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- akh4x0r, on 08/14/2008, -16/+1742No, I don't want to fix your ***** computer.
- halftank, on 08/14/2008, -18/+672Funny in a deeply painful way
- DivisibleByZero, on 08/14/2008, -2/+591Or family reunions:
"So you fix computers for a living?"
"not really. I'm a software engineer"
"what does that mean"
"I program software"
"don't they have computers that do that?"
"No, a computer that can program itself might figure out how to violate the Three Rules"
"what are those?"
"...eh, nevermind. I fix computers" - jadrian, on 08/14/2008, -7/+477Yeah I can relate. It's pretty much the same with "Computer Science".
- DivisibleByZero, on 08/14/2008, -4/+412Applying for a temp job in college:
Her: So what major are you?
Me: Computer Science?
Her: Oh, so you must use Excel and PowerPoint a lot, huh? - FolkTheory, on 08/14/2008, -6/+366so what was the problem with his email?
- sindex, on 08/14/2008, -0/+318"Hey, is there a problem with my printer?"
"I don't know. I'm on the other side of the office. Clearly there *is* a problem with your printer or else you wouldn't have called. What's the problem?"
"It's not printing."
"You're out of paper."
"Oh! You're right. Can you take care of that for me?"
"No."
"I can't log onto this computer! Something's messed up with the network!"
"Oh, let me get down there. One minute."
"Yeah, the problem is that the computer is turned off."
Sometimes I don't get paid enough for this *****... sometimes I get paid too much. lol. - HillerMylife, on 08/14/2008, -3/+313"Oh hey, I have this great idea for a Web site! It's like a competitor to Amazon/Google/eBay/Some Wildly Impossible Idea, can you help me build it? For free, of course, but you can put your name at the bottom!"
- j3ff86, on 08/14/2008, -0/+291"You've got a degree in computer science... can you help me hack into this guy's yahoo account?"
-My dad - Rodalli, on 08/14/2008, -4/+259I remember when I was in high school I used to think that, one day, things would be better. I used to think that with my generation growing up with computers that there would be more people who knew how to use the damn things. Then I wouldn't be getting phone calls from everyone's grandmother/sister/cousin/***** buddy/dog because they had a computer problem...
Now I'm 10 years older and people half my age who spend twice as much time online as I did in school still can't seem to figure out that, no, you shouldn't open that attachment in that spam e-mail you just received... and no, music on LimeWire isn't exactly "free" when you don't understand the dangers of spyware and can't tell the difference between an .mp3 and an .exe.
My brothers (and sisters, few though you may be), it will never, ever end. :( - serif69, on 08/14/2008, -3/+204Accurate except for the part where people understand what a graphic designer does. *sigh*
- Br3ach, on 08/14/2008, -0/+171"_______ isnt working!"
"reboot it"
"It works! OMFG your a genius!!"
This is literally my entire day as a Helpdesk person. - xEn1gma, on 08/14/2008, -2/+170The worst is when they ask you about their HOME wireless router and how it "just doesn't work".
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, shut upppp. - chubbybubba, on 08/14/2008, -10/+156What kind of retard has problems with their email?
- benologist, on 08/14/2008, -5/+151Pirate photoshop after school then spend 12 months making a portfolio site where they list the clan sites they've made, and haunt forums where they can crap on and on and on about css, web standards and how Microsoft is teh 3vil?
- nepidae, on 08/14/2008, -2/+144Browsing the web is "email".
Creating a document is "email".
Heck, probably even playing solitaire is "email".
Its a similar effect as thinking your monitor is the actual computer. - linkdj, on 08/14/2008, -2/+138Oh! I've got this problem with my email...
- P1um, on 08/14/2008, -20/+155Mirror: http://i33.tinypic.com/2ai4shx.jpg
- innovati, on 08/14/2008, -0/+134as a designer I usually get people who comment: oh, I hate drawing…
right, and I don't think I could be a nurse like you cause I loathe changing the oil in cars! - Someguy101, on 02/19/2009, -10/+144Hey so I've got this problem with my email, think you could help me out?
- imLissy, on 08/14/2008, -2/+120Applying for a volunteer job in college:
Her: What major are you?
Me: Computer Science
Her: Oh great! You can do data entry! - Nouman6, on 08/14/2008, -3/+120:)
Would love to see one about being a 'programmer' - PReitz, on 08/14/2008, -2/+119"I have this really cool idea for a video game"
- markperia, on 08/14/2008, -0/+113Everytime I go over for a family dinner every single one of them seem to have a problem with their computers.
- coyasun, on 08/14/2008, -10/+120So True!!! I am a web designer and I get the craziest questions. The latest was, oh you're a tech guy, can you tell me why my camera is doing this? My reply, "Uh, I don't ***** about fixing cameras." It is crazy how people assume because you can put something on the web that suddenly have an engineering degree....
- Kanidia, on 08/14/2008, -0/+105Did you try turning it off and on again?
- freshyill, on 08/14/2008, -1/+98I'm Ron Burgundy?
- xkingADROCKx, on 08/14/2008, -3/+99I refer to myself as a 'Creative', just to sound like a dick.
- hmphargh, on 08/14/2008, -1/+97I do $120/hr, rounded to the nearest 30 minutes with a 1 hour minimum + driving time if you want it done on site.
Keeps business low. - larryjr88, on 08/14/2008, -2/+96Yes, I program computers for a living, that doesn't mean I'm the God of fixing stupid ***** you downloaded on Windows and no I won't install your printer.
- wild, on 08/14/2008, -1/+95What drives me nuts is the "Hey, if you'll design a site for my dealership for nothing, I will tell everyone who made such a great site. It will be great business building for you! I'll let you use it in your portfolio."
"Awesome trade Mr Dealership, and I tell you what. You give me that Porsche, and I'll put a bumper sticker with your dealership name on it. Then everyone will know where I got such an amazing vehicle. It will be a great business builder for you. I'll even let you pick the color."
Actual conversation with a guy I met. Names changed to protect the idiot. - dazparkour, on 08/14/2008, -0/+90I tell people to unplug the modem from the wall and reconnect everything. To make them extra nervous I tell them that if they are not quick the internet could leak into their house.
- benologist, on 08/14/2008, -3/+89I'm a programmer and about 90% of the stuff I do is web.... but when anyone asks I just say I'm a programmer.
That way I don't get as many "oh so is my 15 year old son / nephew / niece / neighbour's 12 year old kid". - Greengoo, on 08/14/2008, -8/+89Well to be honest... you probably do...
But that's beside the point. - Filipp0, on 08/14/2008, -2/+82Damn, just got mirrolled.
- WELLDOITLIVE, on 08/14/2008, -0/+80That's why god invented gmail
- LoudMusic, on 08/14/2008, -1/+79It's basically the same with any computer related career.
- wild, on 08/14/2008, -4/+79Did you blow him? Cause thats a fair trade.
Unless he had to open the case and replace a part. Thats anal. - ligyron, on 08/14/2008, -0/+74I don't know what you're talking about. Can you fix my ***** email or not?
- arcane81, on 08/14/2008, -2/+76it was a ID10T error
- schneidafunk, on 08/14/2008, -3/+77can you help me program my VCR
- DivisibleByZero, on 08/14/2008, -0/+72Tech support in a high school way back when. Get a ticket that says "nothing works".
Go to the teacher's classroom (he's not there). Go to the back of the room and see that everything's plugged into a power strip, which is not plugged in to the wall.
Plug power strip in, boot computer up, everything works fine.
I shut everything down, unplug the power strip, leave a note that says "nothing works because nothing's plugged in".
Never heard anything from that guy again. - Arkz, on 08/14/2008, -1/+72People always think that now they "know" you, you'll do it for free... so, Lie!
What do you do for a living?
I'm a W.... I stack shelves, how about you? - yayster, on 08/14/2008, -0/+71Hey, I got this warehouse...
- dhVyse, on 08/14/2008, -0/+71My favorite shirt to wear to work.
- billbugger, on 08/14/2008, -5/+74Great graphical representation of the pain i feel!
Here's an idea: Don't install those damn toolbars for IE and dont use your administrator account for browsing the web. - GeneralFault, on 08/14/2008, -1/+69You guys have this all wrong... Fixing e-mail is easy. What they do is hard.
From a Friend: "Oh! I have this problem with my e-mail..."
Me: "Sure no problem. I have this problem where I don't have any time to mow my lawn..."
From a Realtor: "Oh! I have this problem with my e-mail..."
Me: "Sure no problem. I am looking for someone to help me buy a home without a commission."
From a mechanic: "Oh! I have this problem with my e-mail..."
Me: "Sure no problem. I have a problem where my car is shifting a little too hard."
From a doctor: "Oh! I have this problem with my e-mail..."
Me: "Sure no problem. I have this pain in my [insert body part here]"
From a store owner: "Oh! I have this problem with my e-mail..."
Me: "Sure no problem. I am looking for [insert name of something store owner sells]."
From a 'graphic designer': "Oh! I have this problem with my e-mail..."
Me: "Sure no problem. I have an application that I need some artwork for." - bknoll22, on 08/14/2008, -1/+68No but I poked her
- BoneheadFarker, on 08/14/2008, -1/+67Bah...the Three Laws are nothing to worry about. It's the Zeroth Law that you need to worry about.
- cbartlett, on 08/14/2008, -1/+66More like "I know it will make lots of money, so can you do it and I'll give you 30% of the profits?"
I usually tell them that if they're so confident in their idea, they'll put up the money to pay me to make the site. Then they leave. -
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