After the psychological trauma, it's since been back to front.
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+15I wipe my ass with silk.
- chicbicyclist, on 10/12/2007, -6/+20I sit on the sink and wash using soap and water because I'm too poor for a bidet. People who do not wash with soap and water are disgusting.
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