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- deuceswilde, on 02/15/2008, -3/+372Jackson also gets the distinction for being the only US General I am aware of to have commanded pirates during a battle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_new_orleans ... It's uncertain whether he also commanded ninjas, but we can only assume he did, since we would never find out about it anyway.
- Ganja420, on 02/15/2008, -1/+169"I have only two regrets: I didn't shoot Henry Clay and I didn't hang John C. Calhoun." thats pretty bad ass man bump Jackson up to like 2
- mynameisjonas, on 02/15/2008, -4/+153Teddy FTW. There are some things that the article missed on him. Not only did was he known as someone that fought against corruption and big companies, he established the national park system and he explored the amazon (which nearly killed him). Teddy is by far the most bad ass president we've ever had. Oh yeah the biggest bad-ass moment for him? the Teddy Bear is named after him.
- HeDiggMe, on 02/15/2008, -5/+141"JFK's sexual conquests allegedly include Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, Jayne Mansfield, Angie Dickenson, Brazilian actress Florinda Bolkan, famous burlesque stripper, and rap name pioneer Blaze Starr. There are even rumors that he also had sex with his insanely hot wife once in a while too."
Good thing the Karl Rove political machine wasn't around then. - iamyak, on 02/15/2008, -6/+100Jackson '08
- robfarrell, on 11/27/2008, -3/+95Must've been some rad Teddy Roosevelt memes during the late 19th and early 20th centuries.
- jaej, on 02/15/2008, -1/+90"The bullet, by the by, remained in Jackson's body for 19 years because, we assume, Jackson knew that time spent removing the bullets would just fall under the general category of "time not dueling," Jackson's least favorite category."......awesome
- nightsweat, on 02/15/2008, -10/+92Where's Truman?
Oh, so you won't surrender? Here's a frickin' NUKE. How's you like that? Oh you want more? OK. BAM!
Then he fired MacArthur, faced down the unions and won an election he had no business winning, culminating in him holding up the Dewey defeats Truman headline from the Tribune in a classic "Oh yeah, Biatches?" move.
AND he threatened to punch a music critic who gave his daughter's singing a bad review. That's badass. - stonebear, on 02/15/2008, -17/+90I can't believe they left out Thomas Jefferson. Not only are the salons full of fey, nerdy men in knee britches, where true political dust-ups occurred, rife with Cracked opportunities for mirth, Jefferson was the crazy old coot/Ron Paul of his time: He almost single handedly prevented, and delayed until 1916, the conquest of the United States by international banking cartels, an assault which is now in its final phase. If not for Jefferson, the US would have been strangled to death while still an infant.
- musicmanryan, on 02/15/2008, -0/+65Now why couldn't I have been taught about the US in that way in 10th grade American History?!
- 4LeggedtriPod, on 02/15/2008, -3/+67"When he caught news of this, King George III reportedly remarked that Washington's attitude would change if he'd heard a few more. But King George III didn't win the war, so ***** him."
Classic. - unicronband, on 02/15/2008, -4/+49"How do you kill a Teddy Roosevelt that's already dead!?!"
Why with a Robot Teddy Roosevelt of course! - MacParrot, on 02/15/2008, -6/+51EVERYTHING goes better with ninjas
Hot Dog vendor: What'll it be?
Customer: One with everything
Hot Dog vendor: Ninjas?
Customer: Please - contradictator, on 02/15/2008, -1/+44Teddy Roosevelt doesn't have an upper lip, there's actually a gun under his mustache.
- unicronband, on 02/15/2008, -3/+45Is lame a dominant trait in your family's genealogy?
- Oktoeatfish, on 02/15/2008, -1/+40Good list. Teddy Roosevelt and his big stick makes him very bad ass.
- pahool, on 02/15/2008, -0/+32Washington...end of story...two on the vine...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQ8BCNj2oao - hockey, on 02/15/2008, -1/+33Washington should have been number 1 and not because he was the 1st president but because once in a battle with the British (I can't remember which) he rode to the front of the lines to rally his men then turned and just looked at the British while riding his horse. They began shooting shot after shot after shot and they never hit him. All the while Washington is just sitting there on his horse riding around just staring them down.
No President tops that. - allengeer, on 02/15/2008, -0/+32While campaigning in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, on October 14, 1912, a saloonkeeper named John Schrank failed in an assassination attempt on Roosevelt. Schrank did shoot the former President, but the bullet lodged in Roosevelt's chest only after penetrating both his steel eyeglass case and passing through a thick (50 pages) single-folded copy of the speech he was carrying in his jacket. [59]. Roosevelt, as a very experienced hunter and anatomist, decided that the fact that he wasn't coughing blood meant the bullet had not completely penetrated the chest wall to his lung (he was correct), and so declined suggestions he go to the hospital immediately. Instead, he delivered his scheduled speech with blood seeping into his shirt. [60] He spoke for ninety minutes. His opening comments to the gathered crowd were, "I don't know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot; but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose."
- stonebear, on 02/15/2008, -2/+31Not to mention wielding the bone over a whole S&M/bondage community in his back yard, while simultaneously managing a "hemp" plantation. How he found time to fend off an imperial presidency financed by the biggest banks in the world is beyond me. One would have to be a BADASS to understand, I suppose.
- nkleffman, on 02/15/2008, -0/+26Jackson's entire campaign was in opposition to the Central Bank. His slogan, "Bank and no Jackson, or Jackson and No Bank!"
- gandhii, on 02/15/2008, -2/+27Since when can "badass" and "jerk" not refer to the same person?
- inactive, on 02/15/2008, -2/+27Even know JFK's life was short, it sure seems he lived the good life.
- MacParrot, on 02/15/2008, -3/+28You see, there's this thing called humor where you disregard the parts that AREN'T funny...you're welcome
- homosaur, on 02/15/2008, -2/+26Eisenhower got us into Vietnam. Read a ***** book once in awhile.
- MacParrot, on 02/15/2008, -0/+23Little known fact: Jackson was actually trying to get to Fort Lauderdale for Spring Break. Totally true!
- moraldebate, on 02/15/2008, -1/+24It's obvious that Cracked is such a digg-baiting whore site that they skew every "list" to include the most worthy ones first and the ***** ones in the middle. The whole scenario is not unlike a heroin addiction, where you traverse the other five ad-riddled pages in search of the dragon. There's no way Andrew Jackson is anything other than first.
- bainfu, on 02/15/2008, -1/+24Snorg Tees ads are the reason to disable ad blockers.
- inactive, on 02/15/2008, -2/+25George Washington. Greatest Display of Badassedry: Making America.
Great read! - 4LeggedtriPod, on 02/15/2008, -0/+22The brunette with no pants is so ***** hot.
- MacParrot, on 02/15/2008, -2/+21I wasn't aware that being an ***** precluded you from also being a badass. Most of the time (it seems to me) the two go hand in hand.
And yes, the native Americans got a raw deal. At what point can I not feel guilty about it since it had nothing to do with me or anyone in my family? - lebruf, on 02/15/2008, -3/+22That's highly doubtful only because you brought it up. Why be on the defensive?
- lordchronos, on 02/15/2008, -0/+19you're lucky Jackson isn't around today because he'd kick your ass with his cane!
- lennybird, on 02/15/2008, -12/+30Dude, ***** Jackson - When the native americans won in the supreme court, he still screwed them: look up the Trail of Tears.
- deuceswilde, on 02/15/2008, -1/+19The link didn't copy correctly and it wouldn't let me change it, for what it's worth the information is in the notes at the bottom
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_new_orleans ... - TheUngod, on 02/15/2008, -0/+18Jefferson also wrote about how awful it would be if it became a 2 party system in the US. Why didn't anyone listen to the genius of Jefferson?
- Rendonsmug, on 02/15/2008, -3/+21*puts on his wizard robe and tin foil hat*
- mrn111, on 02/15/2008, -3/+20Damn, its so hard to read the list with the Snorg ads on the page.
- Swanny614, on 02/15/2008, -6/+23That would imply that he could ever become president.
- GhostyBoy, on 02/15/2008, -7/+24Nukes are cowardly.
- oo7b0nds, on 02/15/2008, -15/+31All the people looking for Bush: Its "The 5 Most Badass Presidents of all time" not "The 5 Most Jack Ass Presidents of all time"
- adoggz, on 02/15/2008, -2/+18who cares, they lost.
- houndeyex, on 02/15/2008, -4/+20Jefferson had a bunch of illegitimate black children. Is that badass?
- TheUngod, on 02/15/2008, -0/+16What about a giant Abraham Lincoln?
- purag66, on 05/13/2009, -0/+15And the $20 bill still has his face? That's truly badass.
- Scaryclouds, on 02/16/2008, -0/+15@hmunkey
Chuck Norris is dead to the internet community - ViRaZ, on 02/15/2008, -3/+17Hulk Washington.......awesome.
- NorrisTwithman, on 02/15/2008, -0/+13And Jackson invaded Florida totally against any orders to do so.
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