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745 Comments
- BoneStamp, on 10/05/2009, -9/+784Ya, I always thought "love thy neighbor" was a bit too liberal hippie sounding. /s
- Apokalyps2547, on 10/05/2009, -13/+541So rewriting science and history to fit their warped worldview wasn't enough, now they want to rewrite the "Word of God" too?
The level of crazy coming from that site never ceases to amuse. - gordonj, on 10/05/2009, -8/+431Haha, so what are they basing their morality on now?
- samsmartjr, on 10/05/2009, -6/+420For I testify to everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: If anyone adds to these things, God will add to him the plagues that are written in this book; and if anyone takes away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part from the Book of Life, from the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.
- Revelation 22:18-19 - Disgod, on 10/05/2009, -30/+390"Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias "
THE INALTERABLE WORK OF GOD.... feel free to alter whenever political ideologies disagree with the inalterable work of god. Wow, way to demonstrate how made up religion is. Don't like what it says, feel free to change it to make sure god believes exactly what you believe. Why wouldn't god want and hate the exact same things you want and hate? ***** all them liberal Christians who think god backs their ideologies, god is always on my side!!!!!!!
"Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity"
OH NO!!!! Treat women equally?!?!!? WHAT THE ***** IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE. Everybody knows women should be in the kitchen making us men sandwiches!! /s. Wow, these douche bags aren't even hiding their sexism.
"Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level"
Coming from one of the most intellectually dead sites on the internet... That's just hilarious.
"...or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity"
There are few sentences on this earth that are as hilarious as this one. "Intellectual force" BWHAHAHA. Christianity and the bible have about as much intellectual force as a brain dead donkey. "Logic of Christianity".... Have they actually read that damn thing? There is no logic, but there is a massive amount of contradictory and illogical ***** in the bible.
"Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil. "
Yes, it's logical that an "all knowing and ALL LOVING god" will send you to hell for all eternity, because you followed his "plan" for you which lead you to doing thing it doesn't like. Things which are surprisingly similar to what the person who is claiming you will go to hell doesn't like. God is cool like that, he doesn't like what you don't like.
"Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning "
***** feeding the poor... am I right!!
"Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story "
Of course those stories were added later, but we don't need to actually look into it and find out if this is true. It's true because we know it is.
"Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels"
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Conservapedia... the bastion of closed-minded thinking claims to be supporting the idea of open-mindedness. That's ironic.
"Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio"
As compared to the current conservative agenda which is a low intelligence-high volume-zero substance ratio.
"avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities"
OH NO!!! People actually might need to have reading comprehension skills!!! That might mean they're smart, we can't have that. - drinkthepill, on 10/05/2009, -5/+324We Conservatives know what God is really about, so were just making a few tweaks to make sure he doesn't come across like a queer. He doesn't mind. We prayed about it and he said it was cool.
- Maddoktor2, on 10/05/2009, -8/+316Guess who else wanted to rewrite the Old and New Testaments of the Bible and actually ordered German theologists to do so in 1939?
- KillerMoth, on 10/05/2009, -9/+269So, this means that hippie Jesus Christ is out, right?
- splatterboy, on 10/05/2009, -3/+258Convenience, selfishness, immediate gratification, bullying, shrill screaching hollier-than-thou preachiness, fascism, authoritarian rules... you know, the sort of thing 5 year olds dream up as "a good idea" until they get sick then run home to mommy and the doctors and science and real practical knowlege... then they repeat the cycle until they either learn to face reality or die.
- reuscel, on 10/05/2009, -10/+233My favorite line from the article: "liberals will oppose this effort, but they will have to read the Bible to criticize this, and that will open their minds."
I'm a liberal atheist, and I know the Bible pretty ***** well. I took Bible in high school, and several religion courses in college, and I finally surmised that it's a well-written book with some great moral instruction, but that it was obviously written by desert-dwelling xenophobes who had serious issues with women. It doesn't take a Master's in Divinity to see that Jesus Christ's overall message is completely incompatible with the Neoconservative worldview. Honestly, I'm waiting to read this new version just for a few laughs, and it wouldn't surprise me if Ronald Reagan makes an appearance or two in this new version. - Insightful, on 10/05/2009, -8/+219Next thing you know conservatives in Texas, Alabama, etc will starting remove scientific facts from physics and biology textbooks - what, oh wait...
- RogerStrong, on 10/05/2009, -4/+200"I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."
- Jesus Christ, Socialist Commie Marxist - ClosedCaption, on 10/05/2009, -6/+198The bible has a liberal bias too? Jesus on the cross, where DONT they see a liberal bias?
- ProfessorSYM, on 10/05/2009, -6/+182Yet another chapter in the long history of mankind rewriting the Bible to serve their own worldly ends.
- caramba421, on 10/05/2009, -5/+174Same with curing all those lepers and blind people. Why didn't those ***** deadbeats just have insurance?
- algaeturd, on 10/05/2009, -5/+173From the comments section:
"I love the new section where Jesus organizes a tea party to try to stop poor people from getting health insurance." - newfrickinshow, on 10/05/2009, -5/+143Okay, you conservatives can change The Bible if you want to, but you also have to stop holding onto that 'unerred, literally true word of God' line you always use. I'm just curious are they just 're-translating' the English version or if they are actually returning to the original Hebrew/Aramaic and translating that into English. Learning Hebrew and Aramaic seems too intellectual for this crowd so I'm going to assume it's the former.
...Reading the Conservipedia article and surprise, surprise I appear to be right. I don't know either language myself, but I am told that the King James Bible (which the consevapedia article praises) is actually a poor translation and the New Jerusalem Bible is a much more accurate version. But anyway, going through a book and changing words you don't like isn't 're-translating' it; that is COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT! If God was real he'd probably be suing and smiting your asses! - diggduggDOOM, on 10/05/2009, -8/+124Does this mean they took Jesus out of the Bible?
- nullcodes, on 10/05/2009, -7/+123Can we remove the part where God asks Saul to commit genocide and graphically kill babies? 1 Samuel 15:3
Or the part where David slaughters little boys and then tells his men to take all the virgin girls as slaves? Numbers 31:17-18
Also .. please get rid of the part wear rape is authorized as a tactic of war: Deuteronomy 21:10-14
Oh yeah the part that forces women to marry their rapist .. that could be taken out too. Deuteronomy 22:28-29 Deuteronomy 22:23-24
I'm on the fence about the part on that approves of fathers selling their daughters as slaves Exodus 21:7-11
We can leave the first few paragraphs of genesis that contradict each other completely. They make a good brain teaser. - banderwocky, on 10/05/2009, -9/+125This is so much fail....epic. ***** epic.
- inactive, on 10/05/2009, -5/+117I bet some of those lepers were illegal immigrants too!
- gulpy, on 10/05/2009, -4/+111The entire new testament was created by super left libs who don't fully understand gods ways. They also kick kittens for pleasure.
- theBean42, on 10/05/2009, -5/+111guess it will be changed to "Shoot thy neighbor, if he so much as steps on your lawn".
- ThsGuyRightHere, on 10/05/2009, -3/+97Ideology first, Party second, God third, Country coming in at a distant fourth.
- Batfishy, on 10/05/2009, -10/+97See? This is exactly how the bible's been changed over the centuries which is why I've never believed any of it.
- Jonjonr6, on 10/05/2009, -5/+85Well, you know, God doesn't really know what the ***** he's talking about anyways.
- bubbashine, on 10/05/2009, -6/+84Jesus was a flag-waving American. He'd want us to edit. I mean, c'mon, it's understood that God is on our side.
- froggger, on 10/05/2009, -2/+77OH!
I know this, its on the tip of my tongue... - illepic, on 10/05/2009, -1/+76"It doesn't take a Master's in Divinity to see that Jesus Christ's overall message is completely incompatible with the Neoconservative worldview. "
^^ this. - FyreGoddess, on 10/05/2009, -0/+71Next thing you know, they're going to cut his hair in all the iconography.
- TrevorBelmont, on 10/06/2009, -1/+72I'm going to give you a pass on Godwin's Law this one time as it was actually contextually relevant.
- inactive, on 10/05/2009, -11/+81The liberals haven't removed that ***** book of yours from any schools, or any society.
I'm sure whatever cult you subscribe to is still allowed to have its own lies taught at its schools. I'm sure catholic schools still have the bible in it, no?
your cult doesn't belong in the public. you should actually be ashamed that you subscribe to something that's so ***** imaginary. lol - Junkyarddawg, on 10/05/2009, -6/+76The Schlaflys, the ultraconservative ultrareligious family which runs Conservapedia and act like uber-editors, are as loony as any you'll ever find. Google Andrew Schlafly, the suspiciously gay-hating guy who runs Conservapedia and occasionally appear to claim to be Jesus, and Phyllis Schlafly, his over-the-top crazy anti-abortionist-activist homeschooling-propagandizing mom, for giggles.
Like all ultrareligious nuts they do provide excellent quotes for us atheists: http://atheism.about.com/library/quotes/bl_q_PSchl ... - bartpieters, on 10/05/2009, -10/+77I'm sure parts of it will be like this
"And in the Garden of Eden, Adam came to God and asked "My Lord how long did it take you to make it all?" Without blinking God said "7 days". Seeing how incredulous Adam was looking, God said "6 actually, on the 7th day I rested. That's what you should do as well: take a nice long rest on the 7th day." The distraction worked for a moment and Adam asked "But how about dinner: I can't make dinner when I am resting." "You got a point! said God. And He made a magical gesture with his hand and Lo and Behold, there was Eve! "Here is something hrm someone for you to slave day and night!" But Adam was not that easily shaken of and he asked "But what about those enormous bones those seem to be old and not of any animal I have named!" God considered telling Adam some mythical fairy tale about evolution and recombining DNA and decided He had better things to do on His free Sunday and thundered "WHEN I SAY SEVEN DAYS...." "Six" said Adam, "You said six." "Oh yeah, you are right, six... WHEN I SAY SIX DAYS I MEAN SIX YOU DAYS, CAPICE??" "You bet ya!" winked Adam. - inactive, on 10/05/2009, -2/+69Prescott Bush?
- Mnementh2230, on 10/05/2009, -5/+72Excellent summary.
*golf clap* :) - enantiodromia, on 10/05/2009, -3/+683/10
- woodsjransom, on 10/05/2009, -1/+65You got that right!!!
- enantiodromia, on 10/05/2009, -4/+67So, removing all instances of magic and angels is "liberalizing"? I guess if you mean "liberates you from stupidity", you are correct.
- TyIzaeL, on 10/05/2009, -3/+64And here I thought only reality had a distinct liberal bias.
- Hetman, on 10/05/2009, -9/+69You know most Christian Conservatives I meet are not Christians nor are they Conservatives. They may be socially conservative but never fiscally.
- noahgelman, on 10/05/2009, -7/+67That's just ***** stupid
/Christian - veganpa, on 10/05/2009, -7/+67Good, because we know Jesus hates immigrants, the poor, non-whites, etc.
The Sermon on the Mount: "Every man for themselves!" - skyadd, on 10/05/2009, -6/+65There goes the New Testament. That Jesus fellow is too damn Socialist for me! Hell, if he were alive today, he might even be a community organizer!
/s - inactive, on 10/05/2009, -2/+61If Jesus came back today, his followers would kill his black ass in two seconds
- cfuse, on 10/05/2009, -2/+60The second draft, apparently.
- Terisita, on 10/05/2009, -3/+60Guess Hitler was a liberal too. LOL.
- algaeturd, on 10/05/2009, -6/+62Awww...come on. All they did was to take Jesus out of the Bible and replace him with Glenn Beck. They worship that guy above all others, including Jesus, it would seem.
- wwwonka, on 10/05/2009, -4/+60it's already happened. The right has been plagued by Rush and Beck for many years now.
- newfrickinshow, on 10/05/2009, -3/+58LMAO! Conservatives don't need to worry about that part though, they'll just leave it out of their Bible.
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