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How To Launch an Apple Product in 5 Easy Steps watch!

gizmodo.com — Ladies and gentlemen, after hours of studious dissection of Apple keynotes, we've figured out how Apple does it.

Bury
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  • turnipsun, on 06/06/2008, -12/+6could the "BOOM" be any better?
  • FvKdUp, on 06/06/2008, -2/+33Spot on my friend, Spot on.
  • shoplittlegifts, on 06/06/2008, -11/+4funny
    • Revolution101, on 06/06/2008, -8/+1HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
      HAHAHAHAHQHQHQHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH AHAH AH
      AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
      AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH

      shut up
    • notwizt, on 06/07/2008, -0/+2You are the cancer of the Internet.
  • hanalex, on 06/06/2008, -0/+159he forgot Step 6: "O, and one more thing..."
  • digitalpencil, on 06/06/2008, -2/+75dugg for calling the yo-yo mouse 'the most wonderful mouse you've ever used'
    • Taciturn, on 06/06/2008, -2/+56* description not valid for those who have ever used a mouse
      • ciano, on 06/06/2008, -14/+1Why does everyone hate that mouse so much? I've used it, and I've used other mice. It's not better, it's not worse, why does everyone hate it?
        • LittleDas, on 06/06/2008, -0/+22Unless you have a hand that is approximately as round as that mouse, it is definitely worse.
        • skeletorcares, on 06/07/2008, -4/+1apple designs for asian schoolgirl hands, they are roughly the size of the fanboy hand. tiny flat keyboards now, come on, i thought apple preached ergonomics. the new imac keyboard is for sure not ergonomic.
          the only thing that is exempt from the school girl policy is the honking huge iPhone. but the buttons on the onscreen keyboard are designed for the tiny girl hands, so, iPhone is a toss up, i guess.
      • jgtg32a, on 06/07/2008, -0/+3http://geekologie.com/2007/04/mouse-mouse.jpg
    • Mier, on 06/06/2008, -5/+4Yeah how nice of Apple to finally release a multi-button mouse in 2005.

      Hello, Steve? Yeah, 1990 called and they want their mouse back.
      • jgtg32a, on 06/07/2008, -0/+2Doesn't that statement usually imply that there is something better and you shouldn't use it any more, if there is please enlighten me.
  • surfer4life57, on 06/06/2008, -6/+15he forgot step 7: "Have a famous singer (john mayer) play at the end of every conference"
  • OpCzar, on 06/06/2008, -6/+2I like the format.
  • arlok789, on 06/06/2008, -12/+9Apple's Marketing is nothing less than "sneaky." Look at this, it explains everything.
    http://lifeisoverpriced.com/archives/33
    • xXMetalJesusXx, on 06/06/2008, -9/+1Ok...I've read a lot of Anti-Mac articles...but this one was ***** LOL worthy. Who the ***** wrote that article? I've seen Grade 10 students write better projects for Mass Com class on Product Marketing.
  • ataylor32, on 06/06/2008, -2/+113Put a lowercase "i" in front of the product name
  • ObamaWins08, on 06/06/2008, -37/+31Buried for inaccuracy. It is actually done in three steps:
    1. Release product.
    2. Wait for fanboys to purchase based on OMGOODNESS ITS FROM APPLE AIYEEIEYEIEYIYE I GOTTA HAVE IT! I LOVE STEVE JOBS!!!
    3. Profit
    • stonebone4, on 06/06/2008, -2/+61You can't have PROFIT! without ????
      • Mhykol, on 06/06/2008, -8/+6You can if you are Apple - duh!
      • Magnus150, on 06/07/2008, -0/+4Apple is ALL about the ?????

        Just look at the speculation about the upcoming iphone
    • ryleyleckie, on 06/06/2008, -1/+12learn how to profit
    • Mier, on 06/06/2008, -3/+3Please no logic is allowed here. Fanboyism is a part of how Apple figures it's earnings. Makes me want to reconsider buying a 3g iphone. Except I know I'll put the XP startup wave on it for a ringtone. Maybe get that Vista interface hack so I can piss em off.
  • AndrewDB, on 06/06/2008, -2/+621. Start a rumor about it.
    2. Drop subtle hints the rumor was wrong, but in reality it's right.
    3. Discuss it with Apple Fans.
    4. Finally release the news about it during an Apple Conference, say it's coming tomorrow.
    5. Profit.

    --
    Did I miss anything?

    Before anyone else says it.. Step 6 is: Release improved product a year after the original's release, Goto 5.
    • KMartSheriff, on 06/06/2008, -1/+13Yes, you forgot the ?????
      • AndrewDB, on 06/06/2008, -5/+6I know I did, I don't think Apple questions anything they release.
    • sickswaystop, on 06/07/2008, -6/+2Actually it goes like this...

      1. release iproduct
      2. wait 1 fiscal year
      3. ????
      4. cut price in half and repeat
  • speel, on 06/06/2008, -3/+20You forgot to say "Wear black"
  • benburned, on 06/06/2008, -8/+4yeah he forgot the ???? step
  • AndrewLeon, on 06/06/2008, -11/+21. Cynical Remark
    2. ?
    3. Not Funny!
  • phorty40, on 06/06/2008, -10/+2so wheres the step when they transmit the hypnotizing radiowaves into our brains?
  • AbsoluteMSTR, on 06/06/2008, -12/+2$
  • larryjr88, on 06/06/2008, -16/+9No need for any of those steps. Just put an Apple logo on it and people line up outside the doors for months.

    Macrumors could announce a flaming dog turd made by Apple and the fanboys would line up for hours drooling over brown UPS boxes that might have a gimmicky, overpriced Apple product inside.
    • Shiftgood, on 06/06/2008, -4/+8Dude, you are so smart. How the ***** are you not running it all right now? whats your job that puts all of your amazing analytical talents to work? how many grades did you skip? jeez.. i cant believe you even spend time on digg. you are obviously way too smart for it.
      • larryjr88, on 06/07/2008, -2/+2Sarcasm instead of a coherent response? Poor fanboy can't even respond with something relevant.
    • PabloMac, on 06/06/2008, -1/+4
  • Quick2822, on 06/06/2008, -10/+4I know it isn't an iPod, nor do they really compare, but I had the 20GB Rio Karma, and it was awesome. Still works too.
  • B08ama, on 06/06/2008, -9/+5Boom! Most of the competition sells things larger than a #2 pencil. (applause)
  • Tonicks, on 06/06/2008, -9/+5Oh_my_GOD! It's shiny and sleek!
  • charliecharlos, on 06/06/2008, -17/+3Generic comment trying to be clever in hopes of getting diggs and raising my self esteem.
  • colasrtney, on 06/06/2008, -10/+6This makes me want to punch Steve Jobs *and* Noah Wylie.
  • helooksmortal, on 06/06/2008, -1/+37boom.
  • The2ndAct, on 06/06/2008, -3/+6Yeah... but it works.
  • Shiftgood, on 06/06/2008, -14/+22^^^^^ Look at this thread. Not a single Mac "fanboy" drooling at the mouth with rabies about apple. Its all PC kids with something they need to prove to themselves.
    • bxblox, on 06/06/2008, -11/+12^^^^^ Look at this comment, a fanboy. Someone who puts "fanboy" in quotes as if it were a mythical creature, yet calls PC users kids.
    • KMartSheriff, on 06/06/2008, -7/+13It's true. Anti-"fanboys" are 10 times worse than the actual "fanboys" themselves.
      • Pulch, on 06/06/2008, -2/+7Nah, it's simple physics. For every fanboy, there is an equal but opposite fanboy. People got too sick of hearing people tell them they should switch to mac, so they push back. If those original fanboys would let people use what system they like, we could co-exist in harmony.
      • ROFLance, on 06/07/2008, -0/+2I think by "anti-fanboys" you mean trolls
    • praisethelard, on 06/07/2008, -0/+2This time...it's personal!
  • tlo182, on 06/06/2008, -1/+66. Profit!
  • PussInBoots, on 06/06/2008, -3/+8I'd love to leave a comment after I watch this video, but by that time this story will have at least 150 comments :(

    Ok, time to watch video
  • AntoineDigg, on 06/06/2008, -6/+8Good sum up indeed. I really like the comment "most advanced operating system in the world", I just switch from an xp machine to osx machine and frankly I don't see what the big deal is. Photoshop runs slower (and crashes more often) and the cool features like "spaces" are quite buggy when you switch between programs. But I have to admit, the OS looks cool.
    • MobyTurbo, on 06/06/2008, -4/+1The 10.5.3 patch fixed spaces's usability problems. Time for you to run software-update instead of complaining about fixed bugs.
      • grindmygears, on 06/09/2008, -0/+1Bugs and software updates? He should've just stuck with XP. I thought OSX was superior to XP?
  • iczman, on 06/06/2008, -1/+5I was expecting more oomph out of that last "boom".
  • dafragsta, on 06/06/2008, -5/+4I did an Apple development chart a while back.

    http://www.thinginabag.com/content/apple-developme ...
  • digjam, on 06/06/2008, -4/+11Steve DID look pretty handsome 2 decades ago!
    • Sfenton, on 06/06/2008, -13/+2I bet you jackoff to him every night!
  • SSUK, on 06/06/2008, -0/+12This video would have been a million times more awesome if it had a "most" counter, preferably one that 'ping's when it increases.
  • fatmonkey26, on 06/06/2008, -2/+2???
    Profit
  • orenshk, on 06/06/2008, -2/+22Or maybe, even with all of their hype, just maybe, they actually release products that change the market every now and again.
    See iPod. See iPhone. See designed computers.
  • DanielJoel, on 06/06/2008, -2/+10Amazingly...this probably is the formula that could make any product successful
    • BrendanSheehan, on 06/07/2008, -0/+3Not second-hand toilet paper.
      • jgtg32a, on 06/07/2008, -1/+3you're marketing it wrong put it like this
        iSecond-Hand Toilet Paper
  • exomni, on 06/06/2008, -4/+1Meh.
  • tenrandomdigits, on 06/06/2008, -6/+4Step #8: Wait 6 months - 1 year, and release a slightly improved model with all the features absurdly left out of the original.
    • jo21, on 06/07/2008, -0/+4actually the improved version still won't have all the features left out in the original
  • ophello, on 06/06/2008, -7/+2True dat.
  • miketh01, on 06/06/2008, -6/+2if only they keynotes were all that short....
  • chrismag1979, on 06/06/2008, -5/+3Worship Steve like a god.
  • FredFredrickson, on 06/06/2008, -8/+5Gizmodo is such a waste of time.
  • timmertdf, on 06/06/2008, -6/+1Step 1: Design something trendy
    Step 2: ???
    Step 3: ???
    Step 4: ???
    Step 5: Profit
  • 2shae, on 06/06/2008, -3/+3Well you can't say that the man doesn't give a good presentation. :D

    Wonder if he gave them that well when he was still in school.
  • monsterette, on 06/06/2008, -1/+2...yep...that's very tempting stuff...
  • shdwsclan, on 06/07/2008, -6/+1As long as its white and *****, stupid americans will buy it........if you stick on the apple logo....people think its somehow elite...like a private club....like costco or sam's club.
  • chops76, on 06/07/2008, -2/+4Reality Distortion Field™ not included.
  • bluelights, on 06/07/2008, -7/+1Buried for Gizmodo
    • bluelights, on 06/09/2008, -0/+1Dugg down for disliking a company that wrecked CES for a lot of people by childishly turning TV's off in presentations.

      professional journalism FTW. Engadget for life.
  • rootbeerinacan, on 06/07/2008, -0/+1What is that song and where can i get it??
  • Elderon, on 06/07/2008, -8/+31. Buy an apple product
    2. Take product out of box
    3. Go outside.
    4. Throw product as high into the air as you can.
    5. profit!
  • noctu, on 06/07/2008, -0/+2#6 have a fan boy get a vid of the apple product being set on fire or cutting cake and post it on digg.
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