What is Digg?128 Comments
- meruru, on 07/31/2008, -0/+40That was it? I kept looking for the link to page 2 of the article... No book exerts, no stats, worthless article.
- inactive, on 07/31/2008, -7/+38It's quiet in here... can you hear the echo?
- drunkjack, on 07/31/2008, -4/+29Loneliness may be a problem, but I think a lack of solitude, a lack of time alone is bigger problem.
I think everyone needs time alone, at least an hour a day of pure quiet solitude, just to be themselves and think. Call it meditation, call it prayer, it's one thing most religions call for, and as an atheist I think there's a biological/physiological/psychological reason for it.
People who spend all their time with other people aren't right in the head. A person who cannot stand to be alone cannot stand their own company...is sicker than a person who prefers to be alone.
Cities, the cramped quarters and the noise the comes with them strike me as very destructive to solitude, I cannot see myself getting any saner if I was living in a loud bustling city where I could get no peace and quiet to sleep, let alone for an hour or two of alone time.
I hear people talk like cities are better for people, somehow, I don't see it, cities are where most crime happens, cities are loud, cities are cramped, real estate is usually outrageous, I cannot understand how anyone could be happy in an environment that foments hostility, violence, paranoia, and usually arrogance. City dwellers seem utterly alien to me, they literally live like rats, scurrying about snapping at each other and lashing out. They strike me as Yankee fans strike me, stupid, violent and arrogant in their stupid violence.
Sadly, it looks as if cities are the only way one will be able to survive without being a millionaire.
I can only hope for a cheap and clean replacement for the internal combustion engine so the end of 'sprawl' does not take away privacy, civility and sense of space that comes with said 'sprawl'.
I may hate the suburbs I grew up in(mainly due to the lack of anything to do and forced and often brutal socializing of schools, but I hate the city more. - pablo0713, on 07/31/2008, -4/+24I hate being outside. Real life is expensive. The sun makes me sweat and stink. People tend to be shallower, more fake. Women tend to only want you for your money. But, on the Intarwebs, I meet people of substance. People who want to get to know me for me and who are genuinely interested in conversation. So, I may lead a "physically" solitary life - but I am stocked well with many friends from all over the world!!!!
- Zemenar, on 07/31/2008, -0/+17Thanks for reminding me how lonely I am, *****..
- abdo, on 07/31/2008, -0/+14"...can lead humans to a miserable life...early grave..."
I thought this was well-known? - robfarrell, on 11/27/2008, -0/+14I'm so ronery......
- FreeTalkLIve, on 07/31/2008, -1/+13Let's have a nice bonding Earth Orgy.
- scuba7183, on 07/31/2008, -0/+11I'm lonely :-(
- inactive, on 07/31/2008, -1/+10It's not that I am lonely - the problem is most people/women (including myself) are experienced as physically unappealing, boring or aggravating. Walk through the streets, for most people, the golden rule is 9 of of ten of all people are completely not interesting and the one who is, looks at you with disgust.
The reason for this is the effect of darwinist programming. Our genes tell us we want the best breeding material we can get. To fix that we either need to reprogram our sexual hardwiring (so we are blisfully happy with a cow with a nice personality) or we fundamentally improve looks and personalities of *all* people.
Good luck. For the next years, most people will remain just as lonely as ever. - GravitaZ, on 07/31/2008, -0/+9I kind of agree with this, I live alone, and have for a while. It causes me to drink more and do more harmful things to my body due to boredom and depression. I see no relationships in my immediate future, so I plan on checking out around 40-45 years old, i'm currently 25
- UberNick, on 07/31/2008, -0/+8You've got to do it the right way and set up a "fraternity" with $100 daily "dues".
- MrHappyMan, on 07/31/2008, -0/+7Interesting experiment demonstrating what complete social isolation can do.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pit_of_despair - Kidddrunkadelic, on 07/31/2008, -4/+11Your post is better than that article.
- cubicledrone, on 07/31/2008, -0/+7Like cubicles for ten hours a day? Freeway traffic for three hours a day? Small wantonly overpriced apartment surrounded by paranoid, angry, self-absorbed, hyper-competitive divorced people the rest of the time?
And where do you meet people? The local chowder shack where they charge six dollars for a salad with one tomato and two edible pieces of lettuce? - Yimyack, on 07/31/2008, -5/+12So let me get this straight, a teacher...sorry, psychologist - a guy who leads a pretty isolated life listeneing to other people's problems, locked himself in an office to write a paper/book/study on lonliness?
Something tells me it starts off like this....
"Dear Diary..." - HesComing, on 07/31/2008, -1/+8Not to be a killjoy, but I've actually worked with John Cacioppo. He is a research psychologist. Purely academic. He does no clinical work. He also has a wife and kids.
He plans research, teaches classes, collaboratively writes and edits books and book chapters, serves on national and international science and governmental committees, and is the president of the APA. Always in meetings or phone conferences or traveling to D.C. or overseas. All of these things involve interactions with other people. You'd really be amazed at all the things he does, but on the days he's in the office, still manages to leave by 4 pm to see his family.
So no, he's not lonely. This book is based on real scientific research. - DrJG, on 07/31/2008, -0/+6To most people from Asia and even from Europe the society in U.S. looks very lonely - it is not because of being a foreigner, though that can contribute; but in most countries most of outsiders do fine by sticking together in groups that are either defined by regions or by profession or sheer by being outsiders. It is the ambient society in US that looks frighteningly lonely for an outsider.
It is also painfully obvious to an outsider in U.S. that this extreme loneliness is not healthy, and that people need to connect. In US though anything that would be just common sense anywhere else is never obvious to anyone unless it is a research and discussed professionally and out in media, and those sort of things often support things that are completely crazy too.
Some examples are:-
- the one above, obvious to everyone without extreme sigular examples quoted
- in eighties a new research in psychology was heralded, and it was to the effect that love is very necessary for people and especially for babies to grow; whereas most of the world knew this and had not had a stupid male doctor telling them not to pick up crying babies to comfort them; in fact in most societies babies sleep with mothers;
- the famous study telling women they could not do science, which is now contradicted by performance of schoolgirls observed in US but had always been obvious to us from other places that were not prejudiced in the first place;
I could go on but these are enough to point at the various phenomena. - inactive, on 07/31/2008, -0/+6I can agree, it seems social networking and the internet actually makes people not want to go outside and be social in real life. Also people in general are hateful and un friendly. Go to a few clubs , people just don't talk to random people much anymore.
- mrbabbler, on 07/31/2008, -0/+5agree, my extroverted friend likes to make a point of it by going up to random people in clubs and trying to start conversation. most of the time they give him a dirty look as if to say "wtf do you think you're doing?"
people in nightclubs etc arent actually there for socialising, suprising or not. - Mr.Gone, on 07/31/2008, -0/+5I though violent video games are supposed to spell society's doom.
- GodsDragon, on 07/31/2008, -0/+5yet you have no friends on digg, its a cruel world.
- victimofkratina, on 07/31/2008, -1/+6Digg has social anxiety disorder.
Digg is closed due to social anxiety disorder. - adiyo011, on 07/31/2008, -0/+5On the internet...you can be a superhero.
- hypertension, on 07/31/2008, -0/+5Dude, buck up. As long as you're alive there's an opportunity for you to make things better.
I see you're from the US. I'm from there as well, but I moved away a year ago for these reasons, and it was the single best thing I've ever done for myself. I'm not alone when I say that you're not alone.
The bottom line is that the US can be a very lonely place to live for many people. The evidence is everywhere -- go to a Renaissance fair, and you'll see tons of obviously very intelligent people who's entire social life IS the Renaissance fair and lifestyle. That's not my style -- rather than live in a fantasy world, I just moved to a civilization known for being friendlier.
Again, it worked for me immediately. I went from 10 months without a date to a cute girl asking ME out in less than 24 hours. I've been with my current girl -- a local -- for 7 months, and she has NEVER mouthed off to me or demanded that I spend money.
It takes some effort -- fulfilling things like cultural adjustment and language learning -- but it's definitely worth it. You're 25 and have a world of opportunity ahead of you. If you (or anyone) is interested in more specific information, just contact me and I'll be glad to help. - Ponzo, on 07/31/2008, -0/+5There is a profound difference between loneliness and solitude. Solitude is chosen, whereas loneliness is forced. Solitude clears the mind, whereas loneliness does nothing good.
- ps3udov3ctor, on 07/31/2008, -2/+7I live alone, have no friends, and everyone always diggs down my comments. ;(
- inactive, on 07/31/2008, -0/+4Your a idiot? There's so much irony here, my head is about to explode.
- JoshReflek, on 07/31/2008, -0/+4Saying "all women just want money" shows who you are, not them.
It may be more accurate to say, "all the women THAT I CAN ATTRACT just want money"
Ergo, better yourself, develop more attractive qualities by living in a broader spectrum than you have thus far.
Therein lies the difference of experience. - Haoie, on 07/31/2008, -0/+4Oh dear, you should really get out more.
And so should I, for that matter. - thelastcivilian, on 07/31/2008, -1/+5So... "society's doom," huh? Everyone's gonna be lonely? How's this going to work? Will we be living in pods?
- inactive, on 07/31/2008, -0/+4"In 1916 his loneliness drove him to borrow a revolver"
Anyone ever read about Ota Benga?
Pretty sure the fact that he was sold, exhiled, exhibited as an animal and treated like a savage for all of his life didn't help. The man was on display in a Zoo for *****'s sake. And he wasn't in exhile, he was exhiled. He was constantly surrounded by people, that treated him like a sac of *****.
I already don't like this book. - Lesli, on 07/31/2008, -0/+4I'm sad that I read that :-(
- hollyminkowski, on 07/31/2008, -2/+6I guess I'm afraid of loneliness... I'm 20 and can't even bring myself to move out of my parents house :-( I can't picture myself in an apartment alone.
- bluesnowmonkey, on 07/31/2008, -0/+4Uh, yeah and boobs feel like bags of sand. Come on guys, get the ***** outside. Don't give me that "they only want me for my money" crap. Be realistic. They don't want you at all.
- Qewl, on 07/31/2008, -0/+4the day after you die
- villageatheist, on 07/31/2008, -0/+3In the days of multi-generational households, when children lived with their parents until they were ready to get married and start a family of their own, individuals were surrounded by people they knew and loved all the time. They probably longed for some personal space but its certainly preferable to living all alone. To satisfy our ambitions to make it in this world, we leave our hometowns for the big cities. For our pride, we move out of the houses of our parents so others won't judge us. To teach children how to be independent and self-sufficient, parents encourage them to move out in their late teens/early twenties. That's my opinion on family/loneliness/whatever.
- GravitaZ, on 07/31/2008, -0/+3I'm holed up in my office at work, same difference.
- chrissku, on 07/31/2008, -0/+3Here is a picture and description of Ota Benga. He was the tribesman mentioned in the article.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ota_Benga - chaos7, on 07/31/2008, -0/+3mirror:
http://discovermagazine.com.nyud.net:8080/2008/aug ... - SSUK, on 07/31/2008, -0/+3What doesn't lead humans to a miserable life and/or early grave?
- Mr.Gone, on 07/31/2008, -0/+3Naw, he's just lonely.
- galvanize, on 07/31/2008, -3/+6I concur
- inactive, on 07/31/2008, -2/+5*excerpts.
- hypertension, on 07/31/2008, -0/+2I've been reading the comments here, and many of them sadden me. Many people have different ideas of what causes loneliness in the US, and well... I approached the problem differently.
I wrote about it in a previous post here, and have already gotten interested responses, so I thought I'd write a little more here.
Life -- social life -- in the US is simply not working out for many young people anymore. If it is for you -- great. But for many, trying to meet new people is like bashing one's head against a wall. People snap at you for saying hello because they don't immediately remember you, then follow up with fake politeness and a fake happy voice.
Long story short -- I have theories, but no longer care why it's like that. I've left and now live in a civilization where I don't have these problems. Even when I go to the grocery store, have to -- no, GET TO -- shake hands with 6 different people and catch up with them, and kiss and say hello the lady selling chicken.
You don't have to take my word for it. Learn a bit of Spanish, come to Costa Rica, stay in hostels (maybe for a night or two in San Jose), and go out of your way to meet locals and foreigners. You'll notice the difference in the way even British women present themselves and treat you... even if they're not interested.
There are solutions... sometimes one must simply go out and find them. - hypertension, on 07/31/2008, -0/+2@ raeshoa -- LOL
@ Loki
Costa Rica.
I agree that US media has spread "America" around the world, and I agree that there are many things that are part of "modern global culture", but I don't think that loneliness is too.
While the wealthier people in Latin America are definitely more "americanized", Latin culture still puts a much higher value on people and people's relationships. Families also have more incentive to live together and get along. All I can say is that people seem to appreciate others here more than in the US. - inactive, on 07/31/2008, -0/+2I hang out with my one friend just so he doesn't get all lonely and go postal on everyone.
- LokitheComplex, on 07/31/2008, -0/+2I'm curious where did you go? I remember a mantra from 12 years ago "Is there anywhere that isn't America today." Whilst that was before the war on terror and the US now seems less dominant the values of "America" seem to spread globally. But its not really "American culture" more like "modern global culture" and it causes familiar problems. Aggressive work environments, sublimation, addiction, vast inequality and loneliness.
- raeshao, on 07/31/2008, -0/+2It's a trap! He's trying to lure you to the town the Hostel movies take place in.
So where did you move to? -
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