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Judge Says: Helper Monkeys Not Service Animals

blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com — A judge in Missouri has agreed with a ruling handed down by an Arizona judge back in February: There is no such thing as a "helper monkey" -- at least in the eyes of the law.

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33 Comments

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  • Chairboy, on 10/31/2009, -1/+31PRAY FOR MOJO
  • mostie, on 10/30/2009, -0/+26Don't tell me whether or not my monkey is adequate!
  • badqat, on 10/30/2009, -0/+18I have a helper monkey. Sometimes he's bad, and has to be spanked. And sometimes he's good, and has to be spanked.

    Come to think of it, he doesn't help me as much as hinder me. Seems he thinks he is responsible for my choices. Naughty monkey!
  • DouglasRClark, on 10/30/2009, -0/+14Dugg for the story, but REALLY dugg for the accompanying picture.
  • PhillyMJS, on 10/31/2009, -0/+11Came here for this comment, left satisfied.
  • Surferess, on 10/30/2009, -0/+10I'm trying to teach my helper monkey to do all my digging for me. ;)
  • janinekahn, on 10/30/2009, -0/+8Hm, sounds like your monkey friend might count as a "service" animal on occasion.
  • 0bamaclintobush, on 10/30/2009, -0/+8If I get rid of my helper monkey, who is gonna throw my poo on the walls?
  • BillMoocho, on 10/31/2009, -0/+6I can't wait to eat that monkey.
  • badqat, on 10/30/2009, -0/+6Indeed! I am a big fan of him providing services.
  • hereticoftruth, on 10/31/2009, -0/+5All service animals should meet the requirements service dogs must meet to be considered service dogs, at least in spirit. Bubba bringing in his snarling pet gorilla because he feels insecure without it ain't gonna cut it.
  • feelmypimphand, on 10/30/2009, -0/+5It is a good idea to bring a helper monkey with you on a date. Just be sure you have fresh batteries, a hard wired electrical source, or a kick start.
  • jeremanrox, on 10/31/2009, -0/+4I need my Helper monkey to help me strip chicks.
    see http://digg.com/odd_stuff/Wild_Monkey_Rips_Off_Gir ...
  • ukrainial, on 10/31/2009, -0/+4An infinite number of helper monkeys clicking random keys for an infinite amount of time will almost surely produce the works of mrbabyman
  • aherman, on 10/31/2009, -0/+4http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHxOiFxNDzw&fea ...
  • techie06, on 10/31/2009, -0/+3That's okay. I had my trunk monkey beat the judge with a wrench, then hide the body in a landfill.

    Not only did that make me feel good, it helped my diabetes.
  • alfunso3, on 10/31/2009, -0/+2Monkey see, monkey do. Hey, some even like WalMart!
  • KeithLM, on 10/31/2009, -0/+2Absolutely. It bugs me the disservice these people are doing to real service animals. Seeing eye dogs and other service dogs are highly trained animals. They aren't a threat to other people. Monkeys, lizards, and other exotic pets aren't the same thing.
  • Ghstfce, on 11/02/2009, -0/+1Didn't Obama just broaden the confines of what substitutes as a "service animal"? Ah, sometime this year:

    http://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2009/10/20/New-serv ...
  • DaviDTC, on 10/31/2009, -0/+1Uh no. He actually has a real monkey that helps him.
  • palehorse864, on 10/31/2009, -0/+1I can't believe the judge didn't think about what the monkeys will think when they hear about this!

    Message to Judge: Don't you know you're going to shock the monkey!
  • MizuhoChan, on 10/31/2009, -2/+3I am Moooojo JOJO.

    I HELP NO ONE.

    YOU WILL PAY FOR MOCKING MY KIND.
  • KeithLM, on 10/31/2009, -0/+1It depends on how the ferret behaves when out in public. If it's as well trained as the service dogs are, sure, it's fine. But some people want to haul around some pretty strange animals for anxiety and other such reasons and they have not been raised and trained specifically for that role. Then there's this desire to use miniature horses in place of dogs. I doubt their environmental impact is that of a dog.
  • Eurynom0s, on 10/31/2009, -1/+2BUT WHAT ABOUT MOJO
  • Lonandubh, on 10/31/2009, -0/+1So... a dog trained to alert you to seizures is cool, but a ferret that does the same thing and doesn't have the same environmental impact isn't?
  • FrancisBanfield, on 10/31/2009, -0/+1
    Dugg up for mentioning Trunk Monkey.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8oPVVGYQ40
  • alandowney, on 10/31/2009, -0/+1How would that make sense on context? Spank a penis? Nope. Doesn't make any sense, whatsoever!
  • dhartin, on 10/31/2009, -0/+1http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-559083279 ...

    21 minutes in
  • supersonicjim, on 10/31/2009, -0/+1I thought they were make-believe like elves, gremlins and Eskimos.
  • Asten77, on 10/31/2009, -1/+1Hmm.. Would digg for reference to monkeys, but would bury for using Evil Closet Monkey instead of Mojo. Offsetting clicks. Result of the read is next story.
  • Humptydank, on 10/31/2009, -3/+2Is "monkey" in this context a euphemism for penis?
  • SaumZ, on 10/31/2009, -3/+1I asked my wife about it, because she is a Veterinary Technician.

    She said this is true, because monkeys can carry a lot of diseases that can be transferred to humans.
  • CallMeRooster, on 10/31/2009, -2/+0I stopped reading when I read the phrase "monkey business".
    =/

    I can't stand that *****.

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