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Why I fired my secretary today

scribd.com — *****

Who dugg this? Made popular May 31, 2008

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  • Borgcube636, on 05/31/2008, -86/+1766. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _________
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  • inactive, on 05/31/2008, -134/+1721...and then my secretary knelt down on her knees and started sucking my *****. My son and daughter ripped each others clothes off while my wife started to eat my secretary's *****. A black midget with an eyepatch jumped out of the cake, with a sparkler sticking out of his penis. He started juggling apples, my son was pissing on my daughter, who masturbated herself into an orgasmic fury, my secretary shat out corn-riddled feces all over my wife's face, and I came at least 1-liter of cum all over everyone.
    Then the agent says, "That's great, what do you can that act?"
    I said, "The Aristocrats!"
  • chadillak, on 05/31/2008, -11/+1194It's called a birthday suit for a reason.
  • tonich03, on 05/31/2008, -13/+1152I laughed then I cried imagining this could have really happen to some one. Here's another one in this mood, it pretty funny too:

    I was happy. My girlfriend and I were dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way; my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

    There was only one thing bothering me and that was my mother-in-law to be.

    She was a career woman, smart, but most of all beautiful and sexy, who sometimes flirted with me, quite obviously too, and made me feel quite uncomfortable.

    One day, she called me and asked me to come over, to check the invitations. So I went. She was alone, and when I arrived, she whispered to me that soon I was to be married and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn' t overcome. So before I get married and commit my life to her daughter, she wants to make love to me just once.

    What could I say? I was in total shock, and couldn' t say a word. So, she said, I' ll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for it, just come and get me. I just watched her delicious behind as she went up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, and then turned around and went to the front door... I opened it, and stepped out of the house.

    Her husband was standing outside, and with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said, we are very happy and pleased, you have passed our little test. We couldn' t have asked for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

    Lesson learned:

    Always keep your condoms in your car.
  • RedneckRandy, on 05/31/2008, -9/+986Well how the ***** else ya supposed to eat your cake??
  • EmitStop, on 05/31/2008, -34/+976RE: RE: FW: FWD: FWD: RE: FUNNY STORY LOL!
  • cdawzrd, on 05/31/2008, -2/+668What is the point of encoding this inside a Scribd document?
  • debuggercll, on 05/31/2008, -5/+544This is why we can't have nice things.
  • jedyck, on 05/30/2008, -24/+539I HATE it when that happens...I go through way to many secretaries..........
  • nofaith, on 05/31/2008, -5/+515I like that the URL query string is "?query2=i%*****%20your%20secretary"
  • trevah, on 05/31/2008, -11/+503I like how you execute the majority of the joke flawlessly and then you f*ck up on the punchline...

    Then the agent says, "That's great, what do you CALL that act?"
    I joyously replied "The Aristocrats!"
  • WallnutBoy, on 05/31/2008, -11/+457Buried for lack of description of cake.
  • ribo, on 05/31/2008, -9/+454I've got this new Web 3.0 protocol. It's called PLAIN OLD HTTP. It can be used to transmit plaintext to a "browser" way faster than current XMLRPCHTTPJABBASCRIP technology!
  • holzp, on 05/31/2008, -21/+415The cake is a lie!
  • inactive, on 05/31/2008, -7/+362^ This one is much better.
  • likwidfuzion, on 05/31/2008, -22/+331Here's the text:

    Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy birthday!", and possibly have a present for me.

    As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy birthday".

    I thought... well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids ate breakfast and didn't say a word.

    So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent.

    As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane said, "Good morning boss, happy birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

    I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me".

    I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

    We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

    On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

    I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

    She said, "Let's go to my apartment".

    After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back".

    "OK", I nervously replied.

    She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

    And I just sat there...

    On the couch...

    Naked...
  • sambapati87, on 05/31/2008, -5/+295iPaper? WTF? Don't you mean "the internet?". Why is this wrapped in a retarded flash box?
  • TVarmy, on 05/31/2008, -2/+242So the Communists can't read it.
  • inactive, on 05/31/2008, -7/+241This ascii is rarely appropriate, but this time it is perfect.
  • gnomead, on 05/31/2008, -4/+223'The Aristocrat' is notoriously difficult to pull off. Very nicely done.
  • Llanowar, on 05/31/2008, -7/+193I so hate that stupid scribd ipaper.
  • D3koy, on 05/31/2008, -7/+190Welcome to /my/ win list
  • Daniellex3, on 07/23/2009, -5/+177Please don't make fun of the gramer fascists. We our just trying two do are job and learn people proper words.
  • oojamaflip2006, on 05/31/2008, -6/+174Welcome to my friend list
  • fletcher008, on 05/31/2008, -3/+166now send this to 20 friends or you will have bad luck!
  • Khanvalescent, on 05/31/2008, -2/+149Grammar Fascist Update Incoming in...

    Five...
    Four...
    Three...
    Too.
  • inactive, on 06/01/2008, -2/+146I also do children's parties.
  • SeaweedWater, on 05/31/2008, -0/+143Welcome to my "never ever, ever, ever block this guy" list.
  • Kronk42583, on 05/31/2008, -11/+152i want to bury it for being old and played out....
    i want to bury it for being old and played out....
    i want to bury it for being old and played out....
    i want to bury it for being old and played out....
    .................
    i can't resist... DUGG! its too good!
  • zzz@tkz, on 05/31/2008, -2/+134Dugg for "JABBASCRIP"
  • ChaosProfessor, on 06/01/2008, -2/+130dugg for black midget with eyepach
  • SurrealDream, on 05/31/2008, -3/+123I'm certain it was delicious and moist.
  • Nemoso, on 05/31/2008, -8/+126What a cruel trick for a wife to play. Shame on her.
  • DubBucket, on 05/31/2008, -1/+108That's totally inappropriate and very offensive. I loled.
  • tas08, on 06/01/2008, -1/+101He was clearly just changing into his birthday suit to eat his birthday cake!
  • MtheoryX, on 05/31/2008, -3/+100Um, I'm guessing the secretary wasn't 12, and wasn't met in a chat room.
  • mangasm, on 05/31/2008, -10/+106I logged in just to digg you up for this.
  • Remmiz, on 05/31/2008, -17/+109Making it be the mother-in-law makes it a lot more gross than sister-in-law...bad choice imo.
  • rootsm3, on 05/31/2008, -13/+100*****' birthday sucks!
  • darlyn, on 06/01/2008, -2/+88AHHH! YOU SCUM! MY EYES!
  • inactive, on 05/31/2008, -11/+96Incest is the best.
  • ECas123, on 05/31/2008, -7/+89It was a lie anyways.
  • mikedub1219, on 06/01/2008, -2/+80dugg for "corn riddled feces"
  • Akraz, on 05/31/2008, -11/+86Oh man i needed that laugh. I dont care if its fake or old or whatever.. ***** hilarious nonetheless.
  • Akkarin, on 05/31/2008, -1/+75and wives....?
  • Impeller, on 06/01/2008, -1/+66I couldn't laugh because im in a work meeting so the tears just rolled out of my eyes...
  • vexxefx, on 05/31/2008, -3/+66Dude. Lack of upvotes, I busted a gut reading this tree of comments
  • SteveCUBE, on 06/01/2008, -2/+62*****. Flawless.

    EDIT: I can't believe some people don't know Aristocrats!
  • kevdotbadger, on 05/31/2008, -0/+57That was great, makes me a little more happy after spending all last night obsessing about aliens.
  • Acglaphotis, on 06/01/2008, -2/+58For a second there i thought i was in 4chan.
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