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whowillsurvive2012.com - The Mayan Calendar predicts the end of time: 2012. See the trailer for 2012, opening November 13.
221 Comments
- fernando26, on 10/12/2007, -1/+252Since the diggmirror is down and the site is INSANELY slow (I bet it's about to go down), here is the content cut-n-pasted:
1. Code does not move
In films and television code is always sailing across the screen at incredible speeds; it's presented as an indecipherable stream of letters and numbers that make perfect sense to the programmer but dumbfound everyone else. I understand that to the non-savvy person the abilities of a programmer might seem amazingly complex, but do they honestly think we can read ***** that isn't sitting still? It'd be like trying to read six newspapers flying around in a tornado. Sure, I can watch a kernel compile, tail a log file, or simply monitor the scrolling output of a program - but the most value I get out of those activities is when execution stops and I can actually scroll back to read what the hell happened (unless the output was going slow enough I could read it as it happened).
2. Code is not green text on a black background
Sure, code can be green text on a black background if you want it to, but most programmers use syntax highlighting and sysadmins configure their shell to use ANSI color.
3. Code has structure
According to the movies all programmers abhor the space bar and enter key. In the real world code has structure - it's got line breaks, spacing, and indentation. Granted, we've all written our share of unreadable hacks: I used to write a lot of perl and I had a knack for writing nasty regular expressions that moved many of my successors to committing seppuku, but those days are over. It's all about clarity now.
4. Code is not three dimensional
Remember in "hackers" when the gibson is depicted as a three dimensional city that the hackers must navigate through? *****! We may use a dash of color in our shell to make things a bit clearer, but last I checked my terminal app doesn't require OpenGL. I'm working here, bitches - I'm not playing quake.
5. Code does not make blip noises as it appears on the screen
This goes for ANY text, not just code. When text appears on my monitor it doesn't make blip sounds - this isn't 1902 (or whenever monitors used to do that).
This is one of the most common offenses in Hollywood films, almost every movie that has a scene where a character is composing an email or surfing the net has the text make blippity-blip sounds as it appears. Do they have any idea how ***** irritating that would be in real life? This article alone would be like thirty thousand blippity-blips.
6. Code cannot be cracked by an 8 year old kid in a matter of seconds
Sorry, no. Just no.
7. Not all code is meant to be cracked
Hollywood loves to endorse the notion that programming, encryption, and complex computing in general are all the same thing: a jumble of secretive data that must be broken by a seriously (srsly!) clever hacker. This is somewhat understandable because the term "code" itself is ambigious. In the realm of computing, code typically has two definitions:
1. The symbolic arrangement of instructions that a computer can understand - like "Your PHP code is *****"
2. The disguised transformation of a message - "The Navajo code talkers in WWII"
Hollywood usually applies #2 to all of a programmer's computing activities. There are no windows to drag, no enclosing brackets or IF statements, there's no desktop. Everything on the computer takes the form of an encrypted message, which must make looking at hot steamy pr0n a real bitch (md5 makes me flaccid).
8. Code isn't just 0100110 010101 10100 011
Sure, when you get down to the binary level it's a bunch of 1's and 0's, but who does that? I've never met anyone who codes binary.
Hey Hollywood directors: programmers use this neat thing called the ALPHABET. It's got letters that you put together to form words. We even put spaces between those words (see #3).
Also, the whole joke about everything on a computer being just a bunch of 1's and 0's has become painfully not funny. It ranks right up there with the joke about the user who uses his cdrom tray as a cupholder, I'm pretty sure I'd heard that joke a thousand times by 1997. Just because all data on a computer is ultimately represented by one or a zero doesn't mean that the basis behind it is as simple as a one or a zero. That's like saying all humanity ultimately boils down to a bunch of carbon atoms (or whatever the hell we're made of), so the next time someone steals my car I can laugh it off and say "Oh those silly carbon atoms!"
9. People who write code use mice
According to Hollywood most programmers haven't discovered how to use a mouse. Sure, we type fast, but a mouse is a very useful tool and there's no reason we'd abandon it. While we're dispelling stereotypes, I'd also like to say that not all programmers are hot-pocket eating virgins who play WoW. Some of us exercise and have active social lives. Some have even had SEX! Holy Crap!
10. Most code is not inherently cross platform
Remember in Independence Day when whatshisface-math-guy writes a virus that works on both his apple laptop AND an alien mothership? *****!
If real life were like film I'd be able to port wordpress to my toaster using a cat5 cable and a bag of glitter. - djAnakin, on 10/12/2007, -2/+182"If real life were like film I'd be able to port wordpress to my toaster using a cat5 cable and a bag of glitter."
LOL - Kerjo, on 10/12/2007, -10/+103This just in, movies contain fiction. More on this at 10.
- Pattyo13, on 05/14/2009, -0/+91i've seen a similar article about things computers do on tv that they don't do in real life
ie:
"enhance image" brings up a totally crisp legible picture of the shirt size the robber was wearing
everything on the computer can be done in two smacks of the keyboard. "let me look up his data" "smack-smack-click" - i've just searched the fbi records, and... - flipmeat, on 10/12/2007, -0/+68Displays don't blast the image across your face while you work, either.
- flag564, on 10/12/2007, -6/+65You mean I cant break into NORAD with a computer with 16K of RAM over a Dial-Up connection?
- merreborn, on 10/12/2007, -0/+57Yeah, but there's good fiction, and there's bad fiction.
You know how sometimes in a bad movie, a car will hit a shopping cart at 5 miles an hour, and explode in a mile high fireball? And you think "Jesus, that's the stupidest ***** I've ever seen! Cars don't explode at 5 mph!"
That's what it feels like to watch things like 'Hackers' if you actually know anything about computers.
Fiction doesn't mean "throw reality out the window entirely". - killinger777, on 10/12/2007, -7/+62The best is the movie Independence Day. The alien mothership runs windows and they upload a virus...
- argblat, on 10/12/2007, -2/+56"2. Code is not green text on a black background"
Don't tell our AS400 Programmer that! - geoken, on 10/12/2007, -0/+51The apps in the crimelab on CSI make the Enterprises computer look like a 486.
"what's that you only have a pic of the back of his head, I'll just fire up this app that will make a perfect 3d reconstruction of his face. Just give it 2 seconds to render the image." - conman16x, on 10/12/2007, -0/+43*smack-smack-click* I just broke into the mainframe guys, I'm downloading all their megabits right now.
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -4/+47My favorite:
"Moscow in flames, missiles headed for New York. More at 11!" - Pattyo13, on 05/14/2009, -4/+47o, and one more thing: everything is a database that can be searched
- fantasticFlan, on 10/12/2007, -0/+40And searching a database involves a series of images flashing on screen.
- wjglenn, on 10/12/2007, -0/+39In the STs, it felt like the script writers always created the storyline and then just wrote something like Insert Tech Here. Some tech folks just inserted something that sounded interesting.
Think for a moment what it would be like if Hollywood didn't use these tech shortcuts.
Tech guy: I found a shot of the fleeing car from an ATM camera mounted on the corner.
Detective: Looks like a big blur. Is that blue or black?
Tech guy: Not sure.
Detective: Can you enhance the image?
Tech guy: Nope.
Detective 2: Any luck cracking the encryption on the suspect's notebook?
Tech guy: Nope. Got the supercomputer working on it. Check back in maybe 10 years?
Detective 1: Those swirling numbers. Is that the code? It looks like a woman's face.
Tech guy: That's my screensaver.
Detective 2: Hmm. You guys wanna grab some lunch?
Kinda dull :-) - qorsair, on 10/12/2007, -0/+39@CedEx
Or how about this one:
Marketing: "Here's a picture of the car, but they want to see more of the front, so just rotate it."
Me: "Rotate it?"
Marketing: "They want the whole grill to show, so just rotate the car so you can see the front instead of the side"
Me: "Haha, suuure. Now which picture do you really want me to use?"
Marketing: "What? This is the only one I took."
Me: "Go take another one."
(true story) - Wisgary, on 10/12/2007, -2/+40I love how he doesn't include himself in the group that has had sex.
- PlaidPhantom, on 10/12/2007, -1/+39"I'm working here, bitches - I'm not playing quake."
Speak for yourself. - ren0, on 10/12/2007, -7/+44Jeff Goldblum can do anything if he puts his mind to it. The man is a genius.
- CedEx, on 10/12/2007, -2/+39There's a funny joke that people in digital media design talk about when hearing people talk about 'enhancing' and 'photoshopping'.
Marketing: "Here, take this image and put it in the ad, it'll look great, I'll need it blown up though."
Designer: "Um, it's not going to look good!"
Marketing: "Oh sure it will, just do that photoshop thingy and blow it up and enhance it! Simple stuff, any idiot can do it!"
Designer: "But it's only two pixels?!" - ProximaC, on 10/12/2007, -2/+37That would be a mac that he wrote and uploaded from, indicating a mac OS. This was before the days of running windows on an apple.
- austindkelly, on 10/12/2007, -2/+34by far the best line in the article!
- DesireCampbell, on 10/12/2007, -3/+35In the movies, I always get dugg up.
- glock22ownr, on 10/12/2007, -2/+3101010010 01001111 01000110 01001100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01110000 01100001 01110010 01110100 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01110100 01101001 01100011 01101100 01100101 00100001
Oh sorry ... I'm speaking binary again! That was the best thing I have ever read in an article. Made my evening. - dkleehammer, on 10/12/2007, -3/+29@oakj423
Well 'Zero Cool' (Jonny Lee Miller) got laid by 'Acid Burn' (Angelina Jolie) in 'Hackers' (1995). - Namco, on 10/12/2007, -0/+24If Tron was real and Flynn was running around the MCP, imagine how retarded a Windows system must be inside. It'd look like an overcrowded, perverted prison set inside a mega mall right after a tornado hits. Most of the programs running around would be bloated little DLLs and instead of a single I/O tower, it'd be a 7-story building with thousands of doors leading out of the lower level. The whole place would be running under a big malevolent program named explorer, but secretly invisible programs would be running around and in charge.
- Hickeroar, on 10/12/2007, -0/+22New Article:
What duggmirror DOESN'T do in real life (that it does in theory). - Prometheus, on 10/12/2007, -4/+26If it's only two pixels, it wouldn't look any different bigger...
- Polymira, on 10/12/2007, -4/+25check and see if it's even mirrored before posting it man... it's not.
- Hickeroar, on 10/12/2007, -0/+21So do science fiction novels...that doesnt stop the writers from looking up how relativity works before making a ship travel at 99% of the speed of light.
- Wildthing, on 10/12/2007, -4/+25FTA: "People who write code use mice"
For an IDE a mouse is a must, but many people do just fine with the keyboard and VIM. - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -2/+22I was watching Star Trek: Voyager the other day (yeah, that's my first problem right there)...
They were building a holographic replication of some famous scientist to help solve a problem, but the computer wasn't properly integrating the database into his holomatrix, whatever that means. I'm not an expert in holomatrices, so I'll leave that one alone.
But the engineer instructed the computer to "apply a recursive algorithm", and poof. It worked. So apparently databases can be integrated into holomatrices just with the application of any arbitrary algorithm, so long as it's recursive. That or the computer just got lucky.
/Course they also got the computer to program a hologram that was smarter than data in less than a second. - hoowahman, on 10/12/2007, -0/+18If he did that it would imply on the internet that he has infact never had sex because he is indirectly boasting about it. So what he did was right.
- Silvermink, on 10/12/2007, -0/+18It has a 28.8k modem. It can do anything.
- superconnected, on 10/12/2007, -0/+17Well, maybe we can't, but I think MacGyver could probably hook that up.
- JimXugle, on 10/12/2007, -6/+24Sorry... but umm... http://www.theinquirer.net/default.aspx?article=25321
NetBSD...
NAMP
No glitter needed! - nofxjunkee, on 10/12/2007, -0/+17I have a friend who fires guns and knows a lot about them. He's always pointing out the inconsistencies and errors made by the film makers, but I really just don't care most of the time. It's the same with computers, and almost anything else in movies. The funny thing is that people believe the stuff about computers because they don't know anything about them. They'll say things like "yeah but what if we build a smart computer and then it becomes aware of itself and won't shut off?!" ... lol. remove battery/power source, machine goes off, don't build it with the capability to reproduce, etc. People just don't get that computers only do what we tell them to, and that they don't really think for themselves. Good times can be had with gullible/uninformed people though.... ;-)
- DteK, on 10/12/2007, -0/+17on the other hand, In "Matrix Reloaded", Trinity whips out Nmap version 2.54BETA25, uses it to find a vulnerable SSH server, and then proceeds to exploit it using the SSH1 CRC32 exploit from 2001.
Nice description of the firsts steps to exploiting a system
The writers could be commended for this accuracy at least in that one part - Dhalgren, on 10/12/2007, -0/+16What about TRON? TRON is real, right? Please don't tell me TRON isn't real... :-(
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -0/+16Not sure what your example does, but that's probably the point....
Got this little gem from one of our friends offshore a while back:
int i=0;
for( ; i< 4 ; ){
//do some stuff....
i++;
}
How the ***** do you not know how to write a for loop? - coheedcollapse, on 10/12/2007, -2/+17I posted on the wrong digg altogether and I'm trying to save myself by writing something clever but I don't have enough time.
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -4/+17@DoctaStooge:
Quit being so nitpicky. You're just mad because you don't know HTML.
Plus, I see some Javascript in there.
http://www.drivl.com.nyud.net:8090/img/uploads/posts/494/thumb.jpg - DteK, on 10/12/2007, -0/+13"The best is the movie Independence Day. The alien mothership runs windows and they upload a virus..."
Clearly BS, we all know Alien Motherships run slackware - rahulsv, on 10/12/2007, -1/+13There are such movies. They are called training videos.
- Willow01, on 10/12/2007, -8/+20Really I thought hacking the Gibson always had the 3D GUI
Digg me down you know you want to - sc00per, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12alligator clips, barbie, and a bra on your head will, however.
- Massif, on 10/12/2007, -0/+11My favourite example of bad movie programming stereotypes is in Antitrust. Gary looks at Milo's code for less than one second and immediately knows what the code does and how well it does it. That must be some seriously well documented code!
- elenadragon, on 10/12/2007, -3/+14Yeah, that always irritated me in Independence Day that they could easily interface with alien technology. The glitter analogy is funny and appropriate!
- tehpoutine, on 10/12/2007, -2/+14news flash: If movies showed programming like it was in real life, audiences wouldn't pay to see it. Nobody wants to watch some fat greasy guy typing away at a cigarette burn covered keyboard taking breaks only to scratch his bedsores and pick his underwear out of his sweaty ass crack. The abundance of coke/pepsi cans would bring in lots of revenue for product placement though.
- joshuampeterson, on 10/12/2007, -0/+10Really, I try to find as many ways as possible to avoid using my mouse when I'm working on a project. I think it is a hassle to take my hands off of the keyboard to move the mouse a few inches and click on something (especially when a shortcut probably exists that I can key without breaking stride).
-
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