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U.S. Ice Cubes Melting At Alarming Rate

theonion.com — High summer temperatures and ever-increasing levels of U.S. beverage consumption are causing ice cubes across the nation to melt at "an alarmingly unprecedented rate," the U.S. Department of Consumer Affairs reported recently.

Who dugg this? Made popular Jul 7, 2008

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  • FireSlash, on 07/07/2008, -6/+57See? SEE! WE NEED MORE PIRATES.
  • breich, on 07/07/2008, -8/+49Somehow or another... this is Bush's fault.
  • JONNYREBEL, on 07/07/2008, -11/+44The only way we can save our selfs and our planet is to pay the UNITED NATIONS "freezer TAX." Gore said it was true so it must be?
  • MrDarkSim, on 07/06/2008, -20/+53People need to be made aware of this crisis!
  • slvrbullet87, on 07/06/2008, -20/+42dont worry they will re-freeze this winter, but it wont be news then
  • gkiltz, on 07/07/2008, -2/+19Could it be all the hot air emanating from the Global Warming lobby?
  • wjlaw100, on 07/07/2008, -3/+16I've started to Re-cycle my Ice cubes to Conserve! Just gotta remember not to drink that last sip everytime.
  • Lawrencesss, on 07/07/2008, -11/+22I wish The Onion's articles were as funny as their headlines.
  • RedHerringHack, on 07/07/2008, -0/+11Must be complete bliss to work for NYT or LAT, then.
  • EIderofzion, on 07/07/2008, -2/+12Anyone who doesn't try and do something about this should be tried for crimes against humanity.
  • jb0nd38372, on 07/07/2008, -15/+23At the rate ice is melting, we will all be under flood warnings and having to evacuate our homes. For god sake, please use less ice.
  • calon9, on 07/07/2008, -0/+7Right now Al Gore is in my freezer filming a documentary!
  • inactive, on 07/07/2008, -9/+15I should've known not to come to Digg immediately after getting stoned. I read the description almost entirely through with a WTF look on my face then realized it's The Onion.
  • inactive, on 07/07/2008, -1/+7This was from 1999, genius.
  • roguepirate, on 07/07/2008, -0/+6Ice Cube a former member of the rap group NWA is also selling out at an alarming rate.
  • itstodd, on 07/07/2008, -0/+6and for the right price scientists will line up to back this theory.
  • trejrco, on 07/07/2008, -0/+5This is super super cereal.
  • sab0tage, on 07/07/2008, -0/+5The first signs of global warming were there during the 1999 ice cube crisis, it seems so obvious now.
  • NCSD, on 07/07/2008, -3/+8I am 100% for global warming

    1) My home will be closer to the beach, won't even have to drive to go surfing
    2) Do to the decreased land, real estate prices will increase thus making me richer
    3) Will save money on clothes. Will not have to buy jackets and such
    4) Tanner
    5) Water will be warmer, won't have to deal with wet suits and not being able to go swimming year round



    For every possible tragic consequence of global warming, I can think of 5 good ones
  • dizilbdog, on 07/07/2008, -4/+8U.S dollar is Melting at an alarming rate.
  • aserer511, on 07/07/2008, -1/+5favorited; another witty social commentary from l'oignion.
  • lot665, on 07/07/2008, -0/+4Disappointed. I thought this was about the rapper's career.
  • kineticworm, on 07/07/2008, -15/+18we were warned.
  • revjustin2, on 07/07/2008, -1/+4I think that global warming has created a situation where the ninja population is thriving unchecked causing a chain reaction in the eco-system. More ninjas mean less pirates which then translates into more ice cube meltage which then means more watery beverages which means instant soup prices will be going up and that means WE ARE ALL *****!
  • Pushkin, on 07/07/2008, -0/+3A more alarming issue is that the person who had the recipe for them recently died...
  • eth3l, on 07/07/2008, -0/+2and for the right price scientists will also line up to oppose it.

    If we got these hypotehetical scientists in a room I et none could agree they were all in the same room. Only believe what you can touch and what touches you.
  • Detry, on 07/07/2008, -0/+2There were innernets in 1999?
  • directive0, on 07/07/2008, -0/+2WE DIDN'T LISTEN!!!
  • Good2BMe, on 07/07/2008, -12/+14Maybe we can make more ice from all the polar ice cap water! The polar bears'll be happy that we're putting their melted ice back to its natural state!
  • inactive, on 07/07/2008, -0/+2http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29395

    The caption of the "notes" is actually probably pretty accurate. I loled.
  • doshindude, on 07/07/2008, -0/+2Slow news day?
  • LiquidShield, on 07/07/2008, -0/+2Not somehow... it just is...
  • tiff54, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1It's okay we can have lots of icecubes when we have another winter the past one.....the coldest winter in 100 years. Hmmmm....wonder how cold it would have been without global warming? Thank you global warming!
  • meekamoo, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1yeah its a tough one

    there should be a section that causes the post to get buried immediately
  • inactive, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1EVERYBODY PANIC!
  • stretch611, on 07/07/2008, -1/+2Time to send Planet Express on another trip to Haley's comet.
  • jepizacar, on 08/06/2008, -0/+1nice resource....
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  • randumbusername, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1different url and it would be a "legitimate" story.
  • diceau, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1Hahahahahaahaha I read the title ... thought about where America was situated and what it literally meant ... read it again and thought "that's got to be the onion".

  • beauley, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1With all due respect to former Vice-President Al Gore, given his many years of dedication and his recently awarded Pulitzer Prize for his work on making the world aware of “Global Warming” and though still shrouded in some controversy, our even greater world problem is “Global Pollution”.
    http://www.quazen.com/News/Opinions/Al-Gores-Decre ...
    Al Gore's Decree on Global Warming is Not Our Only Crisis
  • chamberlanderic, on 07/07/2008, -2/+3they will send the Manbearpig to investigate.
  • Pushkin, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1Erm - no
    Ugly before, uglier after... Why even bother spamming us with this?
  • inactive, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1Are we there yet?.....Sigh
  • Beylan, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1Sorry, my fault. I made a ton of frozen drinks for my 4th of July pool party this weekend. Don't worry, I have the icemaker working overtime on replenishing the stockpile.
  • ramiro, on 07/08/2008, -0/+1Drill the Arctic now and look for ice cube alternatives.

    This is a matter of national security. We should not be hostage of the OICEC.
  • bananaspiders, on 07/08/2008, -0/+1I dont. Just felt the need to comment. Sorry...
  • ramiro, on 07/08/2008, -0/+1We gotta drill the Arctic now!

    We're lucky that we don't import ice cubes from the Middle East.
  • willgonz, on 07/07/2008, -0/+1The end is near.
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