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Penis theft on the rise

news.yahoo.com — KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

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  • cougs, on 04/24/2008, -75/+10lol i was just going to post this topic lol... people are messed up man lol
    • Daniel591992, on 04/24/2008, -1/+39This has to be by far the weirdest topic title and description ever on digg. I challenge someone to prove me otherwise.
      • elosorusso, on 04/24/2008, -0/+30Just wait til I submit my story about One Eyed, One Horned, Flying Purple Penis Eaters.
        • edwartica, on 04/24/2008, -0/+23Don't they usually disguise themselves as congressmen and hide in airport bathrooms?
          • voyvf, on 04/24/2008, -1/+15That's not a very good disguise.
          • sarixe, on 04/24/2008, -1/+5@voyvf: they've never been found out, so it must be
        • Akaji, on 04/24/2008, -0/+12I know, isn't The Onion hilarious?
          Wait, this is on Yahoo? When did they become a comedy news site?
          ... Oh.
      • azAZ09, on 04/24/2008, -1/+1"on the rise" ....lookout!! duck!! ...he's turning!!
    • paranoid614, on 04/24/2008, -8/+73lol lol you must of really lol found this funny lol lol
    • hocusposus, on 04/24/2008, -2/+0http://tinyurl.com/6nocrk
      • stonedthot, on 04/24/2008, -0/+1"lolrape" I'll need to use that one.
    • Kloud, on 04/24/2008, -1/+1lol
  • nuggsgalore, on 04/24/2008, -6/+295That's why I got the club. Freakin penis snatchers.
    • hobbers, on 04/24/2008, -15/+3The club? Do you mean crabs? Who wants to touch that thing?
    • StephC, on 04/24/2008, -1/+3A witchdoctor will cure that right up!
    • RandomNetUser, on 04/24/2008, -7/+2Hint: "The Club" is what he calls his penis.
    • edwartica, on 04/24/2008, -0/+1aka, a male chastity belt.
    • CrypticSkeptic, on 04/24/2008, -18/+7Feeding Africa should not be a world goal. Giving them free food, will never solve the deep problems facing Africa. Giving them food is merely a band aid solution, and actually only contributes to the problem in two ways:

      1) Makes them more depended.

      2) Artificially encourages further reproduction of offspring, which further compound the initial problem.

      The only foreign that should be supplied to Africa is in the form of prophylactics and other methods aimed at reducing the birth rate:

      1) Condoms, male and female.

      2) Free abortions

      3) Free vasectomies/ or tubal ligation.
      • Fordi, on 04/24/2008, -2/+14Oh, and education.
      • max420, on 04/24/2008, -1/+4Both of you are correct. I don't know why people are digging down the original post, probably because he said "free abortions". Africa doesn't need money or food. It needs infrastructure.
        • Excen, on 04/24/2008, -1/+1Nah, we just need to resume shipping negroe slaves back to the Caribbean and Southeast. We could solve our trade deficit with China, our energy policy (courtesy of niggahs pullin´ rickshaws) and even our military recruitment problems (service guarantees citizenship!) in one fell swoop!

          /It´s sarcasm if you´re less than 12 years of age or a retard
      • Herostratos, on 04/24/2008, -0/+3People are digging this post down because it is a total non-sequiteur.
    • orangefly, on 04/24/2008, -0/+6i got lowjack....mines detachable....
      • bone625, on 04/24/2008, -0/+6Ah, memories of the nineties. Waking up, on the radio:

        I woke up this morning with a bad hangover.
        And my penis was missing again.
        This happens all the time... its detachable.

        Detachable peeeeeeeeeenis
    • megamod, on 04/24/2008, -4/+3If someone made my penis shrink I'd freaking be in a lynching mood too. Now if someone made my penis larder (Larger+Harder) NOW we're talking.
    • KingGorilla, on 04/24/2008, -3/+1http://vimeo.com/933352
    • stilesja, on 04/24/2008, -0/+14He he he "...on the rise" he he he
      • poopmaster, on 04/24/2008, -3/+1this guy wins funnest reply award
    • JoeRW, on 04/24/2008, -0/+3Thats why Im trying to insure mine, I mean if Mariah Carey can insure her legs against injury for $21k, I should be able to insure my whang against witchcraft for over $100k.
    • jbrowng, on 04/24/2008, -0/+3Human horn!!!
    • pivovy, on 04/24/2008, -0/+1"I do not...Understand...What it is...I've done wrong..."
  • motivatedmama, on 04/24/2008, -22/+15Damn! 'Beat' me to it. But what a funny image! The "wave of panic".... Hundreds of Horrified men running pell mell, forking the evil eye with one hand while trying to protect their johnsons with the other. Back to you Dave.
    Snicker! Sorry, I guess you just have to be a woman.
    • walkea1, on 04/24/2008, -3/+1you people have to be more careful with headlines! I grabbed myself in fear when I first read this!
    • Fordi, on 04/24/2008, -9/+11I don't know. It makes me feel a little better that in this country, the only things our silly supersitions make us do is prevent stem cell research and yell like madmen on street corners. And blow up abortion clinics. Oh, and try to push stupid ***** into science class.

      Actually, it doesn't make me feel better - at least this is only a handful of individuals is targeted by a few impotent men, rather than an entire society.
    • virtualball, on 04/24/2008, -2/+5That's not funny, this is like the holocaust to us! When sorcerers come and make your Sex and the City Season 3 DVDs disappear, we'll see who's laughing!
    • disabled4diggin, on 04/24/2008, -1/+1dont ever say "pell mell" again.
    • Herostratos, on 04/24/2008, -1/+1This is not a laughing matter.
      • motivatedmama, on 04/24/2008, -0/+1Keep reading! LMAO! You guys really know how to 'poke' fun at yourselves! Now quit picking on me. I've never even seen the first episode of Sex and the City and I have nothing against the penis-less. Alas, I am penis-less myself : (
        *sigh* I guess I'm just out numbered here.
  • SEGA4life, on 04/24/2008, -5/+263Excellent this is what I'll tell my wife: "Honey it small because of Witchcraft, I can't help it."
    • KingWilson, on 04/24/2008, -16/+37or "Honey, its small because of the random assortment of alleles during the meiosis of the sperm/egg that turned into me, I can't help it
    • Samsong, on 04/24/2008, -8/+3ex-wife?
    • edwartica, on 04/24/2008, -3/+20Hope you've got a great tongue at least.
    • sanman, on 04/24/2008, -1/+25"Honey, I shrunk the..."
    • cllewis, on 04/24/2008, -6/+4Wife? You're on Digg! Come on, how dumb do you think we are?
    • JoeRW, on 04/24/2008, -0/+4An mp3 of the incantation was leaked to demonoid, and apparently you dont need a gold ring to make it work, any metal ring will work.
  • Truzseeker, on 04/24/2008, -23/+4good comment SEGA (LMAO) ... still laughing while I am trying to type and wiping the tears from my eyes after laughing so hard. I am sure that an SOS to the appropriate drug companies has already been sent for "them pills" :)
    • Harabeck, on 04/24/2008, -4/+4It would be more funny if they werent so serious about this that they tried to kill people over it... It boggles the mind.
    • Furkle, on 04/24/2008, -0/+28what reply button.
  • zolthar, on 04/24/2008, -2/+98It shrinks in the water! I the pool was cold!!
  • Puisapres, on 04/24/2008, -3/+53Poor Mr. Garrison...
  • Planets, on 04/24/2008, -7/+23When are we going to hang the witches?
    • liquidpele, on 04/24/2008, -23/+7VILLAGER #1:
      We have found a witch. May we burn her?

      CROWD:
      Burn her! Burn! Burn her! Burn her!
      BEDEVERE:
      How do you know she is a witch?
      VILLAGER #2:
      She looks like one.
      CROWD:
      Right! Yeah! Yeah!
      BEDEVERE:
      Bring her forward.
      WITCH:
      I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.
      BEDEVERE:
      Uh, but you are dressed as one.

      WITCH:
      They dressed me up like this.
      CROWD:
      Augh, we didn't! We didn't...
      WITCH:
      And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.
      BEDEVERE:
      Well?
      VILLAGER #1:
      Well, we did do the nose.
      BEDEVERE:
      The nose?
      VILLAGER #1:
      And the hat, but she is a witch!
      VILLAGER #2:
      Yeah!
      CROWD:
      We burn her! Right! Yeaaah! Yeaah!
      BEDEVERE:
      Did you dress her up like this?
      VILLAGER #1:
      No!
      VILLAGER #2 and 3:
      No. No.
      VILLAGER #2:
      No.
      VILLAGER #1:
      No.
      VILLAGERS #2 and #3:
      No.
      VILLAGER #1:
      Yes.
      VILLAGER #2:
      Yes.
      VILLAGER #1:
      Yes. Yeah, a bit.
      VILLAGER #3:
      A bit.
      VILLAGERS #1 and #2:
      A bit.
      VILLAGER #3:
      A bit.
      VILLAGER #1:
      She has got a wart.
      RANDOM:
      [cough]
      BEDEVERE:
      What makes you think she is a witch?
      VILLAGER #3:
      Well, she turned me into a newt.
      BEDEVERE:
      A newt?
      VILLAGER #3:
      I got better.
      VILLAGER #2:
      Burn her anyway!
      VILLAGER #1:
      Burn!
      CROWD:
      Burn her! Burn! Burn her!...
      BEDEVERE:
      Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
      VILLAGER #1:
      Are there?
      VILLAGER #2:
      Ah?
      VILLAGER #1:
      What are they?
      CROWD:
      Tell us! Tell us!...
      BEDEVERE:
      Tell me. What do you do with witches?
      VILLAGER #2:
      Burn!
      VILLAGER #1:
      Burn!
      CROWD:
      Burn! Burn them up! Burn!...
      BEDEVERE:
      And what do you burn apart from witches?
      VILLAGER #1:
      More witches!
      VILLAGER #3:
      Shh!
      VILLAGER #2:
      Wood!
      BEDEVERE:
      So, why do witches burn?
      [pause]
      VILLAGER #3:
      B--... 'cause they're made of... wood?
      BEDEVERE:
      Good! Heh heh.
      CROWD:
      Oh, yeah. Oh.
      BEDEVERE:
      So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
      VILLAGER #1:
      Build a bridge out of her.
      BEDEVERE:
      Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
      VILLAGER #1:
      Oh, yeah.
      RANDOM:
      Oh, yeah. True. Uhh...
      BEDEVERE:
      Does wood sink in water?
      VILLAGER #1:
      No. No.
      VILLAGER #2:
      No, it floats! It floats!
      VILLAGER #1:
      Throw her into the pond!
      CROWD:
      The pond! Throw her into the pond!
      BEDEVERE:
      What also floats in water?
      VILLAGER #1:
      Bread!
      VILLAGER #2:
      Apples!
      VILLAGER #3:
      Uh, very small rocks!
      VILLAGER #1:
      Cider!
      VILLAGER #2:
      Uh, gra-- gravy!
      VILLAGER #1:
      Cherries!
      VILLAGER #2:
      Mud!
      VILLAGER #3:
      Uh, churches! Churches!
      VILLAGER #2:
      Lead! Lead!
      ARTHUR:
      A duck!
      CROWD:
      Oooh.
      BEDEVERE:
      Exactly. So, logically...
      VILLAGER #1:
      If... she... weighs... the same as a duck,... she's made of wood.
      BEDEVERE:
      And therefore?
      VILLAGER #2:
      A witch!
      VILLAGER #1:
      A witch!
      CROWD:
      A witch! A witch!...
      VILLAGER #4:
      Here is a duck. Use this duck.
      [quack quack quack]
      BEDEVERE:
      Very good. We shall use my largest scales.
      CROWD:
      Ohh! Ohh! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Ahh! Ahh...
      BEDEVERE:
      Right. Remove the supports!
      [whop]
      [clunk]
      [creak]
    • salculd, on 04/24/2008, -0/+4I think the victims are more immediately concerned about the re-hanging of other things.
  • ANT1138, on 04/24/2008, -2/+125Penis theft is not a laughing matter, you heartless cretin!
    • gameforge, on 04/24/2008, -2/+18No, it is, assuming it's not mine.

      I'd say assuming it's not yours, but who am I kidding... I'd laugh.
    • edwartica, on 04/24/2008, -2/+4Lorena Bobbitt might disagree with you there.
      • DrSpud, on 04/24/2008, -0/+2I got a pizza here for Bob. It...

        Don't say Bobbit!!!
    • lolwutpear, on 04/24/2008, -1/+7better heartless than penisless
    • kodax, on 04/24/2008, -0/+2MICHAEL!!!
  • killbert24, on 04/24/2008, -14/+6Is black magic another way of saying Lorena Bobbitt?
    • innocentsinner, on 04/24/2008, -2/+3Yea, except not irrelevant for the past ten years or so
      • killbert24, on 04/24/2008, -6/+1Yeah, and the term black magic probably originated around the time of Christ. So its been like thousands of years? Besides I don't believe in fake science.
    • jabberwolf, on 04/24/2008, -1/+1No
      Lorena Bobbit is more known for Ginsu knives !
  • doublewonderful, on 04/24/2008, -15/+92In case of penis theft, grow new one on mouse.
    • Mapekz, on 04/24/2008, -13/+8I have no clue why you got buried.
      • gameforge, on 04/24/2008, -4/+29Because he spelled "horse" wrong.
      • jazzboyrules, on 04/24/2008, -0/+3Because people still take the South Park Medical Research Team lightly. It's time that people started adopting what South Park is offering: cure for AIDS, mouse penis and cat piss.
      • Mapekz, on 04/24/2008, -2/+1Lol beautiful, I go in to defend to guy and he goes from -3 to 51, and I took his old score. Martyrdom is not for me.
        And, I agree jazzboy. South Park's technological advances have helped their world immensely. It's about damn time they introduce a six-assed monkey in our world.
    • PenguinShogun, on 04/24/2008, -2/+1Eeeek a Penis!!
  • WileyK, on 04/24/2008, -2/+182I thought this was an Onion article for a second.

    I dunno if I was dissapointed or relieved when I found out it wasn't.
    • MrAction408, on 04/24/2008, -3/+1This just in: Penis snatcher strikes again
    • Pilot85, on 04/24/2008, -0/+1I was scared.
    • edwartica, on 04/24/2008, -0/+3I don't think mine's big enough to steal....... :O
    • hammburglar, on 04/24/2008, -0/+1even after i read news.yahoo.com i thought it must have been a typo.
  • elosorusso, on 04/24/2008, -7/+81I smell a new book/porn opportunity: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Penis.
    • skyshock1, on 04/24/2008, -0/+31You mean like this?

      http://www.bash.org/?111338

      /old
    • TomFrost, on 04/24/2008, -4/+6"Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls"

      http://www.bash.org/?111338
    • dives425, on 04/24/2008, -0/+2What do they always teach you in sorcery school... its all fun and games until someone loses a penis.
    • DiggMasterJ, on 04/24/2008, -0/+4Pedobear approves.
    • j0keR, on 04/24/2008, -2/+1Dumbledore is gay.
    • alacarde, on 04/24/2008, -0/+1You mean Hairy Peter and the Sorcerer's Bone
  • stevejobs, on 04/24/2008, -19/+6I told my girlfriend they stole 4" of my 10".
    • hobbers, on 04/24/2008, -17/+2I told my gf they stole 5" of my 15".
      • skatastrophy, on 04/24/2008, -1/+20My girlfriend has already seen my penis IN REAL LIFE!!!
        • dynelol, on 04/24/2008, -1/+4Your girlfriend has a penis in real life.
      • atomiku, on 04/24/2008, -7/+5I told my 4" they stole 10" of my gf.
      • Ockniel, on 04/24/2008, -6/+3I told my girlfriend they stole 3" of my 37"
      • dynelol, on 04/24/2008, -0/+9I told your mother she's a bitch.
    • fluffyturtle, on 04/24/2008, -2/+13That doesn't explain who took 3" of the remaining 6"
  • Neticule, on 04/24/2008, -2/+43Please be the onion... DOH.
    • davedelong, on 04/24/2008, -0/+3even worse... it's via reuters
    • TonyLocNE, on 04/24/2008, -0/+7the onion was the first thing I looked for when I read the title.
  • Harabeck, on 04/24/2008, -10/+3And we all thought Ben Stein was wacked...
  • SammyJr, on 04/24/2008, -15/+40Sounds like a typical day in an American maternity ward. Get born, get part of your dick hacked off.
    • gak001, on 04/24/2008, -4/+21Yeah, I'm still pissed about that. No police have gone after that penis thief - and it's ***** documented!
    • publiclurker, on 04/24/2008, -15/+4Some of us have pleanty to spare :-)
    • commenter01, on 04/24/2008, -5/+11It's really a matter of a public health crisis. America has fat people, Africans get their dicks shrunk. Either way, both result in small dicks.
  • nogChoco, on 04/24/2008, -55/+2If you Digg me down, your penis will shrink!
    • peterapokotos, on 04/26/2008, -0/+31Good it will take some of this weight off my hips!
    • gak001, on 04/24/2008, -0/+19.... and.... nope.
    • ashleegirl, on 04/24/2008, -1/+7It's ok, I apologized to my boyfriend while I hit the button.
  • Celeron, on 04/24/2008, -16/+3They can try and come after mine. It's pierced with 100 pointy needles sticking outwards.
  • cheez124, on 04/24/2008, -2/+9what?
  • IDIGTHEDIGG, on 04/24/2008, -5/+57EEK! A PENIS!
  • mytibt, on 04/24/2008, -8/+11did anyone do a quick brush off just to make sure all was in order while reading this?
    • xatech, on 04/24/2008, -1/+1let me see....yeah, is ok.
    • JohnFlux, on 04/24/2008, -1/+2The first few inches are okay... the next few inches are okay.. the next few inches are okay.... (this could take a while)
  • peterapokotos, on 04/26/2008, -3/+21You know Alex will pick this for diggNation!
    • SteveIsTheDude, on 04/24/2008, -0/+8Yeah, he LOVES the *****!
    • virtualsnyper, on 05/03/2008, -0/+1Close enough ... I think Kevin picked it
  • chanop, on 04/24/2008, -2/+137I just took a long piece of string and tied one end tightly to my shaft, and tied the other end to a doorknob. No-one will steal my penis, and nothing could possibly go wrong
    • CatalystDM, on 04/24/2008, -3/+14WELL DONE, SIR.
    • centran, on 04/24/2008, -0/+63< opens door >
      Sorry what did you say, I couldn't hear you behind this door.
    • gcnaddict, on 04/24/2008, -6/+2I'll throw you out of your window for ***** and giggles...

      actually, maybe I won't.
  • Nickbc87, on 04/24/2008, -2/+6It's sad that the only reason I've even heard of Kinshasa is from Splinter Cell D.A.
    • jblen, on 04/24/2008, -0/+4What's even sadder is that the only reason I've heard of Kinshasa is from this Penis theft article.
  • Jenadae, on 04/24/2008, -1/+31http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penis_panic
    • DephexTwin, on 04/24/2008, -0/+4Beat me to it. This somehow happens often enough that it already has a name.
    • moletimer, on 04/24/2008, -0/+2That has to be one of the funniest titled Wikipedia entries I've ever seen.
  • prime9891, on 04/24/2008, -2/+45This is really just sad that people are this ignorant and stupid.
    • dood, on 04/24/2008, -1/+7Totally. Think of ***** like this when you see people decry compulsory education.
    • 007kz, on 04/24/2008, -1/+10What's really sad is that it's not just the poor countries out there that are filled with ignorant and stupid people. The U.S contains many people who aren't any less ignorant and stupid than them, you know...
      • Tyrghast, on 04/24/2008, -0/+4I try to help those people stateside by moving all the bibles into the fiction section whenever i'm in a bookstore
  • countmischief, on 04/24/2008, -14/+1http://digg.com/comedy/Timecock_The_Movie

    Watch this!
  • diggafrica, on 04/24/2008, -3/+25Someone in my village had his snatched last week...
  • CDoug03, on 04/24/2008, -6/+8How Stella got her penis back
  • elliotys, on 04/24/2008, -7/+1"EEEEK!!! A PENIS!!!"
  • SemiSarcastic, on 04/24/2008, -1/+80"This is N'doogu, a man without a home, a man without a penis. He like many other impoverished men have become victims of witchcraft, brutal sorcerers who's only pleasure is to steal people like N'doogu's manhood. But, you can help. For just less than $5 a day you can help people like N'doogu regain their penises and be able to live fruitful and fulfilling lives. Just contact our organization at saveapenis.com and in less than fifteen minutes we will give you a name and picture and put you on a payment plan. So contact us now before another penis is wrongfully shrunken."
    • GOVATENT, on 04/24/2008, -0/+2you did not just go there, very funny tho
    • tumatakuru, on 04/24/2008, -0/+4do you get regular updates on the penis's progress?
      • SemiSarcastic, on 04/24/2008, -0/+1Only if you pay an extra $5.
      • tumatakuru, on 04/24/2008, -0/+3for that much i expect letters and photographs
      • geoff1210, on 04/24/2008, -0/+1YES! (for a nominal fee) And you get a picture for your mantle. You can proudly display your sponsored penis for all to see!
    • ComeOutSwingin, on 04/24/2008, -0/+2I call BS. www.saveapenis.com is not a website.
    • SpaceDigger8998, on 04/24/2008, -0/+0Not yet but with this penis snatching epidemic it's only a matter of time. We must save the once proud and majestic penis!!
    • geoff1210, on 04/24/2008, -0/+1Just pennies a day!™
  • theman8631, on 04/24/2008, -6/+17I for one welcome our penis shrinking sorcerer overlords.
  • breaktheworld, on 04/24/2008, -4/+6I've got the magic stick..
  • freak3295, on 04/24/2008, -0/+87so....

    does that mean they can make it bigger?
    you know.. a friend wants to know...
    • t4k3n, on 04/24/2008, -0/+7I all ready asked for a 12 inch penis... now I'm stuck carrying this tiny piano around..
      • danielsamuels, on 04/24/2008, -0/+1Dugg for obsure joke reference relating to hard-of-hearing magic creature.
  • uziko, on 04/24/2008, -33/+8they are n... black people, what do you expect?
    • GOVATENT, on 04/24/2008, -4/+9what?
    • greenlight2001, on 04/24/2008, -4/+8"Racists are irrational and illogical in their attempts to justify their prejudices."
      -Sargent Shriver
      • uziko, on 04/24/2008, -10/+3"you are an idiot" -a person more credible than you or whoever that is
        • Chalks777, on 04/24/2008, -2/+1Oh?

          "He [Sargent Shriver] inspired, directed, or founded numerous social programs and organizations, including Head Start, VISTA, Job Corps, Community Action, Upward Bound, Foster Grandparents, Special Olympics, the National Center on Poverty Law, Legal Services, and, as mentioned, the Peace Corps."
          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sargent_Shriver
          • uziko, on 04/24/2008, -3/+2Yea, but then he went and said something idiotic like that quote above, which reduced all of credibility down to zero. You may ask "but how did you know he wasn't credible if you didn't know who he is." And the answer to that is "Anyone who would say something as dumb as what he said has no credibility no matter what they did."

            Yes I know, it is above your head.

            And yes I am mostly talking to myself.
      • GOVATENT, on 04/24/2008, -0/+3dude, this guy is so stupid.
  • pveltrent, on 04/24/2008, -1/+12 "peto decresco!" (w/ a swish and flick of the wand)
    • moocow1452, on 04/24/2008, -0/+4It's not working, should I try the magic one?
  • XternalHD, on 04/24/2008, -1/+5Damn those Horde Mages.
  • johnnybroken, on 04/24/2008, -1/+28Um, there are people that use radios and phones that still believe in black magic penis curses? Do they think that the radios and phones are magic too?
    • phybere, on 04/24/2008, -1/+9Well... maybe? How do you think they work?
    • Akairenn, on 04/24/2008, -0/+21Sure. There are also people who use computers, nuclear power, drive SUVs and watch HDTVs that believe their imaginary friend is watching out for them. The difference is what now?
  • jizzlies, on 04/24/2008, -0/+7Better than 'penis fish' on the rise:
    http://www.bofads.com/stories/candiru.htm
    • Ellipsys, on 04/24/2008, -0/+3That's it. If I ever decide to wreak havoc on the world, I'm going to genetically engineer some "land candiru". Think about it... you're walking along, minding your own business, about to pay for your overpriced latte...and BAM! Fish up your johnson! All wars would stop - men would be too afraid to leave their homes lest the land candiru acquire some new real estate of their own! Commerce would cease... Yep. Forget weather machines and nuclear bombs dropped into volcano, the first mad scientist to loose land candiru on the public would have his demands met by the end of the business day!
  • Planterstick, on 04/24/2008, -9/+0so google's filter on digg feeds picks up on everything resembling an obscenity except penis?
    • akkibaba, on 04/24/2008, -0/+17The word penis is not an obscenity. It's the name of an organ. Grow up.
  • frisk415, on 04/24/2008, -16/+10First off, Africa sucks. Second off, did anyone think to get these men a heater? Maybe some Enzyte? I bet you they hang these sorcerers by the dick!
    • randomstupid, on 04/24/2008, -1/+1I'm glad i don't go thru life thinking everything 'sucks'
  • robodork, on 04/24/2008, -6/+8***** MINE'S GONE! guys this is serious
  • themizer, on 04/24/2008, -6/+2Stealing of the penis? Who would have thought this would ever be a topic of conversation... It's the wily Interwebs at work again.
    • TonyLocNE, on 04/24/2008, -0/+2Well being it was a topic of conversation for several years after 1993 I could have imagined another penis snatching story would at some point in time come up again.
      I was originally going to say something along the lines of you being too young to remember Lorena Bobbit and then I looked at your profile and it said you were 30 and then I looked more at your profile and seen that you were a John McCain supporter so I put 2 and 2 together and figured you were just retarded....
    • Tyrghast, on 04/24/2008, -0/+2apparently you've never been a college-age guy, there is nothing we wont talk about
  • nowisnothing, on 04/24/2008, -3/+10The first 2 times I saw this article I read Congo as Chicago. Now that would have been a story...
  • skyshock1, on 04/24/2008, -3/+10Didn't they ever hear about the Salem witch trials? Poor uneducated *****.
    • Idea, on 04/24/2008, -1/+6Try and threaten the most highly educated group of men you can find with penis snatching, I guarantee they'll turn ape-***** crazy, form a mob and try to kill you... Never threaten a man's penis, ever.
  • ludar, on 04/24/2008, -1/+53IF I TAKE MY HANDS OF IT THE WITCH DOCTORS WILL STEAL IT
    • notaflyerfan, on 04/24/2008, -1/+0Right under this article on yahoo news today there was one that said that frequent masturbation by men ages 23 - 50 lowers their chances for prostrate cancer. IT WAS A DAMN SLOW NEWS DAY ON YAHOO! (it was under most viewed)
    • geoff1210, on 04/24/2008, -0/+3My god, rappers are brilliant! They have been using a tried-and-true method for years now.
  • blinker265, on 04/24/2008, -3/+1this is where THESE come into play...
    http://www.popsci.com/score/article/2008-04/cup-st ...
  • jp12380, on 04/24/2008, -0/+11Look at how small it is!! You telling me he didn't shrink it? I know you ain't saying that.
    • jab9990, on 04/24/2008, -3/+0Stupid savages. They need to get educated and believe in something rational. Like how all the good people are going to disappear soon and reappear in heaven (leaving their moving cars to crash). Or that they can turn wine and plastic bread into Jesus Christ's meat and blood and cannibalize the poor guy. Or that alien ghosts are...uhh...Whatever the hell Scientologist whackos believe. Or that a meteorite hit hit some Mormon on the head and commanded him to have multiple underage women as his dirty sex slaves. Or that chopping off heads and killing yourself will get you sexually ambiguous slaves and a tent in the afterlife. Or that boy-raping pedophiles are God's preferred representatives on earth. Or that...well, you get the picture.
  • alclone, on 04/24/2008, -1/+1What is this penis that everyone talks about?
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