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32 Comments
- slasherx, on 10/12/2007, -3/+47On the front page and no "***** the RIAA" comment. Quite strange.
***** the RIAA. - dtd00d, on 10/12/2007, -3/+32*Sue
*Sue
*Act as evil as inhumanly possible
*Sue
*Break for lunch
*Sue
*Repeat liberally, bake violators at 451°F until thoroughly burninated.
...Well it's more or less that. - consonance, on 10/12/2007, -3/+30I hear the babies they serve in the RIAA cafeteria are delicious.
- rossmiester, on 10/12/2007, -2/+23With satire like this... you start to wonder what really is fake/true any more...
- calvmari, on 10/12/2007, -2/+19Los Angeles, CA - The RIAA has updated its mission statement from "Our mission is to foster a business and legal climate that supports and promotes our members' creative and financial vitality" to "Our mission is to maximize hatred for the music industry by using creative legal and innovative technological methods which will further destroy our member's creativity and financial vitality." The organization hopes the change will more accurately reflect their long-term goals.
Chairman and CEO of the RIAA Mitch Bainwol said, "This change allows us to focus on our goals of ridding ourselves of annoying artists and consumers completely. The Internet has made this possible. In the days before the Internet only a few artists and industry insiders hated the RIAA, now hatred for the RIAA is at an all-time high."
Bainwol explained that a committee formed three years ago has developed most of the ideas used to foment the growing hatred for the organization.
"We're proud of them. When more people hate you than the President you know you're doing something right," Bainwol said.
Innovative methods for producing more hatred from consumers and artists in the future include:
* Suing a family in a refugee camp in Darfur, who doesn't even know what a computer is, for sharing music illegally.
* Running a public service announcement campaign which will equate downloading music to molesting children.
* Make charitable donations to Hitler Youth and KKK.
* Seizing iPods from troops in Iraq and searching them for illegal music. Filing suit against violators.
"With strategies like this we're bound to reach our goals in five years. Maybe even sooner," said Bainwol.
The RIAA was recently voted the worst company in America in a recent online poll, narrowly beating out Halliburton. Upset by the news and the RIAAs plans, Halliburton announced plans of its own.
CEO Bob Johnson said that his company would begin infecting elephants and other endangered species with the AIDS virus then shooting them from giant catapults onto orphanages and children's wards of hospitals.
"If that doesn't build the hate, then I don't know what will," said Johnson. - Akaji, on 10/12/2007, -4/+21Don't forget http://www.mafiaa.org
- NoNameHere, on 10/12/2007, -1/+171. Release crappy music
2. Sue everyone who steals your crappy music.
3. Sue everyone who doesn't steal your crappy music.
4. ???
5. Profit! - Akaji, on 10/12/2007, -2/+10???
Profit! - mastercheif, on 10/12/2007, -4/+101. Release crappy music
2. ???
3. Profit! - jacknorthstar, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6EVERY DAY is ***** You RIAA/MPAA Day.
- bennyboy371, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Yet if you just go by the title and description, its actually believable.
- mrmatchgame, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3When's "***** You RIAA/MPAA Day?"
- ricree, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3" * Running a public service announcement campaign which will equate downloading music to molesting children.
* Seizing iPods from troops in Iraq and searching them for illegal music. Filing suit against violators.
"
You know, these two don't really sound too far off. - zmigliozzi, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Oh, so they are in it for the money. I'm glad they made that crystal clear now.
- LeeSoong, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2At what point will they admit that most of the music they publish is very bad?
1 or 2 CDs each year is actually worth buying, most of the stuff on the radio I turn OFF.
Talent.
I know, I know - it's an old fashioned idea, but have they tried selling music from
talented musicians?
You know, someone you would actually pay money to watch in Concert?
At the Concert - Sell the CDs for $9 bucks, not $19 bucks...
(you just dropped $160 for a pair of tickets, they could cut you a break on the CDs). - thomasprebble, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2Just another evil corporation with a faulty business model who is not willing to adapt to the times. I don't enjoy ripping off artists but when it comes down to it who's ripping them off more? Me, or the corporations the RIAA represents? I'm going to say the RIAA. If you want to support the artists go see them live, that way they will get a fair cut! Oh by the way RIAA (rhyme not intended) I live in New Zealand. Come and get me!
- Meowbiusfox, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I wish the industry I chose as a career
wasn't so corrupt and incouragable. - scbysnx, on 10/12/2007, -1/+210 million people?! you must get up very early in the morning
- yhvdyt, on 10/12/2007, -2/+3>@ Calvmari I might be missing something but why did you find it necessary to paste the entire article in here?
So people wouldn't have to look at the lame parody on the site full of ads.. - Ghstfce, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1"CEO Bob Johnson said that his company would begin infecting elephants and other endangered species with the AIDS virus then shooting them from giant catapults onto orphanages and children's wards of hospitals."
The article gave me a chuckle until I read this. Damn that's funny. I feel bad for those that can't tell satire like this from real news. Is the reading comprehension of Diggers decreasing or is it just senses of humor?
Don't get me wrong, if this article was the real thing I'd have laughed myself to a wet spot on my pants. - astrotrain, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Should be a national holiday...banks, schools and businesses are closed.
And when the holiday comes around:
"Today, lets have a moment of silence to remember what the RIAA/MPPAA stands for."
** crowd grows silent, and and gives the finger ** - judsond, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I know, I thought that also... Scary.
- tsf5000, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I thought the part about haliburton was just as funny as the RIAA stuff.
"CEO Bob Johnson said that his company would begin infecting elephants and other endangered species with the AIDS virus then shooting them from giant catapults onto orphanages and children's wards of hospitals." - joelevi, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Don't forget, if you want to save online radio (like Pandora.com) you need to write your Senators and Representative before the Copyright Resource Board's new fee structure is put in place!
- www.JoeLevi.com
http://www.joelevi.com/blog/index.php/2007/03/20/the-death-of-internet-radio/ - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -2/+2They should hire more bodyguards as one of their priorities.
I'm just saying.
EDIT: It's one of those BBspot fake news sites. - shortarabguy, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1Do human beings even work for the RIAA? Racism, polygamy, and animal sacrifice supporters seem to be all over the internet, so you'd think- if humans actually worked for the RIAA- that they'd say something online every once in a while...
Maybe they're too easy eating babies... - Fragger06, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0Is there ANYONE that even values what the RIAA does or is trying to do??
Oh and please restrict internet radio... I haven't seen the piracy chart spike straight up for a while, it should be good for a laugh. (But really, Pandora rox my sox!) - billraydrums, on 10/12/2007, -1/+0Yeah just last week the FBI (of all governMENTAL agencies) said "oh by-the-by, there's terrorists who are taking jobs as schoolbus drivers but it's nothing to worry about....really, it's not". Yeah, I have been flummoxed as of late.
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -1/+0Talk radio!
- maherjabr, on 10/12/2007, -4/+3@ Calvmari
I might be missing something but why did you find it necessary to paste the entire article in here? - orthodoxDrew, on 10/12/2007, -1/+0ban 'em
- asif5th, on 10/12/2007, -8/+2Translated: We are a bunch of ***** that don't care for our customers.
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