GOOD QUESTION

Did I Deserve A Write-Up At Work For Informing My Coworker That Chocolate Milk Does Not Come From Brown Cows, And Other Advice Column Questions

Did I Deserve A Write-Up At Work For Informing My Coworker That Chocolate Milk Does Not Come From Brown Cows, And Other Advice Column Questions
This week, a formal warning from the boss over chocolate milk, a minimalist who threw out their fiancé’s stuff without asking, and a dognapping suspect close to home.
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There are too many excellent advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists (and subreddits) addressed in recent days.



Did I Deserve A Write-Up At Work For Informing My Coworker That Chocolate Milk Does Not Come From Brown Cows?

So about two weeks ago, me and another co-worker was talking about the topic of chocolate milk, and well… she’s one of the 10% of Americans that actually believe that chocolate milk comes from brown cows …

I admit that I guffawed a bit, to which she took offense to, but I ended up apologizing BUT telling her that I thought she was a bit silly and told her that chocolate milk is actually just regular milk with chocolate syrup. To which, she got defensive and said that she didn’t believe me.

So I asked her if I can show her proof that she was wrong and she dared me to do so; so I bought regular milk and chocolate syrup from a nearby store during my lunch, mix it up, and give it to her to drink.

She ended up drinking it, and just left in a huff, and apparently just told our shift manager that she was leaving for the day because “she felt attacked by me,” and demands she needed a mental day. To which the shift manager didn’t approve of, but she left anyways, so whatever.

But apparently, this whole thing got everyone else attention (because my co-worker made such a big scene about it) that it apparently attracted enough attention that my store manager had to personally call me to his office yesterday and tell me about what happened that day.

I didn’t know at the time, but I really offended that poor co-worker of mine SO much that she told my store manager about how she couldn’t work with me anymore and that she even reported me to HR for “discriminating against her beliefs” and that I apparently caused enough mental damage that she couldn’t even go back to work due to how much I humiliated her… over chocolate milk. My store manager even wrote me up and warned me that the next time I acted in such an offensive manner like that, I would be fired.

I mean, I’m already quitting and starting a new job anyways, but I’m worry about whether or not I’m actually the AH for this and if I should be more careful for my next job.

[Reddit via Twitter]

The commenters on the r/AmItheAsshole subreddit take the letter writer’s side. “Yeah it's a cow-ardly move, but some people just can't handle being wrong, even when they know what they've herd is bull,” one of them writes. “I'd try to steer clear in the future.” Read the rest of their answers.



Should I Try To Get A Restraining Order Against The Teenage Daughter I Abandoned Into The Foster System As A Young Child?

I was in an abusive relationship with my ex-wife. When I finally was able to get the help to leave safely and build a case against my ex, our child had to go into foster care. It took me years and the support of incredible people to rebuild my life, but I’m proud to say that I am recovering, have a good job with financial security, and have remarried an amazing woman and started a family. We couldn’t ask for a better life. However, the child who had to go into foster care from the abusive first marriage just aged-out of the system and therefore was able to find me. I am doing much better than I thought possible back then, but a lot can still trigger me, and I struggle with guilt around being abused and being made to feel that things are my fault when they aren’t.

This young woman has not done the work I have and is replaying patterns from years ago, and her invading my family feels like I have my abusive ex back. She will not take polite or direct requests to leave us alone, and shows up at our house with no warning, seemingly only to talk about problems from years ago just to get a rise out of us. She’s even told my kids (who are only 5 and 9!) that I am not to be trusted and to “watch out” for signs that I’ll “abandon them.” She seems to blame me for the abuse my ex committed, and only scoffed when I tried to kindly point out that she was perpetrating the myths about men being abused. My kids are distressed about these violent and false accusations that I’ll abandon them, but I can’t see a way of getting rid of her short of getting a restraining order. She won’t leave us alone, or stop coming back, no matter how politely or angrily we tell her to.

I can’t tell if my past abuse is preventing me from recognizing that I have to take action against her. Is there a less extreme way to protect my family, or has she already brought us to the point of legal intervention?

[Slate]

Jamilah Lemieux urges the letter writer to try to locate some empathy for the trauma his daughter has been through. “[I]t isn’t surprising that she, your child, has not ‘done the work’ that you have been able to do towards your own healing,” she writes. “Furthermore, I would imagine that from her perspective, you should have cared for her on your own instead of allowing for her to be funneled into the foster care system.” Read the rest of her answer.



How Should I Treat My Son’s Girlfriend After She Dognapped Our Dogs And Abandoned Them In The Wilderness?

My husband and I have inherited four dogs from relatives. I was out of state for a month (my husband was home) when two of them were dognapped, driven 42 miles away and abandoned in the wilderness. I suspected who had done it right away, but when I heard where the dogs had been abandoned, I knew without a doubt. We were lucky: One dog was microchipped, which eventually led him back to us. Both were cared for by rescue foundations until I could bring them home.

The person who did it is our son's girlfriend -- and the mother of his child. We are appalled and feel betrayed and sickened. My son admitted he knew she had done it. He showed remorse and gave a heartfelt apology. She has completely avoided us, with no admission or apology.

Should we press charges for stealing our dogs and abandoning them? They live on our property in a home we own, and pay nothing to live here. She and I used to be close. Now my husband and I no longer want to have her around. All trust is gone. Please advise me how to deal with this.

[UExpress]

Abigail Van Buren asks the letter writer whether the dogs have threatened the son’s girlfriend. “If the answer is no, tell your son you plan to press charges against his girlfriend for theft and animal cruelty, and you expect him to corroborate that she was the perpetrator,” she writes. Read the rest of her answer.



Was I Wrong To Throw Out My Fiancé’s Belongings Without Asking?

I’m a minimalist. Having too much stuff in the house just drives me crazy. I’m a successful interior designer with a social media following. My fiancé Mervin is a packrat. He’s an artist and art teacher and collects things for his art. This was fine when he was able to keep it in his studio, but we downsized to save for a home purchase next year. Home is also necessarily where I shoot a lot of my videos for work and social media, so most of his things like old sketchbooks and decorative items are in the storage area. In preparation for the move I began throwing out or donating some things — his mismatched dishes, jars of seed pods, bottle caps, etc.

When Mervin discovered this, he was distraught. He said I make him feel like he has no place in my life. I’m sorry I hurt him, but I don’t want to be overwhelmed with clutter, and we’ll always be able to go get more rocks, maple helicopters, or beach sand. I talked to a friend about this and she said clutter comes with the territory of dating an artist. We wouldn’t be able to be looking at a home purchase without my income, and I need a neat house to help maintain that. I love Mervin and his creativity, but his belief that every bit of trash has art potential sometimes drives me up the wall. I’m not even exaggerating, he photographs garbage on our walks. Was I wrong? Should I be more tolerant?

[Slate]

R. Eric Thomas advises the letter writer to apologize to Mervin. “You’re both producing work and the audience for that work appreciates it and just because your audience is potentially more profitable doesn’t mean your work is more important,” he writes. Read the rest of his answer.



Can I Invite My Minor Nieces To My Baby Shower But Not Their Mother?

After many years, prayers and medical interventions, I am pregnant and, along with my family and friends, looking forward to a celebratory baby shower. My issue is whether I must invite a narcissistic sister-in-law, or if it seems appropriate to only invite her daughters, ages 10 and 14.

Over the years, my relationship with my sister-in-law has deteriorated to the point that she refuses to speak to me and we have to have separate family holidays. I would never invite this person to any event, but her daughters and I maintain a loving relationship.

From your perspective, is it appropriate to address the invitation to my nieces only? I would really miss their presence but cannot stand the thought of their mother attending this special day.

[Creators]

Annie Lane advises the letter writer to invite their sister-in-law, assuming the nieces live with her. “If, as you say, she ‘refuses to speak to you,’ then she'll probably be a no-show regardless,” she writes. “If she does show up, welcome her with the same love and kindness you feel for her daughters.” Read the rest of her answer.



Are Today's Young Adults Slower Intellectually Than The Generation Before Them?

I own and run a small company where I have a history of difficulty getting product. My food company requires some fresh product and some I can store.

I hire young people to communicate the system to our clients. They are not the sharpest tacks in the box because they are not comfortable telling clients we are currently having to wait for product, even though they know we know we will receive the product in the near future.

Some of these new customer-relations employees think I want them to lie to the clients. I do not. I want them to develop the verbal skills to talk to the clients. They are supposed to build confidence through knowing we always receive the product. How else would I stay in business for 30 years? It seems the new young people don't understand schmoozing clients, and I don't know how to explain it to them. I don't know if they are intelligent enough to understand what it means to build confidence and to trust the system. We use fresh ingredients for some things and can store other products. It upsets the employees not knowing a date as to when products will be delivered. Am I hiring employees below their skill level or does this inability to talk to clients run through the younger generation?

I hire inexperienced young people because they are not worth much when they have no work experience or verbal sophistication. I teach my new employees from scratch how to talk to clients, how to explain the benefit of using fresh ingredients and that keeping things fresh means we will not have everything all the time. They look at this as lying, which it is not. Through my many years in business, I think this concept should be common sense. Should be, I say. If certain ingredients must be fresh, that means we cannot stock up on them. The only thing I can deduce is that today's young adults are slower intellectually than the generation before them. I hate to think that, but I can't think of what else would cause this inability to connect the dots. These concepts are not difficult to understand, so you can see my concern for the future.

[Creators]

Lindsey Novak discourages the letter writer from making generalizations. “If you insist on hiring minimum-wage employees with nothing but a high school diploma, then you are limiting your company, at least in this capacity, to perhaps a lower level of understanding,” she writes. Read the rest of her answer.

Comments

  1. rdmilk shop 1 year ago

    One of my favorite flavored milk is chocolate milk. I just love how you give the easiest ways possible to make shakes. This recipe was delicious!

  2. Roman Hans 1 year ago

    To the last letter writer: if all your new employees think you're telling them to lie to clients, I'm pretty sure you're telling them to lie to clients. Instead of endlessly whining about young people, fix your communication skills.

  3. Lauren 1 year ago

    The abused ex who ABANDONED HIS CHILD should be disgusted with himself for the way he talks about his first child HE was responsible for and dumped into a horrible system to fend for herself. Now he has his “new” family that he wants that doesn’t include her because he doesn’t want to take responsibility. Hopefully the young woman takes him to court, can hopefully get back child support and write him off like he did her. He’s a deplorable example of a father and proves the entitlement and self righteousness of some people today. I feel bad for his wife and kids he decides to recognize now. Someone needs to sit him down and give him the
    Talking to he needs about the “work” he’s put it in to disregard, dispose of and throw away his child like trash. Infuriating.

  4. Joi Cardinal 1 year ago

    first LW is indeed an assturd for disrupting work over their need to mansplain.

    1. Matt 1 year ago

      Mansplaining usually implies the male is explaining something that is already known by the female…sometimes in better detail than the man. Explaining something that they actually don’t know wouldn’t apply. Also, that’s probably something most people would want to know so as to not be embarrassed in the future.

      1. LOACC 1 year ago

        I don't know. Mansplaining is full of contradictions. If it were only used to describe situations in which the female listener knew as much or more than the mansplainer, it's hard to see why one would consider the behavior so offensive. In my opinion, it's just another insidious tool designed to take someone's voice away.

    2. Lee Waters 1 year ago

      He didn't "mansplain", and it was she who disrupted work. Keep your sexism and childish neologisms to yourself.


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