You can make subtle adjustments in behavior or the environment that can gently nudge people along the way you want.
Whether it's making decisions during a decision or attempting to win an argument, Redditors banded together and shared tricks they've learned over the years that may — or may not — help sway certain decisions your way.
Here are some highlights from the thread.
Don't Make It About You, Make It About Them
Do not apologize for the inconvenience, thank them for their patience.
[Ch3llick]
A Glance In The Mirror Might Calm You Down
Ive seen this a lot in airports and in some stores, but having a mirror behind the cashier/receptionist often stops people from being angry because once you start to see what you look like angry you begin calming down.
Give Others The 'Illusion Of Choice'
When it´s hard to convince someone to do something: give them options. That way they feel like they´re in control. "You could do A or do you prefer B?"
[nilsn91]
The illusion of choice. The Architect's speech in Matrix Reloaded. Ask someone to do something they don't really want to do and they'll do it begrudgingly. Ask them to choose between that same task and something they'd hate even more and they'll do the task with a smile on their face.
Silence Is A Powerful Tool
4 seconds of silence can feel the same as rejection in the brain. So if some one is being a jerk to you, after they say something just look at them and count to 4 in your head, most of the time they'll start backtracking and taking back what they said before you're done counting.
My mentor once told me that silence is a powerful tool in negotiations. A well-placed pause can have the other party offering all sorts of information just to fill the silence. I have seen this in action many times to know this works and I have learned to embrace this to my advantage. Sometimes, instead of offering a verbal reply, I'd raise my eyebrows at them, and they'd retract what they said and offer me a better deal. Staring at them without saying anything works just as well in most situations. Super interesting. People really do not like "awkward" silences.
How To Always Appear Busy
Never stand anywhere for more than 60 seconds and you'll always look busy. Also, walk fast. When I moved to LA many many years ago I landed a job on a reality TV show. My friend who got me the job was complaining one day about one of the other PAs and how they just wander around all day doing nothing. But when she sees me, i'm always busy. I pointed out that I too also wander around all day doing nothing, I just walk faster.
When I was a teen I had a manager who was a former Marine Drill Sergeant. He stopped me one day and told me to "Walk With Purpose" and it stuck with me. People just get the f*ck out of your way when you seem to know what you are doing. Spoiler: I still don't know what I am doing, I just look like it.
This has been a classic move for us electricians on job sites. All we have to do is walk around pointing up.
Being Specific Can Get You Things
If in need, instead of asking "anyone" to help you, ask a specific person "hey, you there in the green shirt could you give me a hand"... It works.
Especially in an emergency situation. It is far more useful to point out someone and say "you, call 911!" than to just say "someone call 911!"
My sales training is kicking in with this one.
If you need something from a person who's reluctant to help you, start by asking them permission to ask for it. Opening with "I know you weren't expecting to hear from me today, do you mind if I take 30 seconds to explain why?" has much more success than "Can you do XYZ for me?"
Also, in a group setting, always direct your questions to specific people by name. This is especially useful if you're a person who runs meetings or hosts social gatherings, and you need to keep people engaged. "What do you guys think?" has a huge chance of getting people talking over each other, or worse, silence. "Maria, I know you're experienced with this, can you share your perspective here?" is much better - it makes your guests feel as though their thoughts matter, and for those who aren't speaking it demonstrates WHY Maria's thoughts are valuable and worth listening to.
Overall it just makes you look like a considerate and thoughtful host.
How To Get Someone's Attention
I sorta use this on uncooperative or pseudo-unresponsive patients in the ER if I know they’re faking it. I call them by a ridiculously wrong name and they almost always respond with their correct info and are suddenly responsive again.
Kill Them With Kindness
When I worked security I found that diffusing a situation and being nice and chill, acknowledging them made this a million times smoother than the asscholes who would stone wall and order people around. Don't be a pushover by any means, stand your ground. But be nice. Make it had for them to hate you.
Sometimes You Just Have To Stick To The Script
I'm constantly calling county/city plan reviewers on behalf of my employees when they get failed for a comment they don't agree with. The first time I did it for them was with a reviewer - we'll call him John P. - who gave 9 permit comments and failed our drawings. I was able to get them all approved with no added work and now my employees call it the Johnny P. treatment.
The Johnny P. Treatment is basically stroking their ego. "Look, I don't envy you. You look at these plans all day from all kinds of different people who all design things differently. Hell, this building is some weird architecture that I've never seen before. You probably have, I'm sure.
So I don't doubt it's hard to figure out what we're trying to do here. I probably took longer than you to understand what was happening. Unfortunately, I don't do the architecture. But I need to work around it and this was my thought process while doing these designs. You stop me if you have any questions or comments. I'm really interested in your take on this since you see all kinds of stuff like this on a daily basis."
By the end of the conversation the guy was telling me that, now that I've explained it, it was a fantastic design that didn't deserve any permit comments.
If You're Interested In Making A Public Scene
If someone says something crude to harass you in public, immediately respond by loudly repeating what they just said as a question to make sure you heard them correctly. They most likely will not do it again.
Learn How People Speak So You Can Be Better Than Them
As a motion graphics designer/animator, when I was freelance, I would bounce around from studio to studio. When we would work on a pitch for a client I would basically have to pitch my designs to the art director of the studio first - then he would have to pitch those designs to the client. So I started stealing the art directors techniques of pitching to the clients and using them to pitch the designs to THEM. haha
the most effective was writing down specific key words and phrases that the art directors at the studios would use while briefing me on the pitch. I would then do my designs. Then I would "pitch" the designs to the art director, but I would make sure to use those exact same keywords and phrases the art director used during the brief.
because of this I rarely had to do revisions on my designs. and to toot my own horn a little: I think thats why I won so many pitches. I was able to survive as a freelancer in LA for 10 years. I'm now an art director at one of the best studios in the industry.
so yeah, it works. take note of specific key words and phrases people use - use them back at them. it gives the impression that you "speak their language", because you are LITERALLY speaking their language.
Absurd Speculation Might Work In A Pinch
Anytime someone pisses you off just say “you know it’s true what they say about you," and leave. Will f*ck em up for days.
My husband once had a complete stranger say “this is why you don’t have any friends!” (my husband had thoughtlessly stepped in front of him at a store or something) and he’s never forgotten it. Said it was incredibly jarring and upsetting even though he had, and has, tons of friends, and knew the stranger couldn’t possibly know anything about his friend situation anyway. Made him a lot more considerate in stores, too.
How To Boss A Work Meeting
Some useful tricks if you're running a meeting or a presentation - Make sure your audience are coming to your room, not the other way round. Be there first, and greet people at the door. You own the room. Turn up a couple minutes late to a room full of chatting people, they own the room and you have to try and get it back. This also applies to video conferences. It's even harder to regain a room when you're not physically there.
If it requires participation, don't ask the room your first question, single someone out. It's a great way to get everyone to pay attention, cos immediately they know they might have to participate, and they feel much more comfortable doing it after one person has gone. You likely won't need to single anyone out after that.
Non presentation related, but work related (actually can be applied elsewhere, but I find it most useful at work) - don't ask for permission, ask for forgiveness. I tend to deploy this to get shit done that I can't wait around for. If it's done, and it's moved a task or project forward, no one will care that you didn't ask for permission, and are more likely to respect you for getting shit done without bothering them.
Edit: I'm going to provide more context to the last one. I use it often because I have issues getting responses and meetings with people from whom I need to run ideas and decisions by. I got fed up of things being delayed weeks on end because of this, making me look bad, so I started making decisions myself. I'm nearly all cases, I've explained myself and people have been fine with it, and everyone incorporates my decisions into their plans as if that's been the case all along. As a general rule of thumb, if I sense that I'm going to have to wait a long time to get something approved, I need it quickly, and I'm >75% sure it's the right call, I'll try and get it done myself. I rarely do this because I think someone is going to say "no". Only if they're being obtuse, or don't understand the situation.
Start Small
If you need a big favor from someone (or a favor someone is likely to say no to) ask a smaller favor first, like borrowing a pen or something similar. They will more likely say yes to a bigger favor.
Via Reddit.
