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Finalists: The 10 Best/Worst Puns in the World
mentalfloss.com — We’ve narrowed down all the punny entries from last week ’s Best Pun IN THE WORLD!! Competition and settled on the following 10. As with the caption contests, we’re letting YOU guys pick the winner. One vote per person, please, and may the best pun win!
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LOL... these are kinda dorky but fun.
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2 B...or not 2 B...that is my question!...i would put Monet on it...
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I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, then a frontal lobotomy.
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I like the stephen hawking one, but my favourite will still be
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. -
you'd figure that a competition to find the best pun IN THE WORLD!! would have more news coverage...
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Honestly, guys. I don't get the "carp-to-carp walleting" one. I read it aloud 20 times in a row. I asked my brother, who's older than me and usually gets puns because he's super smart, and he didn't get it either. In all seriousness, what the hell is that supposed to mean?!?!?
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Puns are far better when they are created around real situations. And not situations built around making a made-up pun work. I was expecting better than this.
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I tried reading them all but I had to stop. I just can't take the punishment.
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I've seen better puns in Digg comments.
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that was the worst thing i've ever read.
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these are like something my friends dad would tell us and we give the courtesy laugh. Brutal.
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A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. As the bartender pours it for him he sees the place is empty. He says to the bartender "I know I'm new in town, but this place seems dead."
The bartender says "I reckon everyone is up at the hanging."
Cowboy asks "Who are they hanging?"
Bartender responds "The law finally caught up with ol' Brown Paper Pete."
Cowboy: "Brown Paper Pete? What kind of a name is that?"
Bartender: "You've never heard of him? He's notorious around these parts! Where's brown paper pants, brown paper shirt, brown paper vest, he's even got a brown paper hat."
Cowboy: "Now ain't that a caution. What are they hangin' him for?"
Bartender: "Rustlin'." -
some of these are epic fail
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Buried for so much suck.
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Pretty good. Here's an old one that I've always enjoyed...
Everyday a doctor stops by a bar on his way home from work and has an almond daiquiri. The bartender, named Dick, knows this routine and usually has it waiting for the doctor by the time he gets there. One day, he noticed he was out of almonds. So he decided to use hickories instead, thinking the doctor might not notice. He made the drink, the doctor came in, sat down, took a sip, and said to the bartender...
"Is this an almond daiquiri, Dick?"
To which he responded...
"No, it's a hickory daiquiri, doc!" -
Venn ist das nurnstuck git und slotermeyer? Ya! Beigerhund das oder die flipperwaldt gersput!
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It looks like someone has DUGG these servers a grave.
AHAHAHHAHAHahhahahahahahaha.......ahaha........................ha..... /suicide -
Talking to her about computer hardware I made my mother board.
* rimshot
He dropped a computer on his toes and had megahertz.
* rimshot
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
*rimshot -
"You know there was rumors of anti-Castro pigeons seen drinking in bars... Someone overhead them saying 'coup, coup'"
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A nurse is making her rounds at the hospital, she goes to make a notation on a patient's chart and pulls a thermometer from behind her ear. Looking at the thermometer she exclaims "Some asshole has my pen!"
The veal, the waitress, try'em both... -
In my estimation, this was a play on turds.
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I thought I could find 10 funny puns in there. So I picked out 10, hoping that at least one would make me laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
LOLZ! Get it? I'm awesome. -
I used to send out puns to my co-workers to see if they would laugh.
I sent out ten puns.
No pun-in-ten-did. -
The puns weren't even good. I could make better puns in my sleep.
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It must be top 10 day on digg.
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Where's the worst place to host an arms conference? Newcombe Auditorium.
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I never really found puns that interesting. Its more funny to just hear a real joke. good for that guy.
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...and then the Chinese miner jumped out and yelled: "Supplies!"
/got nuthin -
For easter I was forced to color eggs with my little sister and other family members. I got bored so I drew horns and a tail on one and said it was a deviled egg. Cheesy but hilarious :)
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Why?
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The only thing worse then a spoken pun is a pun in print!
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That was so stupid I actually regret reading it instead of doing my job.
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This is my all-time favorite. Too bad it's not on the list:
Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to go and ask the friars to get out of business. They ignored her, too.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town, to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, the friars did so, thereby proving that . . .
Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars. -
Radio Shack is giving away dead batteries. Free of charge.
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:-/
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deGAS? lame.
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WTP (What The Pun)
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A captain walks into a bar with a ship's wheel that appears to be stuck to his fly. The bartender says to him, "It must be a pain to carry that thing around like that." The captain replied, "Arrr, it's drivin' me nuts."
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A good pun is it's own reword
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I don't get the carp one....
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I entered a pun contest. They allowed 10 entries. I was hoping to win but was sadened when no pun in ten did...
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Dugg for puns, but those weren't that good. My favorite pun:
A group of friars decided to open a floral shop in their belfry. The townspeople all started shopping at the friars' floral shop because their purchases were helping to fix up the church; however, there was another floral shop across town that started losing all their business. One of the owners of the floral shop approached the friars one day and said, "Will you close down your shop? If you don't, I'll go out of business and I and all my employees will be out of work." The friars, though, refused. Having nowhere else to turn, the owner went out to a local pub and hired the biggest brawler he could, a man named Hugh, to help him shut down the friars' shop. Hugh went up to the belfry, destroyed all the friars' plants, and roughed them up a bit. He left, promising to come back and really put the hurt on them if they didn't shut down. Sure enough, the friars closed up their shop the very next day.
This just goes to show that only Hugh can prevent florist friars. -
These puns are horrid.
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I still say the best one isn't there:
"Derwood, you're just another useless mortal."
"Endora, you better get out of here or I'll kick your ass," he shot back darrin-ly. -
Inaccurate.
Not only are they not that good, many aren't even puns. -
The monetary loss one actually made me yell "stupid!" at the screen. So it gets my vote.
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You know what's funny? This pickle started out in a jar, and now it's back in one! It's like, a pun or something!
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Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that the soles of his feet became quite thick and hard.
Being a very spiritual person, he ate very little, and often fasted. As a result, he was quite thin and frail.
Furthermore, due to his diet, he ended up with very bad breath.
He came to be known as a....
"Super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis." -
I like the editors note the best:
"Feminine hygiene jokes are the lowest form of humor. Period." -
Q: What do you call a psychic fugitive midget?
A: A small medium at large.
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