Is It Legal For My Company To Absorb All Its Workers' $1,200 Stimulus Checks, And Other Advice Column Questions
There are too many excellent advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists (and subreddits) addressed in recent days.
Is It Legal For My Company To Cut Hours In Order To Absorb All Its Workers' $1,200 Stimulus Checks?
I work in an administrative role at a national restaurant chain.
I just got off of a conference call with corporate in which they told us that if the U.S. government sends us the proposed stimulus checks due to Covid 19, they plan to absorb the money we receive by cutting our hours to reflect that amount. In other words, if each person receives a check for $1,200, $1,200 will effectively go back to the company. Is this legal?
Presumably it will be a sacrifice shouldered by lower level corporate employees, since executives likely make too much money to qualify for the government checks. (My partner lost his job due to service industry layoffs, so money is a concern during this time.)
Alison Green calls this proposal legal but disgusting. "They would be directly undoing what that money is intended to accomplish and they'd be commandeering your government assistance for themselves," she writes. "Let's name and shame this company." Read the rest of her answer.
Am I A Jerk For Not Letting My Former Roommate Move In With Me And My Girlfriend At The Last Minute?
6 months ago I moved into an apartment to be the roommate of this guy we'll call Joe…
It had been going alright, me and Joe do not dislike each other but we are not friends either…
I have been looking for a new place with my girlfriend the last 3 months and we found a great place…
I informed Joe I would not be renewing the lease and I would be moving out about 2 months ago, to give him plenty of time to move out too, find a new roommate. I also updated him to jog his memory every week or so.
Well I moved into the new place 4 days ago with my girlfriend, we have been putting our furniture in the last few days, organizing stuff, the usual.
Yesterday I hear a knock on the door, open up and it is Joe with like 6 suitcases stating the place looks great… I ask him what the hell he is talking about, he says well obviously he is moving in too… I told him I had no clue what he was even talking about, to which he said since I had been updating him he figured I wanted him to move in. At this point I just said I was sorry if that is how he interpreted it but I did not invite him and I am not looking for a roommate... He asked me to at least let him stay for a few weeks in that case since he has nowhere to go, I said no…
Since then aside from the barrage of angry messages from Joe, some mutual friends have told me I could at least help a friend out for a few weeks in these times and that I am a douche for not doing so… regardless I feel sort of guilty.
The commenters on the r/AmItheAsshole subreddit vote that the letter writer is not the asshole in this situation. "I don't see how any reasonable interpretation of what you had been telling him could lead him to believe that he was moving in with you," one of them writes. "I don't blame you." Read the rest of their answers.
Should I Let My 11-Year-Old Son Go To A Furry Convention By Himself?
I am a single mother of an out and proud gay 11-year-old boy, "Abel." I'm bisexual myself, so he says he has always felt safe confiding in me about his sexuality… But there's been a new development, one I'm having trouble fully getting behind.
Abel has discovered the "furry" community online and took to it like a fish to water, if you will. He now says that he is a skunk and would like me to exclusively refer to him by the name of his skunk "fursona." Abel, or rather "Zephyr," bought a large fake skunk tail that he attaches to the back of his jeans and wears around the house and also sometimes out of the house. If large gatherings of people are ever something that happens again, he wants to attend his first furry convention later this year.
I'm not really opposed to the idea of Abel being an anthropomorphic skunk per se, but I'm not sure about my 11-year-old kid jumping into a culture that (based on my reading) sometimes has a sexual element tied into the cuteness. If "Zephyr" were to attend one of these conventions, I would insist on coming along, which he has already complained about. I'm generally open-minded and accepting, and it's certainly possible that I would come around on the whole thing once I met some of his friends. But I'm still struggling. Do you think I need to pump the brakes on this entire furry thing until Abel is a little older?
[Slate]
Jamilah Lemieux points out that furry identity isn't inherently about sexuality, and that the letter writer's son's interest in the furry community may not have a sexual component. "In any case, I can't think of any conventions that an 11-year-old should, would, or could be able to attend without adult supervision," she adds, "and even if we knew nothing of furry sex, it would be absurd to allow him to go to a furry gathering of strangers without you." Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Convince My Husband To Throw Away All The Letters He Exchanged With His Late Wife?
My husband, "Charlie," and I have been married for seven years. We are in our mid-60s. This is the second marriage for both of us. He was widowed some years before we met. We have a good marriage. He is sweet and caring, but one issue causes friction between us. It's about letters he and his late wife exchanged.
They were high school sweethearts. She kept all the letters he sent her when he was away in college, and after she died, he wanted to keep them. It bothers me that he's still attached to them. Whenever we talk about the subject and I ask him to dispose of them, he gets defensive, says he doesn't understand why it bothers me and accuses me of being unreasonable. He says I don't even "let" him have a picture of his late wife among our family pictures around the house. My first marriage was very troubled, and I never wanted a picture of my late husband. But Charlie's was a happy one.
Am I unreasonable, or is it time to let the past stay in the past, as painful as it might be to detach from objects that were an intimate part of his previous marriage?
[UExpress]
Abigail Van Buren encourages the letter writer to see that her husband wouldn't be the person he is today if not for his first marriage. "Stop insisting that he get rid of the old letters, which hold great sentimental value for him," she writes. "And if he would like to display a photo of his late wife, quit giving him heartburn." Read the rest of her answer.
Why Does My Boyfriend Keep Messaging His Ex-Girlfriend Even Though She Blocks And Ignores Him?
My boyfriend, whom I live with, texts his ex-girlfriend via social media non-stop. She, however, has blocked him and ignores him although he keeps finding ways to contact her. I've asked him why he does this, and his answer is he has a connection with her and he knows she is his friend. It hurts me, but he keeps to his story. I need to know: Am I just his second best because she does not want him?
Wendy Atterberry urges the letter writer to leave this relationship. "She's blocked him and he doesn't respect the boundaries she's set with him," she writes. "This isn't even about your being 'second best,' this is about his being a fucking creep." Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Get Over My Anger At My Family For Refusing To Come To My Daughter's Birthday Party Because Of Social Distancing?
My wife and I have two children who live with us and an extended family we call "the framily." My daughter turns 13 at the beginning of April and has typically the last of seven late winter and early spring birthday parties for "the framily." We had scheduled her party for the first weekend in April; we'd attended one of the other seven kids' birthday parties a week ago. Now that my daughter's party is upcoming, everyone has canceled. I know they are not canceling out of anything but safety for their families, but I am angry at all of them for disappointing my child. How do I tell my daughter that we have to cancel her party (after canceling a long-anticipated spring break trip, a musical theater production, and softball season) and my anger at the other parents for disappointing my child?
[Slate]
Danny M. Lavery says that this is a good opportunity for the letter writer to teach their daughter about resilience. "It's a very good and compassionate thing that your friends and family are not planning on going to a birthday party next week," he writes. Read the rest of his answer.