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Marriage + Gaming = Game Over?

destructoid.com — Marriage is by far one of the craziest things out there. The sheer planning and time it takes to even get to the church and say "I do" is ridiculous. But without a doubt, it is worth it. But here's where things get a little sticky... clashing ideas or beliefs on gaming.

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vSavantv 1 year 290 days ago, made popular 1 year 290 days ago

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Who Dugg It?

Nobi-Wan, on 10/12/2007, -3/+159Some tips from a guy who just got married to a non-gaming woman:

1) Regulate how often you play when she's around and offer to help with stuff BEFORE she asks. HUGE bonus points are added if you at least make it look like playing that brand new game isn't a priority over what she needs help with. Emptying the dishwasher without her knowing got me some major game time without getting crap for it for over a week.

2) Find a game she might enjoy and let her win. A lot. She'll be a lot more willing to play new games with you if she believes she can have a fighting chance in a game you play all the time.

3) Get a Wii.
- naukuga, on 10/12/2007, -3/+64amen to #3, a wii will get even the most non gamer's foot in the door.
- NinjaBoy, on 10/12/2007, -1/+29Agreed, got a wii. but i havent been able to do/play any thing ELSE since then.
- Jwoey, on 10/12/2007, -2/+32just adding to naukuga's...
  
  My dad, 60, hasn't played a video game since Tetris.. asked me to bring my Wii over to his house the other day, now is trying to find and buy one for himself.
- Software2, on 10/12/2007, -17/+7My advice is to find a woman that actually enjoys games at least to some degree. Mine didn't, and she left me and got hitched to a non-gamer. (And yes, it was games that caused it)
  - girlgames, on 08/03/2008, -0/+0No idea why you got dug down for that one... sucks that your ex wasn't into games. http://www.egirlgames.com/ . Games for girls are not very common, good luck finding a girl into them.
- Sithlrd, on 10/12/2007, -17/+74) get used to the idea that she's gonna nag you till you quit your gaming, or she ***** around on you and/or leaves you.
  
  Gamers shouldn't marry non gamers. Speaking from experience here. If you're a gamer and your S.O. isn't, run like the ***** wind. My second wife is hotter, hornier, and uh... gamier? /duck
  
  NO NO!!! Not like that honey!
- greenski, on 10/12/2007, -2/+9Agree with the Wii... And Nintendo's titles in general !
  
  You also can buy a DS to your whole family. Games can be played in family : Let's try a Mario Party with your kids !!
- aguilera, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10My wife used to be non gamer...I turned her into one, no marriage problems at all...all we have to fight over is who finishes Zelda first or who's next for UNO :)
- BESTenemy, on 10/12/2007, -0/+18 Wait till you have kids. You'll be re-living your childhood all over again. My best friend spends hours each day playing racing games with his kid. Wife's not a gamer, but she has not a slightest complaint.
- nimicohgr, on 10/12/2007, -22/+33#4 : Don't get married.
- jbarket, on 10/12/2007, -1/+20I really can't emphasis how easy it is to introduce non-gamers to the Wii. I bought mine on launch day, and it hasn't made it home from my parents' yet because they can't get enough of it (and because actually gaming with my dad means a lot to me). A few hours with it really opened doors for my girlfriend. Now she wants a DS, and can bet your ass I'm going to bring her one home.
  
  I've got an alternative for #2 though. Rather than letting her win, play a cooperative game--like playing on the same team in Wii Tennis--or a game where you're competing in score alone--like Wii Bowling or Golf. She can play these as she wants, without having to sit out or get pissed about losing because you just did a 40000 hit combo in Dead or Alive Face Smasher Xtreme 7. Alternatively, play genres where well practiced hand eye coordination is less important, or where you generally suck. Lightning reflexes aren't really a requirement for Puzzle Fighter. Games with a low level of commitment are important too.
  
  The simplest advice I have, however, is *don't play when she's around*. I know this sounds like you're giving something up, but you're not. Your girlfriend has her own hobbies and her own friends that you can encourage her to indulge in. When she's doing whatever it is that's her passion, you're free to do the same. It's not hard to be active in your relationship and also game like a maniac.
- CaptainBukko, on 10/12/2007, -1/+30As one of the minority of Diggers with young children, let me be the first to say
  KIDS have been the death of my gaming!
  
  Until my son (currently 18 months) reaches the age where he can manage to pick up a controller and at least help out on Lego Star Wars, my gaming will never amount to more than about 30 minutes a week, and I use to average 8+ hours a week. Sad story...I know...but of course there are better things out there than gaming.
- ZackScott, on 10/12/2007, -0/+22My wife and I cannot play games against each other because she's too competitive. If she loses, she gets kind of mad. If I let her win, she can tell, and then gets mad at me.
  
  What I have found is that she enjoys it when we play games we can play somewhat together. The latest example is Twilight Princess, because while I would be at work, she would play the game, and I would come back and she would have advice for me on my game.
  
  With that said, she loves watching me play games with a story. I've played through the entire Resident Evil series (which she loves) without her ever wanting to touch the controls. Since she enjoys it that much, it is like watching a movie together, except a tiny bit more interactive for her, and a lot more interactive to me. Let's just say playing Resident Evil 4 was like watching the ultimate movie several nights in a row.
  
  Sometimes though there's a game I'll want to play that she'll have very little interest in. That's when we can both sit on the couch while I play on the TV and she'll play on the DS. We can both even chat and catch up on our day.
- cardyology, on 10/12/2007, -0/+21I'd love it if my girl played games with me more. Sure, she likes the Wii, we play monkey ball all the time, but what I really want is her to chainsaw my face off in gears, and there be absolutely nothing I could do about it.
- falstaff, on 10/12/2007, -4/+3@captainbukko
  
  I have to compete with my 3-year-old daughter for computer time. I've often been relegated to solitaire on the old laptop (since that's about the most advanced game it can run). I wish she were 18 months old again. Much easier to contain (and keep off my computer!).
- PeterBWiggin, on 10/12/2007, -3/+2I'm taking the weening approach to mine. Started out playing nice co-op RPGs. We both absolutely loved Tales of Symphonia for the gamecube. Then I got her to play Super Smash Brothers Melee. Then up to Soul Calibur and now we're playing Warcraft 3 together and she gets really into it. Its hard to get her to play Counter-Strike though... but thats the next step.
- evilTak, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1@ZackScott
  My situation is near-identical.
- Nodren, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3#4 make sure she has at least 3-4 good friends she can hang out with... this allows you the much needed cave time, be it to play games, go out with your friends or even visit digg. when she's having fun, that means you can have fun, it just doesnt necessarily need to be together.
- stubadub, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2When I lived on my own I probably averaged around 20-30 hours a week playing games. When I moved in with my girlfriend I dropped down to around 10-15 hours a week. When we got married it dropped to somewhere around 5-10 hours a week. Now that we have a child I get maybe 5 hours a week in, and that is only by making the choice to sacrifice sleep.
- etruscan, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4I need some tips for marrying a woman who IS into gaming. Two computers aside, there are a whole host of new problems that arise from this seemingly perfect coupling.
- brokekneck, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1@ aguilera
  
  You are a very lucky man.... Which my girlfriend would game :(
- purplehaze420, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2Spoken like a true gamer. Well said! :D
- rasterbator, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9After 14 years of marriage (and gaming while married), this is my best advice to you:
  Weekdays:
  1. Get the kids to bed.
  2a. Spend a little time with wife, and go to sleep, or
  2b. Spend a little time with wife, and then kiss her goodnight.
  3. Go downstairs and play when if mood strikes.
  
  Weekends
  1. Challenge kids to a game of Star Wars Battlefront II or Madden NFL.
  2. Get THEM to ask my wife if Dad can play for a little while! ;)
  
  Unreal Tournament is the ONLY game that entices me to play at the end of the day.
  
  Doing your chores helps as previously stated.
- emfb, on 10/12/2007, -7/+2How about this one:
  
  Grow a backbone.
  
  Your just a lucky to have her as she is you.
  
  Just be yourself. If she don't like it, then she doesn't really like you.
  
  Life is too short to be led around by the short hairs.
- chijim70, on 10/12/2007, -4/+1Ahaahaaaahaaaaammeeeeennnnn! Amazing how much men will cave to pussy control. Seriously... do you really need a new Mommy this badly? I'd rather enjoy the variety in dating and keep my home to myself where I can do whatever the hell tickles my fancy. Just don't understand how people allow themselves to become some control freaks fixer upper project. Be who you are and if they don't like it they aren't worth your time. Maybe I will meet somebody that I want to settle down with someday but I'm sure as hell not handing in my penis card to make it happen.
- lilrabbit129, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2"My wife and I cannot play games against each other because she's too competitive. If she loses, she gets kind of mad. If I let her win, she can tell, and then gets mad at me."
  
  If she gets too competitive, where it becomes a problem... run. Its one of those faults that doesn't seem very bad but is a great sign of things to come and of her personality traits in general.
- Hindu_Wardrobe, on 10/12/2007, -2/+2Whoever I get married to (if I even marry) is lucky, cause I'm a girl and I love videogames. :)
  And not just the stereotypical "girl games". I'm talking Zelda, Gears of War, Unreal Tournament, anything.
  But then again, nobody ever called me a normal girl. ;)
- dizzydigg, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1My wife WAS a non-gamer...Know what she's doing right now? Playing FFXII like she has been for weeks and she can't get enough (her characters are in level 30s).
  
  I agree with the article. I got her playing things like Lumines on the 360 first and then that led into other stuff. She truly gets whats behind my playing games now.
  
  Also like the article mentions know when enough is enough and where family comes into play. That's more important that digital ones and zeros on a screen anyway....
- gweedo767, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1I have to note that #3 isn't perfect. I have a non-gamer wife that would enjoy the occasional mini-game in Super Monkey Ball (Gamecube) and Mario Party (namely 7 and 8) at the end of the day. I thought the Wii would be a shoe in for some Wife and Me time, but it hasn't been. By 9pm we have had a full day of work and then an evening of chasing/playing with our 1 year old. She wants to sit down and play something that doesn't involve much work. So far the Wii hasn't offered that to here. SMB for the Wii also worked to frustrate her since the mini-games were implemented as poorly as I have ever seen.
  
  Mario Party 8 is coming soon, and I dont' know what to think personally....but #3 isn't always perfect. The option that is perfect is the letting her know she is more important than Zelda and helping out around the house first...then you get plenty o' VC time :)
- VickyB, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0My partner loves the fact that I play video games as much if not more than he does. Match made in heaven. If you love gaming it's great that your partner appreciates it too. Just make sure you have 2 pc's in the house!
clubmasta2, on 10/12/2007, -26/+7Here's a helpful hint to those WoW players
It's exactaly what I've done for all my girlfriends

Fine one that plays
- nesdude, on 10/12/2007, -5/+2My girlfriend was the one that made me get into WoW.
- elnerdo, on 10/12/2007, -3/+22Fine one?!
  
  "Whoa, hold up there. You play WoW. That will be twenty dollars. "
- merreborn, on 10/12/2007, -4/+5My soon-to-be wife is the big gamer in our house. She's in front of her PC at least twice as often as I'm in front of mine. I'm usually the first one to bed.
- emxero, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3It pretty much comes down to finding a partner with common interests. My husband & I love gaming together. One thing I can recommend is getting some good co-op games. There's nothing more fun than roaming WoW together or teaming up for Gears of War with your loved one. If you & your partner don't enjoy common interests & doing things together then maybe you should ask yourself why you're with them. Marriage is not an obligation or a compromise. It's co-op.
UglieJosh, on 10/12/2007, -1/+11I had these problems for a spell. I tried getting my wife into games with little success..... Until she walked in on me playing, of all things, Romance of the Three Kingdoms 7. I had made the mistake of always showing her cutesy, Nintendo type games, giving her the impression that all non-violent games were as such.

Now, playing games together is our favorite pastime and owning the Wii has brought us and our children closer together than ever before.
- flipmeat, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1 Hm, my wife walked in on me chainsawing monsters in Doom, and she showed no interest. What happened to the girl I married?
kevin45, on 10/12/2007, -10/+55If you'd rather play EQ/WOW for 10 hours a day instead of bang your wife, you have other issues altogether.
- shankrabbit, on 10/12/2007, -1/+41Unless you're banging your wife AND playing EQ/WOW
  
  ... or in my case Guild Wars...
- catalysis, on 10/12/2007, -0/+43Heh, you haven't seen some peoples' wives.
- infimprob, on 10/12/2007, -4/+34Who bangs their wife all day? Your balls would hurt so bad that you would have to lean back while sitting for a month!
- Gryffydd, on 10/12/2007, -1/+38Speaking of using your wii to entertain your wife...
- kent1146, on 10/12/2007, -4/+59If you think being married (or even having a girlfriend )means having sex all day, you should go through puberty before voicing your opinion on other peoples' issues.
- GraceMolloy, on 10/12/2007, -12/+2Ok, I know this guy ... and his now ex wife was hot.
- Gryffydd, on 10/12/2007, -4/+35@infimprob
  I bang your wife all day, does that count?
- FuzzyBunny, on 10/12/2007, -0/+15"Who bangs their wife all day? Your balls would hurt so bad that you would have to lean back while sitting for a month!"
  
  Might as well get some games so you have something to do while you're recovering.
- foomojive, on 10/12/2007, -2/+6"Who bangs their wife all day? Your balls would hurt so bad that you would have to lean back while sitting for a month!"
  
  ...still laughing...
- flipmeat, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1"Hurry up, I have to level my orc."
wordsthatendini, on 10/12/2007, -4/+8Like this is anything sort of revolutionary information.
- Gryffydd, on 10/12/2007, -12/+2And dumping some tea into a harbor wasn't exactly a revolutionary action...
josegutz, on 10/12/2007, -25/+2Marriage + Gaming = No Sex...
- Jwoey, on 10/12/2007, -5/+65pfft, you're obviously not married.
  
  Marriage = no sex.
  
  Marriage + Gaming = no sex but you get to play video games.
- shitfun, on 10/12/2007, -13/+1No Sex != Marriage + Gaming
- VaporBro, on 10/26/2007, -4/+20Sorry your marriage isn't working out.
  
  Marriage = Sex
  :)
Fracture98, on 10/12/2007, -15/+3Planning?
1. Phone justice of the peace.
2. Sign paper.
3. Married.
- FuzzyBunny, on 10/12/2007, -0/+36You don't know many women, do you?
- kevin45, on 10/12/2007, -18/+3It's not a wedding until $60 grand is spent.
  
  Otherwise, you will NEVER hear the end of it.
  
  "My husbands so cheap!"
washingtonydc, on 10/12/2007, -1/+9It's all about the wii--girlfriend/spouses seem to take an exceptional thrill from beating the hell out of their men in wii sports boxing.
- OMGWTFROFLMAO, on 10/12/2007, -13/+4Can't believe you guys have been beaten by women in wii sports boxing. I've never been beaten by a girl in wii sports boxing, EVER. When you get into the ring, show no mercy. I have been victorious over:
  
  my mom (1st round ko)
  my girlfriend (1st round ko)
  my ex-girlfriend (2nd round ko)
  some girl who was hitting on me at a friend's NCAA championship game party (1st round ko)
  my sister (1st round ko)
  my aunt (1st round ko)
  my grandmother (3rd round ko..she's tough)
  
  P.S. I welcome all challengers. I am an equal opportunity wrecking machine!
- Tempest811, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4@ omgwtfroflmao
  
  sounds like you got the whole wiincestual gamut
famousquote, on 10/12/2007, -10/+1Just sit on your ass all day and make her work a job, clean the house and pay all the bills while you play Oblivion until 4 am. .
greymaxcat, on 10/12/2007, -0/+25My wife hated games... we fought every time I played...
Then I introduced her to Teken...
Something about virtually kicking the ***** out of me appealed to her...
- dadrew1, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2Soul Caliber II here, with a bit of Virtua Fighter IV thrown in for good measure
- eugeneandbobo, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1yeah, i found the same thing. sc 3 for me...however, i find most women like the vitual supremacy of those games
LittleDanzig, on 10/12/2007, -12/+21I know I'll get dugg down for this, but screw it.

If video games are ANYWHERE near as important to you as real-life, flesh-and-blood, interpersonal relationships, you need to seriously re-evaluate your life. Articles like this make me seriously question the social development of my own generation -- this should not even be an issue. Life isn't solely about consumption and constant entertainment -- humans are gregarious creatures and need personal connections -- and those who are ready and willing to value the passive pleasure of an inanimate object over the reciprocative love of another human being would indicate a deep and disturbing lack of empathy and, years ago, be labeled sociopathic behavior.

Okay, commence the hate-fest.
- subject117, on 10/12/2007, -0/+19It's not a hate-fest you're going to get, but at least informed of passion a lot of people feel for their hobbies. Simply stating that one persons hobby is somehow less important than another's seems ignorant to me, regardless of the relevance of said hobby. Why should someone that cares about a hobby and considers it a fulfilling part of their life be ostracized for it?
- CheezIt9109, on 10/12/2007, -5/+0@LittleDanzig ("If video games are ANYWHERE near as important to you as real-life, flesh-and-blood, interpersonal relationships, you need to seriously re-evaluate your life.")
  
  ++
  
  Completely agreed. I used to fit this category, although it was more of an addiction than placing a conscious emphasis on gaming over everything else. Went to college and completely dropped anything gaming related. Discovered girls, booze, and excessive procrastination.
- zangief, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12Agreed for the most part, but you can make that point about anything that either you or your wife enjoy: TV, shopping, night out at the bar, spending hours reading articles on digg, working on your car, you get the point. Problem is that for most adults, especially women, gaming isn't accepted as a mature activity, just something that is a fun waste of time. Everything I just mentioned is, at least as you phrased it, not "near as important as real-life, flesh-and-blood, interpersonal relationships". And each one of those activities (among others) can tear away at that relationship. IMO, gaming is picked on too much, but thats mainly because the people bitching aren't gamers.
  
  A relationship is all about sacrifice. If you aren't willing to sacrifice some gaming time, you are an idiot. But I also contend that your partner should be able to compromise as well. There can be a time and a place for gaming in marriage, but it can't be a priority.
- lunarworks, on 10/12/2007, -0/+16"If video games are ANYWHERE near as important to you as real-life, flesh-and-blood, interpersonal relationships, you need to seriously re-evaluate your life."
  
  So if your wife told you to stop posting on internet forums, another generally harmless pastime, would you?
  
  Why should someone else control your life in such a way? If she can't accept, even on a rudimentary basis, something that you have a basic enjoyment of, then maybe you're just not compatible.
  
  Simple as that.
- LittleDanzig, on 10/12/2007, -4/+1I agree with every reply here -- I think some of those of you who are disagreeing with me are missing my intended point; Perhaps it wasn't as clear as I had intended. What I was attempting to say here wasn't that no compromise should be reached, or that people should somehow be ready to abandon their hobbies and their independent existence for the sake of a good relationship. My point was that the hallmark of any mature interpersonal relationship IS the ability to compromise and, more importantly, prioritize the greater good of the "unit" over those things that bring individual pleasure. That's not to say, of course, that means all vestiges of individual "fun" should be sacrificed, but that the tone of this discussion (which seems to describe marraige as an "obstacle" to one's gaming) seems to present this as a zero-sum equation, one where your significant other must be willing to accept what qualifies as an obsession (and one that's far more befitting to a young, single individual) or essentially hit the road. That's what I'm taking issue with here -- If your spouse doesn't enjoy gaming and doesn't want you to play all the time, play less. You don't need to try to subversively "convert" them to your way of thinking, and you definitely don't need to throw the bathwater out with the baby. You just need to compromise, which, from most of the replies here, seems to be the general consensus regardless.
  
  My original post was less about "permission" and more about "prioritization."
- Sandnor, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2Ah but I believe you miss the point perhaps... and this is all from a personal perspective and experience so YMMV
  
  For some of us, games and gaming have been there for years. Long before we met our SO, long before our first kiss, long before our first clumsy gropings there was gaming. Added to this, we also know that games will continue to be there for us. Yes, I know it's not exactly a healthy mental attitude, but it is what it is. Much like a child and his blanket, games are a comfort for us. Something familiar and known that has very rarely ever let us down (Duke Nuke'em Forever excluded). Because of this, we tend to give a higher priority to games because frankly, they have never really screwed us over or asked anything of us other then to enjoy them.
  
  Again, it may not be healthy or right, but it is what it is. That being said, any SO entering into a relationship that isn't aware of a gamers need to game is a complete fool. Either they are fooling themselves or their SO, by denying this fact. If your dumb enough to get involved with a gamer and then expect them to just give up or drastically curtail the one constant in their lives, you are not only fooling yourself but your relationship is already beyond doomed.
  
  So what do you do. Well if your a gamer, you had better find a SO that is into games. It may not be the same games, but they should have a love for gaming of some sort to match yours. For instance, I am a avid gamer (Duh) who plays frequently. My wife is also a avid gamer. Unlike me though, she prefers to MUSH versus my desire to skewer or gun down a digital opponent. We both spend hours gaming in our own ways and everyone is happy.
  
  If your a non-gamer with a gaming SO you have a few options. One is to show interest and understanding of how important gaming is to your SO. As they learn that you love them and respect their gaming, they may curtail on their own and spend more time with you. The second option is to have you SO show you what is out there. You may not like the games they play, but I'm betting dollars to donuts there is something you will enjoy. Once you start sharing the same past time, its easier to understand why they spend so much effort on it. Third is to understand what it means to them to game and accept it. There will be times when you may feel left out or ignored. Talk to your SO about it. And by talk I mean discuss. Not lambaste them for being a gamer geek. No accusatory tones or messages about how awful and negligent they are. Because if you do that, guess what... They will just got back to the things they know won't hurt or accuse them. Games.
  
  These are of course my own personal observations as both a gamer and one who has seen multiple relationships succeed and fail due to gaming. As always, take it with a grain of salt.
- LittleDanzig, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1Sandnor, I see where you're coming from, but it seems that your entire post is made from the perspective that I'm not a gamer, which is entirely untrue. Next to playing music, gaming is my second favorite hobby -- I'm a dedicated MMO player, I love my Wii, and I write code for a living, I'm about as nerdy as you can get. So, while I can relate to your statements about gaming being a pervasive part of your life (it's part of mine, too) what I can't agree with is that having a hobby you're passionate about somehow limits your relationship choices to somebody who's an exact mirror of your likes and dislikes.
  
  In the same vein, I played in unsuccesful touring rock bands for years and years. Part of growing up, and entering into an "adult relationship" was learning to realize that I'd need to change the way I approached music to be succesful in making somebody I love feel like they were a valid part of my life. It wasn't easy by any means, but it was part of the process. And that's not to say I don't play today, I still do -- I just changed the way I did it. I record my own stuff at home, for fun, and play with bands in the area. I don't tour anymore, and that's a minor bummer, but I'm still more than able to pursue the things I enjoy, just not with the all-encompassing focus I used to embody. On the other hand, by your argument, my only options would be to live a life of self-gratifying loneliness or only pursue women who were also musicians -- but, truth be told, I found that I just don't "connect" with female musicians at all. So what then?
  
  For me, it came down to realizing that life is a series of stages and sometimes, they demand change. I never had a woman holding her affections over my head as a carrot and offering me ultimatums that I had to "change my lifestyle." The decision to reprioritize my 'musical life' was a decision that I came to after examining the realities of adult existence. Gaming was much of the same. I play MMO's and, as you guys doubtlessly know, they're time sinks. I'm completely positive that if I were willing to sacrifice the qualities that I really desire in a mate (you know, things like personality and the like), I could find a "gaming girlfriend" that would allow me to play WoW to my heart's content, but when it came down to it, in my heart, I knew that there were things I were looking for in a relationship that went far beyond a simple sharing of hobbies.
  
  I see where you're coming from, I truly do, and I know that for some people, the ability to sit down with their partner and play games is something that they would consider a very important factor of their relationship. I just think that using this sort of shared superficiality as the be-all-or-end-all measuring stick of compatibility is really ultimately a limiting proposition.
- merreborn, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4"If video games are ANYWHERE near as important to you as real-life, flesh-and-blood, interpersonal relationships, you need to seriously re-evaluate your life"
  
  People like what they like. Denying that is foolhardy.
  
  You wouldn't tell a painter to stop painting. Or a writer to stop writing. Or a racer to stop racing. Or a musician to stop playing music.
  
  Do what you love, and find someone who's willing to accept it. Trying to abandon the things you love for someone else is only going to put strain on your relationship.
- LittleDanzig, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1Mereborn, why need my idea be a zero-sum equation? I seem to keep brick-walling into this same misconception.
  
  You wouldn't ask a painter to stop painting, or a writer to stop writing, but you might ask them to focus on it a bit less intently if their pursuit exists at the detriment to your relationship. Nobody's saying here that this is a "GAME OR DON'T GAME" sort of binary quandry. The issue is learning to practice moderation for the sake of a greater good, something that my generation seems to be none too fond of.
broXc, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4Dugg, but would like to see some talk about PC gaming...
1jaxstate1, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2Why would you let your wife tell you whether you can game or not. If it's not consuming you, I see no problem with getting your game on. Some people just take it to the extreme, and some people need a new wife.
ophilye, on 10/12/2007, -0/+15here's the secret to EVERY relationship: FIND THINGS YOU CAN DO TOGETHER.

If you enjoy gaming, I highly suggest getting her involved. Find a game you can play together. My husband & I enjoyed Shadowman, Fatal Frame, and sometimes Resident Evil together. My husband & I play WoW together and we both lvl our 64-characters together. We make plans where we ONLY play them together, so that we are still involving each other.

But, know that this is a give and take. Until she is really into doing what you do, you need to take time to do what she likes to do. Go shopping with her (and actually enjoy it, ya' twit!) .. take her to dinner .. go get a couples massage.. anything that shows you are interested in what she likes to do too.

You know, until she's hooked, and for "her" time, she chooses playing in Nagrand until she can out-level you. :D

If you are actually interested in this topic, my husband is putting together a website for games from a husband & wifes POV, to know what games (PC, 360, PS2, & Wii) to introduce to your gf/wife. Add me as a friend & I will submit a Digg when there is content available.
- MasterInsan0, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6You forgot DDR =P. I've found rhythm games to be a good game for people of all relationships--girlfriend/boyfriend, friends, or family--to play together.
- Digisurfer, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3@ophilye: You have it SO right. The wife and I met through friends back in high school, and will have been together 16 years come this July. The first few years were pretty rough, what with being youthful and all. I don't think we would have made it if it weren't for the things we have in common, things we could both enjoy and do together. Hence why I agree that this is the key. Gaming just happens one of those things (thankfully, since I need it to stay sane lol). She usually likes the puzzle type games, like those available on Xbox Live Arcade, while I primarily like racing and first person shooters. Have to admit that I was pretty surprised when she told me she had tried Gears of War the other day and loved it, quite possibly more than me from the way she was speaking about it. I do know she has played more of it than I have. Before we got our Xbox 360, we used to play WoW a lot. Have been considering picking it back up now that the BC expansion is out. We miss playing our undead characters (a mage and priest) and reminisce about them quite often.
- foomojive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I wish my wife and I had gaming in common. We go out to dinner and watch movies. We generally have those things in common, but movies aren't much of a social endeavor. We used to go to the Y together and work out but now we dropped that. I pin all my video game hopes on the Wii, which we plan on getting when we sell our house as a reward.
subject117, on 10/12/2007, -1/+11Wait a minute! Gamers get married? (Don't worry, I'm just joking, but doesn't if still seem like the mainstream news and a lot of older people in general think this way?)
mandarin, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love!"
TheFlush, on 10/12/2007, -15/+10I'm gay, my boyfriend also loves gaming. And we're both addicted to gadgets....no girl is going to stop us.
A girlfriend would want a nice big dining table and chairs....we used that space to create a home theater.
A girlfriend would want to spend money on clothes, we spent money to put a HD-tv in every room of our house.
It's so nice to not have a girl in your home :-)
- loki49152, on 10/12/2007, -0/+25Man.. if it weren't for the guy-on-guy sex thing, this gay bit might be the way to go.
- TheFlush, on 10/12/2007, -2/+2Ey then don't have sex! ;-)
- gonpost, on 10/12/2007, -5/+1Oh don't dig the man down, he has a valid point
  
  Hell dig me down instead of him if you'd like. I'm sure some of you will take me up on that offer.
- dotnetwebdev, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4While I agree that there are most definitely some very compelling reasons for a man to be gay (for example, all of the fine points you've laid out here), but "It's so nice to not have a girl in your home" is certainly not one of them.
- ophilye, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9wow. Umm, you're gay.. so aren't you busy buying expensive clothes, throwing FABulous dinner parties, or attending trendy indy movies?
  
  I'll make you a deal. You don't pigeonhole women into wanting clothes & dining room tables, and I won't do the same.
  
  I love gaming, and so does my daughter. The man in our life is the one wanting the better house. So nyah nyah nyah nyah.
gleam, on 10/12/2007, -1/+5This is why you marry a gamer. I play crackdown, she plays civ 4, maybe we both play Viva Pinata or Lumines. Heck, we both play Urban Terror for Q3.

I married a beautiful geeky gamer who giggles at "LOLDONGS" and the GNAA and has been on EFNet almost as long as I have.

We're both a little demented, which is why the marriage works so well.
willdiggforfood, on 10/12/2007, -17/+3Stop pretending you have wives and/or girlfriends. Every creature with the gift of reasoning knows what kind of pathetic nerds living sad little lives Diggers are.
- computerdude33, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2And you consider yourself... not a Digger?
- aquadoctorbob, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Case in point: willdiggforfood. :)
ghst, on 10/12/2007, -1/+0Hey, I love my girlfriend/future wife. She's amazing, she plays video games! She loves playing the 360, and she's cool with me playing video games, but of course, can't be on for hours or else she'd kill me :-p It's all about communication, understanding, and compromise, and I don't see why all men/women who play video games shouldn't be able to once they marry their significant others.
CheezIt9109, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Agreed on getting a Wii. My fiance went from playing a game once a month, to playing daily, often playing while I'm busy with school work.

She's been much more understanding of my gaming addiction :-)

To those of you who are supporting ditching your SO for a gamer... I'm guessing you're either addicted, playing weird games, or ignoring your SO for gaming. I'd recommend life over gaming.
- LittleDanzig, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3Hear, hear. This reminds me of plenty of alcoholic conversations I've engaged in about how friends' wives and girlfriends were "holding them back" and "keeping them from having fun" and, ultimately, how they needed to "find girls who partied as much as they did." It's a poisonous way of thinking.
- catalysis, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4I disagree. Married life isn't for everyone and I think some people would enjoy gaming and hanging with friends over being in a controlling relationship.
- bluelu, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0My gratulations.
  
  You made her addicted to wasting her time.
pizpot, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1just do what we did, put the PC beside the TV. She reads or watches TV, I play warcraft.
RKnight, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9I play WoW and I am married. Its real simple, you can't let gaming (even WoW) take control of your life. Home life, work life, or social life. My wife understands I like to play WoW, which helps a lot, but it more has to do with your part. I run my own company, I work 9-12 hour days. I still manage to cook when she needs me to, clean, and hang out with her. On days I'm not working late, she tends to go to bed pretty early, so we hang out till she falls asleep. Then I hop on and play for a few hours. Its my downtime and doesn't interfere with the rest of my life or marriage... Its just game, it will always be there.

Now my brother on the other hand has girlfriend who plays WoW more than he does.... so suffice it to say, many of you should be jealous of him.... j/k
wernst, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10HERE'S how to keep gaming:

Get a Tivo or learn to program your VCR, and get your wife hooked on Soap Operas, and start recording. If she's already hooked, then you're basically home free - just make sure the damn Tivo is working.

Ditto for other shows you don't give a rat's ass about, but your wife loves. For me, that means "Ugly Betty," "House Hunters," and "Grey's Anatomy."

Now when you both get home from work, have dinner, do some chores, and watch the shows you like watching together (for us, that's "Mythbusters," "Boston Legal," and "Studio 60" and a few others), and then you PART COMPANY for a few hours.

She watches her stuff, and I get to snipe terrorists in CS:S on my PC.

Doesn't work if you have a gaming console on your main TV where the Tivo is.

Hey, I can only solve so many of your problems.
- o0joshua0o, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Man, that is EXACTLY what we do, and it works like a charm. My wife has a steady supply of entertainment waiting for her on the DVR, so she has no problem letting me go off and play for a while.
Mudcrutch, on 10/12/2007, -0/+13Why does it take MARRIAGE to figure out of the two of you are compatible?

Here's an idea -- try living with (or at least date) the girl for a WHILE before jumping into marriage. If you butt heads all the time over games (or anything) then it probably won't work out long-term.
- spazoidspam, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6You hit the nail on the head! My parents were divorced when I was a young child, and while I had a great life growing up, I saw how hard the divorce was on them and never wanted that to happen to me. I made a deal with myself that I would never get married until I had lived with the person I intended to marry for at least a year, to sort out any personality incompatibilities.
  
  This has worked out great for me, I met my wife 3.5 years ago, we started living together 6 months after that, bought a house 2.5 years ago, and were married in October. I can honestly say that our relationship has barely changed, its not the marriage that changes things, its the living together. Divorce is much harder then a break-up, know the person before you pledge the rest of your life to them.
TheRealM3D, on 10/12/2007, -1/+16This guy gives some interesting advice, but as someone who works in the game industry and has been married for a few years now, I would say his advice is far from complete. Take my wife for instance, she a manager of a major fitness club in the area. She has little interest in any kind of game. I tried to teach her Smash Bros, Halo, Super Mario, FIFA and few others and she just put the controller down in frustration within a few minutes. Games like Animal Crossing or Nintendogs don't appeal to her either, since she feels like she should actually be accomplishing something with her time. The only thing I've been able to get her to play have been some puzzle games like Dr. Mario, Lumines, PuyoPop and Brain Age. She's actually really good at those but gets bored easily and wants some human interaction within a few minutes of picking them up.

So I have an almost entirely non-gamer wife. So its more important for me to manage my time wisely than to get her into my hobby. I play games when her favorite programs are on TV. I play games when she has to work on a random Saturday or after she goes to bed at night if I'm not tired yet. But when we get home from work, I devote myself to her for a few hours. She is, afterall, far more important than getting through a couple of levels. I find when I am consistent in making her feel like my #1 priority then she is far more willing to give me some guilt-free time playing games.

The problem for a lot of people is that they think getting married just means they live together now. They assume their normal lifestyle will continue, just with a sexy new roommate. That isn't the case. You can't just pretend to make your wife/hubby a priority to get some time to do what you really want to be doing. We can all see through those tricks. Being married means ACTUALLY making your spouse the most important priority and worrying about your personal recreation time second. And if there's something coming down the pipeline that you know is going to take over your mind and body for a little while, make sure you communicate that clearly with your spouse beforehand so he/she knows what to expect.

And ya know... getting Wii helps too. My wife will occassionally join me for a game of Wii Sports, even though she complains her Mii doesn't look anything like her. :D
- LittleDanzig, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1This was, by far, the best post in this thread. I agree completely. The overwhelming mindset here seems to be that the solution to this quandry is to somehow attempt to convert your significant other into a gamer, and I just don't see this as a viable strategy.
- racazip, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1Excellent advice.
  
  To take it a step further... I'm getting married in June and we decided to not have a TV so we can have time to devote to one another. It's fun to see peoples' reactions to this. :)
- jmlane, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0I can relate quite a bit to what you are saying. I have been with the same girl for 15 months, and we are living together. She isn't exactly into video games much, but she has made an effort to play some with me. She can't handle FPS and some 3D games with too much camera movement, but 2D and RTS games she is open to. In fact, I got her hooked on Tetris Attack; She kicks my ass so badly I don't even want to play that with her anymore!
  
  In the end, I am worried more about the fact that we don't share many interests at all. I am into a lot of nerdy stuff, ranging from gaming to role play, anime to sci-fi, coding to web design; She doesn't really know much about or really understand the half of my interests. We get along really well, our personalities are very compatible, but at the end of the day, not really knowing what to do together is a scary thought.
TheMidnight, on 10/12/2007, -3/+1The girl I'm dating now was not into video games at all. She got sick of them from her gamer brother, who is far more hardcore than me. I got my girlfriend back into it, though, and here's how:

1) I know she likes movies, so I put in the Doom movie. We watched that and she liked it.
2) I had just bought a new computer, so I loaded Doom 3 on the machine and played a couple of levels for her, and pointed out the similarities in the game and the movie. She got interested, and the graphics on Doom 3 impressed her.
3) I put the game in god mode and let her get a feel for the gameplay. It's not her kind of game really, but she thought it was interesting and likes watching me play for a little while.
4) I downloaded a cutesy virtual pet game and let her play it. She's hooked.

Now I'm a long way from marriage, but when she tells me over the phone "I feel like watching you play Doom" you've won.
- Superflks, on 10/12/2007, -1/+12Someone liked the Doom movie?!
- motorbreathx, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6Live together. She'll go from saying "I feel like watching you play Doom" to "You're playing Doom again?". Again, everything's fine when you compromise and all that but living together, like said above, is a totally different animal. Of course there are always exceptions and you could be on of the lucky ones. Good luck!
- dotnetwebdev, on 10/12/2007, -2/+0Sweet!
  
  Now when she says "I want to blow you while you play [insert game name here].", you know you've got a keeper and it's time to buy the ring.
  
  Good luck with that.
- philz, on 10/12/2007, -2/+0No matter what - Graphics do NOT impress girls. It must have been something else.
  
  half on topic true story:
  I remember sitting in a train, driving along a river, HL 2 was just out and I spent the whole night playing. So I was a bit sleepy and just
  watched the water reflections and thought: "wow, this looks almost real." second thought was: "OMG! did I just think that?"
gr0m1t, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Here's a funny Mockumentary on this topic.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4911399802187134159&hl=en
newdna, on 10/12/2007, -0/+11the question:
Marriage + Gaming = Game Over?

the answer:
Marriage to Bitch + Gaming = Game Over.
rstrauss, on 10/12/2007, -3/+1The trick is to only fire that sob up whenever she goes to bed. My wife teaches preschool so she's asleep by 8pm which leaves me a solid 3-4 hours of gaming. I can't remember the time when I've ever turned on my 360 when she was up for fear of the wrath of "el tigre". There is nothing worse than an unhappy wife. They just don't understand the need or desire to rank up in Rainbow 6 Vegas!
haggie, on 10/12/2007, -4/+3I taught my fiance texas no limit hold 'em. She loves it and is quite good at it. Now I can play poker with her full support and she is actually making pretty good money.
pthomp, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5Gaming was ok when I got married, I too used to play after she went to bed early. Now I have a 5 month old baby girl and gaming time is non-existence...but she's a cutie so it's ok.
- joonhwan, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5Totally agree. But let me tell you that when the baby girl turns 5 and you have Wii, your gaming life will be back. :)
fastfourrier, on 10/12/2007, -2/+2Say what now?
timesnap, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2Ive also noticed that before wii, girls LOVED to play Guitar Hero. They still do love playing it actually and they wont give it up. I think women enjoy actually holding something you can do something with other then mash buttons. Must be How girls conceptually difficult to understand minds work.
- Coffeedemon, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1My girlfriend loves Guitar Hero. She got a guitar controller for christmas just so she could play co-op on my PS2 when she's over. We'll be moving in together within a year and I don't forsee any problems unless it involves getting her away from the various consoles so I can play.
princessangry, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3oh me and my fiancee really come together in gaming! we pretty much have the same tasts and we pretty much play the same games, hell we want more multi player fun for the wii! (might get the sonic game becuase the minigames look fun and we got tired of elebits multi) also we view gaming the same way!
stutte, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1Video games pay the bills... my wife BETTER love them....
beggersfunk, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2First thing first need a girl who are also playing games and most importantly an understanding person. Look what happened to me I have no issues been married for half a decade to the Mrs we are all cool. She remains the same when the first time i met her( about gaming). We love games and love competing to each other on a positive way, the best game buddy i ever have. No B.S!
warchant, on 10/12/2007, -1/+6i love my wife
- 1jaxstate1, on 10/12/2007, -4/+7We all do...several times a day.
- firstc624, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1Real grown up w/ an answer like that "we all do, several times a day"
  
  ok that was cool about 15 years ago.
  
  Retard
princessangry, on 10/12/2007, -4/+1how?
flipcritic, on 10/12/2007, -3/+2What kind of crap article is this? I'm married, a gamer, my wife is isn't, and we are happy! This is just another one of those pieces that likes to reinfoce stereotypes. Marriage involves compromise and understanding. Keeping that in mind makes both aspects work.
j3one, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Another good way (although in my case unintentional) Is to go over to a friends house/small lan party every once and a while and all the other guys have brought their wives/girlfriends. They girls had decided "if you can beat em, join em" and thus proceeded to bring their laptops and battle us at CS / BF2 ect..

On a side note, their is something disturbing about a girl yelling out a "your mom" slam from across the room while tea-bagging your shotgun filled head in game.... anyway..

Back to the point. My girl decided she didn't like the idea of all these other "cool gamer girlfriend/wives" hanging out and her not. So she got into it a bit and now is a formidable bf1942 player; although often a blatant team killer when I am on her side ;-)
nOOBert, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I have been Married for about a year and a half. Currently I have 3 60+ in wow and still manage to keep here happy. The trick is to do your part of the relationship with out being asked. It also helps that my wife did not try to break or change my gaming habbits. She knew before had that I was an avide gamer and that I was going to continue to be on after wards.
- sgtawol, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1That and the Sybian machine he bought her for Xmas.
labproductions2, on 10/12/2007, -3/+0I am kinda the opposite. My wife is addicted it WOW. I just don't get it. All I ever see of her is the back of her head and the damn monitor. I run a video production company, and work late hours out of our house, so she picked up WOW. She went through a similar phase with the Sims, where she played every waking moment. But then it died off.

But the WOW, She can sit there all ***** weekend, only moving to take a piss or get a beer. She is hot and curvy and loves to party, but has no life anymore b/c of this game. Our sex life is dead. Got me looking elsewhere. I don't even think she cares.

I have no interest in playing games, but am very tech savvy, just would rather learn new techniques and work and the like than play. I just feel that her gaming has gone out of control, and could, ultimately end our relationship.

Maybe if it doesn't work out, I will get her to post on here!
- mianiam, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1You should go see Tyra about that buddy.
DarkStalker, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3I got lucky. I married a gamer girl (not just a girl that pretended to like games while around me) and I work for a game company. Even our son plays games. I love it.
tedades, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I'm going to get married to a female gamer, if I get married at all. Hope that doesn't give me trouble.
insomniacal, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2From the original: "The second is to control your hobby and know what your true priorities are. Trust me, the denizens of Azeroth can be saved by a thirteen-year old without a job better than a married person with a family to care for."

Very glad to hear this! Priorities should always be kept, and anyone so addicted to gaming they want marriage to sit on the shelf should take a long, hard think before getting married.
Phonger, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1I just have to chime in because this is an all too important topic to me. I recently got married to a definite non gamer, and for those of you who never get married to a non gamer, you guys are crazy. Love like this transcends anything including my love for games. And like the article I try to find things my wife and I can do together. Which is why I bought a Wii, in fact she felt bad and stood in line with me, that was a great time. We play wii sports together when we can, and she tolerates me playing zelda. In turn we just try to find things we can do together and things we do on our own. Its all about sacrifice and reward.

PS I gave up a lvl 60 Shaman, and a level 50 rogue to graduate college. When I see people throw there education away for WoW it makes me angry. Of course Im graduating in May, and level 70 here i come after a 1.5year absence.
- gbacci, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2Let me guess, you are somewhat young. Love doesn't transcend forever, unless you keep trading up for a newer model. :)
- jmlane, on 10/12/2007, -1/+0And you must be cynical, because some people love the same person throughout their lives, even when they both get older.
Niomi, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3This article is lame, but some of the comments are useful. The biggest thing when it comes to gaming in a relationship is whatever you do, don't miss going to bed with your partner to stay up playing a video game.
I'm an occasional gamer; however my fiance puts a lot of time into this hobby. I show interest and talk to him about his hobbies as he does with mine.
PcChip, on 10/12/2007, -1/+6This is the dumbest article I've read on digg in a long time. Buried for lameness.

summary: "Try to get your girlfriend into gaming by going slowly, don't dump them on her all at once."

Duh.
dstz, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1A girl around my age, I don't understand why she wouldn't game at all. I'm not a hardcore gamer, though I like to game a lot at some moments, but not liking game is equal to not liking movies or not liking music, nowadays (I'm musician btw). Anybody with easy access to computer technology have to game at least a little, or there's a problem.
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Marriage + Gaming = Game Over?

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