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Prison Finds New Way to Deter Escapes: a Bear on the Grounds

aol.com.au — "I love that bear being right where it is," Warden Burl Cain said Monday. "I tell you what, none of our inmates are going to try to get out after dark and wander around when they might run into a big old bear. It's like having another guard at no cost to the taxpayer."

Bury
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  • arlok789, on 05/07/2008, -8/+39You ever ***** with a bear? Not fun at all. Crazy friend had one as a pet. Had to get rid of it when the neighbors complained.
    • chanop, on 05/07/2008, -2/+6There's Black Bears in my general area (not as many as there use to). When you see one in person, you have no interest in ***** with it. Last deer season there was a guy in a tree-stand and a little baby black bear climbed up the tree over him. The mother bear immidiatly climbed up tore the hunter down and tore him apart. He was bow-hunting so it wasn't exactly easy to quickly shoot it.
      • diversionmary, on 05/07/2008, -1/+1Bow hunters have different rules, but I generally carry a sidearm in addition to my rifle. Too late now, but I wonder if that was an option?
      • bizchris, on 05/07/2008, -0/+1Sure...
      • onelikeseabass, on 05/08/2008, -0/+1There are*
    • RealmDown, on 05/07/2008, -0/+51Remember, you don't have to be faster than the bear, just faster than your cellmate.
    • NgrHader, on 05/07/2008, -1/+9I live in East TN...home of the Smoky Mts....also home to "oh ***** there's a bear in my yard!"
    • JointVenture, on 05/07/2008, -0/+2Was your friend a Navy Seal?
    • MisterFreeze, on 05/07/2008, -0/+2Maybe people in LA don't know ***** all about black bears, but if you don't screw with him he'll leave you alone. Not much of a deterrent to escaping.
    • ChronicColonic, on 05/07/2008, -1/+1At least the 'Bear' within the prison walls will most likely not kill you...he likes it will you squirm and scream.
    • BevansDesign, on 05/07/2008, -0/+2If it were a grisly and not a black bear, it would be more effective. Black bears aren't very aggressive.
  • cosmikdebris, on 05/07/2008, -4/+45Picnic basket weaving course, full attendance!
    • AnonymousSkull, on 05/07/2008, -3/+4You, sir, win the internets.
    • Zippo, on 05/07/2008, -0/+4A pic-a-nic basket, eh Boo-boo?
    • willskillz, on 05/07/2008, -0/+1They need to add a few more bears.... and maybe a moat filled with piranhas!
  • dtele, on 05/07/2008, -10/+87I COULDN'T BEAR TO BE LOCKED UP THERE.
    • akkibaba, on 05/07/2008, -2/+36 I'm too grizzled to enjoy your joke. We're just polar opposites when it comes to a sense of humor.
      • talonstriker, on 05/07/2008, -4/+12Prisoners escaping will run into berry bad luck...
      • danevahey, on 05/07/2008, -1/+5Good sir, I feel your sense of humor has become quite Black. Perhaps a quick Smokey would help cheer your Spectacled mood.
        • plytheman, on 05/07/2008, -0/+7Something about these pun threads just claws at me until I add to them...
      • yellowfish04, on 05/07/2008, -0/+4I think you should bear in mind that it doesn't hurt to paws once in a while for a little chuckle..
    • alpinecow, on 05/07/2008, -2/+9head...hurts...too...many...puns
    • Jade10145, on 05/07/2008, -6/+5I almost yelled out "ug" in my office. But you did make me smile.
      Rim shot for you sir.
    • yellowfish04, on 05/07/2008, -2/+26What's scarier? A prison guard bearing arms or a prison guard with bear arms?

      >,< sorry..
    • RealmDown, on 05/07/2008, -1/+8These are wonderfully unbearable.
    • serif69, on 05/07/2008, -2/+8It would certainly give me paws.
    • Wiini, on 05/07/2008, -5/+2Would've been better without the caps. You blew it.
    • KidFlash2, on 05/07/2008, -6/+1Especially if you're Muslim. Burl Cain is the ass that locked someone is solitary confinement for years, and told him if he converted to Christianity that he would be allowed out.

      This is where Burl Cain lives. He is a disease that should be completely eradicated from the face of the Earth.

      Burl Cain
      (225) 634-7657
      6712 Dees Rd.
      Jackson, LA 70748
  • sportsbooks, on 05/07/2008, -0/+17The bears would attack people just when they feel threatened by them. But it is a good way to scare the inmates to not escape. I think it would be a good idea to build the prisons in woods.
    • FlyingSpaghetti, on 05/07/2008, -0/+16You're on to something there. Better yet, let's use the bear for the death penalty. We'll get rid of an inmate and the bear gets a free meal. We all win!
      • Dubbsacc, on 05/07/2008, -0/+6If he manages to kill the bear, does he get to live?
        • jftitan, on 05/07/2008, -0/+8No, because Bears have rights... so if you kill a bear, the bear police will hunt you down. But then again, if we make sure to have two bears on patrol, I think if the inmate managed to kill one bear, he would be to tired to deal with the second one.

          Just hope the inmate has a picnic basket in hand. Might only have to deal with one bear. (the not so hungry one.)
        • CedEx, on 05/07/2008, -0/+0It all depends on the audience whether or not they give him the thumbs up, or thumbs down.
      • LoudMusic, on 05/07/2008, -0/+4And you could sell tickets and pay-per-view subscriptions ;)
    • matschig, on 05/07/2008, -1/+10I've never understood why we don't just build prisons underwater.
      • directrix13, on 05/07/2008, -0/+7That'd be a hell of a commute.
      • Tuto, on 05/07/2008, -3/+3I can has Rapture?
      • serif69, on 05/07/2008, -0/+3I have the strength of a bear that has the strength of two bears!
        • pushmouse, on 05/07/2008, -0/+2If your looking for me I'll be under the sea. That is where you'll find me.
        • matschig, on 05/08/2008, -0/+1The Beatles pwn. Dugg.
  • dinobot, on 05/07/2008, -4/+2Elisha is impressed
  • Starlach, on 05/07/2008, -11/+3It definately would be emBEARasing to fail your escape attempt.
    • FlyingSpaghetti, on 05/07/2008, -1/+8You're trying too hard. Fail.
  • FlyingSpaghetti, on 05/07/2008, -1/+47Awww...look at those cute ears. They look just like Mickey Mouse. Oh now he's nibbling my arm...he's so friendly....ow....that hurt.... wait...ow....stop! STOP! Let go of me! AAGGGGHHHH!
  • InfidelAl, on 05/07/2008, -0/+16You can get by a dog, but NOBODY ***** with a [bear].
    • DrDragun, on 05/07/2008, -2/+3I looked up in the tree and there he was, KING OF THE ***** JUNGLE
  • frankingeneral, on 05/07/2008, -4/+31Where's PETA to decry the slave labor being employed here? It should be illegal for this prison to use a bear as a guard. Bears deserve an equal salary...
    • jftitan, on 05/07/2008, -0/+9OK, free food..... the bears get free food. three meals a day, and free roaming of the prison grounds. As for food, it all depends.. Dark meat, white meat, we have some blend in there somewhere.
    • nekochan, on 05/07/2008, -0/+5nah, the bear's in his habitat and getting free scraps of prison food.
    • ZeRux, on 05/07/2008, -0/+2Not to mention that they might get ill if they've been given a diet of prisoners instead of their natural food.
    • EricAnderton, on 05/07/2008, -0/+2Good point. Besides, isn't the typical protocol to put down a bear if it does a good job hurting/killing a man?

      Seems like they've set poor Yogi here up for destruction.
  • Ninjapope, on 05/07/2008, -2/+17That's seriously the most bad ass thing I've read all week.

    Just need some bear calvary to top it off.
  • arkboysooner, on 05/07/2008, -1/+18I thought this for sure would be an Onion article. Foiled again!
  • FearFactory, on 05/07/2008, -5/+1Robin(Robert) from cell 69 will distract the bear with some of her/his honey so Jay Dog can make a run for it.
  • hankidic, on 05/07/2008, -2/+23I love my state. :-)
    Next is a moat full of ill tempered sharks, with laser beams on thier frickin heads of course.
    • matschig, on 05/07/2008, -6/+4Yup. I didn't hear enough of that laser beam on sharks ***** when i was in the sixth ***** grade - thanks.
    • frankingeneral, on 05/07/2008, -6/+4Dugg for the old school Austin Powers reference...
      • Metellus, on 05/07/2008, -0/+9Dugg down so I don't have to think of Austin Powers as old school
  • moman, on 05/07/2008, -5/+7"It's like having another guard at no cost to the taxpayer"

    I'm all for saving the poor taxpayer (eg. me) money, but who is going to pay for the bear to be fed, for a place for the bear to sleep, for regular health and environmental sanitary checks, etc. Might be a bit cheaper that another human guard's salary (not sure), but it still comes with some cost for the taxpayer.
    • daizaru, on 05/07/2008, -0/+9Not to mention the guy they hire to humanely take care of the bear.
    • Kersius, on 05/07/2008, -1/+9The bear isn't actually being employed by the state, it just lives in the woods that are on the prison grounds. RTFA.
    • frankingeneral, on 05/07/2008, -0/+4Yeah...just wait until PETA gets a hold of this...It'll cost the taxpayer money then...
      • Abomonog, on 05/07/2008, -0/+2No, wait till the unions get a hold of it. Then the jail will have to pay the bears.

        Anyone remember what collage it was that was forced to pay goats to eat the grass by the local union?
      • RealmDown, on 05/07/2008, -0/+3Please encourage all PETA members to pet the nice bear.
    • StaticThunder, on 05/07/2008, -0/+1Just wait until the inmates find a way to kill the bear in their escape. This warden is probably making a point of telling everyone, "if you try to escape, don't forget theres A BEAR!" and the inmates wander off and try to figure out a way to make a zip gun.

      If you're going to have an animal around as a guard, you probably shouldn't tell people about it -- its much better as a surprise.
  • PDF84, on 05/07/2008, -1/+29Wrestle the bear and win your freedom.
  • matschig, on 05/07/2008, -0/+5For some reason i was expecting this to be from the Onion.
  • Rotzooi, on 05/07/2008, -0/+6Poor bear.
  • SuperVepr308, on 05/07/2008, -0/+13Fling salmon and hop the fence. It's worth a try!
  • BenKenobi88, on 05/07/2008, -1/+11Ok, badassness aside...if I was an escaping prisoner, and I could get past guards with guns, I'd take my chances sneaking past a bear, who probably would be sleeping anyway.
    • CedEx, on 05/07/2008, -0/+1So what you're suggesting is that the prison surround itself with a moat of honey. That way, an escaping prisoner will have to swim through honey, and thereby attract the bear which would prevent the escape. Brilliant plan... I love your thinking!
  • nickert0n, on 05/07/2008, -1/+5Silly Willy Nilly all stuffed with fluff hes...
    • Nougat, on 05/07/2008, -0/+4I have a grumbly in my tumbly.
    • RealmDown, on 05/07/2008, -0/+3Happy Windsday, Nickert0n.
      • nickert0n, on 05/07/2008, -0/+3Oh da da da deear, does that mean the Winds gonna get me again RealmDown?
  • mishmish48, on 05/07/2008, -2/+4Sounds a little cruel and unusual to me.
    • jftitan, on 05/07/2008, -0/+2for the bear?
    • awtripp, on 05/07/2008, -0/+1Sounds pretty ***** awesome and innovative to me. Why not? Police have had K9 units, now they can start having Ursa units, or however they want to abbreviate it. You think someone is going to mess with the bear units? You though getting your nuts bit by a dog would hurt...
      NO TRESPASSING! BEWARE OF BEAR! RAWR! IT WILL EAT YOUR FACE!
    • Witchbaby, on 05/07/2008, -0/+1Cruel and unusual to the bear maybe.
    • KidFlash2, on 05/07/2008, -1/+1Burl Cain is known to be cruel and unusual. He left someone in solitary for 12,775 days, and told him if he converted from Muslim to Christian that he would be let out.

      This is where he lives:

      Burl Cain
      (225) 634-7657
      6712 Dees Rd.
      Jackson, LA 70748
  • yellowfish04, on 05/07/2008, -0/+13That bear looks very pleased with his new promotion. Probably the photo they took for his badge.
  • Haroshia, on 05/07/2008, -0/+16The greatest threat to America guarding some lesser threats to America. Beautiful and terrifying.
    • theragu40, on 05/07/2008, -0/+2I didn't read anything about Chuck Norris...
  • Raiku, on 05/07/2008, -1/+2Throw it some Honey! And that should take care of it.
  • dondara, on 05/07/2008, -0/+3I dunno, unless that bear is really hungry, it could scared off but escaping requires a bit of stealth so maybe that would work. Bears aren't tigers or lions, they don't see humans as food. Now a tiger wandering the grounds, oh yeah, nobody could get by one of those.
  • elijahalcantara, on 05/07/2008, -0/+9What if they hibernate?
  • PathmarkPolice, on 05/07/2008, -1/+4Is this an onion article??!!!.......Nope, holy *****, it's real.
  • bgrah449, on 05/07/2008, -0/+11Godless. Killing. Machines.
    I'm all for it.
    • crowbar77, on 05/07/2008, -0/+3Haha he so owned O'Reilly in that interview.
  • Kikkoman, on 05/07/2008, -1/+6Kuma vs Inmate
  • ICWeener, on 05/07/2008, -1/+3Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluOMG ITS EATING ME!
  • ellisgl, on 05/07/2008, -0/+5Next step, get the bear working for the TSA.
    • toxicshok, on 05/07/2008, -0/+2at least the lines would go faster
  • AndrewDB, on 05/07/2008, -1/+6I guess Chuck Norris wasn't available for rent.
  • FeloniusMonkey, on 05/07/2008, -0/+4Maybe it'll finish what the bear in Anchorman started, and rid this planet of Will Ferrell.
  • ltomson, on 05/07/2008, -1/+2Haa...That bear would rip those inmates apart
  • Abomonog, on 05/07/2008, -2/+6Okay inmates. Here's how you get by the bear. Bring a candy bar or preferably some blueberries with you. When you see the bear lay them on the ground and walk away. While the bear is eating escape. DO NOT put any food in your pockets or you may lose your pants on the way out. Black bears are pretty peaceful but brown bears and grizzlys get pissed easily. I hope these guards realize that these bears can break into that jail anytime they want and will eventually attempt to do it. They are on the grounds because they smell the kitchen. It's only a matter of time before the bears get brave enough to enter it. As anyone living in northern Wisconsin can tell you doors, even reinforced ones, do not stand a chance against a hungry bear .
  • themulf, on 05/07/2008, -0/+4I guess we know whats going to be on the "threat-down" tonight.
  • thebigbradwolf, on 05/07/2008, -0/+1Yeah, them smokies is thick as bugs on a bumper;
    They even had a bear in the air!
    I says, callin all trucks, this heres the duck.
    We about to go a-huntin bear.
  • thecoolestguy, on 05/07/2008, -0/+2We're almost back to feudalism, just a little bit more to go..
  • truthhammer, on 05/07/2008, -0/+1Feral charge, mangle, bash, mangle. Inmate stands no chance.
  • OliveStreet, on 05/07/2008, -0/+1Hey, Boo-Boo ... It's only a harmless little pic-A-nic basket .....
  • thecoolestguy, on 05/07/2008, -0/+1----The prison, known as Angola, is isolated and has plenty of other kinds of dangerous wildlife, including alligators, rattlesnakes and wild pigs, Young said.----

    Oh no, rattlesnakes and *GASP*, wild pigs. You'd have to be a madman to attempt an escape from that prison.
    • darkcooger, on 05/07/2008, -0/+2Wild pigs can be bad news. Don't dismiss them out of hand.
    • brettg102, on 05/07/2008, -0/+1A wild pig will gut you with no remorse. Those tusks are big. Look it up...they are actually really dangerous.
  • CChandler2423, on 05/07/2008, -1/+1Too bad bears don't hunt humans like people think they do. They are only agressive when you get near their food or their young.

    Ever heard of a Teddy bear? "Teddy" Roosevelt realized this 50 years ago and now we thank him for the "teddy bear".
    • VinceNoir, on 05/07/2008, -1/+1Wot?! WOT?!! What are you on about? Teddy Roosevelt died 89 years ago. I don't think he was realizing much of anything 50 years ago. I have to say though, regardless of my disagreements with him, he was a lot of fun to spend time with. Loads of good stories and jokes. But he definitely was not around 50 years ago.

      The Doctor
      • credence, on 05/07/2008, -2/+1Thanks for sharing.

        The Jackass.
        • VinceNoir, on 05/07/2008, -2/+1Hey Jack! I didn't know you were on Digg! That was pretty funny last night when I was trying to tell you about space time theory and you interrupted and said, "Yeah... but the big question is, will it help me get into bed with some lesbians who'll turn straight for a while"? Ahh yeah... we've had some good times over the past few years. Hey, are those gay antelopes next door sunning themselves by their pool again? Time to close the blinds for the summer. How are Bull and the Ram doing? I know Ram is the silent one, but he's sure pully you and Bully out of some scrapes. And let's not forget Clyde the kangaroo from down under. He really pisses Bully off sometimes.
    • darkcooger, on 05/07/2008, -0/+1Err, no. First, it was 106 years ago. Second, Teddy Roosevelt refused to shoot the bear because it had been exhausted, beaten, and tied to a tree, and shooting it would have been unsportsmanlike, not because the bear was cute and cuddly. Roosevelt was a sportsman hunter who enjoyed the hunt more than the kill. In a case where there had been no hunt, the kill would have been pointless to him. His refusal to shoot the bear was construed as mercy, though in reality it just went against his sporting nature.
      • CChandler2423, on 05/09/2008, -1/+150 years ago was my bad. However, where do you think the term "teddy bear" originated from? It was from Teddy in an attempt to "calm" the unwarranted fear people have of bears.
        • darkcooger, on 06/23/2008, -0/+1No it wasn't. The term "Teddy bear" was coined by newspapers covering the story, portraying Roosevelt as a kind and compassionate man, totally ignoring the fact that he would have gladly killed the bear had it been an actual hunt. He wasn't trying to change anyone's opinion of anything - he just didn't want to kill an animal that he hadn't hunted properly.
  • bytor4232, on 05/07/2008, -1/+1Jim Halpert: [imitating Dwight] Bears eat beets. Bears... Beets... Battlestar Galactica.
  • AngryAngryBrian, on 05/07/2008, -0/+8Back in college I took a class on corrections and part of it was a tour of a med level prison. This prison is in the middle on nowhere nothing but forest for miles around it. This story reminds me of a story the guard told me. Because the vast majority of the inmates come from urban areas they would tell them stories about all the bears, wild cats, and wolves that lived in the woods. Including a story where an escapee managed to get outside the gate and the only thing they found was his hand covered in blood and fur. So anytime a bear or any other creature wonders close to the prison the guards point it out to the inmates. I sleep better at night knowing that the inmates at that prison a deathly afraid of the miles of dark forest that surrounds them and the carnivores and omnivores that call it home.
    • rxbudian, on 05/07/2008, -0/+1This is much cheaper than having a bear on the prison grounds...
  • HanSolo69, on 05/07/2008, -0/+3He was thrown behind bars after a violent protest for the right to arm bears.
  • DenTPuzz, on 05/07/2008, -0/+4Prison break attempts peak during hibernation season...
  • Wiini, on 05/07/2008, -0/+2I can't wait for PETA to hear about it and then they'll want to go and camp and protest outside the prison....

    And I hope they do!
  • VinceNoir, on 05/07/2008, -3/+3That's... so... medieval... God, America is a festering stinking cesspool these days.
  • b1spf, on 05/07/2008, -0/+1ha ha ha, don't tell the inmates, black bears are lame, Native Americans used to run up and slap them to prove they were brave.
    I've had several come up to my door, and I step out, even barefoot to chase them away. shoo bare and don't come back.
  • ventralnet, on 05/07/2008, -0/+1I thought black bears are the type of bear that are shy and keep their distance from humans.
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