What is Digg?85 Comments
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -3/+42I am sure that nobody on digg will ever have this problem...
- gwjc, on 10/12/2007, -1/+39"Even after their divorce, she still keeps tabs on him by reading his email: he still doesn't know."
Wow, so she's a cyber-stalker.. reading them before, fine he got busted, etc. But after they aren't together, that's just weird and probably criminal. - mister_llah, on 10/12/2007, -1/+33If you can't trust your SO/wife/etc.. to the point that you feel the need to spy on them, you should probably just break the relationship off right then and there.
- Wonotch, on 10/12/2007, -4/+34@ threepio
How about instead of all that crap you try this:
1.) Don't marry someone you don't actually trust/love.
No wonder the divorce rate is up... - GoodBrain, on 10/12/2007, -0/+30Not to mention that she isn't doing herself any favors by keeping the wound open post-divorce.
- NoSuchAgency, on 10/12/2007, -4/+28Re: "separate everything"
Of course, with that level of trust in a relationship, I can see why it would potentially fail. Sometimes... you just have to trust people, especially ones you love. That said, email IS private, I would not want my partner accessing my email nor would I follow up on an opportunity to access hers. Just as I would not expect to eavesdrop on every conversation she has with her family and friends.
Shared finances however... well that's just a fact of marriage. Separate accounts could be useful to manage spending (eg. you each have "play money" to spend on hobbies etc) but ultimately the marriage's finances are shared "de jure", you might as well share them "de facto" too.
And separate phones... that's just paraniod. Are you life-partners, or just roommates who shag once in a while? Plus it costs more. Plus it makes it EASIER to have an affair :P - apetrie, on 10/12/2007, -3/+22IMO you were both wrong, obviously her transgression was worse. Lying and cheating, unacceptable. Spying on your significant other and accessing private communications without their knowledge, unacceptable!
Had she not been cheating on you, you would have deserved to be dumped. Fact is as the poster said below, the minute your trust issues got to this level the relationship was over. - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+15No you didn't. No one believes you. Loser.
- apetrie, on 10/12/2007, -4/+18Not sure why you are directing your comment to the "gents" here threepio, the same things apply to women in relationships.
- jo42, on 10/12/2007, -8/+21You forgot:
#1) Prenup - myrm, on 10/12/2007, -5/+17Another "news" item that is just stating the obvious.
Yes, if you give someone your password, part company and don't change it they still have access to your accounts. If you pick crappy passwords that are easy to figure out, someone close to you will likely be able to guess them.
Yawn. I'm going back to bed. - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -1/+12Not only that... but it's a Felony Lucy's committing!
- gameboyhippo, on 10/12/2007, -4/+14Amen, NoSuchAgency. Let's face it you can stop jumping through hoops if you are faithful to your partner. In the example, he cheated on Lucy. Thus he gave up that trust. Why should you expect trust when you've broken someone else's.
I bet threepio has never been near a woman before. - SteelChicken, on 10/12/2007, -1/+8smartest thing in here. or at least try to figure our why theres trust issues. its not always infidelity. spying? thats lame.
- Matteos, on 10/12/2007, -1/+8Just listen to Tom Leykis and you won't have these problems.
- davetcg, on 10/12/2007, -1/+8Yup, make sure the "leave copy of message on server" option is checked, though.
I really liked the idea of forwarding the steamy emails to bosses and co-workers. - threepio, on 10/12/2007, -5/+12Oh, I fully advocate not cheating on one's spouse, it's a shade reprehensible and something I wouldn't do myself.
But I do like my privacy. "When two become one" is sappy ***** for idiots and bad soft-rock. Feel free to do it yourself, but don't fault me if I don't want my future-wife-to-be reading my email or scrutinizing my bank transactions. We trust each other enough not to ***** around on each other and don't feel the need to analyze each other's movements. On that front I imagine we probably have more trust in each other than you do with your partner.
Feel free to digg me down - my opinion may be in the minority, but it's mine and that's fine by me.
As a note to the above post: you're absolutely correct, that should have read gents and ladies. My apologies. - SocialPoison, on 10/12/2007, -1/+7Firstly: The guy's an asshat for cheating.
Secondly: The guy's a idiot for letting his wife have access to his e-mail account... and then not changing the password and information after the split.
Computer genius he ain't. - jawadde, on 10/12/2007, -2/+8@apetrie : i was commenting on your message, but it's kinda hard to get the point across... until you've been cheated on by someone who you totally trusted. Believe me, when you finally get to the point where your fear makes you read an email (not even 'read'... merely a quick scan), you're NOT feeling good about it. I've been there, and I felt ***** all the way. But what are you going to do if she denies it, yet all your friends tell you it is happening under your nose ?
the night I read that mail was probably the worst night of my life, and until you've been there, felt the paranoia eating your soul away while you're desperately trying to keep the trust at the level that you still think she deserves, it's damd hard to understand my point. - oOLiquidNightOo, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5i believe that trust is very important in a healthy, loving relationship. without trust, what do you really have? i mean, besides an embedded GPS chip with varying range.
- jshanman, on 10/12/2007, -4/+8I installed a keylogger on her husbands (now x) computer so she could get his password for proof of the affair (for court).
now that I think about it, I never got back to the computer to remove it... - jawadde, on 10/12/2007, -4/+8that's a bit extreme statement : its not like as if all of a sudden you start spying for no reason. My wife had been cheating on me for about a month, and I totally completely trusted her. Only after close friends started insisting that I'd crosscheck some (to them obviously proving) facts, I did look at her mail. I just felt too embarassed to confront her with my lack of faith. And yes, after I confronted her, she turned the argument around making me the bastard that didn't deserve her... amazing situation ...
- Chakz, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4But I thought Lucy was banging Cyrus to make Ricky jealous? Better get Julian and Bubbles.
- jshanman, on 10/12/2007, -2/+6@Veamon
no this actuallly happened. It was my sister and I was happy to do it because her husband was abusive. The proof of the affiar helped out in court.
I don't need to make up stories to feel good about myself, why must you try to put others down to feel good about yourself? - Ahnteis, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Note that that's 30% of marriages fail -- NOT 30% of people ever married are divorced. (Hint, divorced persons are often married/divorced multiple times.)
- jamiejamez, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Lucy, you got some esplainin' to do!!
- AriaStar, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3I'd be more concerned about an ex using my social. My ex John's ex-wife used his social security number and essentially stole his identity. Someone uses your SSN? Good luck getting a new one. I know. Seven years of being a victim of ID theft and I still don't qualify for a new SSN. I have reason to believe it was my first boyfriend who I was with for over five years. This is far more damaging and harder to control than e-mail. Change the damned password. Done.
Point being that if you don't change your password, you deserve what you get. Unless you didn't tell the password to begin with, and then it's just criminal. Tampering with mail. - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Yes. I am. Because I don't try and pass off fake ***** as being real. Whats next, are you going to put a bash.org quote on here and try and pass it off as something that "really happened".
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4@apetrie:
I see you missed this little bit:
"After finding out she's been lying to direct questioning for about a month"
She lied about what was going on and kept doing whatever made him suspicous. At that point he was right to check up on things. That is how you find out someone is cheating on you. - wired4u, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3Using snort to spy on a girlfriend is even better, because you get everything not just emails.
- pumacub, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Closing an account is sweet if it's a popular name, because some other random person might grab it.
Haha. - apetrie, on 10/12/2007, -3/+5Extreme attitude? What the heck? Its not that he had doubts that is wrong. One should be able to confront/talk about insecurities and concerns like this with their S.O. not resort to unethical practices of spying and invading their privacy. Are you sure you're responding to my post jawadde? Doesn't seem like you read it, or at best it doesn't seem like you understood it.
- musters, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3if you are dumb enough to leave your email account wide open, and then use it for an affair, you deserve to get caught.
- smurfmaster, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2@jawadde
What you should have done is end the relationship. Once you lost trust in her to the point that you even considered breaking into her email it was over anyway.
Court order? Wtf? It may be hard to accept, but cheating on a spouse and lying is morally wrong, but not illegal. Yet breaking into her email *is* illegal. What you did is essentially vigilante justice and there's really nothing to justify that. - masona3, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2I had a crazy ex who not only checked my e-mail but also checked my private messages on a forum that she knew my friends and I used, logged into my AIM account on one occasion, and even went so far as to try to gain access to the text messages on my cell phone by logging in to my service provider's website.
I promptly changed all of my passwords and then proceeded to use her tactic against her... with a much nastier effect. I logged into her e-mail, instant messaging accounts, and even her student accounts at her university. I deleted all of her messages, buddy lists, and personal information from the accounts. I then proceeded to send requests to close those accounts that I could and changed passwords to garbled strings of information on others.
The effect was amazing. I hear it took her several days to figure out what I'd done... and by then, it was too late. She even missed out on registering for classes for the following quarter.
Retribution! - LogicBomB, on 10/12/2007, -9/+11I did this to an unfaithful ex. Had "save password" checked on everything, an unmasking program gave me the password so I could access it at my own place. After finding out she's been lying to direct questioning for about a month I brought it up to her. Tried to turn the argument around about me not respecting her privacy instead of her lying and cheating on me. Go figure... I'm with a sane girl now.
If you lie and cheat to your boy/girlfriend you deserve everything that comes to you. - VeganG, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2"Ricky" is an idiot for having a password that can be guessed. In fact, it shouldn't even BE a word.
- dodoporridge, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2At the point at which you're checking someone's email to see if ze 'cheated,' I think you already know the answer.
- AgentConundrum, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2"The number is closer to 30% for the general population and 20% for college grads."
30% + 20% = 50%, and that's half!
[/sarcasm] - fantasticjon, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2I think the point of this article is the you, the IT Admin, need to worry about this problem.
- jawadde, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3@ apetrie :
(i wish digg had a better discussion system than this.. you can't even private-message it seems)
I probably mis-chose the word 'extreme'. But what I was trying to convey is NOT that the privacy invasion was extreme, but rather that some people will jump on you quite vehemently when you mention that you read someones mail. Context is everything here, and quite often, in cheating-situations, the only way out is a 'bad' way. Is it still a bad way then ? Is it still immoral if it is the only working option ? Privacy is important offcourse, but should I have gotten a court order to read her mail ? Would that be moral ? What level of trust are we talking about then ?
it's all rather difficult to explain since there is always so much more that you can't explain in such a silly comment box. Even in my head it is not always clear, but I still do NOT think I did a bad or immoral act. This is what my 'extreme' word was about : many times I got an extreme reaction of people saying 'you should not have invaded privacy'. Then when I ask 'what then should I have done ?' the answer is always 'I dont know... but not what you did'. such extreme side-taking is ignorant, and a typical situation that we see a lot in extreme rightwing politics in my country as well : focus on one thing done wrong, don't provide solutions or alternatives. (note : I'm not accusing you here, please don't bite my nose off ! :-) - fantasticjon, on 10/12/2007, -2/+4I love lucy.
lucy, ricky, fred, and ethel.
I don't know what trailer park boys is, but I suspect I love lucy is older.? - LLLSecretChimp, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3When I worked in computer security, we told everybody to think of e-mail as post-cards, not as sealed mail. Like your postcards, people probably won't read your e-mail, but you have to assume that they can.
- compaqdrew, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Now I've got a good excuse.
Jim: Have you asked her out yet?
Me: Of course not! Didn't you see the article on digg? Girlfriends read your e-mail. N00b. - JFitzpatrick, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Does anyone else find is super creepy that "Lucy" in the first example, is still reading her ex-husband's email after the divorce?
What a creepy way to never be able to move on with your life and always be fixated with your past relationship. Hope she enjoys reading all his this Match.com/Alt.com emails. - threepio, on 10/12/2007, -2/+4Hey Inkswamp "Your comments tell me you've a) never been married and b) never been in love deeply enough to consider marriage. Therefore, I conclude that you also don't know
what you're talking about and so you should stop being so condescending to others."
Glass houses, stones - don't mix. Quit your cockblockery my good man, I'm engaged, and happily so. Opinions, as they say, are like ***** - which makes you the choice combination of being one and having one. It's interesting that you condescend while discussing condescension - Again, I've stated these are my opinions and your milage may vary - but don't tell me how to live my life.
It works for me - and to quote the great Ryan Reynolds - you can take a sugar frosted ***** off the end of my dick.
You know, I'm not usually so vitriolic, but I've enjoyed this little thread. Thank you and good night! - toastgodsupreme, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Yup. Similar here. She had just started using Trillian and it was saving a copy of all her IMs. Well, things started getting weird between us a couple months after getting together, and eventually, a series of events led me to doubt her.
So one day, while on her computer, I checked her IM logs with one guy who was always hanging around and who lately, she had been blowing me off to hang with (claiming that he had just been broken up with and needed someone to talk to).
Sure enough, there was a mass of IMs back and forth of them talking about things they'd done (while she and I were together) and stuff they wanted to do.
Believe me, I paid for what I did. I had to read those IMs. And I read them a number of times because my mind just couldn't wrap itself around the two of them being together. That was my punishment for snooping.
I let her go pretty lightly though. I had access to her AIM account, 3 of her email accounts, and had in my possession some nude pictures of her. I could've destroyed the bitch. But I'm better than that.
So who wants pics? ;) - giaguara, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1reminds me of an ex ... he had the same password from the early 1990s to 2001. so i had fun occasionally reading his emails even when we were apart ...
- fatas, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1People who use crappy passwords deserved to be hacked.
People who share passwords deserved to be hacked. - dodoporridge, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2I can't believe that more people don't think like this. I have a friend who works at a university who will talk about anything on his work email, even illicit things, which he thinks he disguises with 'creative' spelling. His IT person even told him that he's read some of his emails, and needs to watch what he says. My friend countered that he wasn't referring to anything illegal, and then I told him that he needs to avoid even the appearance of impropriety.
I can't believe I just said that--"the appearance of impropriety." Maybe I am as WASPy as my other friend tells me. -
Show 51 - 84 of 84 discussions
The Digg Toolbar for Firefox lets you Digg, submit content, and keep track of Digg even when you're not on the Digg site. Download the official 
© Digg Inc. 2009
— Content created and posted by Digg users is