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Recession-Plagued Nation Demands New Bubble To Invest In

theonion.com — "Every American family deserves a false sense of security," said one analyst, hoping to persuade Congress to back an unviable short-term solution.

Bury
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  • lazersailer, on 07/14/2008, -0/+16Step One: Steal Underpants
    Step Two: ???
    Step Three: Over-Inflated Undergarment Bubble
    • girwen, on 07/15/2008, -1/+2v-i-a-g-a-r-a courtesy of your friendly Canadian spammer
  • rpi22, on 07/14/2008, -2/+15The next bubble will be the "green revolution" of alternative energy

    that, and, perhaps silver
    • StingingNettle, on 07/14/2008, -0/+8You know its a bubble when people spend their money buying solar power stocks, instead of actually buying solar power for their home.
      • rpi22, on 07/14/2008, -1/+6its definitely starting to inflate with all the hype surrounding T. Bone Pickens' wind farm ideas, and all the hype in general surrounding green tech

        with high energy prices and global hysteria over CO2, its ripe conditions for speculators
  • stienster, on 07/14/2008, -0/+11That was extremely confusing to me... then, finally, I decided it was indeed a joke. It takes me awhile, but I almost always get there.
    • avengingturnip, on 07/14/2008, -0/+8Hint: if it is from The Onion, it is satire, even if it is really hard to tell by the story.
  • avengingturnip, on 07/15/2008, -1/+6Congress is currently considering an emergency economic-stimulus measure, tentatively called the Bubble Act, which would order the Federal Reserve to† begin encouraging massive private investment in some fantastical financial scheme in order to get the nation's false economy back on track.

    Current bubbles being considered include the handheld electronics bubble, the undersea-mining-rights bubble, and the decorative office-plant bubble. Additional options include speculative trading in fairy dust—which lobbyists point out has the advantage of being an entirely imaginary commodity to begin with—and a bubble based around a hypothetical, to-be-determined product called "widgets."

    The most support thus far has gone toward the so-called paper bubble. In this appealing scenario, various privately issued pieces of paper, backed by government tax incentives but entirely worthless, would temporarily be given grossly inflated artificial values and sold to unsuspecting stockholders by greedy and unscrupulous entrepreneurs.
    • MizSwann, on 07/15/2008, -0/+1"The most support thus far has gone toward the so-called paper bubble. In this appealing scenario, various privately issued pieces of paper, backed by government tax incentives but entirely worthless, would temporarily be given grossly inflated artificial values and sold to unsuspecting stockholders by greedy and unscrupulous entrepreneurs..."

      Damn, but you're smart! I ALMOST laughed out loud, til I realized how absolutely correct the above statement really is....damn you for waking me from my sweet & peaceful slumber! Gotta go, gotta check out "American Idol" and get back into my zombie zone - not!
  • roosevans, on 07/15/2008, -1/+5This post in "The Onion" was excellent political satire and funny as hell! The problem is, there is a "ring of truth" to the satire, expressed in the genuine desire of many greedy and unscrupulous speculators for another economic "Bubble" to invest in.
    • rpi22, on 07/15/2008, -1/+7Speculation is part of a free-market economy. Sometimes the speculators make money as the price rises, other times they get burned and all dump on the market at the same time, causing drastically lower prices for to the benefit of all consumers.

      The problem is not the speculator, per se, the problem is the rampant inflationary environment created by politicians manipulating the money supply to buy votes. Without the Fed's manipulation, the easy credit would not be available for speculators to over-leverage themselves.

      The speculators do, however, make a great scapegoat for the politicians that are really responsible for letting this crisis develop.
  • jodimcmullen, on 07/15/2008, -0/+2I love the onion...
  • jodimcmullen, on 07/15/2008, -0/+2Nation's Poorest 1% Now Controls Two-Thirds Of U.S. Soda Can Wealth

    http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nations_poore ...
  • prashantpawar, on 07/15/2008, -0/+3The most support thus far has gone toward the so-called paper bubble. In this appealing scenario, various privately issued pieces of paper, backed by government tax incentives but entirely worthless, would temporarily be given grossly inflated artificial values and sold to unsuspecting stockholders by greedy and unscrupulous entrepreneurs.

    "Little pieces of paper are the next big thing," speculator Joanna Nadir, of Falls Church, VA said. "Just keep telling yourself that. If enough people can be talked into thinking it's legitimate, it will become temporarily true."


    BRILLIANT!
  • jamesfaction, on 07/15/2008, -0/+5Yeah... it's funny because it's so close to the truth.
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