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How to win a fight against twenty children

cracked.com — I’m not going to ask why you’re fighting twenty children. That’s your own business, although most reasons are as old as time itself:

Who dugg this? Made popular Aug 19, 2008

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  • dtrinh, on 08/19/2008, -0/+604I am SO READY for the next Hannah Montana concert.
  • trixyfox, on 08/19/2008, -5/+391Crap, someone found out my underground twenty child street fights
  • valenzano, on 08/19/2008, -4/+357Those ***** had it coming
  • 7mph, on 08/19/2008, -2/+287The first rule of underground twenty child fight club is, you do not talk about underground twenty child fight club.
  • elshizzo, on 08/19/2008, -9/+281"If you do get struck in the groin, under no circumstances should you place your hand on your genitals to massage away the pain - touching your privates while surrounded by minors is illegal in many states"

    ha
  • brandonchicago, on 08/19/2008, -2/+170Never bring a weapon to the fight, as the article claims, but rather use the tallest child as a weapon. Those tiny feet are easy to hang onto, leaving the hardest part of the body, the head, as your instrument of pain. I encourage the use of the baseball swing, the lasso, and my favorite, the Tiger Wood's golf uppercut swing.
  • Fhwqhgads, on 08/19/2008, -2/+137Maddox writes for Cracked now?
  • mediaspree, on 08/19/2008, -0/+119You'd better learn to fight more than 20 of those little *****
  • browwiw, on 08/19/2008, -0/+116Never fight a midget, let alone 20. They are born with something to prove.
  • HCviolence, on 08/19/2008, -1/+116Flamethrower.
  • inactive, on 08/19/2008, -2/+112Clearly an article inspired by http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight ...
  • rollxnut, on 08/19/2008, -2/+111comedy my ass, this should be listed in the education section.
  • Hellrotm3, on 08/19/2008, -1/+96Finally I can stop getting my ass kicked
  • chrisduser, on 08/19/2008, -0/+88Don't forget to shave your head, the sluts in training will pull your hair with one hand and claw your face with the other.
  • KingBabi, on 08/19/2008, -2/+89That's frowned upon.
  • csw3190, on 08/19/2008, -0/+86China is way ahead of you
  • MattNF, on 08/19/2008, -0/+78HADOUKEN!!
  • 1awesomeguy, on 08/19/2008, -2/+74Would the same rules apply for fighting 20 midgets?
  • hannahruth0, on 08/19/2008, -6/+78Reminded me of this:
    http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight ...

    Edit: *****, I saw this so long ago and I never realized it's another one of mingle's marketing ploys.
  • sarge96, on 08/19/2008, -26/+94***** Pokemon.
  • andypop481, on 08/19/2008, -5/+70Author :Cracked
    Title: Full of potential

    they delivered.
  • chompapotamus, on 08/19/2008, -0/+64I would also suggest bringing a bag of carrots. Kids hate carrots, and they double as a hilarious weapon.
  • reidhoch, on 08/19/2008, -4/+70Highly informative.
  • QsheiK, on 08/19/2008, -2/+64This isn't an e-bay auction.
  • inactive, on 08/19/2008, -5/+64Never know when this will come in handy!
  • Onji, on 08/19/2008, -3/+62BABYALITY!!!
  • Icyfenix, on 08/19/2008, -0/+50Good to know you're on this. I can rest easy now.
  • temporaryescape, on 08/19/2008, -0/+47Just give me the date and location, you'll need backup.
  • inactive, on 08/19/2008, -1/+48I emailed maddox, asking for more content. He said he's working on it ;)
  • Consorsha, on 08/19/2008, -6/+53Poison their toys.
  • mufffin, on 08/19/2008, -1/+45Why do all commenters have coffee in their mouth while reading digg? Can't you tell from previous experiences?
  • browwiw, on 08/19/2008, -0/+42Not to mention their mithral armor.
  • gn0stik, on 08/19/2008, -2/+43I remember in 4th grade, I got dog piled on by like 15 1st graders at recess. ***** lord of the flies *****, they were crazy. I can't even remember why they did it. They just snapped all at once, though. Hive mind *****. Scared the ***** out of me. So, yeah, they probably did have it coming.
  • Frejesal, on 08/19/2008, -1/+40That has to be the most attention grabbing title ever. And it lived up the article.

    "The ideal situation is fighting children who are trapped in a ditch below you."
  • rivalius13, on 08/19/2008, -1/+39:(
  • WeyrDragon, on 08/19/2008, -5/+42***** you, two of my friends died fighting 20 children. (obligatory)
  • srodolff, on 08/19/2008, -0/+36Use a tip from Neo......

    Pick the first kid up and use him as a weapon against the other kids.
  • ApokalypseNow, on 08/19/2008, -2/+38***** you, two of my friends died asking where the "***** you two of my friends died..." guy was.
  • Onji, on 08/19/2008, -1/+35When you get to the sign up page you can choose to skip signing up by clicking in the lower right-hand corner.
  • SeaweedWater, on 08/19/2008, -0/+33What will I do with my Tuesday nights now?
  • Snottlebocket, on 08/19/2008, -1/+31"your Achilles tendon (the groin of the ankle) "

    Haha pure awesome.
  • BrownBears, on 08/19/2008, -0/+30then you have a pack of flaming children, probably even more dangerous.
  • Cerebron, on 08/19/2008, -0/+28You forgot the Fresh Prince of Bel Air rap at the end.
  • oinyo, on 08/19/2008, -2/+29Ha ha ha. You win sir.
    This is by far the most funny ***** I read today on here.

    Just keep yelling at the kids " Where's your god now? "
  • Mikey129, on 08/19/2008, -1/+28All you need is a tube sock and a pool ball.
  • UberNick, on 08/19/2008, -1/+24you see that "Skip to Results" button?
  • temporaryescape, on 08/19/2008, -0/+22Laptop gun.
  • BOFH2, on 08/19/2008, -3/+24I needed this back in 2001 when I was in charge of a Sunday School class of 4th graders. I could tell something was up when I walked into the room, they all slowly stopped what they were doing to look at me. They did not turn their bodies so much as they turned their heads. I felt like running but I thought "what? their kids for crying out loud and their at church!". Their leader nodded to two of the bigger kids( I think they were held back a couple years); who immediately grabbed my legs and made it hard for me to move. After that the rest came at me. I got a couple of them with hammer fists to the top of the head but there were too many. I was taken down and beaten to unconsciousness. When I woke up they were all playing like they were when I go there. I tried to report what happened but was laughed out of the church office. The kids never said anything about it but they all every once and a while, turned an looked at me and smiled.
  • jsauter, on 08/19/2008, -0/+21Chainsaw.
  • chrisduser, on 08/19/2008, -2/+22Insert giant-girthed dildo.
    Wait five minutes.
    Remove giant-girthed dildo.
    Enjoy.

    (Do not prepare in toaster oven.)
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