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671 Comments
- gramophone, on 08/01/2008, -7/+430The miracle of life is disgusting
- whirlingderv, on 08/01/2008, -1/+380New mandatory reading for sex ed. And an unbeatable ad campaign for condom and birth control pill companies.
- Rotzooi, on 08/01/2008, -32/+292Anal sex ftw
- inactive, on 08/01/2008, -0/+255brb vastectomy
- toekneebullard, on 08/01/2008, -1/+221My wife did all that. Not a drug in her system.
I'm a little afraid of her ever since. - Aslan72, on 08/01/2008, -11/+217buried as inaccurate. Mom always said I came from a stork!
- Lucas123, on 08/01/2008, -1/+192Forget the birth. It's the next 18 years that are really terrifying.
- howdareyou, on 08/01/2008, -12/+174Actually no, male circumcision isn't the equivalent of female circumcision.
It's not even close. - Fhwqhgads, on 08/01/2008, -8/+156One of the grossest Cracked articles.
- Kale27, on 08/01/2008, -0/+138Just a note to make your life easier.
If your wife poops during labor dont mention it. - deweyhewson, on 08/01/2008, -36/+1717. Doctors still try to force new parents to circumcise their male babies, despite lack of any medical reason to do so.
Genital Mutilation, for the win! - DarkSpoon, on 08/01/2008, -1/+105My God, i was expecting jokes and laughter. All I'm left with is terror and a glassy look in my eye.
- Echo18, on 08/01/2008, -8/+111I know I'm going to get dugg down to oblivion, but I really don't care at this point because I am sick and tired of seeing this comparison.
Really, how in the world can you compare female genital mutilation to male circumcision?
In female genital mutilation they take a girl when she 12-13 years old, bring her into a dirty hut and make her get on all fours, pull out a rusty knife, and slice off her clitoris and labia. She runs the risk of getting nasty infections, and this process makes sex incredibly painful for the rest of her life.
In male circumcision, they take a child when he is an infant (in most cases) and, with surgically clean instruments, snip off the bit of extra skin around the head of the penis. This minimally affects sexual pleasure (I have been in relationships with men who were both circumsized and uncircumsied, and noticed absolutely no difference between the two and their enjoyment of sex), and is a safe procedure.
However, the reasons for male circumcision are mostly obsolete at this point. Originally it was intended to prevent the diseases that could form under that extra skin in the old days when guys didn't have access to clean water and showers. Our level of cleanliness at this at this point makes this operation mostly unnecessary, so circumcision/no circumcision, it doesn't make much of a difference.
You can say both are related to "tradition" at this point sure. But with FGM the purpose is to make sex so painful for the woman so that she would not dare sleep with another man. Male circumcision was born out trying to prevent men from getting diseases.
Digg me down, I don't care, but it is completely wrong and unfair to ever think of comparing the two. - lisaawesome, on 08/01/2008, -0/+93When you tell young girls what episiotomies are you have instantly granted them at LEAST a few years of birth control. My mother bestowed that gem upon my younger sister recently who immediately began screaming in horror and insisting she will never ever have a baby.
- elizabethb221, on 08/01/2008, -2/+91Aaaaaaaand I'm going to adopt.
- BXRWXR, on 08/01/2008, -6/+94They left out C-Sections.
Fail. - solesoul, on 08/01/2008, -4/+91Technical virgins FTW!
- monkeeofevil, on 08/01/2008, -0/+82the most shocking part of watching my wife give birth was not the baby comming out.. it wasnt all the blood. It was watching her Doctor sick her arm ( all the way up to her elbow) up my wife's Vagina to scoop out the afterbirth. She was wearing protective gear that included a full blown plexiglass face shield. It looked like she should have been doing underwater welding... but, that being said.. it was the most amazing experience of my life.. . and yes, things do "go back" the way they were after a while.
- kingmanic, on 08/01/2008, -6/+87Well #1 will be a bit easier on me. I live in Canada so you amortize the bill over all your tax paying years.
- pixelguru, on 08/01/2008, -0/+76I would have welcomed any of these things. My wife tried twice to give birth naturally, but after laboring for over 24 hours each time, her only option for delivery became a C-section, and *that* is far scarier than anything on this list. Anesthesia, staples, and a baby with lungs full of the goop which usually gets squeezed out during normal childbirth are only some of the highlights, and if you should see *that* bill.
- FlyCO, on 08/01/2008, -11/+85I used to say the pain during childbird was no worst than being kicked in the balls. I take that back.
- jcdick1, on 08/01/2008, -1/+75It really depends. My son had a circumcision at seven years old, because he had chronic UTIs. Had it done, and poof! No more 105 degree fevers and painful pee ... but I definitely chose not to do it until there was a medical reason for it and only after consultation with both his pediatrician and an independent pediatric urologist.
- monkeeofevil, on 08/01/2008, -0/+72also, when you see a big fluffy head of hair sticking halfway out your wife... do NOT say "woah look at all that hair, what do you have a wookie up in there?"
I did. She told me to stfu. - robotabot, on 08/01/2008, -4/+75great. now when i hear about someone's new baby, instead of saying, "aw, congratulations!" i'm just going to eye them uncomfortably and unwillingly think about them pooping in bed.
- erichw1504, on 08/01/2008, -0/+67Yea, me too!
...wait, I'm a guy... - Sornos, on 08/01/2008, -27/+90In the US, maybe... In the civilized world, not so much.
- leerayIG88, on 08/01/2008, -3/+65Goat sex FTL :(
- evilregis, on 08/01/2008, -0/+62Our teacher played it in reverse when it was over. That was way cooler.
- inactive, on 08/01/2008, -7/+59We had to watch a full-blown birthing in grade 9. That ***** was traumatizing. It didn't help that the women was a fat cow.
- Bosoxmrkn, on 08/01/2008, -1/+53How does anyone have a comparison between childbirth and a traumatic ball mangling? Has anyone who has had balls ever given birth and can give us an account, or are you just making ***** up?
- zydeco, on 08/01/2008, -1/+53Don't mention ANYTHING that's on this list. Just shrug and say "oh, the (placenta, episiotomy, poop, blood, etc)? No big deal."
- RealmDown, on 08/01/2008, -0/+51You misunderstood. She said, "you came from a PORK."
- billizm, on 08/01/2008, -0/+50The hospital bill was definitely the most terrifying part of my wife's birth. For me anyway - not her.
- Xanrez, on 08/01/2008, -58/+107Do NOT have your male children circumcised!!!1!1!!! It's the equivalent of ripping off a girls clitoris. The practice is rooted in very old religion that has no bearing on today. For the love of god, let your boys keep the parts that will make sex twice as good as us poor circumcised slobs. If it's that big of a deal for the guy later in life, he can have it taken off with a relatively painless (friken) laser procedure. Leave the decision up to him! (it's his prick, after all...)
- cwmather, on 08/01/2008, -5/+50Man, I hate when people make childbirth out to be worse than it is. Articles like this just play on people's fears and most of the stuff they talk about either doesn't happen very often or is just misleading.
#6. The placenta is a non issue. Most of the time if you don't even see it since it comes out after the baby and that's where all the focus is obviously.
#5. Episiotomies - Once again, this may be someone common, but it happens less than 1/3 of the time. My wife and I are working on #4 and she has had no complications whatsoever.
4#. Pooping on the bed? - Ok, this is misleading. This will happen sometimes, but it's not nearly as common as stated in the article. They make it sound as if it happens every time.
#3. Not all baby's heads come out mishapen to the degree shown in the photo. Maybe a little bit, but how is that terrifying? The doctor warns you of this and it goes away after about a day or so.
#2. Fetal monitoring is not like the Matrix . - They put some suction cups on the baby and have it sleep under a lamp that is 98.6 degrees on a blanket. The baby's love it since they are warm and out of the dark finally.
#1. The Bill. Ok, whoever has a baby without health insurance is just a retard. If you can't afford it, get Medicaid, they pay for the entire bill, even room food. Plus, if you have a baby shower, more than likely you won't be buying anything for a while but diapers and wipies. Plus, if you can, breast feed, it's healthier for mom and baby, and it's WAY cheaper.
I think someone needed to mention that the experience is not always a nightmare. Yeah, it's painful. Yeah, you lose sleep for a while, but, well... Ah forget it, unless you have kids, you won't get it... :) - NCg8r, on 08/01/2008, -2/+47I dunno... I've been to Amsterdam...
- kd420, on 08/01/2008, -3/+46I'm so glad I'm a guy, this stuff freaks me out just thinking about it. Imagine how ***** terrified you would be if the only way you could have children is by first going through Nature's gauntlet of pain and disfigurement.
- inactive, on 08/01/2008, -5/+48Your mom ***** a stork? Kinky bitch.
- Antialias, on 08/01/2008, -8/+51There have been a number of guys who have had it done as an adult that report only very minor differences in sex except that they can generally last longer.
- flailking, on 08/01/2008, -0/+42BREAKING NEWS: Don't watch it!!!!!
I watched with our first child...and let me tell you it took almost a year before i could go down on my wife again....kept seeing those images every time i looked at it. - macbookhair, on 08/01/2008, -2/+42babies don't come out of your butt lol
- inactive, on 08/01/2008, -1/+41Yeah, my wife got a c-section with our child, and let me tell you, I saw her get chopped open as she lay there awake, and they would do this thing where they'd cut, and then grab the sides of the incision and yank to stretch open the incision, then cut more. I saw several layers of fat as a cross-section, which would squirt out blood periodically which they would suck up into this metal tube thing. I saw them from the side digging around her insides as she lay there, her face looking confused as hell.
THANK GOD that I did that instead of witnessing the stuff in the article. It wasn't so bad, actually pretty neat. - dood, on 08/01/2008, -8/+47Nobody can honestly know whether sex is actually better uncircumcised than it is for those circumcised at birth.
- ngmcs8203, on 08/01/2008, -0/+37Wasn't too bad since I was made aware of all of these by our new fangled health provider... but this one can easily be solved by baby showers.
"But tack on the cost of the car seats, baby clothes, toys, diapers, bottles, play pens and aforementioned placenta memory-erasing Belgian ale, and you can plan on having spent more than your burger-flipping ass makes in a year before you even leave the hospital."
Friends and family members will spend exorbitant amounts of money on your baby at these parties. I never knew what it was like to receive 8 versions of the same outfit until we had a baby shower. Free stuff = Kick ass!
About the placenta... I still can't believe that some hippies actually save the thing and fry it up with their eggs the next morning because they feel it will benefit the mother and child after birth.... blech! - enotswhat, on 08/01/2008, -11/+48as a father nothing beats being there and watching a child you helped create be born
- sinkhead, on 08/01/2008, -6/+43Item #1 on the list doesn't apply in the UK.
Yay. - WhoPharted, on 08/01/2008, -3/+38I'm gonna be honest here, I was not man enough to click on "click here if you dare"
- vexingmodstwo, on 08/01/2008, -0/+35Dude.
- lisaawesome, on 08/01/2008, -0/+34I saw it too. I really think they need to keep showing that over and over to those idiot 15 year old girls who want babies.
- CobaltBlue, on 08/01/2008, -1/+35I'm a grown man and I would love to cut of my eyelids. Blinking is sooo overrated.
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