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189 Comments
- UncleCrapper, on 10/10/2007, -0/+101"Wikipedia says that a person usually fakes an orgasm to avoid causing feelings of sexual inadequacy in his or her partner."
And faking it just rewards further sexual inadequacy. If you can't come, just say so, but gently. Sex can be enjoyable without an orgasm and faking it and the consequential focus on orgasms only encourages a "race to the finish line" sexual mentality.
A legitimately caring and concerned partner isn't going to walk out the door because you can't achieve orgasm once in a while. Way to use guilt there, Rebecca. - FyreGoddess, on 10/10/2007, -2/+77I've dated a couple of guys who were really not very good in bed at all. What I've learned from talking to them about the issues we were having is that there's a whole lot of blame falling on their earlier sexual partners.
Women who fake it because they're uninterested in sex or just want to "get it over with" tend to also tell their partner HOW GOOD they are/were. This leaves these men with a false sense of confidence in abilities that are really lacking and does a disservice to every woman that comes afterward.
It's a difficult thing to learn many years later that you've been lied to, repeatedly and that your assumed prowess was really just a lack of interest on the part of your partner(s).
I think that there are a LOT of women who are just too afraid to speak up or simply don't know how.
Articles like this one simply add to the validity of women faking it, for whatever reason they claim. Unfortunately, it means that a handful of women like me wind up having to retrain men in the bedroom and teach them how to *actually* satisfy a woman. The women who don't fake it, who don't lie about whether or not it's working in the bedroom are the ones who probably have the most satisfying sex life and whose partners wind up enjoying sex that much more because there is an actual give and take, rather than just getting off and falling asleep.
It astounds me how many women talk about the importance of honesty and communication in a relationship and then completely avoid it when it comes to sex. - maxxian, on 10/10/2007, -0/+56There have been times where I was unable to give my girlfriend a orgasm but we talked about it and moved on. I personally would be offended if I found out my girlfriend was faking it. I would rather have her tell me now what I'm doing wrong so I can fix it later rather then think I am the man and turn out to be a dud. I have had my moments of sexual inadequacy with her but ya know, if she truly loves you she will talk to you and help you be better in bed. Men just need to swallow some pride every now and then and take some constructive criticism.
- UncleCrapper, on 10/10/2007, -4/+56I love when women bitch about their sex lives when they're doing absolutely nothing to communicate those issues to their partner, like our penis can somehow double as an aerial to receive their brain waves.
- meshman, on 10/10/2007, -1/+49"Let’s be honest, we’ve all faked an orgasm or two somewhere along the way."
We have? Speak for yourself. - bigjoeportagee, on 10/10/2007, -2/+41If you fake orgasms you forgo your right to complain about bad sex because you offered no solution to the problem, If you are too tired to get off or it's just not happening say so, the male ego does much better with honesty then the paranoia of wondering if the orgasm was real or not,
- FyreGoddess, on 10/10/2007, -1/+34I have never had that problem. Then again, I've never brought it up as "You're doing it wrong." It's always more like "This is what works for me, can we try it?"
- inactive, on 10/10/2007, -2/+32If everything I learned about sex came from Digg, I'd be a perverted horny paranoid virgin.
- inactive, on 10/10/2007, -0/+25I fake it so that the porn doesn't end up feeling self conscious
- FyreGoddess, on 10/10/2007, -1/+26There's a HUGE difference between "You aren't getting it" and "This isn't working for me, let's try..." and changing the game. There's also a difference between presenting the problem as being THEIR FAULT and presenting a solution that's going to work for you.
- coloneltcb, on 10/10/2007, -9/+34Q: Why do women fake orgasms?
A: Because they think we care. - bluetara, on 10/10/2007, -1/+24How absolutely stupid. The author assumes that men are whiny brats who can't handle the truth. Faking an orgasm means you don't respect your partner enough to be honest (because he's apparently a whiny brat) and you don't respect yourself enough to demand an orgasm. To all of you women who are faking to avoid the whining and temper tantrums of your partner: GET A NEW MAN. I have never faked an orgasm and I never will. Stop being Real Dolls and start having orgasms, damnit.
- appetite, on 10/10/2007, -0/+20"I want to be a good communicator, especially in this most intimate of connections. But when you’re in Donna Summer Mode, your calculations tell you that it will take way longer to explain why it isn’t working than it would to just fake it and that can be overwhelming when you’re exhausted."
Sounds like my reasoning for lying to her about... pretty much everything I lie to her about. - theblueprint, on 10/10/2007, -1/+20A man will really get into it if you make it sound like you're really hot for HIM to "do" you a particular way. Present it as though you've been fantasizing about that particular position/act during the day, and couldn't wait for him to "give it to you" in that particular manner.
"Could we try..." is good, but "I want you to....me" is even better. - IllBeBack, on 10/10/2007, -6/+23I love giving females orgasms. Anal, vaginal, clitoral, they're all fantastic. And none of them have ever been faked. Any girls thinking that they need to fake orgasms EVER are in denial. Ladies, learn to ask for what you want and how you want it done and you shall receive exactly that. Body-shaking, screaming orgasms.
- Wargalas, on 10/10/2007, -0/+17Mine can. What's wrong with yours? :)
- Alegoo92, on 10/10/2007, -3/+17Hey Neauvuru, can you make a digg app that shows how many articles on faking orgasms get submitted every year?
- SuperCUBE, on 10/10/2007, -0/+14Exactly. It's not what you say, it's how you say it.
- ShugNinx21, on 10/10/2007, -1/+15I find it disturbing that women have this idea that it's only the man's job to make sure the sex is good.
Ladies, you have just as much responsibility to make sex good as the man does. So speak up and let them know how you like it. - badjoke, on 10/10/2007, -0/+13Man, all the digg girls came out of the woodwork for this story.
- IllBeBack, on 10/10/2007, -0/+12I knew because of her rythmic vaginal contractions during the orgasm. Just making the right sounds isn't enough. It's a lot harder to squeeze all of those muscles just the right way to fake coming. They were absolutely real.
- surasshu, on 10/10/2007, -2/+14I thought this article was satirical. Is there anyone who actually thinks it's okay? It's always been my impression that women who do this don't think it's okay, but just feel like they should, or have to even.
Anyway communication is always necessary. My general experience is that what turns one girl on pisses all the other ones off. - SpectralSounds, on 10/10/2007, -0/+10Haha... yeah, that is a great quote.
"Ug, Im too ***** lazy to tell the truth. So, Ill just lie. Telling the truth is a hassle." - AdamFromMyspace, on 10/10/2007, -0/+9I just have to ask.. have you ever had sex?
- SpectralSounds, on 10/10/2007, -0/+9Thats what she said.
- thrallie, on 10/10/2007, -1/+10By girlfriend you mean your right hand, correct?
- dasbebe, on 10/10/2007, -3/+11How do you know that they weren't faked?
- halavais, on 10/10/2007, -0/+7Then you need to find another guy. Sorry, but while the majority of men are *****, there are a large number of our gender who are not. Of course, some women seem to choose bravado over real confidence. A confident man doesn't mind being told what to do in bed.
- UwasaWaya, on 10/10/2007, -0/+7No kidding, it's infuriating what some people think is acceptable bedroom behavior... The first time I had sex the girl I was with told me that she orgasmed... only later to come back and say it was a lie. I don't think I've ever felt so humiliated and miserable. My girlfriend knows to talk to me about whatever is wrong, and if it needs to be put off til later, that's ok too. Christ, is this article SERIOUSLY advocating dishonesty in the most intimate part of a relationship?
- sk1ll2, on 10/10/2007, -4/+11"now I understand where she's coming from"
that's what she said - inactive, on 10/10/2007, -0/+7no, actually im opposed to faking. It only gets you in trouble later. On the off chance that this is just a one timer, it might not be worth the efforts of making it work. If its a relationship you only hurt yourself by faking.
- appetite, on 10/10/2007, -0/+7Jesus Christ, man.
- alarion, on 10/10/2007, -0/+7For real. I would much rather my g/f tell me "baby, it's just not happening tonight" than to go on some oscar worthy performance only to hop straight out of bed afterwards and run to the bathroom or go smoke. If it's me, tell me what I am doing wrong - I won't be mad and I still love you. If it's you, it's ok - I just hope you got a little enjoyment out of it and maybe, just maybe it helped ease your nerves a little.
- acoate, on 10/10/2007, -0/+7Honesty is always the best policy, and basically women, we're always going to know our bodies better than the men (or women) who come and visit ours every so often. If you're going to be honest, just discuss it outside the bedroom so as not to hurt any egos (that might have a tendency to grow in the bedroom). I'm with UncleCrapper, it's still fun to go at it and do all the other myriad of things that are possible...perhaps too much craving and emphasis is put on getting off every time...but if that happens every time, then something should shift, for sure.
- inactive, on 10/10/2007, -1/+7Middle aged men do not watch Seinfeld. We watch the History channel and ESPN.
- SilenceGold, on 10/10/2007, -4/+10When is an article for how men can fake their orgasm going to happen?
- halavais, on 10/10/2007, -0/+6Worse yet, the article suggests faking it until you can't take it any more, and if all else fails being honest. Sorry, but that is a recipe for disaster.
I might be a little bruised by "Sorry, what you're doing there... that's not doing it for me. Try this..." (though I's probably be great with the "learning moment"), but if she says "Sorry, that's not doing it for me, and it hasn't been doing it for me for the last three months, I was just misleading you in order to avoid any damaged feelings and hurry things along" then yeah, I might feel a bit bad that I'd been played for a fool and wonder what other "white lies" she was telling. - Jugalator, on 10/10/2007, -0/+6Agreed, while I understand that a relationship can sometimes use some white lies, I can't see how repeated lying in this intimate act can do anything good to a relationship in the long run. It'll just keep building up under the surface. Faking it would seem more like a sign of distrust or insecurity in your partner's reactions from telling, and that's not a good thing.
- IllBeBack, on 11/03/2007, -0/+6You should care enough to get down and lick your girl's ***** directly until she comes. You should find out if she also likes simultaneous fingers inside her pussy or anus (or both at the same time).
Don't be so selfish. - IllBeBack, on 10/10/2007, -0/+6Halfway through your message, my ***** detector went off. 3 to 6 orgasms? Via intercourse? Wow, you ARE a Jedi Master Cocksmith!
- EarlOfLade, on 10/10/2007, -0/+5I have a feeling your gf has a different opinion...
- freezervv, on 10/10/2007, -0/+5I think it would be more correct to say, "Meg Ryan's not famous for anything!"
- psiphre, on 10/10/2007, -3/+8buried for being a ***** moron
- markusfarkus, on 10/10/2007, -0/+5Where did the assumption that men orgasm 100% of the time come from? Granted, I'm sure that it's a much higher percentage than women, but it's sure not a guaranteed thing.
- IllBeBack, on 10/10/2007, -0/+5Sounds like you need some Anger Counseling. Calm down and breathe deeply...
- naughtyboy, on 10/10/2007, -0/+5well said ;)
- nuggetboy, on 10/10/2007, -3/+7Easy. Just spit on her (or his) back.
- AdamFromMyspace, on 10/10/2007, -1/+5I have.. once.. Trojan Extended Pleasures are straight from Satan's lair
- BrokenBrick, on 10/10/2007, -1/+5::pretends he is not a perverted horny paranoid virgin::
- rnwen2750, on 10/10/2007, -0/+4Halavais - I completely agree. However many of the comments are not written by evidently confident men.
Dandonia - well, I assume you've never been a woman. So I don't expect you to really understand the physics of female orgasms, but I think it would serve you well to learn if you want ot keep having sex with a real partner. -
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