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163 Comments
- scooterbaga, on 08/12/2008, -0/+151Step 1: Become billionaire.
... - ghidorahnotweak, on 08/11/2008, -4/+90But I want to be Iron Man.
- Sardonic2U, on 08/11/2008, -3/+64But I'm already Batman.....
- Octopie, on 08/12/2008, -0/+61okay, but where is the article on how to become the joker, that seems like a lot less work.
- Rhix, on 08/12/2008, -0/+60Without Alfred? No
- inactive, on 08/12/2008, -0/+49You could become the Human Torch also. But only once.
- BrutusCirrus, on 08/12/2008, -0/+37Sorry to hear about your parents :(
- yoyowiz, on 08/12/2008, -0/+36I think the voice would hurt my throat too much.
- DesertDude, on 08/12/2008, -1/+30Is there a way for me to have Batman/Bruce's reputation, popularity, gadgetry and women without all the hard work?
- buba1243, on 08/12/2008, -7/+35Step 2: Have a child that is a boy
Step 3: Die
damn it this isn't working for me to become batman. - AmyVernon, on 08/11/2008, -1/+26Just 20 years? Rock on.
- sodaseven, on 08/12/2008, -0/+25Just grab a bus. That's it.
Kramer: The bus is out of control! So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel. Now I'm driving the bus.
George: You're Batman.
Kramer: Yeah, yeah, I am Batman. - tewstep, on 08/12/2008, -1/+2120 years? Won't the machines have taken over by then?
- shutaro, on 08/12/2008, -1/+20What's the hardest part about being Batman? Telling your parents you're-... ...oh.
- roessnakhan, on 08/28/2008, -7/+22Batman's a scientist.
- bowserkid, on 08/12/2008, -5/+20Yeah, but could you keep it a secret? Google Streetview would probably catch you changing in a phone booth in no time.
- HappyDonut, on 08/12/2008, -0/+15you know, my mom keeps telling me not to be afraid of spiders. That after a bite, i'll just turn into spiderman. It's been 19 ***** years.
- macbookpromat, on 08/12/2008, -0/+14Step 1: Go completely psychotic
Step 2: Cut up mouth and let scar
Step 3: Apply makeup - kckern, on 08/12/2008, -3/+17if (Scientists == plural) { verb = "say";}
if (Scientist == singular) { verb = "says";}
Says + Scientists = FAIL. - v4vishal, on 08/12/2008, -0/+13Step 4: Practice making a pencil disappear by putting it through someone's head
- sparf, on 08/12/2008, -4/+17Without your parents being dead? No
- inactive, on 08/12/2008, -0/+12First and foremost, you have to find somebody to kill your parents.
- erichw1504, on 08/12/2008, -1/+13But I want to be Gambit.
- JakeyG14, on 08/12/2008, -0/+11So you'd rather touch kids, you sick *****. That's right, people still remember.
- citizenchan, on 08/12/2008, -0/+11Repeat Step 1 above.
- zadadka, on 08/12/2008, -1/+11Anyone found a knitting pattern for a Batman suit yet?
- inactive, on 08/11/2008, -2/+12Aikido and yoga along with spin class...but watch out and don't overtrain!!!
Most difficult would be giving up all the crap I love putting eating:
1) Wheat
2) White sugar
3) Dairy
4) Beer (really, this is just liquid wheat)
5) Coffee
Then you would have to know several OSes at the command-line level...
Seems like if you did all the above you could be close? - CMuffa, on 08/12/2008, -2/+12Ass. A phone booth, really? A for effort, but F for comic book knowledge. We all know batman lives in a bat-nest.
- inactive, on 08/12/2008, -0/+9Dibs Joker.
- thegrantman, on 08/12/2008, -0/+9Then you become V.
- DrDragun, on 08/12/2008, -2/+11How long would it take to rig an entire city's cellphones to be one gigantic echo radar system? Then set up a control console with hundreds of individual screens and spider software that crawls all of the conversations searching for the Joker's voice?
My guess is it would take 50 engineers 6 months, or apparently it takes 1 BATman 1 afternoon. It would take more than 20 years of training to get my skills to that level. - Pittance, on 08/12/2008, -0/+8Simpsons is so old and varied that anything could be a simpsons references.
- FonzsXe, on 08/12/2008, -0/+820years?! Yeah, Chuck Norris told me to buy the Total Gym....more like 20mins...
- brstilson, on 08/12/2008, -0/+8Actually, most beer is liquid barley
/nitpick - JohnFlux, on 08/12/2008, -0/+7Or he could put the money directly into the police department, social rehab schemes, local councils...
The backstory though is that his parents attempted to do just that and 'nearly bankrupted themselves' doing so. - inactive, on 08/12/2008, -0/+7Step 3: fall into a cave and get bat-raped
- borez, on 08/12/2008, -0/+7Actually...yes ( well the hat anyway)
http://www.gomestic.com/Do-It-Yourself/Bataclava-K ...
And rather fetching it is too. - dyreschlock, on 08/12/2008, -0/+7never thought I'd see the day where a Simpsons reference was dugg down :/
- cawpin, on 08/12/2008, -1/+8You don't have to worry. You aren't smart enough to be Batman.
"4) Beer (really, this is just liquid wheat)"
WHEAT beer is wheat. Normal beer isn't. - terryzom, on 08/12/2008, -1/+7*or* i could become Batman "SAY Scientists"
- NecroSexy, on 08/12/2008, -0/+6Here's the recipe: some wealth, abundant leisure time, and a tyrannical boredom.
- MysticSavage, on 08/12/2008, -0/+6Or, you could just follow this handy guide...
http://www.amazon.com/Batman-Handbook-Ultimate-Tra ... - xerexes1, on 08/12/2008, -0/+6Isn't that Superman's thing - which he gave up in the 1978 movie because of the change in phone booth design?
- thegrantman, on 08/12/2008, -0/+6I do...real bad.
- 5xSTUN, on 08/12/2008, -0/+6You Could Learn Subject-Predicate Agreement, Says English Teachers
- SkippyDoorknob, on 08/12/2008, -0/+6Just use the Bat-Voice-Lowerer
- DocHoliday22, on 08/12/2008, -0/+5This is going to sound stupid but in order to be Batman you have to have his level of crime. Here in the UK, London, I would fight some street thugs in Hackney then have to dive to somewhere in East London to search for more crime, spend my time on low rooftops searching for crime I would get bored and abuse my abilities and ultimately become a villain myself...
- dungar, on 08/12/2008, -0/+5Yes, you too can be Batman. The toy companies have already taken care of that.
- Acqua206, on 08/12/2008, -0/+5One could argue that Batman failed at economics for all his genius. For the cost of outfitting his Batcave, batmobile, bat computer..ect., he could fund a secret, private crime fighting group which could probably do a lot more in fighting crime that he could single handedly. Of course, you wouldn't have a story if you did that.
- inactive, on 08/12/2008, -1/+6Aikido is custom made for street fights against multiple armed opponents.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Shihonage.jpg
People tend to think it's ineffective because you rarely see an actual aikido fight. But that's because it's too effective. At full speed, Aikido is about breaking bones and tearing tendons. More than one at a time too. -
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