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Ten Worst Pickup Lines

forbes.com — Forbes picks the ten cheesiest ways to ruin your sex life. Some of these might work!

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  • GopherGod, on 10/12/2007, -0/+60Why is forbes doing this??? Do they think they are maxim now?

    Weird.
    • Hatchetdawg, on 10/12/2007, -0/+43It's the Top ten ways to get slapped with a sexual harassment lawsuit
    • Cahill, on 10/12/2007, -17/+5more like top 10 ways to end up like Harold Reynolds
    • zirtbow, on 10/12/2007, -13/+6Just use this one:

      "I want to put my thingy in your thingy."
    • snuffhawk, on 10/12/2007, -1/+8I love how it's a "special report" in the title.
    • diaverde238, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7The only thing lamer than the lines were Forbes' comments on each one.
    • hammydude, on 10/12/2007, -1/+60best.pickup.evar
      Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
    • joeshlub, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10I was hoping they'd at least be funny, but I just felt really sad afterward..
    • inigomntoya, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4HAHA @snuffhawk -

      Breaking news! Overweight man in Central Park gets denied multiple time by using methods proven to never work. Not even on your best friend's little sister. Find out more tonight at 6!
    • Popdmb, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Take a lesson from Harold Reynolds...do NOT use these on your company's interns.
    • tidu, on 10/12/2007, -1/+11I wanna be on you.

      No... no let me rephrase that.

      I wanna be on you.
    • Popdmb, on 10/28/2007, -3/+7Hey baby...Do you want to go black and make a rather difficult decision about whether or not to go back?
    • rebrad, on 10/12/2007, -1/+5Who in the ***** does real media files anymore? Lame as are most Forbes articles.
    • bakagaigin, on 10/28/2007, -4/+17I always liked "Nice Shoes, wanna *****?"
    • h2d2, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8Quagmire to two chicks at a party:

      "I don't wanna come between you two... or do I..."
    • oOLiquidNightOo, on 10/12/2007, -2/+2@hammydude

      "best.pickp.evar
      Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"
      ----
      i know it's "uncool" to do anything more than "digg" comments you approve of (which i did) but .. that made me laugh hard enough to comment, big props for that joke.
  • kowgod, on 10/12/2007, -3/+6I feel sorry for that schlub. He needs to be more drunk.
    • inigomntoya, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7That, or the people he talks to need to be more drunk...
  • crawf061, on 10/12/2007, -1/+7Link straight to the video (prepare yourself for plenty of commercials ... )

    http://www.forbes.com/video/?video_url=http://www.forbes.com/video/fvn/lifestyle/df_06singles_pup_ab&id=df_06singles_pup_ab&title=Video%3A Striking Out
  • daven1986, on 10/12/2007, -0/+16they were rather poor - not even funny - just crap.
    • davidkain, on 10/28/2007, -0/+14That's why they're the worst :)
    • FishersJEFF, on 10/12/2007, -0/+11Yeah to be really honest, if they were funny and you made the woman laugh, they might just work.
  • bflfab, on 10/12/2007, -2/+4Someone want to do us a favor and list them here? (can't get video at work)
    • ayeroxor, on 10/12/2007, -1/+5you could just RTFA. They're on the second page...
    • navinjohnson, on 10/12/2007, -1/+7You have to go through 10 pages (with multiple ads on each page) to read them as they are only listed individually. Quite annoying and marked as spam.
  • joshman5k, on 10/12/2007, -3/+4that kept crashing my broswer :(
  • SP33DFR34K, on 10/12/2007, -2/+6Lamest ones out of the list:
    "I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away."
    "Excuse me, can I have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine."
    • snuffhawk, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8How about "The word of the day is legs. Let's go to your house and spread the word." ;)
    • Kijael, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2The worst ones I know are

      Would you like to go halves on a bastard
      Is that a ladder in your stockings or is it a stairway to heaven
    • Herolint, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I like the "going halves on a bastard" one. That one just might work.
  • datastorageguy, on 10/12/2007, -4/+14"Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the cash."
    " Is your dad a thief? Cause he stole the stars out of the sky and put 'em in your eyes"

    Some of my favorite.

    • br0ck, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5One that just popped into my head the other day.. 'Wow, your outfit is horrifyingly ugly, would you like some help getting out of it?'

    • argusbargus, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2reminds me of: "that dress looks great. it would look even better rumpled... at the foot of my bed in the morning"
  • thewaz, on 10/12/2007, -2/+7finally a pickup line article that gives weird al cred
    "Girl, you smell like Fritos, That's why I'm giving you this hungry stare"
    • juheimbu, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3That song cracks me up.

      "I hope it's not too forward, but can I chew on your butt?"

      Genius
  • wisenheimer, on 10/12/2007, -1/+21"You see my friend over there? He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute."

    I sort of thought that one was funny, actually...
  • missflibbles, on 10/12/2007, -9/+8Forbes, what were you thinking? You wrote an article, but you couldn't just -list- the damned pickup lines? I have to sit through an awful little video, when I could just read it?

    Forbes, you're useless.
  • tont0r, on 10/12/2007, -1/+6I think its safe to say those lines havent been used in anything other than movies since 1999.
  • mamluk, on 10/12/2007, -1/+26The worst pickup line I have ever heard (and definitely not one I would ever use):
    Do you like your eggs scrambled or fertilized?
    • swanny89, on 10/12/2007, -0/+18Heres one for the geek in all of us: Are you a differential equation? 'Cause I wanna be tangent to your curves.
  • pbaehr, on 10/12/2007, -0/+31"Hey, baby. Are you tired? ...because you...umm...look tired."
  • kc0re, on 10/12/2007, -3/+6Whats a pretty thing like you doing standing all alone in a place like this?

    Cheesey, but it worked once for me.
  • that, on 10/12/2007, -5/+2Ow. Some of those...just, ow.
  • warmonger48, on 10/12/2007, -5/+2My buddy (Rest in Peace) came up with this one. Didn't quite understand it, but it worked.

    "I just moved up from Carolina, people call me sweet caroline, you can call me sweet caroline"

    Does that make sense to anyone else?
    • xrisnothing, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3good times never seem so good?
    • jonrad, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6First thing I thought of was:
      "My name is Forrest Gump. People call me Forrest Gump"
    • jlunski, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Maybe it should just be "You can call me sweet" ??
    • argusbargus, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2just a thought - try this: "I just moved up from Carolina" pause "people call me sweet caroline" pause "you can call me" pause "sweet caroline"
    • SmeRndmGy, on 10/12/2007, -2/+2"My name is James Bond. My friends call me James Bond."
    • oOLiquidNightOo, on 10/28/2007, -0/+2your buddy was neil diamond?
  • MuffinMan, on 10/12/2007, -1/+14Dugg so that Wierd Al gets press.
  • mecole21, on 10/12/2007, -1/+12Hey baby, I just dugg you!
  • flipcritic, on 10/12/2007, -0/+17Honestly... don't all pickup lines suck?
  • DaveSadler, on 10/12/2007, -1/+11I'd buy you a drink, but I'd be jealous of the glass
  • KYDS3K, on 10/28/2007, -2/+21i used a Star Trek line on my friend's sister in college (freshman yr) and she almost jumped me:

    "i dream of a world where your eyes are the stars and the people worship the night"

    granted, she was a senior in HS but come on.
    • skaughtm, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4that's not a pickup line, that's a *****' closer. hah.
  • dazeg, on 10/12/2007, -1/+14My ears are cold, can I warm them between your thighs? FTW!
  • scinortcele, on 10/12/2007, -1/+19no digg--It's real player, unnacceptable.
  • dfekke, on 10/12/2007, -0/+23I did not see "Does this look infected?" anywhere in that article.
  • rafald, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7People still use pickup lines? I feel, so so so, so sorry for them...
    • dazeg, on 10/12/2007, -16/+4Hey a surprising amount of women use them.... Among the best I've had used on me..

      There's a party back at mine, There'll be sex drugs and rock and roll
      Who's goin?
      Just me and you.

      Can you help me, I've got a lump in my throat, can you get it with your *****?
    • CBTF, on 10/12/2007, -2/+9Got Herpes?
  • mecole21, on 10/12/2007, -6/+1Does you Dad own a juice company? Cause you look very fine.
  • nferrier, on 10/12/2007, -1/+8I think this is a pretty lame list. I've heard way more cliched, unsuccesfull and just darn stupid pick up lines in my time.

    How about "get your coat - you've pulled" which I have actually seen work but only after about 10pm.

    One of my favourites: "have you got any Welsh in you? no? do you want some?" clearly Welsh can be swapped for any racial or national characteristic.

    Personally, I could never do chat up. It's just too embarrassing. Though I did once save a girl at a bar from the unwanted attentions of a drunk by chatting her up. She was clearly bored so I leaned over to her and said "blah blah blah". It was a very noisy bar so her annoying suitor had no idea what I'd said. She played along and we spent about 5 minutes going "blah blah blah" in each others ears (in the way that you do in a loud bar). The annoying companion went off to annoy someone else.

    But that's the closest I've ever got to chatting anyone up, ever.
  • izzie2, on 10/12/2007, -0/+18My all time favorite is a 2 parter, kinda.
    Me:"so,what are you making me for breakfast?".
    Her: "Nothing you perv".
    ME: "No problem then I'll cook."

    of course if she answers bacon and eggs you're in.
  • mecole21, on 10/12/2007, -2/+6Do you have windex in your pants? Cause I can see myself in them...

    alright enough... theses are all old
    • oxiegen, on 10/12/2007, -4/+22Why would you want to wear her pants?
  • oOLiquidNightOo, on 10/12/2007, -1/+38a woman is paying for her groceries at the counter. she unloads her cart, a single bar or soap, a single can of pop, a single chicken leg, and so on.

    the male clerk making chat says "so, i'm guessing you're single?", to which the woman replies bluntly "brilliant sherlock, did my collection of groceries give it away?!"

    "no, you're ugly".
  • shosterman, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1Forget lame pickup lines, check out this book by Neil Strauss
    http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0060554738/104-8115545-9108757
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neil_Strauss
  • cdiaz90, on 10/12/2007, -0/+22the top pickup line that will get a guy slapped and ridiculed for the rest of his life:

    did you fart? because you blew me away


    haha
  • cscalfani, on 10/12/2007, -8/+4My favorite is:

    Man: Do you have any Italian in you?
    Woman: No.
    Man: Would you like some?

    Never used it, but funny just the same.
    • nferrier, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2I already recorded that one above (with the Welsh variant of the gag).

      I have seen it used. Never seen it been _actually_ succesfull though. But the sayer didn't get wacked and he did continue a conversation with the woman.
  • PRiSM92289, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1that dude Neil Strauss is a professional pick up artist..just sold his methods for $4,000 a pop

    so I suppose they would want his opinion on this..

    however nothing trumps my Ap calc one: Hey baby, I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves
    • xrisnothing, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2I'd hate to see the ugly chick that works on . . .
  • wolfzombie, on 10/12/2007, -4/+3"Chicks dig me, because I wear colored underwear"
    Guaranteed winner right there. How can anyone respond to that?
  • nexah3, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Well, how'd you get through security?
    'Cause, baby, you're the bomb.
  • pirco, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6Let's ditch this party, go get a bucket of chicken, and get bizzzaaaay.
  • B111, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6Onlyl one that has ever worked for me:

    "do you wanna get a pizza and fawk?"
    --wait for look of disgust--
    "what, you don't like pizza?"
    • brhad56, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I left out the pizza part.. and it worked for me. lol
  • trylleklovn, on 10/12/2007, -1/+11They missed "Do you code XHTML?"
  • Haapi, on 10/12/2007, -2/+3I couldn't stand reading the article, but the lines here are funny. Here's another:

    "I'd like to take you out for breakfast. Should I call or just roll over and nudge you?"
  • ohgr, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5Digg for Weird Al.. They're right that song is underrated and pure genius.

    This is a line I've used that usually works 70% of the time on chicks.

    Me (Get down on one knee and grab the girls hand)
    Me. (look her in the eyes and say) Will you Marry Me?

    They just don't know what to say to that heh.
    Sometimes it might creep a girl out though. I've had that happen occasionally.. so don't use it the first time you meet the girl. Wait a while, let her get to know you a little, then go for it. Works like a charm and it's not threatening or perverted *unless your just 500 pounds and smell like Fritos.. then you're problem is you're fat and should lose the weight buddy*.
  • reggiT, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8Only time any pickup line ever "worked" for me is when I just used it to make the woman laugh. Put on a big cheesy smile and mix the lines up or completely mess them up:

    "Your father must have been a thief because... uh.. my wallet is missing?
    "If I could rearrange the alphabet I would probably leave it the same so we didn't have to change that song." etc...

    Other stupid one I knew that was really only good for a laugh is lick your thumb and dab it on your shoulder and the target's shoulder, "what you say we go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?"

    "Hey baby is this guy bothering you? Come with me, I'm from outer space." --Z. Beeblebrox
  • wvdavis, on 10/12/2007, -5/+3No digg - All pick up lines suck and totally lack imagination. People who use them have a problem with self-esteem and the word "hello". Honesty and the ability to carry on a conversation will take you further than any canned line will.
  • evilTak, on 10/12/2007, -2/+8Can't go wrong with a little Zapp Brannigan:
    "If I said you had a beautiful body, would you take off your pants and dance around a little?"
    "I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies!"
    • neko, on 10/28/2007, -0/+3Say as many of them as you can, as fast as you can!
  • dorn, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6The best most obvious one ever.
    "So, do you think pickup lines work?"

    This actually leads to a conversation of the pros and cons of pickup lines and some (if you have any) witty retort. Then in the end she will win and you will submit that pickup lines do not work. You then leave with her number after a 30 minute conversation.

    Or at least that is how it went for me.
  • swissgeek, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0Thanks for the link... just sent it to a friend who keeps using those pickup lines and failing. Maybe he'll understand...
    (but I kind of like the "Jamaican me crazy")
  • etx313, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6Hey they should put more ads on that page, and shrink the body content column some more too. /sarcasm
  • zosobaggins, on 10/12/2007, -7/+4A personal favourite:

    Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
  • drakonite, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Best pickup line late night at parties:
    Hi... you'll do.
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