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Scientists Warn that Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted by 2011 watch!

theonion.com — At current usage levels, Miley Cyrus will be drained dry of entertainment value by 2011 lol.

Bury
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  • SugarCoatedSalt, on 06/30/2008, -17/+307I love The Onion.
    • SupaNeo, on 07/01/2008, -2/+50It's not mutual. The Onion told Digg to tell me to tell you that things just aren't working out.

      It's not you, it's The Onion.
      • shatters, on 07/01/2008, -0/+39He's not crying, it's The Onion
      • amoirae, on 07/01/2008, -7/+3We've all had the Onion.

        That cheap slut has been on more people than Paris Hilton.

        Well, almost. The Onion is lagging her by 100,000.
    • STARTSOMETHING, on 07/01/2008, -0/+21By the way Disney whores out young people, I think they will have someone to replace her by 2009.
    • phike, on 07/01/2008, -12/+5Buried for inaccuracy; will be depleted by 2013, get your facts straight!
      • shampoozleberry, on 07/01/2008, -5/+1buried for not being funny (and trying too hard to boot)
    • Digger1218, on 07/01/2008, -2/+8Boom Da Yada
      Boom Da Yada
    • chaos7, on 07/01/2008, -11/+4i hate the onion. i always bury it.
      • IllBeBack, on 07/01/2008, -2/+8Good for you. Me personally, I always capitalize "I", since you're like, you know, supposed to and *****.
      • BoonTobias, on 07/01/2008, -0/+6the trick is to bury the bulb which will give you onions, not the other way around, dumbass
    • DiscoLando, on 07/01/2008, -0/+9I love lamp.
    • clarionhaze, on 07/01/2008, -0/+2while you're there check out: Supreme Court Rules Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'

      http://www.theonion.com/content/video/supreme_cour ...
    • misticaldragon, on 07/01/2008, -2/+0i love sugar and coat and salt
    • RichardSwingman, on 07/02/2008, -0/+1unless she went modeling and showing some skin...a few scandals and shes back again. you know the drill.

      she just needs to take a hathaway step first.
  • Konstantino, on 06/30/2008, -8/+397The funny thing is, this is probably true.
    • pantone286, on 07/01/2008, -5/+3More like she was depleted when she grew out of being cute a while ago.
      • ayeroxor, on 07/01/2008, -11/+9What's it like, having teh ghey?
      • pantone286, on 07/01/2008, -8/+5What's it like being teh retarded?
        No wait your demonstration really sheds light on that affliction.
      • RaulMuadDib, on 07/01/2008, -1/+13But she's going from cute to hot in a couple years!!! (November 23, 2010)

        *runs before Chris Hansen reads this*
    • KhanneaNL, on 07/01/2008, -2/+11It's *****. We will never run out of Miley Cyrus, there will always been something left, but at a very steep cost to retrieve or pump out.
      • petebot, on 07/01/2008, -0/+4The government needs to make alternate entertainment sources a priority!
    • Bossco23, on 07/01/2008, -1/+3Yes it is true, i took Cyrus 3010 last semester, this is a science people.
    • MrSkrilla, on 07/01/2008, -0/+3That's why the onion is funny. It is actually true.
    • Hangly, on 07/01/2008, -0/+4You paranoid tin-hat idiots, Miley Cyrus has never been more popular than she is right now. Miley Cyrus will last forever!
    • ejvt, on 07/01/2008, -0/+10I'm doing my part by driving a car that gets good mileyage.
    • misticaldragon, on 07/01/2008, -0/+1WHOA CONGRATS ON GETTING THE JOKE
    • pigducksheep, on 07/01/2008, -0/+2Without a doubt
    • wkpower, on 07/01/2008, -0/+2buuuuuuuuut....you're forgetting about the sex tape.
    • sifeliz, on 07/01/2008, -1/+1funny? or sad?
  • porplem, on 06/30/2008, -8/+2152013 but okay.
    • Jumpeplowski, on 07/01/2008, -3/+47For those burying this, the Onion predicts her depletion by 2013, not 2011.
      • seandfeeney, on 07/01/2008, -2/+10if you subscribe to the feed you may have got two videos, one that is 2013 and the other that is 2011. They must have made a mistake and released the wrong one then swapped it out with the correct one.

        Miro caught them both for me...
    • aussieNickuss, on 07/01/2008, -3/+15They 2013 in the video....but they also say she won't last another two years at the current rate of consumption??
      • NJank, on 07/01/2008, -0/+34it's the damn onion. it's funny. stop nit picking.
      • halfdirt, on 07/01/2008, -0/+3Aaararrarggh, stop paying attention to mistakes!!! You make baby Jesus cry! Eat more sour cream.
      • aussieNickuss, on 07/01/2008, -3/+3Take it easy NJank! Maybe I enjoy wasting my life by nit-picking insignificant things. :)
      • DaHuuuuuudge, on 07/01/2008, -5/+1@NJank

        That's the thing though. It's the damn Onion. It's not funny.
      • deanoplex, on 07/01/2008, -0/+6People, people, let's take it easy. The real question is whether or not entertainment-depletion is man made. The fossil record clearly shows entertainment rises and falls naturally. Consider the rise of dinosaurs (very entertaining): http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://w2.byuh ... and compare it to the Eocene era (boooring):http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eocene
    • anstice85, on 07/01/2008, -0/+8More like 2009.
      • inigomntoya, on 07/01/2008, -0/+2Yup, 5 years is definitely too long.
      • pigducksheep, on 07/01/2008, -0/+3They man who posted this article was obviously and expert on Miley usage and sustainability. A new argument is exactly how long do we have?
  • fastcrash, on 07/01/2008, -9/+91"Dr Justin Canty from the institute for stainable cyrus use."
    hahaha thats amazing
  • UnterDenLinden, on 07/01/2008, -21/+6We need to start chillin' out and taking it slow. Stop rocking out the show!
  • FunCommentator, on 07/01/2008, -17/+3SO OVERRATED !!!
  • Snuff99, on 07/01/2008, -17/+159I hate Disney kids. Effin brats.
    • purzzzell, on 07/01/2008, -0/+14Half the pop celebrities are disney kids.

      Britney, Aguilara...i can't remember the rest, but they own A LOT of them.
      • 032483, on 07/01/2008, -0/+7...Justin Timberlake, Ryan Gosling, Jc Chasez,,,and thats just from the Mickey Mouse Club.
      • pigducksheep, on 07/01/2008, -2/+1They throw em out like hotcakes
      • petebot, on 07/01/2008, -2/+2Gosling? Really?
    • mu0p, on 07/01/2008, -0/+30Has anyone actually ever watched one full episode of these Disney teen shows?
      They literally scare the living crap out of me, the humor is HORRID and actually is awkward beyond belief.
      And the writing is all the same, like an OC for kids. My cousin who is 9 watches these shows like its church. Literally she is glued watching those shows, and thats all she does, she now has her own cell phone, is constantly texting, and has her own macbook and listens to those horrible albums they come out with.

      And my dad thought our television was bad in my day, all I watched were the Simposons, Wallace and Gromit, some Fresh Prince and some crappy dating shows I never understood.
      • VgRasta, on 07/01/2008, -0/+13Holy ***** I fully agree with you.

        I have no idea how ANYONE can find ANYTHING funny from ***** like that. Unfunny, unwitty *****.

        And I have a 12 year old sister who watches NOTHING but these shows. She records almost every single one of them. *****, she even SINGS the theme songs of them. And she also has albums of them. Goddamn they are horrible.
      • TyCage, on 07/01/2008, -1/+7"And my dad thought our television was bad in my day,"

        Welcome! You are now officially old! Enjoy your stay.
      • dudefaceguyman, on 07/01/2008, -6/+3Hey guess what..?


        IT'S NOT FOR YOU!


        It's like the people who were like, "That goddamn Teenage Mutant Turtles movie better knock my socks off!!!" they watched it and complained about it being too kiddy and cheesy for months on end. ***** DUH!

        Cartoons and humor for kids is basically just being flashy and goofy to keep their attention. While tossing in the latest pop culture stuff for kids at every possible chance they get. Kids hardly give two ***** about well well written a story is. They just want some goofy fun after school.
      • GrantTheGr8, on 07/01/2008, -1/+4They literally scare the crap out of you? Literally? And your cousin is literally glued? Come on...
        http://www.thefreedictionary.com/literally
        Read the damn usage note.
      • mu0p, on 07/01/2008, -0/+4Well im only 21. So not that old Yet :P

        And as far as it "not being for me" I STILL watch kid shows and cartoons when my cousin is watching them, and I never have a problem with the other shows. My dad never bought us cable till I was about 16 and Im glad he did that, most of my friends were all mtv kids, and nickelodeon kids and were always infront of the television set.
        These disney shows aren't "Kiddy" Its just they're awkward, I feel embarrassed when I watch it. And when my cousin is done watching it all I hear is "Like OH EM GE why are you wearing that today, you look like a dork! Like OMG"

        And as far as the spelling error, it was 5am when I wrote that comment. And thats a huge common mistake, get over it, its a comment...

        ^.^
      • AnalJustice, on 07/01/2008, -0/+4Horrid humor must be the reason why they become popular.

        Of course, the opinions of Digg-ers are hardly the general consensus.

        They complain about how these celebs are slutty whores but masturbate to their pictures before bedtime everyday.

        You know it's true.
    • KhanneaNL, on 07/01/2008, -1/+7Disney kids would be popular if they suddenly started popping up in Vivid.
  • Coven, on 07/01/2008, -4/+92Please let the scientists be right. There's only so much one man can take...
    • Jumpeplowski, on 07/01/2008, -3/+46Dugg for calling Miley a man.
      • Coven, on 07/01/2008, -1/+67Wait, I did what?
      • Jumpeplowski, on 07/01/2008, -5/+21I've re-read it a few times and it could mean a couple different things. Meh.
      • Intamin, on 07/01/2008, -0/+9Pedobear's confused...but doesn't really care in the end.
  • howzitgoin88, on 07/01/2008, -10/+109But the world is going to end in 2012... You mean we have to put up with her for the majority of the rest of our lives?
    • Jumpeplowski, on 07/01/2008, -1/+29No, the entire rest of your lives. She's going to be depleted in 2013, not 2011.
    • NJank, on 07/01/2008, -1/+13Don't worry. I saw the preview for Disaster Movie. She gets taken out by a meteor.
      • dsgamer, on 07/01/2008, -2/+1Disaster Movie--Al Gore was right.

        I love that!
    • fuzzynyanko, on 07/01/2008, -2/+3Billy Ray can only preach conservation for so long. Eventually, we'll have to seek out new sources
    • thenewmadmax, on 07/01/2008, -0/+22If the world ends in 2012 and miley in 2013, does that mean she will survive the Apocalypse?
      • howzitgoin88, on 07/01/2008, -1/+25She's a *****-roach!
      • EvilLordBanana, on 07/01/2008, -0/+14Oh god her and Cher will rule the world!
      • stuffradio, on 07/01/2008, -0/+10She's a twinkie! Everyone knows that twinkies can survive the apocalypse thingy.

        I saw it in a documentary last week.
      • SimonTB, on 07/01/2008, -0/+4She's not going to end, just be drained of entertainment value.
      • DaHuuuuuudge, on 07/01/2008, -1/+5Was that documentary called Wall-E?
    • alz0rz, on 07/01/2008, -1/+1TINFOIL HAT OFF POR FAVOR THX
  • captaindigger, on 07/01/2008, -16/+3Who Cares?
    • eddie72, on 07/01/2008, -0/+6The onion news is a satirical site. It isn't real.
  • JoeRitze, on 07/01/2008, -14/+7Crop will be good next year too!!
    -south park
  • olithebumm, on 07/01/2008, -3/+231Looks like next harvest will be even better
  • stinger666, on 07/01/2008, -19/+14She will still be entertaining for me in 2011.....



    fapfapfap
    • RevToTheRedline, on 07/01/2008, -1/+16Allll right, giggity giggity giggity goo
    • Haxker, on 07/01/2008, -1/+12I'm guessing you aren't waiting for 2011...
    • dotvexed, on 07/01/2008, -0/+18Pedobear, is that you?
    • UncleKennybobs, on 07/04/2008, -0/+1She's delicious, no doubt.
  • lozzobear, on 07/01/2008, -9/+452Dugg for Etch-a-sketchistan!
    • crossmr, on 07/01/2008, -14/+86Thanks for telling me. I was going to spend yet another sleepless night wondering why you dugg this article..
    • BossKey, on 07/01/2008, -0/+53That was actually the funniest thing in the whole video. Perfect, deadpan, throwaway one-liner, delivered without warning.
    • megamod, on 07/01/2008, -2/+34I heard it was a complete wipe out! There's not even a SINGLE trace of buildings or the people. They just vanished =/.
    • klipseracer, on 07/02/2008, -1/+1Etchasketchastan KILLED ME! I'm still LOL.
  • ColorBlind, on 07/01/2008, -6/+6thank god.
  • hinmanj, on 07/01/2008, -1/+102Wow, that earthquake at the end made my morning.
  • Ex3poo, on 07/01/2008, -7/+75She's is gonna be HO FO SHO!
  • mooseofshadows, on 07/01/2008, -3/+206Honestly, the funniest part of this was the earthquake wiping out etchisketchistan.
    • chrisfnet, on 07/01/2008, -17/+6Agreed. :)
      • ayeroxor, on 07/01/2008, -15/+7That's what the green thumb is for. Welcome to Digg.
      • Thundercat1971, on 07/01/2008, -4/+5haha, snippy response gets dugg down too!
    • xcomputerman, on 07/02/2008, -1/+1This. Honorable mention for the "withering, dessicated husk" line.
  • DeviantDragon, on 07/01/2008, -1/+16Actually, I'm thinking her entertainment utility will peak at 2010 and the following years before she reach Britney-Critical levels of overexposure.
    • gquaglia, on 07/01/2008, -0/+7You mean she will be flashing her snatch all over the internet, have 2 kids and be divorced twice.
  • Midtowner, on 07/01/2008, -1/+11The IRS surely ought to allow her parents to take a depletion deduction on their asset then.
  • katierosekills, on 07/01/2008, -3/+36How's Billy Ray Cyrus gonna pay his bills when his little girl isn't cool anymore? :(
    • TheInformer, on 07/01/2008, -3/+29By saying that you're going to break his achy heart.
    • Setari, on 07/01/2008, -0/+12Well, if current Cyrus usage rates continue, she (her family, thus Billy Ray) will be a billionaire by the end of the year. That ought to make things a little easier.
    • DetpackJump, on 07/01/2008, -0/+5He'll have to auction off his soul patch on Ebay
    • andretii, on 07/01/2008, -1/+1Who's America's Next Country Star?
      Something like that...
    • Vvolf, on 07/01/2008, -0/+1by his own attempts at acting...
    • Hangly, on 07/01/2008, -1/+1I own one of his signature cowboy hats. It fits nice.
  • Thorpe, on 07/01/2008, -1/+23Can't it be sooner?
  • spepin, on 07/01/2008, -2/+94She's long past her expiration date.

    I predict she'll soon hit that clubbing phase, which will lead to table dancing then sex tapes. The world is your oyster, Miley!
    • SteaminTmann, on 07/01/2008, -2/+12Oyster? Bearded clam is more likely...
    • diggapleasee, on 07/01/2008, -0/+7Bearded clam? Beef Curtains is more likely...
    • NolanRey, on 07/01/2008, -0/+8Beef curtains? A bulldog eating a jar of mayonnaise is more likely...
    • KingWilson, on 07/01/2008, -4/+2Ahhhhh..... that wound that never heals. I mean, C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER
    • thursdayevryday, on 07/01/2008, -0/+4A bulldog eating a jar of mayonnaise? A canadian ***** a rhinoceros in Iceland is more likely...
    • wejmahtin, on 07/01/2008, -2/+3Hopefully we'll get that one week or two where she's going overboard, but is still pretty hot, and she gets her lesbian sex on with Bri-Mado-Paris.
      • UncleKennybobs, on 07/04/2008, -0/+1Delicious things are not made this way, unfortunately.
  • bluemist, on 07/01/2008, -2/+13At this part of the world, we don't run on Miley Cyrus, I guess despite the instability and oldness of Britney Spears given current entertainment technology, it is still a valid resource.
  • jzuska, on 07/01/2008, -15/+29NOOOOOOOOOO I love You Miley. In the Boning sense.
  • CoMpUtErITGuY, on 07/01/2008, -7/+182I'll deplete that when she turns 18.
  • xsecretfiles, on 07/01/2008, -8/+15I'm wiling to bet she will be married to her dad and have 5 kids by then.....
  • janonymous, on 07/01/2008, -22/+2hilarious! 5/5
    • GeckoSlayer, on 07/01/2008, -0/+31A++++++ GOOD SELLER, WILL BUY FROM AGAIN!!
  • craighoxton, on 07/01/2008, -3/+25I was depleted when I saw those photos...
  • nemojonze, on 07/01/2008, -5/+2*depleted* is too kind a word. Thanks, Onion.
  • protogenxl, on 07/01/2008, -2/+10Sacrifice in March, corn have plenty starch!
  • PDF84, on 07/01/2008, -1/+192011? Now, thats being generous.
  • galvo, on 07/01/2008, -1/+74And pregnant by 2009.
  • jboswell2000, on 07/01/2008, -22/+5Can't we just read the Onion and the Daily Mail on our own time? Do we have to have every single article dugg? Yeah, like you're going to digg down the guy in the $4,000 suit. COME ON!!!
    • Metellus, on 07/01/2008, -0/+13not even an out-of-place Arrested Development quote can save you
      • jboswell2000, on 07/01/2008, -3/+0The Onion isn't funny. I was bored. Keep drinking the kool-aid!
      • Exbzurq, on 07/01/2008, -0/+3Yes because we all know digg needs front page space for that lame flying dildo story you submitted.
  • TheInformer, on 07/01/2008, -5/+11She needs to be depleted in a month or so. That'd be long enough to clear out all the crap being sold with her face on it. It'll be funny to see her wash out like Britney in a few years.
  • spiritflare1, on 07/01/2008, -4/+20she's well on the way - i think it's a disney rite of passage:

    http://allieiswired.com/archives/2008/01/miley-cyr ...

    • had3l, on 07/01/2008, -5/+4Erm, kinda clearly fake. Looks like someone shopped a pic they found in 4chan.
    • HoratioHellpop, on 07/01/2008, -5/+1That girl looks nothing at all like Miley. Nice try.
  • RyanOC, on 07/01/2008, -15/+18That breaks my Achey Breakey Heart :(
    • TrevorPace, on 07/01/2008, -1/+12Just no.
    • estvir, on 07/02/2008, -1/+2I only laughed because I hadn't hear those 3 words in so many years but for future reference, don't ever mention that horrible, disgusting combo fo words again.

      Ever. I will hunt down your family and skin them alive.
  • jp12380, on 07/01/2008, -3/+1Within 2 years, then it would be in 2010 that she would be used up.
  • bobolito, on 07/01/2008, -10/+2They should print this on a piece of paper and fax it to someone WHO CARES!!!
    • ayeroxor, on 07/01/2008, -1/+5hilarious! did you come up with that gem all by yourself? wow. you're truly a comedic genius.
      • anstice85, on 07/01/2008, -0/+5I dugg him up for memory's sake. I think I used to use that joke in the fourth grade.
    • Xizer, on 07/01/2008, -0/+2bobolito you are a comedic genius, you should apply for a job at the Onion.
  • BohicaTwentyTwo, on 07/01/2008, -1/+14Gentlemen, we cannot allow a Miley Cyrus gap!
    • ayeroxor, on 07/01/2008, -1/+19let the "I'd ... Miley Cyrus' gap" jokes commence.
      • ikarimaru, on 07/01/2008, -0/+10I'd get a dentist to help fix Miley Cyrus' gap :)
      • CMuffa, on 07/01/2008, -1/+5I'd deplete Miley Cyrus' gap into a canyon. It's ok, by 2011 it should be legal.
      • NolanRey, on 07/01/2008, -0/+4Id fill that gap like i was a cal-trans worker.

        or any other state freeway worker...
      • ayeroxor, on 07/01/2008, -0/+3so, you'd just sit there?
    • Exbzurq, on 07/01/2008, -0/+6Gentlemen, gentlemen! No fighting in the whore room!

      /wrists
  • gquaglia, on 07/01/2008, -5/+4Just another reason why the entertainment biz is bad for kids.
  • danharlow, on 07/01/2008, -8/+5Dugg for being really, really funny.
  • junkwheel, on 07/01/2008, -3/+5One of the the endings on an Onion video it said coming up, "Failing music industry starts puttings ads into song lyrics".

    Perfectly funny yet already actually been done with "I'm lovin it" for McDonalds. That was in several songs including Beyonce's.
    • PosedMagnet, on 07/01/2008, -3/+1No it wasn't.
    • Nanite, on 07/01/2008, -0/+2I remember McDonalds offering rappers money for mentioning big macs in their songs a few years ago. I'm not sure if anyone took them up on it.
      • junkwheel, on 07/01/2008, -0/+3It wasn't the mentioning of Big Macs, it was mentioning the I'm Lovin It slogan. Quite possibly the reason why Justin Timberlake named one of his songs I'm Lovin It at the same time.

        Breaking the boundaries of corporate trash.
  • junkwheel, on 07/01/2008, -7/+7Wake me up when she comes out with a song called 'Miley Cyrus in the butt whut whut".
  • CHANNELOCK, on 07/01/2008, -4/+2Whats up with these Southern Belles,I mean they start out like adorable kittens then they turn into alley cats...I'm still traumatized by the Olsen's twins anorexia drug addicted meltdown all in one hazy afternoon.
    • EricSchC1, on 07/01/2008, -0/+4you mis-spelled "Horrifically Aroused"
  • mickin014, on 07/01/2008, -2/+2Hopefully, Miley Cyrus will be done by 09. Then starting on her county fair tour in like Ohio, just like her dad did.
  • ripple123, on 07/01/2008, -13/+2If I wanted to read the onion, id go read the ***** onion.
  • AaronCook, on 07/01/2008, -7/+5LOL. The Onion is the best!
    • hammburglar, on 07/01/2008, -2/+5Aaron Cook. i though id just let you know that i picked you up in fantasy baseball, with high hopes. and youve done nothing but let me down. thanks. but im glad you like the onion. it is the best.
    • clickwir, on 07/01/2008, -1/+1No, the onion is old and busted. They suck. It shouldn't be on digg
  • palewook, on 07/01/2008, -1/+40wasn't there a south park about this already?
    • Mannyy, on 07/01/2008, -3/+7it was about Britney Spears.. but.. it works with Miley
      • palewook, on 07/01/2008, -1/+11"Screen cuts to shots of the year's bountiful corn harvest and the South Park citizens reaping the benefits in their local supermarket, the store's television just happens to switch on to Entertainment Tonight, which features a segment on 15-year-old Hannah Montana superstar and pop culture's newest princess, Miley Cyrus."
      • altinnovation, on 07/01/2008, -1/+6Yeah, near the end they show Miley Cyrus as the new harvest.
    • StandardsDT, on 07/01/2008, -1/+14No not really. Your thinking of the Britney Spears episode where after they killed Britney for the food harvest, the media in the show was saying Miley is the next big thing and everyone started thinking about the next food harvest.
    • adrames, on 07/01/2008, -2/+4South Park did it!
  • rsm5068, on 07/01/2008, -2/+2I rather enjoyed that.
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