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- LeftieLucy, on 01/09/2009, -16/+374Wow. Once again, The Onion knocks one out of the park.
FTA: "Now, granted, there are some Christians on the lunatic fringe who take their beliefs a little too far. Take my coworker Karen, for example. She's way off the deep end when it comes to religion: going down to the homeless shelter to volunteer once a month, donating money to the poor, visiting elderly shut-ins with the Meals on Wheels program—you name it!
But believe me, we're not all that way. The people in my church, for the most part, are perfectly ordinary Americans like you and me. They believe in the simple old-fashioned traditions—Christmas, Easter, the slow and deliberate takeover of more and more county school boards to get the political power necessary to ban evolution from textbooks statewide. That sort of thing."
It's so true that it's barely parody. - SpeedSteamBoat, on 11/20/2008, -5/+177The only difference between this article and reality is that these people aren't so honest with themselves.
- pnunn, on 11/19/2008, -9/+122Can we please get a link to this on each and every worldnetdaily submission?
- KevekKerinth, on 11/19/2008, -4/+105It's so true I was surprised when I saw theonion in the url!
- Zervaman, on 11/20/2008, -13/+87You gotta love the whole "gay is a choice" religious angle. Hilarious.
- smotpoker, on 11/20/2008, -3/+71Do you honestly think that everyone who scoffs at your "Christianity" is not a Christian?
There are plenty of churches and *real* Christians who actually follow the words of Jesus rather than everyone else *but* him (despite what you see on TV). They also find much of what pretends to be Christianity to be a disgustingly joke. - inactive, on 11/20/2008, -1/+60The Onion is satire.
- migshark, on 11/20/2008, -3/+59Quite a few atheists were also raised in households of various Christian denominations. We know our ***** and it smells like *****.
- thepoliticalcat, on 11/19/2008, -5/+50Lovely! The Onion rocks.
- pintomp3, on 11/20/2008, -7/+49there is no such thing as a "former homosexual", just ones who suppress who they are. when did you decide to be heterosexual? did you try tasting ***** before you decided?
- Lemonblood, on 11/20/2008, -3/+44I played DnD with a guy for around a year. I wondered why he went to Easter instead of going to a con with us. Turns out he was deeply Christian.
Then again, I knew a girl who thought all atheists should be housed in special prisons and that the internet should be housed in The Vatican. - Fatcheeseguy, on 11/20/2008, -12/+48Ahh being a "Christian" before America was "discovered" when millions upon millions of Indians were essentially annihilated which was justified because they "didn't believe in Christ" or know who he was for that matter.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartoleme_De_Las_Casa ...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Population_history_of ...
Jesus Christ....... - Phoetality, on 11/20/2008, -2/+36I'm a christian and a massive D&D fan. There is nothing mutually exclusive about them. Casting spells in a roleplay game is not making me any more receptive to becoming a warlock anymore than playing Cowboys and Indians is going turn me into a native american.
Clearly your friend had poor intelligence and wisdom rolls ^^. - dirigibleduck, on 11/20/2008, -0/+33I'm not sure what you're getting at, but Las Casas was actually totally opposed to the slaughter of indigenous peoples and wrote a Christian tract against the entire colonization scheme. He actually debated that, according to Christian theology, the natives were simply "righteous savages" who were neither damned nor saved because they never had a chance to hear the Gospel. He was actually a pretty progressive human rights activist for the time.
- Mujokan, on 11/20/2008, -1/+34http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.a ...
- WhiskeyLemur, on 06/30/2009, -4/+36There have been studies showing that hormonal responses in homosexuals are genuinely geared to ward the same sex. A gay man will have the same hormonal reaction to another man as a straight man would have to a woman. If you'd bothered to read some actual research on the subject, instead of swallowing your religious teachings whole, you would know that recent findings completely contradict the notion of "it's just a choice."
pintomp3 is 100% correct: you can repress what you are, and choose not to act on it; but the basic urges don't change just because you've been shamed into pretending you're something you're not. - GuacamoleSan, on 11/20/2008, -2/+34Amazing how you can get people riled up about certain issues and completely ignore the basic tenets of Christianity, I am not a Christian but this is from the Old Testament: "Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself" Loving thy neighbor takes precedence over hatred of gay couples? Up to them to decide. But its logical to me that loving thy neighbor would include acceptance of cet neighbors choices.
- thealsir, on 11/20/2008, -2/+34Real Christians are probably more tolerant than you are.
- Antz0rz, on 11/20/2008, -2/+32That was a whole lot of typing just for saying "good joke but i am slightly offended"
- o0joshua0o, on 11/20/2008, -1/+30Adultery is specifically prohibited by the 10 commandments, yet I don't see Christians mobilizing to make that illegal. Whether or not homosexuality is forbidden by the Bible is open to debate, and is clearly much lower on God's priority list, yet Christian groups are constantly crusading to limit gay people's rights. I just don't understand how you decide what to pick and choose.
- thealsir, on 11/20/2008, -19/+47"I'm a neocon atheist. I think killing people for oil money is perfectly fine, and the poor are poor due to no fault but their own. Also I pretend to be religious to appeal to people stupider than me."
- inside the mind of a neocon - Arghblarg, on 11/20/2008, -5/+29.. So when Xtians like you lobby against using contraception to prevent AIDS or unwanted pregnancies, or against immunization from HPV for young girls, you're only fighting the ideas, right? Unfortunately fighting certain ideas has real health consequences for people, and won't change human nature. But hey, way to rationalize stomping on the options and rights of others..
- NinaOdell, on 11/20/2008, -1/+25Yes!
- flashback99, on 11/20/2008, -5/+28Yes they are clever. It's the religious who are smug.
- inactive, on 11/20/2008, -0/+23I'd go spy and change my name to Judas.
- tonberryqueen, on 11/20/2008, -1/+23Wow, you couldn't talk about evolution at all?
Religious views aside, you're doing kids a serious disservice if they have to wait until college to learn about an important scientific theory that their peers learned about in ninth grade. - niczar, on 11/20/2008, -2/+24They're not idiots, merely sociopaths. It's empathy and remorse they lack, certainly not cunning and wits.
- Suzilla, on 11/20/2008, -1/+21@StealthTomato
That "love sinner / hate sin" thing is specious. Sounds alright at first-face, but it typically translates into actions that are hateful. Rather than take it to mean, don't YOU commit that sin yourself, it takes the form of "do all you can to make sure no one can commit that sin". This gets "nuanced" into other forms such as "protecting family" from the "assualt" of those who practice these sins (i.e., keep your children from being exposed to concepts of morality, sexuality, or community that differ from your own.) From there, it's a short step to banning all sorts of things, by law, and not much further leap to "godly" vigilantism under which color homes are defaced or destroyed, and love is extended to those sinners in the form of ridicule, torture, or death.
What would Jesus do? He'd weep, bitterly, I've no doubt. - amanilaenvelope, on 11/20/2008, -6/+26A reverse 'i can't believe this isn't from the onion!' comment.
- LJU1492, on 11/20/2008, -2/+21Yeah well Jesus said that the two greatest commandments were to love God with all your heart and soul, and to love your neighbour as you love yourself.
So if you call yourself a Christian, and are not doing those two things, IMO you're probably going to fall into the category of those that Jesus described as "Not everyone who calls me Lord, will enter the kingdom of Heaven".
Sorry, but it's there in black and white (or red depending on your Bible) - mattw, on 11/20/2008, -1/+20There's a cream you can rub on for that.
- Shaggy3, on 11/20/2008, -3/+21I'm still angry my high school teachers couldn't talk about evolution.
After one week in a university Biology class:
"THIS IS AWESOME." - dogsandglue, on 11/20/2008, -1/+19I was playing Team Fortress 2 the other night and on my usual server a couple new players showed up to play but they had (Christian) after their user name and I was thinking "what is that supposed to mean?" like, am "I supposed to respect them or go easier on them in the game?" Naturally I switch to Pyro, hunted them repeatedly and used my backburner at will.
- pintomp3, on 11/20/2008, -1/+18heil!
- gwaggy12, on 11/20/2008, -5/+22The problem is the Bible itself. It's around 4000 years old, written by hundreds of different people over the course of 2000 years.
There are TONS of contradictions.
There is no way NOT to pick and choose what you believe out of the Bible, so many Christians ignore the general spirit of the whole thing and choose specific verses that back-up what they believe (i.e. intelligent design, homosexuality, etc.)
This article definitely hits the nail on the head. - stormofswords, on 11/20/2008, -2/+19It doesn't take a lot of work to point out what douchebags these types of Christians are.
- TMTurtle, on 11/20/2008, -0/+17And if they were, they likely wouldn't see what was wrong with the stance.
- inactive, on 11/20/2008, -0/+15Wow! You ARE reaching there.
- RobotBuddha, on 11/20/2008, -0/+15I've heard professors say it's getting more and more common. It puts them in a really rough position of basically having to tell new students that they don't even have enough of a basic education to take an introductory level class.
- badbilly, on 11/20/2008, -0/+15not funny? its ***** dead-on true!
- ifire, on 11/20/2008, -6/+21This article reminds me of being Catholic...
- Ductapemaster, on 11/20/2008, -2/+17Pure genius, as always.
- CrimsonBlur, on 11/20/2008, -6/+21I would not be the least bit surprised to find an article in the Opinion section of a Newspaper exactly like this somewhere in the Southern United States. I don't care if people think that's an unfair generalization, we all know it's true.
- Atomic05, on 11/20/2008, -0/+15At first I thought that whole thing was pure sarcasm and sort of amusing; but then, towards the end, I started to think that maybe I was wrong...
- cawpin, on 11/20/2008, -1/+15So they were really Catholic priests?
- cle2105, on 11/20/2008, -5/+19It's nice to see someone calling out the fake Christians. I went to Catholic school, volounteer weekly, and donate money every now and again; yet the idiots who protest outside military funerals and would refuse to vote for a muslim infuriate and embarrass me. I wish the MSM would continue where the Onion left off and expose the hypocritical Evangelical movement for what it is.
- MammasMilk, on 11/20/2008, -3/+17The thing is... that isn't really satire or a spoof. Just look at interviews with the Left Behind authors. They believe in a violent, vengeful Jesus and they are 100% down with it. They love it. It's what they are all about and it forms their world view and how they see and deal with others.
In short, they are a couple of sick jerks. - JoJoDilio, on 11/20/2008, -2/+15I think a major theme that this article points out is that there are different types of christians, and that everyone practices differently. To say that "so many Christians do this" is just another way of saying "I have a mental image of what a christian is, and anyone outside of that is just an anomaly".
The fictional character in the article claims to practice Christianity in all the ways that people have a hard time with, such as speaking in tongues, but doesn't practice in the ways that the religion is meant.
As a piece of satire, I think it's obvious that the article is pointing out that this is the exact OPPOSITE of what most Christians are, and I think it's very correct in that assessment. I'm a Christian marrying someone outside of my faith. I believe in evolution, and that there's no reason that religion and Darwin can't get along. I am supportive of gay rights, and the right for homosexuals to get married.
I have no problem with the "love the sinner, hate the sin" argument, because I DON'T think it translates into hateful actions. For example, I'm pro-choice, but against abortion. I don't support the idea of a protest outside of an abortion clinic, but I do support the groups who stand outside offering support to those about to endure a very emotional event. Groups who say "God still wants to know you, and so do we".
Yes, there are bat-***** crazy christians out there. They're generally easy to spot. But you'd be surprised how many sane, educated, logical christians are out there who are just generally practicing good, honest, healthy, spiritual living. - RavenBot, on 11/20/2008, -3/+16Hate Dogma gets us nowhere. I continuously push my church to understand that God gave everyone choice and told us to respect it. So if your life choice don't match my own I am supposed to treat you like I would my own Christian brother. The ten commandments can be simplified to simply Respect your God and Respect Everyone else. If you do that we can all just get along. Sadly there are way to many people that call themselves Christians that feel just as the Onion has joked they do. Giving the rest of us a bad name.
- AGONYTUESDAY, on 11/20/2008, -3/+16maybe it's just the onion, but she IS what I think about when I picturize the average Crazy Christian. this is the insanity we're all disappointed by.
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