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See the original image at theonion.com

Son-Of-A-Bitch Mouse Solves Maze Researchers Spent Months Bu

theonion.com — University of Iowa neuroscientists studying spatial learning and the effects of stress on memory announced Tuesday that a little son-of-a-bitch mouse ruined an experiment on cognitive performance by effortlessly navigating a maze that researchers spent nearly a year designing and constructing.

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  • thisissami, on 04/20/2008, -18/+178"A videotape of the mouse pausing during the final run has been subjected to a thorough review by the lab in order to determine if one of the maze's obstacles managed to momentarily confuse the mouse or if the test subject was, in fact, gloating."

    man i love the onion!
  • thisissami, on 04/20/2008, -14/+55"Repeated trials yielded similar results, with the mouse performing equally well despite added variables of Dr. Eng trying to "scoot" it back with a pen and Dr. Barret tipping the entire maze upward 45 degrees"

    hell, the whole thing is hilarious! i can't just choose one quote to post here!!!
    • infinityofnever, on 04/20/2008, -23/+1lmao. I kept wondering if this whole "experiment" is a joke. I can imagine the assistant smashing the stopwatch in anger.
      I love this one "It is regrettable to spend such a tremendous amount of money studying mammalian neuropathways, only to have some hotshot mouse ruin everything."
  • lazersailer, on 04/20/2008, -20/+81"I wonder if he'll be so smart without a functioning hippocampus."
    Onion FTW
  • synystar, on 04/20/2008, -3/+314I was going to post a quote from the article but then I realized that might be redundant since you probably just read it.
    • synystar, on 04/20/2008, -48/+4Aww screw it: "What is unclear at this time is why this particular mouse had to be such a dick and render useless all the work we had put into this controlled behavioral experiment."
    • kgool, on 04/20/2008, -0/+36That makes too much sense and assumes commenters actually read the articles.
    • diggmaddy, on 04/20/2008, -0/+3actually, I clicked the link and found the article too long to fit within my attention span. Then I realized that most of it will be quoted in the comments anyway. Therefore, RTFA has almost become a redundant activity for me since I almost always go through the comments anyway :).
    • Shady77, on 04/20/2008, -1/+2"I was going to post a quote from the article but then I realized that might be redundant since you probably just read it."

      Cool comment, FTW!
      (sorry, couldn't resist - digg me down)
    • Decoy84, on 04/21/2008, -0/+2We actually don't read the articles, just skim through them collecting all the cool quotes in our minds. Then we read the Digg comments page and reassure ourselves via reading the quotes again that our sense of humor is your sense of humor. So yes, rather redundant but it has its purpose.
    • Argentian, on 04/26/2008, -0/+1Never underestimate laziness.
  • whoreable, on 04/20/2008, -4/+98Algernon FTW!!!!
    • CyberSol, on 04/20/2008, -4/+5yeah, I gots a delivery for flowers here, name says...
    • mhuggins, on 04/20/2008, -1/+1wat
    • nshady, on 04/20/2008, -0/+6I'm impressed. It's often easy to forget that there are still many clever, well-read users on digg these days.
      • NecroDigg, on 04/20/2008, -1/+0Algernon? what the ***** is that?
        • MrGreencastle, on 04/20/2008, -1/+0Google is your friend. No, really, first result to Algernon. Dont' be lazy.
        • metateck, on 04/20/2008, -1/+1Flowers for Algernon is a short story about a retard who goes through a clinical trial. Algernon is the mouse the did it on first.
    • BenKenobi88, on 04/20/2008, -0/+2Don't worry, he'll get stupid again soon enough.
  • skealoha86, on 04/20/2008, -48/+928 diggs and it hits home? really?
    • GreenLynx, on 04/20/2008, -13/+5They should rename the algorithm karma because it's a bitch.
    • ligyron, on 04/20/2008, -16/+1.
    • feliks2, on 04/20/2008, -3/+5Will you people shutup about this now. Its in seriosuly half the stories i read now, if not more.
    • 5urr3al5am, on 04/20/2008, -6/+1two words.. Digg's Prejudiced
  • anonm, on 04/20/2008, -58/+630 diggs???!!!!! And stories aren't making the front page with 180 diggs? WTF?
  • mrjit, on 04/20/2008, -18/+6Onion = 9 million diggs!
  • ogisdan, on 04/20/2008, -30/+4The Digg's algorithm sucks.
  • sinisterouge, on 04/20/2008, -40/+15Stop submitting articles from The Onion!!
    • mhuggins, on 04/20/2008, -3/+10Stop using Digg.
    • XxXKUL, on 04/20/2008, -6/+1Sorry that you don't get intelligent humor
    • greenmountain, on 04/20/2008, -4/+1The Onion guys are brilliant.
      As soon as I read the headline,I knew it was them.
      I am certain that many others had the same experience.
      Given the amount of content available,
      the cacophony of voices on the intermob,
      it is an amazing accomplishment.
      They have a solid identity,widespread recognition,
      get their licks in on anything they wish to write about.
      One of the top sites on the web,consistently.
      Great work.

    • sinisterouge, on 04/21/2008, -2/+1I love the onion, i just dont think it belongs on digg...
  • ncapone, on 04/20/2008, -6/+38Where's Pinky?
  • woojoo, on 04/20/2008, -77/+3Oh mann you guys are going to hate me...
    .
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    I just lost the game.
    • john2kx, on 04/20/2008, -5/+15blocked and reported.
      • Chalks777, on 04/20/2008, -2/+8you reported that you lost the game? NOW who's being a jerk? >:(
        • Jio666, on 04/20/2008, -0/+1Isn't it part of the rules to report to people that you lost the game?
    • sephiroth965, on 04/20/2008, -1/+7If Randall Munroe says I won the game, I believe him. I WON the game. I'm free.
    • Bladwor, on 04/20/2008, -0/+1Yep, I hate you.
  • ligyron, on 04/20/2008, -10/+2Should we kill him?
  • dawnraid101, on 04/20/2008, -11/+3lol at the little ***** without a hippocampus.
  • gl77, on 04/20/2008, -28/+10getting kinda sick of the onion articles winding up on digg lately. have people just now discovered this website? oh wait, no they just now discovered that pretty much any story submission from the onion = front page internet fame and glory for 5 minutes. ***** losers.
    • Birdoftruth, on 04/20/2008, -3/+7There's this new technology called a filter. It does wonders.
    • svetty, on 04/20/2008, -5/+2you're a loser?
  • BikerDude69, on 04/20/2008, -12/+43Son-of-a-bitch mouse? So a dog was implanted with a mouse embryo and gave birth? At last! We have found the origin of Goofy!
    • boonesfarm, on 04/20/2008, -0/+1nope, he's Chelsea's older brother.
    • BobScratchit, on 04/20/2008, -0/+0A mouse and canine's DNA just won't splice.

      /(Loverboy)
  • killbert24, on 04/20/2008, -12/+2Hmm... I commented on asubmission of this same article early this morning. I guess that one was a dupe. Anyway, it's a funny article. I can picture the mouse pwning all those scientists as they watch all their hard work go straight to hell.
  • EricTaylor, on 04/20/2008, -6/+10God, you have to love The Onion.
    • feliks2, on 04/20/2008, -2/+9No, god only loves apricots. Onions make him cry, and we can't have that, can we now.
    • Chalks777, on 04/20/2008, -3/+2Or, you know, hate it. Whichever.
  • mark076h, on 04/20/2008, -0/+59Daniel Faraday from Lost snuck into the lab and replaced it's mind with one from the future
  • noahgelman, on 04/20/2008, -9/+3Dugg for the profanity the scientists use when referring to the mouse.
  • rsHoratio, on 04/20/2008, -9/+3here's a closeup of that bastard mouse now! : http://www.craphound.com/images/mickeyfeio.jpg
  • mal1964, on 04/20/2008, -10/+3The mouse's mom was a dog?
  • shyner, on 04/20/2008, -14/+9"Random quote from the article that I found humorous, just in case people forget it."

    Onion, Absolutely hilarious! LOL
  • jp12380, on 04/20/2008, -7/+2How dare that little guy taunt scientists!!!

    Mouse bbq!!

    Good ol onion.
  • inchrnt, on 04/20/2008, -0/+14yeah, but did he figure out the ultimate question yet?
    • Netrilix, on 04/20/2008, -0/+11How many roads must a man walk down?
      • mal1964, on 04/20/2008, -0/+1The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind
        The answer is blowing in the wind
    • dtfinch, on 04/20/2008, -1/+7What is 6 times 9?
      • IEatHamburgers, on 04/20/2008, -2/+5I thought it was "What is 6 times 7?"
        • lazyplayboy, on 04/20/2008, -0/+7Earth's computation got screwed up when the Golgafrinchans crashed landed early on in the computation. Arthur pulling scrabble pieces one-by-one from a bag:
          "WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU MULTIPLY SIX BY NINE?"
          "Six by nine. Forty two."
          "That's it. That's all there is."
          "I always thought something was fundamentally wrong with the universe"
      • acceleration, on 04/20/2008, -0/+354??
    • antdude, on 04/20/2008, -0/+1What's the meaning of life? Not 42!
    • cyrt, on 04/20/2008, -0/+1Earth is going to get bulldozed any minute now...
    • thscientist1, on 04/20/2008, -0/+1at least hes not his own great grandfather
  • M0stBlunt3d, on 04/20/2008, -9/+2Dugg for title, lolz
  • rinote, on 04/20/2008, -2/+45Damn, it so got me. I didn't realize it was The Onion until halfway through the article.
    • LBobRife, on 04/20/2008, -0/+3Me too. I was thinking for a minute "damn what the hell why don't scientists swear more? It makes their results more entertaining!
    • KingGorilla, on 04/20/2008, -0/+2I take it you did not see the top of the page with the picture of the Onion logo with the title saying "The Onion" ?
      • rinote, on 04/20/2008, -0/+0Haha, no I was more interested in why they were calling a mouse a son of a bitch.
    • fuzzynyanko, on 04/20/2008, -0/+1Same here. I was like "whoa. That's one ticked off researcher" until I saw the URL.
  • Sidzilla, on 04/20/2008, -1/+16They should test the mouse's roommate, Pinky.
    • gcnaddict, on 04/20/2008, -2/+4*woosh* right over just about everyone's head.

      Regardless, I see what you did there.
      • Mpwns, on 04/20/2008, -1/+1i got it to. that whole show still kicks ass.
      • NecroDigg, on 04/20/2008, -0/+1How is that woosh? Every ***** knows about pinky and brain. Dugg down cause you irritate me for some unknown reason.
    • blocguy, on 04/20/2008, -0/+1They're laboratory mice. Their genes have been spliced.
  • Tackmandu, on 04/20/2008, -1/+82This is why you don't copy and paste a headline directly you lazy ass submitter
    • BlueSkyfish, on 04/20/2008, -0/+24Candlejack probably got him when he was in the middle of typing th
    • antdude, on 04/20/2008, -0/+1It's called proofreading?
  • headzoo, on 04/20/2008, -2/+40God dammit.. I was 1/4 of the way through that article before I realized it was The Onion. For a second there I was kind of fascinated.
    • CapeKid, on 04/20/2008, -0/+4The title wasn't a give-a-way?
    • thebrain1288, on 04/20/2008, -0/+4Or that "The Onion" logo at the top of the article.
    • davekay85, on 04/20/2008, -0/+3*****, dude. My pet mouse realized it before he started reading it.
  • Kahlnen, on 04/20/2008, -0/+68Wall hacks. Only explanation.
  • gernblansted, on 04/20/2008, -12/+1I like the Onion, but 29 diggs == front page? Oh, now it's 34. Funny article, but... Uhh...

    whoreable "Algernon FTW!!!!":
    How much do you want to bet the movie from the novel "Flowers for Algernon" will be remade? It's almost a given, but it I doubt it would be totally true to the novel.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flowers_for_Algernon



  • xcheats, on 04/20/2008, -16/+1I'm so tired of this garbage being posted from the Onion lately. I'll read like half the article then realize that its from the Onion and that I'll never get those 3 minutes of my life back.
    • Karmavs, on 04/20/2008, -0/+8Address bar FTW
    • liquidtaco, on 04/20/2008, -0/+3if you read half the article before realizing that it was from the onion then you do not deserve to use the internets
  • ItsMyWii, on 04/20/2008, -8/+3"Onion quote here"
    -LOL ROFL HAHA PEANUTS
    • Bladwor, on 04/20/2008, -0/+2What do Charlie Brown and the gang have to do with this?
      • Avngr75, on 04/20/2008, -0/+1I'm pretty sure that them dancing looks at least a little like rolling on the floor laughing.
  • rages4calm, on 04/20/2008, -6/+1Dugg for the title of the article and for scientist getting pwned by a mouse.
  • montroller, on 04/20/2008, -0/+15lol I started reading this thinking what the ***** is wrong with these scientists
    but then i realized it was from the onion... perfect
  • DiggzDE, on 04/20/2008, -1/+26Damn. I was about halfway through this article thinking "this can't be real" when I noticed I was at "The Onion" and sighed from my own stupidity.
  • rakous, on 04/20/2008, -0/+4Ah, The Onion, I missed you.
  • GimbalLocker, on 04/20/2008, -10/+1Seems to be an onion article on DIGG every day now. I Love the ONION, but..I think we all get that the ONION is funny. Let's all just agree that we like the onion, GIVE THE ONION A BREAK, and not DIGG everything they put out.
    • liquidtaco, on 04/20/2008, -0/+1I think that you MAKE a very good POINT in that COMMENT.
  • zeabu, on 04/20/2008, -0/+13As the Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy already claimed, mice are the most intelligent beings on this planet.
    • mhuggins, on 04/20/2008, -4/+1I thought it was Dolphins...
      • jsaya, on 04/20/2008, -0/+1So long, so long and thanks
        for all the fish!
      • Avngr75, on 04/20/2008, -0/+3Please, Dolphins are the second most intelligent, get your facts straight. This is why humans are number 3...
  • BigglesPiP, on 04/20/2008, -0/+15These people obviously haven't read the hitch-hikers guide series.
  • mrgreyer, on 04/20/2008, -9/+0What is up with all of these Onion articles? If I wanted to read something funny, I would be going to the Onions page and reading their stories. Granted I think this article is as humorous as the next guy, there is no reason at all that there should be 2 Onion stories on the front page of digg in a couple of hours. The Onion is funny? Wow thanks for letting the rest of us know by submitting the story, otherwise I never would have found out.


    Oh a sarcasm detector, thats reeeal usefull *BOOM*
    -Comic Book Guy
    • uziko, on 04/20/2008, -0/+5i don't think you get the concept of digg.
      • mrgreyer, on 04/20/2008, -5/+0To sumbit interesting articles from a variety of place around the internet that people may not see otherwise. For up-to-date information in most news, tech, sports, videos, and pictures, really anything? Somehow every single Onion article making it to the front page is definatly not my idea of getting up to date INFORMATION. The Onion has nothing to do with keeping you INFORMED about anything. All I am trying to say is that maybe the completly made up stuff should just be in the sub category, not on the main page.
        • uziko, on 04/20/2008, -0/+6Digg is about information and entertainment. I'd say about 50% of digg stories are entertainment and not information. How have you been a member since 06' and not know that?
      • mrgreyer, on 04/20/2008, -1/+0I realize this and think it is fine, and I was on here for a while before I signed up. It is not the content or article itself. It is that 2 onion stories were 20 stories apart on most popular with lower diggs. You should have seen the other article while you were there an hour ago. I feel the same way about cracked and break, all great sites, but you only need a reminder once in a while.*sigh*
  • leonardoty, on 04/20/2008, -1/+9Who else would put "son of a bitch" in the title of the article?

    Thank you Onion, thank you so much.
  • uziko, on 04/20/2008, -0/+3FTA: "since the prick of a mouse, right, destroyed their chances of making any new discoveries whatsoever about the nature of synaptical response" LOL
  • alphaod, on 04/20/2008, -7/+1I think this is just stupid. I don't digg stuff from the Onion. They fun reading, but not serious.
  • evilelf2407, on 04/20/2008, -0/+3why so many onion articles on digg today?
    • Mpwns, on 04/20/2008, -0/+1a lot of stoned people on digg today.
    • NecroDigg, on 04/20/2008, -1/+0Real news is boring. Only old people care about current events.
  • scribat, on 04/20/2008, -0/+4I've never really read many articles on the onion but seriously it's pure ***** genius!
  • coresnake, on 04/20/2008, -0/+6Next lets let the little bastard play Silver Surfer for NES and see how it does...
    • Mpwns, on 04/20/2008, -0/+1i played it, i wanna see the devs play it.
  • id000001, on 04/20/2008, -11/+2Is it just me who don't find any Onion's joke funny?
    • LucasVB, on 04/20/2008, -0/+1Your life must suck.
    • monroylobo, on 04/20/2008, -0/+2Yes.


      Also, check subject verb agreement.
    • lizlemoncello, on 04/20/2008, -0/+0In a community as large as Digg, you're never the only one. You may be the only one who leaves comments looking for validation, but I doubt that, too.
    • Avngr75, on 04/20/2008, -0/+1I think I just had a grameizure trying to read your sentence, thanks a lot.
    • notadiggtard, on 04/20/2008, -0/+1Huh?
      I aren't found any your grammer's make's sensed.
  • phenolholic, on 04/20/2008, -8/+3thats what you get when you fund a school like university of iowa. they're angry at the mouse like if it was his fault. why not "son-of-a-bitch scientists who spend tons of grant money and have more than sufficient time to come up with a cognitive task that even a common house mouse cant solve" ..that sounds more accurate. afterall, it was the mouse's task to solve the maze, which it did effectively. it was the scientists task to make it more challenging, which they failed.
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