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48 Comments
- siliconskater, on 10/12/2007, -1/+30>Britney originally had talent?
she could dance like a stripper - oddmanout, on 10/12/2007, -1/+27she used to be hot... thats a good enough talent
- janemcopland, on 10/12/2007, -0/+24Dakota Fanning will end up murdering someone while they sleep. She has "I will kill you and I will like it" written all over her.
- cnr614, on 10/12/2007, -3/+26Britney originally had talent?
- NJPinstripes, on 10/12/2007, -1/+22"It’s a shame, then, that K-Fed ***** any remnant of talent out of Britney."
Hilarious. - nixonrichard, on 10/12/2007, -4/+18What about that pink-haired girl from Lazy Town? I see a topless scene in a Kevin Bacon movie in her future.
http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y119/skiminal/steh.gif - Zzyw, on 10/12/2007, -9/+21Yeah, don't you just hate it when people bring up race when it's neither here nor there?
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -8/+18Don't forget Emma Watson..she'll be entering slutsville & taking drugs soon..she's already been seen drinking:
http://celebritytrade.com/photo.aspx?cid=194&f=corona-1.jpg
http://celebritytrade.com/photo.aspx?cid=194&f=corona-2.jpg - markus941, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10Ryan Pinkston has "future criminal record" written all over him.
- 7levels, on 10/12/2007, -10/+18Notice everyone on here is white. If they made fun like this of anyone who wasn't white, they would get called out for racism.
- hipnerd, on 10/12/2007, -6/+13Just another example of how society is keeping the white man down -- by excluding black people from a pointless list.
- oddmanout, on 10/12/2007, -1/+7Dakota Fanning just sounds like a stripper name. She'll live up to it by being a crack whore before her 17th birthday, i'm sure.
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -1/+7suckbutt server
- krakkinem, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5I also cast my vote for Emma Watson. She has "bad girl" written all over her, especially in that naughty smile of hers. Plus, she's probably wanting to break out of the "Hermione" image, so she'll be drinking, drugging, and ***** in no time (if she isn't already).
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4***** wordpress.
mirror plz? - Volred, on 10/12/2007, -3/+7wordpress blogs need to be banned from digg
- inactive, on 09/24/2008, -2/+5My money is on the kid from Jerry McGuire.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005151/
Remember the "human brain weighs 8lbs....
...and goes nicely with a side of chardonnay Clarice". - FRANKeB, on 10/12/2007, -3/+6Yeah and Egyptian Dynasties were all white folks from Alabama and enslaved only blacks for 3 millenia. Not to mention the African tribal leaders who sold their own people to the slave traders. Slavery is a POWER issue, not a race issue.
- catfud, on 10/12/2007, -3/+5I would have hit it but she is to old now
- smish420, on 10/12/2007, -3/+5don't you hate it when people leave comments, period?
- floorman56, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3
For all you Emma Watson perverts
well it is funny stuff
http://www.bastardly.com/archives/2006/03/15/harry-potter-tries-to-get-some-hermione-ass/ - MacNyce, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3When do we get to comment on the writer of this article. If this is what you do for a living, maybe you will be the next prostitute/ drug runner.
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -2/+4@blaaguu
I don't think there has been a relevant non white child actor since Family Matters, then again I don't watch Disney. More than likely this guy is just a douche looking for reasons to bring up race, probably because he's still bitter over the Imus fiasco. As a white guy once said to me when discussing slavery, "Get over it already". - floorman56, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2I liked it when Daniel Radcliffe said after Potter he was going to buy 20 Porsche and wreck them all. Because he heard that's what child stars did.
- blaaguuu, on 10/12/2007, -3/+4Are there even any non-white child actors that are relevant right now? I can't think of any... But maybe thats just because I'm white, and thusly must be racist, and dont pay attention to non-white celebrities.
Also, the site is dead, so I cant even look at it to see what im talking about... - dawglse, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2@frprod
That isn't beer, it's piss.
*prepares to be dugg down for lame joke* - southwestnut, on 10/12/2007, -2/+3payback?
Its not even the first of the month and you want payback?
/sarcasm & :>) - christopheles, on 10/12/2007, -4/+5I was going to post the same quote.
Well played worthy adversary. Well played. - graemee, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1She certainly didn't make it to MILF status. Just worn out.
- hivesster, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Dakota Fanning just sounds like a stripper name.
- bjw33, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2At first I thought the Jake Thomas picture was a young Kevin Rose. I say he gets the role of young Kevin in the upcoming version of Digg: The Movie
- frodsteamin2, on 10/12/2007, -2/+3and for emma watson.."shes a fine piece of ass, if you know what i mean"
- frodsteamin2, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1link works...nice list
- mntalkase, on 10/12/2007, -2/+2http://www.duggmirror.com/
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1Who doesn't have a criminal record anymore?
- Ace0fClub5, on 10/11/2007, -0/+0Awesome!
- crossers, on 07/21/2008, -0/+0nowadays parody is one of flowering arts. and I think there are big army of people who like parody.
http://www.shpe-sac.org
http://www.ocflex.com/
http://www.trgovinca.org
http://www.chasr.org/ - Abbabba, on 10/12/2007, -1/+0Bindi!
- anymir, on 10/12/2007, -3/+2Dammit nixon.. My dad walked into the room just as I clicked on that link.
- janemcopland, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1I had never considered his creepiness, but he is indeed a little strange. "Jonathan Lipnicki" does rather sound like someone you'd see on America's Most Wanted as a known psychopath, isn't it? Wow, I'm horrible.
- Urusai, on 10/12/2007, -3/+2Oh no you di'nt.
- SmashSource, on 10/12/2007, -12/+10WOW... 3 minutes and already down!
Heres what it did say: *If youd like to thank me check out my site www.smashbrossource.com ;)*
Child Stars: Who’s Likely To End Up Doing Time
April 23rd, 2007
1. Miko Hughes
You may remember him as Joseph, the annoying kid in Kindergarten Cop. Not ringing a bell? He was also Gage in Pet Cemetary. Nothing? How about Aaron, the uber-annoying kid on Full House? Ah, gotcha there, right? So what has become of our obnoxious child celebrity? Not a whole ton, really, which is a shame; it really looked like he, and not the Olsen twins, would emerge as the star from Full House.
The Indications
Your role says so much about you. Though he hasn’t had much work lately, Miko’s last two roles have been in a film called Surf School and as a character named “Stoner Dude #1″ in the TV series Veronica Mars. Let’s add this up: he hasn’t had much work, and what work he does have portrays him as a surfing stoner.
The Possible Crime
Distribution. He’s probably out doing the same stuff Mary Kate and Ashley are, but he’s flying under the radar (and rightfully so). The money has to come from somewhere, and next to acting, slinging crack rock is the next most lucrative career (and I’m sure Biggie would agree).
2. Scout Taylor-Compton
There’s nothing remarkable about Scout Taylor-Compton’s resume, except maybe her upcoming role in the remake of Halloween (seriously, do we need a remake of this horror classic?). Previously, she’s played bits here and there, landing small parts in the TV series Gilmore Girls and Charmed, as well as the requisite child actor appearance on That’s So Raven. Surprisingly, she has never been cast as the lead in any production of To Kill A Mockingbird. So what makes her likely to eventually spend time behind bars?
The Indications
The date was August 12, 2005 when then 16-year-old Scout disappeared from her Apple Valley, California home. The media, of course, jumped right into the story. And how couldn’t they? This was a textbook case of Missing White Woman Syndrome. It took police two weeks to find her — at a friend’s house, of course. She had died her hair black, and after interviewing with police, she was declared “a runaway who did not want to be found.” Such is a 16-year-old’s reaction to a spat with the parents.
The Possible Crime
Scout has prostitute written all over her. She’s attractive, but never attractive or charismatic enough for a big time producer to notice. She’ll likely continue along this path until she simply can’t take it anymore. As an adult, running away isn’t really an option, so prostitution will have to suffice. If you have a crush on Scout, be patient.
3. Rupert Alexander Grint
Much ado has been made about Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe’s upcoming role in the stage play Equus, particularly his nude scene. It would then make sense to include him on this list, right? Not when his sidekick, Ron — er, Rupert Grint — is still around. His resume leaves a bit to be desired, as it’s filled almost exclusively with Harry Potter. Lost among that sea of films is the gem Thunderpants, which IMDB can best describe:
“An 11-year-old boy’s amazing ability to break wind leads him first to fame and then to death row, before it helps him to fulfill his ambition of becoming an astronaut.”
Hi-freaking-larious.
The Indications
Always being known as the “other guy” from Harry Potter has to take a certain toll on the human psyche. Also, being called “Ron” when your name is “Rupert” might just drive someone mad. The signs are starting to appear in Rupert already. His Wikipedia page lists his favorite movie as Son of the Mask. Excuse me? Also, you may notice a peculiar name under the list of people he admires. Vanilla Ice? Way to choose your role models, Rupert.
The Possible Crime
Serial murderer, anyone? It may be a glum forecast for the child star, but his “other guy” status and his taste for the asinine may be a sign of things to come. Once the work stops rolling in, Rupert may finally make headlines.
4. Ryan Pinkston
While Ryan got his start on the hidden camera pilot Go Sick, his career began accelerating when he became a regular on MTV’s Punk’d, where he is best known for his mocking interviews of celebrities on the red carpet (”Do you want to hook up later maybe?” he asked Christina Aguilera). He went on to appear in kid actor staple Spy Kids 3D: Game Over, and is now filming College; the plot is pretty self explanatory.
The Indications
The first thing one may notice on his resume is that he’s appeared as himself considerably more than he has as an actor. Then, turning your attention to his home page, you might notice that his animated visage pops up frequently — a little too frequently. A peculiar passage appears in his bio: “My TV show PUNK’D for MTV was a huge hit.” His TV show? Further down: “I played the lead in MGM’s Soul Plane…” The lead? I think Ashton Kutcher and Kevin Hart would have something to say about those last two statements. Is this kid an egomaniac or what?
The Possible Crime
Vehicular homicide. He’ll be at a party one day, coked up and drinking heavily. Ready to leave, he’ll admit that he’s drunk, but that he can “handle his biz.” On his way home, “Girls, Girls, Girls” by Motley Crue will come on his radio. When he reaches down to switch the station, the car will swerve and he’ll run someone over. Possibly a prostitute…possibly Scout Taylor-Compton.
5. Sean and Jayden Federline
These kids were celebrities upon birth, and thanks to their prolific parents, that is sure to continue. True, they themselves haven’t done anything of note yet, but it’s only a matter of time before they do something of note. That’s what happens when you have an unstable, drug addicted mother who let a guy ruin her life and a father who took advantage of the broken pieces.
The Indications
Many children of celebrities go on to be celebrities in their own right; sometimes talent can be a genetic trait. It’s a shame, then, that K-Fed ***** any remnant of talent out of Britney. Their mother’s money will carry them through life, though, and they won’t have to work for a damn thing. If they’re anything like their father, they’ll mooch off their parents for as long as possible. But if they want to make some of their own money, they might be a bit screwed.
The Possible Crime
Running a brothel. Does there really need to be any justification for this? Doesn’t it sound like the fate to which these two are destined? A further prediction: their father will be such a frequent client that he’ll eventually end up a business partner. And their No. 1 call girl will be — nah, that’s too easy.
6. Spencer Breslin
Poor Spencer. His career was moving along just fine, and then his sister came along and hogged the whole spotlight. When he played a prominent role in The Santa Clause 2, she played a more prominent role in Signs. He played alongside Dakota Fanning in The Cat In the Hat, she blew critics away with Little Miss Sunshine. Even when he went for a return performance in The Santa Clause 3, she was right alongside him. It may sound like some sibling love, but…
The Indications
It’s obvious now that Abigail’s star is much brighter and projects much further into the future than Spencer’s. So there’s the jealousy factor. Then you have a tidbit that would drive any reasonable person mad: he’s worked on four movies with Tim Allen. Beyond that are his interests. Musically, he’s into The Grateful Dead, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Pink Floyd, and Phish. So, at age 14, we can safely assume that he’s already smoking the ganja. If the work stops coming in (and there is nothing listed on his resume), Spencer could quickly spiral into depression.
The Possible Crime
Another distribution charge. It may be pot, it may be coke, it may be heroin. It really depends on how far his career plummets. Sometimes, drugs are the only place a failed actor can turn. Yo, Spence, I need a dime.
7. Kara Irene and Shelby Ann Hoffman
At less than one year old, these celebrity twins were already on the set of General Hospital. Like the Olsens, hey were used in a rotation on the show. At age two, they were cast in Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events. There isn’t much more on their resumes, but that will surely change shortly: they’re now five years old, and entering the height of child celebritydom.
The Indications
It’s too young to come up with any concrete indications that they’ll spend time in jail, other than that they have the potential to be the next Olsen twins. In fact, they look suspiciously similar to the Full House stars.
The Possible Crime
That really depends on the level of fame they achieve. If they die out quickly and don’t get any more work (which is unlikely), there’s no telling their fates. If they do stay in the spotlight, we could be looking at a number of things. The most likely scenario is that one will poison the other’s drink after stealing a role from the other. Or, because of their connection as twins, maybe they’ll end up poisoning each other’s drinks. But then they wouldn’t be serving time, so let’s stick with the former, eh?
8. Jake Thomas
Jake’s career started off pretty normally for a child actor; he landed a few bit parts on TV shows starting at the age of nine. Later that year, though, he appeared in Hefner: Unauthorized as a nine-year-old Hugh. This opened doors for the youngster, as he landed roles in popular movies The Cell, Artificial Intelligence: AI, and The Lizzy McGuire Movie. Things were really looking bright for good ol’ Jakey.
The Indications
Unfortunately, the roles didn’t keep coming. After finishing his stint on Lizzy McGuire (the show) in 2004, the only parts he got were bits on TV shows and B movies. He does have a role on The Disney Channel’s Cory In the House, a spinoff of it’s hit show That’s So Raven, but at 17 years old, he’s starting to get a bit old for roles on TDC. He also released a pop album, “Now and Then,” in 2006, in a seeming attempt to make some money; however, it was a steaming pile of *****.
The Possible Crime
Embezzlement. Jake’s star looks to be running on fumes, and it’s only a matter of time before he’s way too old for The Disney Channel. Money will run out, and yeah, he could turn to drugs and end up as a distributor. But there’s still time for him to lead a semi-normal life. However, one he realizes that the working life is considerably tougher than the acting life, he’ll look for the easy money. Sorry, Jake; not everyone is destined to have their name on the marquee.
9. Dakota Fanning
What child celebrity list would be complete without Dakota Fanning? She’s been in the spotlight since she was five years old, making appearance after appearance, and having little time for a childhood. She made her real breakthrough at the age of seven in I Am Sam, and has gone on to land dozens of roles since. Is anything left to really say about the child phenom?
The Indications
Yeah, what about the indications? She seems perfectly normal now, doesn’t she? But it’s easy to disguise her at this young age. Who knows what’s brooding in that head of hers? She actually seems not unlike another Little Girl Lost.
The Possible Crime
If she is anything like the celeb she reminds us of most, she’ll end up a coke addict in her teens and would already be a raging alcoholic. Hopefully, like Drew, she be able to eventually overcome her lack of a childhood and her largest crimes will be forcing us through years of fashion crimes on the red carpet while she “finds herself” by being with various, weird men. If not, she could easily end up being arrested for shoplifting to pay for her drug habit.
Note: This is a parody and everything in was completely made up. If you couldn’t figure that out you’re probably a drug crazed 80’s child actor or their lawyer so chill out mmmkay? - friday2965, on 10/12/2007, -2/+0Link is broken.
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -7/+3the imus backlash continues..
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -7/+1@frprod
So a couple of Coronas will lead Emma Watson to have a life in jail , being a slut as you put it and a crack junkie !!
Yes cause we all know Coronas do that to people of all ages !!
Moron !
Plus this page doesn't even load !! I keep getting Word page error ! - actorboy, on 10/12/2007, -13/+5Marry me, Emma. Yes, I'm entirely too old for you. Marry me.
- 7levels, on 10/12/2007, -17/+2@ zzyw
Don't you hate it when people leave comments because they think they're better than everyone else? - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -17/+0The only bad people in the world are white people. They have been persecuting others forever. Time for payback whiteys......
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